Cookie hasn't loved anyone more than herself in a long time. Other than her boys, she can't say that she's loved anyone more than herself, not even her former husband. She'll never love Anika more than she loves herself, she knows that for sure. But as she holds Anika in her arms, she can't help but feel that she loves her just as deeply.

Cookie's favorite pastime is to watch Anika as she sleeps. Anika never fails to tell her that having someone watch her sleep is creepy but she can't help it. Lips parted and eyes closed, Anika looks radiant even in slumber.

She glows.

Anika has maintained her koala tendencies though she loathes the sentiment and maintains that she's Cookie's Kitten, not a damn koala. She rolls her eyes because Anika is full of shit, but still.

It isn't well known and Cookie prefers to keep it that way, but spooning and/or cuddling is her weakness. Over time, Anika appeared to have picked up on this little secret of hers and would indulge her whenever she could to her delight.

For instance, she'd be standing over her desk and looking over setlists when slender arms would snake around her waist and pull her into the warm body behind her. Anika's flowery perfume and the clack-clack-clack of her heels would alert Cookie of the woman's upcoming presence but it was always Anika's arms wrapping themselves around her that gave Cookie pause and kindled the flame within her. A pair of soft lips just below her ear and whatever she was working on would be forgotten as she turned around to fully accept the hold and waiting kiss.

Something else Cookie noticed while watching Anika sleep was that the she never seemed satisfied in her sleep. Anika frequently moved around as if trying to get comfortable, sometimes shifting Cookie with her. It usually took her a while to get settled but once she did, she was out.

Sometimes she wondered if Anika took such a long time to get settled because she wasn't sure if Cookie wanted her in her arms; never mind that Anika was never denied when she would lay on the sofa or in bed with her. And never mind that Anika would never deny her during the rare moments she sought comfort.

Her doubts usually stemmed from thinking about the days immediately following their initial Chicago trip and how Cookie didn't talk to Anika for days after.

Surprisingly, that hadn't been by Cookie's choice; Anika had taken to avoiding her since they returned from Chicago and it appeared that Anika sought to forget whatever happened between them. Bruised ego aside, Cookie would've eventually gotten over her lapse in judgement and moved on.

Only she didn't want to forget.

Whenever her thoughts strayed to sharing a bed with Anika, her body tingled and she remembered the warmth she felt that night. Simply thinking about it would cause heat to travel from her cheeks, down her neck, torso, finally settle between her thighs. She remembered how Anika anchored onto her and wrapped her arm around her waist, remembered the smoothness of her legs as they tangled between her own, remembered how Anika's heart raced and eventually calmed as Cookie soothed her.

She also remembered how Anika snuck out of her room while she was still asleep and proceeded to freeze her out upon returning to New York. For a little while it was difficult to describe how she felt when she turned over and found the other side of the bed empty and the sheets cold. Confusion was the first emotion felt and the only one she validated as she drug herself out of the bed and into the shower. A quick text to Anika had informed her that the other woman had checked out hours earlier claiming ill.

That morning before she went back to sleep, she was determined that them sharing a bed would be a one-time thing. However, she wasn't prepared for waking up to an empty bed and cold sheets and an ache that felt a little too much like hurt. The feeling lingered as she replied with an equally quick 'K.'

Back in New York, Cookie resolved that she wouldn't be the first to address their snuggling session only to realize that Anika was adamant about feigning ignorance regarding their bedsharing. More of the hurt she was determined to mask flourished as Cookie decided she was going to to best Anika at her own game. If Anika wanted to be trifling, Cookie would show her trifling; though she wouldn't be playing the silent game. She refused to be ignored and inserted herself wherever she saw fit, whether it was a meeting where her presence wasn't needed or Anika's office where she delivered a message which could've just as easily been sent via email or text.

