**BEFORE YOU READ:

Contains Germany X South Italy (Romano), Prussia being a douche, Spain X Italy, Yaoi (rated M for a reason), a lot of cussing, and a pregnant man. If none of these things listed are in your favour or liking, I do appreciate the curiosity if you do want to read this. If you end up liking it, that's great. But if you don't, please don't be harsh. Criticism is one thing, but bashing is another.

I've been an experienced mpreg roleplayer, so I decided to put it in writing. It's not perfect though. I will save you the trouble by saying, "No, love! Don't read this! It's horrible..!" But, if you really are curious about what happens or whatever you might be thinking, be my guest. I hope you enjoy it, I guess...

Lovino had just broken up with Antonio after he caught him cheating on him with Feliciano, and he decides to drink his troubles away. But when he gets too drunk and runs into Ludwig, who was secretly in love with him at the time, things happen that shouldn't be spoken at the dinner table. Then Lovino finds out he had gotten pregnant with Ludwig's child, and as much as he hated the potato bastard, he didn't want to do this alone and decided to let him get involved. But what happens when in the process, he ends up falling in love him?

Fuck it all...

"Love is such a big joke to him, eh? Well, that's what happens to men if they sleep around with my fratello!"

Glass was being smashed everywhere as Lovino was throwing the biggest pissy fit of his life, rightfully so. He had just caught Antonio, his boyfriend, in bed with Feliciano. His worst nightmare finally happened; his lover replacing him with his dumb fratellino.

"Lovi! Lovino, those aren't cheap!" Antonio cried as he ran out of the room wearing nothing but a robe.

"I don't give a fuck!" Lovino muttered as he knocked down all of the decorative dinner dishes from a shelf. "Can't you tell?!"

Antonio moved closer to him and grabbed his arm. "Lovi, I know you're upset—"

"'Upset?' 'Upset' is finding out your fucking grandmother died! I'm not fucking upset!"

Antonio flinched slightly when Lovino shoved a lamp off of an end table, making it shatter on the floor as the light bulb blew out.

"Besides," Lovino shouted, "I'm the one that bought all this shit for you! What did you give me?!"

He froze slightly, glancing around the house. "Uh...I—"

"None of my shit is here, dumbass!" He then slapped the Spaniard hard across the face. "H-how could you do this to me?!"

Antonio winced at the slap and then held his wrist again. "Lovino, we are going to look back on this. And we will laugh about it, sí?"

He gave Antonio a death glare when he heard him. "Does it look like I'm going to end up laughing about this? You fucking slept with my brother!"

Just as he said that, of course Feliciano comes down the hall from Antonio's room. He was wearing an over-sized shirt that was enough to cover everything.

"Fratello, don't be mad at him," he mumbled, just feeling a little upset that he was disturbed from his sleep. His fratello yelled too loud.

"And you!" Lovino pointed an accusing finger at his younger brother. "Sleeping with my boyfriend! What the fuck is wrong with you?!"

Feliciano felt the tears bubbling under his eyes as he heard him. "B-but fratello, i-it was a-an accident!"

"And accident?! Are you fucking five or something, d-dammit? That's it!" Lovino kicked Antonio's shin as he stepped back, breaking another lamp. "I'm done with you! The both of you! You can go and fuck each other all you want, because I'm through!"

Feliciano was crying while Antonio was trying to catch up to him as he was running after him.

"Lovi, wait!"

"Ti cazzo, tomato bastardo!" he chided as he flipped him off as he turned his back on him, storming out of the house and slamming the door behind himself.

"F-fucking bastard!"

It was about a couple of hours after the break-up, and he was on his fourth glass of wine. He had tears in his eyes since he couldn't help it. He didn't have anything stronger than this, so he settled with getting drunk off of his fine wine. It wasn't like he was going to need any of it.

After a couple of more glasses, he was hammered. And he obviously didn't give a flying fuck about it. No one is going to stop him or anything.

He remembered that Feliciano's bastard friend lived close by, about a block away. Hey, maybe it would be cool to pay a visit to the potato bastard, so that he could hear how pleasant his friend is.

"T-that doesn't sound like a b-bad idea!" he stammered, his voice slurred from the alcohol.

He stumbled as he walked out of the house. The sun was setting by now, but he didn't really give a shit about the sky. He just wanted to talk shit about his brother for now.

As he walked down the street, people were staring at him. In response to that, Lovino kept flipping the bird at everyone that he passed, earning the gesture in return or loud offended comments. The world was too fucking loud.

He finally got to Ludwig's house. A two minute trip sober took about eight while he was wasted like this. He kept tripping over his own feet as he walked up to the porch. He heard a couple of dogs barking inside which announced his entrance.

