Letting Go
Summary: There was nothing you could have done to change what happened, because I was too far gone by the time you met me. Cassidy looks down on Mac. Post Monkey oneshot.
Disclaimer: Rob Thomas is smarter than me.
Your summer was awful. All you would do is listen to the saddest music you had and cry, while you held your arms around yourself because I was not there to do it for you anymore, because it made you feel like I was there when you knew I could never come back.
Everyone would have considered you pathetic, but you did not care. You could not even be bothered to care about anyone, because the self-hate seemed to be working for you.
I do so wish you did not hate yourself so much for all of my stupid mistakes. There was nothing you could have done to change what happened, because I was already much too far gone by the time you met me. Still you think everything is all your fault.
Everyone else seems to have blamed me for everything, and I am fine with that, since it was my fault after all. It was wrong what I did, and if I would have had another chance, I would not have done it again. I would not need to do it again, because I would have had you.
You maintain blaming yourself, and I wish I could tell you to stop doing that. You should blame me, and if you cannot do that, blame Woody Goodman for how I turned out. Blame my father for ignoring me, just do not blame yourself anymore. It was not your fault.
I wish I could have been there for you when you needed me most, but then I would forget that it was my fault in the first place that you needed someone.
Even though that step too far on the roof was my only option – besides the death penalty or prison for the rest of my life, and being hated by everyone – I wish I would have had the time to talk to you before I left. To have told you everything, to finally end the secrets. I died to keep my secret, and it turns out that it all came out anyway. I was such a fool.
But there has been enough talk about me, by enough people too.
Were you glad that you were kept out of the papers? You probably were, because knowing you, you would not want to be famous as the girlfriend of a murderer.
I think I ruined so much for you.
That guy, I saw that happening, you know. More guys were bound to notice how great you are, and it was bound to happen soon. He seems nice.
Not to say that it did not hurt, seeing you and him together. It hurt, but that is my own fault for doing you wrong. If I had not been stupid, that could have been me.
Let us not get into that, because it is much too late for that anyway. I cannot do anything about it besides letting you go. And that is what I am going to do now. I am letting you go, because I care about you. Because I loved you, Cindy MacKenzie. I still do, in my own way, but there is nothing in that for you. So I am going to let you go.
Stop blaming yourself, I am letting you go now.