Before my mom died, she would always tell me to never go beyond the walls, to never trust anyone, to never tell your secrets to a disgusted, filthy bystander. Mother told me to not join the Survey Corps, or you will regret it for your life. For a while, I never knew what she meant. I was always drowned in curiosity, never really paying attention to the real world revolving around me.
It was after the Female Titan had snapped my neck in two. My head was nearly separated from my collarbone, and blood was dripping out of my heated flesh. I didn't know how to respond to it. My eyes were in their death position, and anyone could have thought I was dead. Even Lieutenant. Through our wedding engagement, I have never seen him without a frown. But deep in his mind, I know he's thinking about something. Thinking about annihilating the Titans with Commander Erwin. Thinking about Eren. Thinking about the squad and the supplies. Thinking about the Military Police and the King's orders. But never about me.
Even though I was his fiancée, he never truly looked me in the eye. I wanted him to understand that yes, he may be 10 years older than me. He was 32, and I 22. I remember the first time my father introduced me to Levi for the arranged proposal, I could see the stony look in his eyes. He was lonely and needed a friend.
My short tangerine hair swayed in the wind as I saw the titan after Eren. He was on his gear, but… suddenly, he withdrew his hand from the blades. He then took his knuckle and his palm the entrance of his lips. My eyes widened as he furiously gnawed into his skin. Seeing a spark, his body exploded, surrounding with smoke. I couldn't remember anything after that.
I suddenly woke up, feeling bumps juggling me from some sort of carrier. I was wrapped in white cloth, and the oxygen was suffocating with blood. "W-wha?" I slowly untied the wrapping away from my body. I could see light seeking through the peeks. I could hear voices. I could see the sun and dots of trees. W-was I in heaven?
"We can't carry all the dead bodies! The titan's will eventually catch up to us! We need to throw some out!" "No! I am not throwing Ame-chan into that hell hole! She's my girlfriend! I want to preserve her, dammit!" I could hear soldiers arguing. As I crouched up from the sheets, I rubbed my eyes, my vision still blurry. Gallops of horses were racing from the back of my ear. I squinted my eyes.
"Petra-san! Petra-san!" My eyebrows flinched as I heard someone speaking. I turned my head to see Mikasa and injured Eren. I could see a stack of dead bodies rolling next to me, and I couldn't tell out who was in the pile. I rubbed my forehead and groaned from back pain.
"Petra, you mustn't move. You have a broken neck. Heichou saved you from getting any further injuries." My face turned a pale pink as I heard her statement. C-captain saved me? "How did Eren survive? Before I fainted, he turned into a titan…"
"Captain Levi saved him as well. I wrapped you in the aiding cloth as he cared for Eren's wounds. Don't worry, he's fine now. But he thought you were dead, so he ordered me to wrap you with the other bodies."
My heart stopped. It started to ache. My heartfelt even worse when I was injured. M-my own fiancée doubted me own existence. I slowly took the thin blade from my Maneuver Gear. Maybe I wasn't good enough. He thought that Eren was more important than me. I slowly took the blade into my lap, and placed the blade toward my wrist and drew a thin line on my hand. Then I did another. And another. For some reason, It took away the pain. "Petra? What are you doing?"
I roughly prepared to jab the piercing weapon toward me heart. "Sorry, Mikasa. But if Levi doesn't need me, who does?"
I'm sorry, Lieutenant. Goodbye.