Ludwig had been drinking as well, since Gilbert had been a pain in the ass and he needed some kind of relief. It took about five bottles before he was completely wasted, since he had a high tolerance for alcohol intake.

He then heard his dogs barking out in the living room, guessing that someone was here. He made that educated guess just before he heard this said person knocking on the door. He stood up slowly and went up to the door. He didn't stumble too much, since being a heavy drinker, he had grown accustomed to looking as sober as possible while he would be the completely opposite. He opened the door just as he saw a hiccupping Italian.

"P-potato bastard!" he slurred as he looked at the German. "H-how's your sex life?"

Ludwig was utterly confused as he looked at Lovino. His friend's brother hated him. He utterly despised him. All because he thought he was sleeping around with Feliciano. That wasn't true though. They were friends and nothing more.

"...Satisfying?"

"O-oh, that's good! Hey, c-can I come in?" Lovino asked, looking up at him. His eyes were so dilated.

"J-ja, I guess," the German mumbled. He just noticed that his dogs were crowding all around the door. He turned around and firmly shouted German commands until the two dogs sulked and backed away from the door and into one of the rooms.

"H-harsh," Lovino muttered as he stumbled into the house. "D-do those dogs even have names?"

The German nodded as he watched the dogs go. "Of course they do. They are Blackie, Aster, and Berlitz.

Wait, w-why are you here?" He realized that he was there and glanced at him again.

"I-I just thought that I would stop by," he snapped as he slumped on his couch. "I-is that a fucking problem?"

"Nein, I was just asking." Ludwig shrugged slightly as he went into the living room as well. "So..is there something you preferred to talk about?"

"Actually, sí, there is. Y-you're like a mind-reader, potato bastard." He pondered for a moment before speaking. "Oh yeah.. Y-you know your buddy, Feli, t-the one you're fooling around with...? My fratello?"

"Once again, I am not fooling around with him," Ludwig added as he interrupted him.

"I'm not finished, dammit!" he shouted before continuing again. "A-anyways, he is such a whore; a man-stealer."

"...I don't think it is very nice that you're calling your brother a 'whore,'" he sighed as he sat on the couch.

"K-keep your distance, before I snap your neck," the Italian mumbled. "And I have a perfectly good reason to call him a whore. H-he slept with my boyfriend, the tomato bastard. I-I caught them in bed together a few hours ago."

Ludwig froze slightly as he pondered the situation for a minute. "Are you sure that they were sleeping together? Feliciano might have gone into his room in the middle of the night or something."

"Bastard! Fratello lives with me! If he needed to sleep with anyone in that way, he would've came to me, not my boyfriend! P-plus, it smelled like fuck in the room. I'm done with the bastards, anyways."

"I...guess I wouldn't blame you," Ludwig shrugged slightly.

All of a sudden, Lovino had tears in his eyes. They were both still pretty drunk, and now the Italian was a little weepy.

"W-what the hell is wrong with me..?" he mumbled and sniffled. "I-is there really s-something wrong with me t-that would make the t-tomato bastard be u-unfaithful? D-dammit, there is, i-isn't there?"

Ludwig didn't know how the hell to comfort him at the moment, since he could tell he was upset. He hesitantly shifted closer slightly.

"There's...nothing wrong with you..?" he mumbled awkwardly. "You are fine.. Antonio's just a bastard."

"B-but he said he l-loved me!" More tears were in Lovino's eyes as he looked at Ludwig. "H-he fucking said h-he loved me. Y-you don't do that t-to someone you love!"

The German was then very startled when he found a clinging Italian that wasn't Feliciano for once. Ludwig glanced down at the drunk, sobbing Italian as Lovino was gripping onto his shirt.

Ludwig awkwardly wrapped one arm around him, not sure what else to do. "..I-it's okay...? Alle ist gut..?"

"S-stop talking in German, y-your language scares me!" he cried into his shirt.

"All right, all right.." He rubbed his back awkwardly and looked down at him.

Gott, this is so weird!

"It's okay... It is going to be okay, Lovino.. There is nothing wrong with you."

"A-are you sure?" he sniffled into his shirt.

Ugh, I need to wash this shirt later.

"J-ja, I am positive," he assured half-heartedly.

"G-grazie," the Italian mumbled, wiping his eyes a little.

"You're welcome..I guess..." Ludwig was still awkward about this. "You're moody when you are drunk, you know."

"...B-bastard." There was no venom in his tone. Honestly, he was too upset to care.