She didn't do anything extravagant; she was petty, not desperate. Besides, it wasn't as if she wanted Anika to be her girlfriend...it was just that every time she was around Anika she'd smell jasmine and she'd be transported right back to that bed. She kept herself from calling it their bed because it wasn't. She wasn't trying to declare her undying love for Anika.

She just...wanted to be noticed.

And noticed she finally was as she strolled into Anika's office one afternoon to deliver another message that could've been sent via email. Just as she wasn't expecting the outburst that came from Anika as she yelled 'what could be so damned important that you keep charging into my office,' she didn't expect the truth to spill out of her mouth in the form of a soft 'why did you leave?' This time the hurt couldn't be masked and she wished that she could take the words back. Of course the words couldn't be taken back so she did the only thing she could do: wait. A beat and an equally soft 'why did you let me stay?' was heard before silence filled the room.

'You were warm' didn't feel sufficient and she refused to voice that she wanted to know what it was like to hold Anika in her arms. Instead, Cookie took slow strides until she was directly in front of her. She noticed how Anika trembled before her and could almost see her heart pounding, just like that morning. Anika looked petrified and Cookie's heart broke. It pained her to know that she was the source of Anika's fear and in that moment she wanted nothing more than to ease it.

So just like that morning, Cookie looped her arm around Anika's waist where she proceeded to draw circles in the small of her back. Also like that morning, Anika tensed up as Cookie touched her. Unlike that morning, her trembling seemed to worsen and her heart continued to race. Not wanting Anika to work herself into a full blown panic attack, she was prepared to release and back away from her when Anika let out a watery breath and let her head rest on Cookie's shoulder.

During a discussion later on in their relationship, Cookie would learn that it was the fear of Cookie rejecting her that caused Anika to leave the bed while Cookie slept that morning and it was that same fear that caused her to avoid her. By her logic, Cookie couldn't reject her if she avoided her. 'Only you wouldn't give me the satisfaction of avoiding you' she added as she laid in her lover's arms.

Anika had worried herself sick that Cookie was going to denounce their snuggle session and her in the same motion. Cookie would share later on that she'd had the same fear (though she kept to herself her lingering fears that Anika would no longer want to be with her).

Cookie held Anika long after she released that watery breath; until she no longer trembled and she could no longer feel her heart racing, but rather, beating steadily. She'd long since circled her other arm around Anika's waist and alternated between drawing circles and trailing her fingertips up and down her back. By then, Cookie had leaned against Anika's desk to support both of them and Anika had slumped against her. Just when she thought Anika had fallen asleep due to the soothing motions, she lifted her head. Cookie looked into eyes that shone with unshed tears. When Anika finally felt calm enough, she let her own arms snake around Cookie though her hold was much looser. Both women started to lean in and just before their lips met each other's, Cookie lifted her mouth and kissed the tip of Anika's nose, effectively releasing the tension in the room. Anika threw her head back and laughed again as Cookie kissed both of her cheeks. In that moment, the light hit her just right and she looked luminous. As she brought her head back down, Anika threaded her fingers in Cookie's hair before placing a gentle kiss against her lips, almost as if she was unsure of her actions. Making her intentions known, Cookie leaned her forehead against Anika's before kissing her deeply. She couldn't help but notice how good Anika's body felt pressed against her. How warm.

As unexpected as it is, the love she has for Anika transcends any past hatred she had for her. She overflows with it and it's terrifying, but the thought of Anika doubting her love terrifies her more. Cookie knew what life without being able to hold Anika in her arms was like and now that she'd had a taste, she wasn't going to let her go.

She embraces her kitty-with-koala-tendencies and loves her fiercely. While she believes Anika already knows this -Cookie's actions show that she loves her, but she only tells her when she knows Anika is asleep-telling Anika that she loves her whIle she's conscious is completely different and something she plans to rectify.

In the morning.

Rubbing her thumb along Anika's cheek, Cookie lets her lips rest on Anika's forehead before following her lover in sleep.

Anika glows.

And as she holds her, Cookie knows that she glows too.