i.
by all costs
It wasn't by all means that she delved herself into the outer corners of her erratic mind, or by chance she conjured up a realm she had yet to understand, she figured it was just growing up. That the immense hurt she felt day to day was nothing short of a sixteen year old girl trying to spare herself of the sentiments that included shedding away her youth. She's but sixteen and all the world can bring her is a sense of injustice that shrouds her in a bed of self reliance. Maya Matlin was by all costs a trooper, but the biggest battle she had to face was getting up in the morning and vying for a meaning in the days.
Tristan wasn't speaking to her anymore, apparently months of her company no longer mattered to him. She couldn't blame him, although it did hurt when he said she was even too miserable for him, only just a bit though. He finally had enough after his big showcase debut and she was absent from any or all performances he was to be in. She didn't know how, but she blanked out too much and maybe she had been there, but not really there, if that made sense. It sure didn't make sense to her. He'd be left to frolic in the praises everyone around him gave him, she wondered if he felt suffocated by it all, even if he had, he didn't show it much. It shocked her, how different this year was from the last, or the one before that, or the years before she was born. Those years must of mattered, because the ones since she was born, didn't matter at all. Tristan was happy, but he always did look at her with either concern or pity, either of which she couldn't put up with and it made her want to vomit right on the spot. But she had enough of a plague of given reputations that she thought adding to it would only make things worse.
That's how it always was, she assumed, playing with the food in front of her rather than eating it. Her appetite was always bad, this wasn't anything new. She failed to lsiten as her sister spoke of her college life, her mother fawned over her the new recipe she learned to make and even her father's tales about work that day. It was all such petty occurrences in their lives yet it made them so very pleased with themselves, and she was suddenly at a loss. When was the last time she felt so stupidly content with her life? An unsettling feeling made it's stay in her stomach.
The answer was never.
It was known he was made for great glory, his name setting the path for a well paved road ahead of him. It always did give him a sense of self control whenever he failed his father, those instances of pure impulse urged him to do what he was told otherwise. He loved it, it was the one thing he had total power over. Little did he know, he was staying quite comfortably in the role of self destruction, nonetheless, he was guilty of playing that role well. His first year at Degrassi was just the perfect setting for such a backstory, deluding the world he played in as nothing short of a flimsy back drop. This was the life of the rich and lavish, he felt sick with the very thought. He would never be able to escape it.
He never quite noticed Maya Matlin, sophomore year came as a blur to him and he only remembered the short moments of blonde crossing his view. She rejected him easily, and perhaps that was what cut his interest in her so short. She was a challenge, blame it on the upbringing, challenges weren't what he was exactly used to. So naturally he dropped her, just like that, and by the looks of it, he wasn't the only one. He was there when a certain Tristan Milligan made a show, like he always did, of a fierce battle of the two. Although it was rather one-sided, the look of indifference on the younger Matlin was clearly evident. He decided to go against his better judgement and stay seated at the table exactly five tables away from them, his feet were rooted to theg round. It was just his luck, he was a coward amongst the troopers, and he fled back.
He was worried he gave his thoughts away without much of a fight, by the concerned look in his best friend's eyes he paused in the fast pace life of Miles Hollingsworth to catch a much needed breath. The table was filled with the friends of Zoe Rivas, a girl he used once before and is rightly doing so again. She knew, she wasn't stupid enough to believe in fairytales, perhaps that's why he chose her instead of anyone else. They had that one thing in common, and that one alone. They were a bunch of troublesome teens, the lot of them, yet they'd rather hide that fact than bond in some abstract, chaotic way. He wondered when it would be the right time to show how he really felt, truly looked at the world.
His answer was the same as before, it was never.
And so, the two lived in the same plane as the rest yet meagered less than the rest. It was strange how the world could be filled with so many, but thrived by so little. They were caught by a monster and denied the right to live so freely as they did in their younger years, and this monster was fierce in nature but sly by touch. At first it was thought to be the very people inhabiting the world they lived in, but that was quickly shed away by the very way others lived without the care of others. Second, they thought it was the environment they lived in. Home life could be the worst, yet they managed to change the setting easily, so it wasn't that. But then it occurred to them, the one thing they'd never be able to ignore, never able to release themselves from. It was a cruel truth that they faced and no longer embraced, because your mind is a scary place, they thought.
He laughed at the thought, she cringed at the mention. He soared through the crowds, she avoided them all together. He was enthralled by the danger, she cowered in fear. Their differences made them stand out, but they thought it too crazy to agree with the factt hat they were so alike in differences. With that, they existed accordingly, stealing small glances at each other when they could, or more than likely, when they allowed themselves to. But it was only a matter of time before the secret glances they took was noticed by an outsider of it all and Winston was looking to understand it.
[A/N] So after much debate on whether I'd actually write up a fic, I decided to finally put thoughts to paper and wrote up this story. I've got a pretty claer gist as to how this story will continue, and although it may take awhile, Maya and Miles will happen. Instead of rushing into that, I wanted to play around with their insecurities and mind sets for the time being. It gives you all, I hope, a new perspective of the two characters, or rather three because Chewy will be mentioned as well, because I love his character. It's a refreshing look at the three characters and that's what I'm aiming for. So although this has major ships included, it isn't focused on entirely that, it is an additive, but what I'm focusing on his the development of those characters and their outlook on life, which you can tell is very dull.
That being said, I hope you all enjoy this fic! Even if it is my first on posted, I've written fics before so please be easy on me with this. I hope you all enjoy this.