Lovino then looked up at the German. For some reason—he guessed it was because of how drunk he was—he thought that Ludwig wasn't all that bad looking. Sure, his hair was all slicked back and everything, but he imagined what it would be like just to mess it up, and run his fingers through the blonde locks without fear of getting his hands covered in the gel he usually had—

What the hell am I thinking?!

This was the potato bastard! He couldn't feel that way about the potato bastard! He didn't need anyone, anyways.

I must be really drunk, then.

"P-potato bastard..?"

The German looked down back at Lovino, wondering what he wanted now. Did he need to be comforted again? God, he didn't think he could handle doing that again.

"What, Lovino?"

Then the Italian started thinking. Hey, he was single now. The damn tomato bastard cheated on him with Feliciano. He didn't want anything to do with any of them now. So, he just wondered to himself. It wouldn't kill him if he fooled around a little. It's not like there was going to be anything serious. And Ludwig wasn't all that bad-looking, even if he was a potato bastard. So...why not?

That was when the Italian kissed the corner of his mouth—not directly on the lips, but almost. That caused Ludwig to blush slightly out of impulse. After all, why would he do that?

"G-grazie for your attempt on comfort," he mumbled as he looked at his icy blue eyes. God, his eyes were beautiful.

"J-ja," he muttered, confused that he actually did a good job on comforting the one man that hated his guts.

Lovino chuckled at his response, wrapping his arms around his neck.

Ja, he's hammered, the German thought to himself.

"Y-you suck, bastard," Lovino smirked before he then kissed Ludwig's lips.

The German tensed at his actions. Yes, he was drunk as well, but he was shocked either way. This man hated him. At least...he thought that he did. He shrugged slightly, and he figured that he should just go with the flow as he kissed him back.

Lovino smirked into the kiss as he shifted closer to him, and he was feeling a little thrilled as they kept the kiss like that for a while. But then, Ludwig made a bold move. He asked for entrance hesitantly, not knowing what his reaction would be. But he was more surprised when Lovino then opened his mouth and allowed the German to kiss him deeper. Ludwig held him closer out of impulse as the kiss was quickly becoming heated and sloppy since they were both drunk off their asses.

Lovino wanted more than just a kiss now. Turns out, if he was a good kisser, he wondered how good he was in bed. He reached down and started lightly tugging on the German's shirt.

Ludwig pulled back from the kiss reluctantly and looked down at him. He blushed slightly as he complied with the request and took off his shirt. Now Lovino was blushing as well as he looked at his built, gorgeous chest. He was slightly when startled when Ludwig took of his own shirt for him, but afterwards he placed his hands on his chest, rubbing it slowly as he leaned forward and started placing kisses along it.

"M-might I add that you're i-intimate when you're drunk too..?"

"S-shut up, potato bastard..." he mumbled in an almost seductive tone as he smirked slightly into his skin, lowering his hands and tugging on the German's pants.

Ludwig just smirked as he started taking off his pants and then Lovino's. "You really want this, don't you...?"

"I-I can say yes to anything right now," he muttered as he shifted so he was now on his lap, his legs wrapped around his torso and his arms wrapped around his neck.

The German couldn't help but be aroused by how Lovino was positioned on his lap. He then stood up slowly and held him so that he wouldn't fall.

"W-where are we going?" he smirked before he then started kissing the German's neck.

Ludwig shifted slightly, feeling slightly uncomfortable and awkward. He was slowly starting to sober up while Lovino was still drunk off his ass. "Well...in a normal situation, right now I would be getting you redressed and taking you home. You look like you need a nap.

"But I don't want one, dammit.." he pouted as he pulled back from his neck. "Why don't you take me to your bedroom and give me some potato bastard lovin'? Doesn't that sound fun?"

"Tempting, yes. Fun, I am not sure," the German muttered. He then shrugged slightly. "Oh, what the hell..? It's not like we're going to regret or anything."

"Maybe in the morning, when we're hung-over," he mumbled as Ludwig then started carrying him to the bedroom.

"Maybe," Ludwig chuckled. It was going to be painful for the both of them, since Lovino hated him but all of a sudden wanted to do something like this with him. Now that the German was sober he figured that maybe they shouldn't do this. But, the Italian was so insistent on this happening.

Once they were in the bedroom, he put Lovino down on the bed. He stared at the German with glazed, dilated brown eyes as he laid back and waited for him to do something. He had a slight smirk on his face as he looked at him.

"C-come on, potato bastard.. I haven't got all day."

Ludwig was reluctant. He didn't want to do this now. Secretly, the German was in love with the Southern Italian. He just never told him because he hated him. He knew he did, which was why he didn't even bother.

So the German removed their remaining clothes reluctantly, causing Lovino to have a blush on his face at seeing the other man's body.

He knew that he really couldn't be serious, no matter how much he wanted to be, because the Italian was off his rocker at the moment.

"You are so drunk," he smirked as he looked down at Lovino.

The Italian smirked as he looked up at him. "J-just shut up and fuck me. Take me, right now."

"W-wait, don't you want to wait a little, o-or let me just touch you first—?"

"F-fuck me, dammit..! D-don't piss me off right now!" Lovino snapped as he looked up at him. He can get very pissy whenever he doesn't get his way.

Ludwig sighed and reluctantly nodded. "Okay, fine, but just let me prepare you first."

"Don't take too long," he muttered.

He didn't have a lubricant or anything like that, since he was single, and what was the point of having it if you weren't with anyone you could use it on? He didn't think of the possibility of one-night stands, so that was a stupid move. So, he just quietly took his fingers into his mouth. Lovino just watched him, waiting for him to finally do it.

He had done things like this all the time with Antonio, so it really wasn't a big deal. Shit, he was thinking of the tomato bastard again.

I have to be strong. The dumb bastard left me. Oh my God, when is this damn bastard going to fuck me?!

Just as he was thinking that, he felt Ludwig's finger being inserted into him. Finally! He did have a response of discomfort as he squirmed slightly underneath him. He then noticed how large his length was.

Am I insane?! That bastard is going to put that in my ass?!

He didn't think that it was going to fit. Ludwig's was much bigger than his ex-boyfriend's.

As he was thinking this and getting nervous about this, he didn't realize that Ludwig added a second finger and then a third, stretching him so that it would be easier for the both of them.

"...W-will it fit?" Lovino hesitantly asked, swallowing thickly before hiccupping a little. God, he was so drunk.

"I will make sure that it will fit and that you will be comfortable," the German assured him as he pulled his fingers out of him slowly, holding onto his hips before positioning himself hesitantly. He really didn't want to do this to Lovino. Not when he didn't love him. "L-let I know when you are ready."

"P-potato bastard, I've been ready ages ago!" he muttered as he pushed his head back against the bed. "Fuck me already!"

Ludwig hesitantly nodded, and after a moment, he then reluctantly but obediently moved himself into him, not too slow and not to rough. Lovino's response showed his mixed emotions of pain and pleasure. He let out a cry and wrapped his arms around him tightly, curling his fingers into the German's back.

"S-shit, there's so much!" he gasped as he pushed his head back further.

Ludwig sighed as he tried his best not to just pound into the Italian right now. "J-just relax... It will feel better soon."

"I-I swear to fucking God. If you don't start moving r-right now, I—"

It was too late to make a decent response, because as Lovino was making his threat, Ludwig had started to move. It was too slow for him though.

"I'm n-not made of f-fucking glass! F-faster, you big tree!"

Lovino then let out a moan as the German moved faster, smirking a little as he curled his fingers more into his back. He kept begging him to go faster and harder, in which Ludwig had complied. Both of them were expressing their pleasure with ecstatic moans that slowly increased in volume, even more so when the German had then hit his prostate.

"M-mio Dio..!" he moaned loudly as he was rocking his hips against Ludwig's. "D-damn, you're so much b-better than Antonio!"

The German blushed at hearing his comment, but he didn't look at him as he buried his face in his neck and continued now moving into Lovino roughly in order to satisfy the Italian's desires.

The pleasure intensified, and soon the both of them felt a fire coiling that grew and progressed slowly. Soon it was slowly becoming too much for the both of them. Ludwig had been dreading it the entire time, while Lovino seemed to have finally been satisfied. He was over Antonio, and he was showing that by moving on and having this one-night stand. The only reason why he enjoyed it so much was because he was very much wasted.

Finally they were almost reaching their climaxes. The two of them seemed like they were just trying to get this done and over with, one because he didn't want it and the other because he was so damn drunk. Then finally, loud cries echoed from each other's lips as each had reached release. After they had both come out of their trances, Ludwig was the first to move as he pulled out and slowly lay down next to Lovino.

The Italian smirked slightly as he looked at the German, shifting closer to him before giving him a sensual kiss on the lips. It didn't last too long, since they were both trying to concentrate on keeping their breathing even.

"T-that was amazing," Lovino murmured. "Q-quick..but amazing."

Ludwig glanced down and cleared his throat slightly. "T-tomorrow morning, you'd better not yell at me when you are sober. Y-you started this."

"I can't promise that, potato bastard," the Italian muttered as he closed his eyes slowly, breathing softly.

And that's the first night that the last thing on earth anyone would expect happened, and it was completed by the two men holding each other in their slumber while basking in the coital afterglow.