I'm watching her again.
She never knows that I'm doing it, and hopefully she'll never find out. She'd have a fit if she knew.
Everyone else knows. Everyone else has caught me in the act. But they won't tell her. Not even Angela.
I've asked them not to.
Watching Temperance is my all-time favorite thing to do. I mentally shake my head. If only she knew that when I'm alone, she's 'Temperance' to me. I've always thought of her as Temperance; it's such a beautiful name. So strong and independent, just like her. But if I called her by her true name, well then I would flaunting just how much she means to me.
I know she can sense what I feel. She's not so naïve as to think there's nothing. But by trying to hide it from her, I can almost hide it from myself.
Almost, but not quite.
I'm not sure what it is about her that makes me feel this way. And the emotions that I have when I'm around her – or when I see her, or even when I just hear her name – are indescribable, but I guess I can try:
When I'm with her, a burning passion fills my entire being. A want, a need for her to be mine. She's not a desire, she's a necessity.
And that's barely half of it.
She's just so perfect. So strong and smart, independent and unconstrained, beautiful and sexy, and mind-blowingly perfect. But what I love about her most is that she's free. She doesn't belong to anyone.
And she never will.
I understand that. That she doesn't want to give herself to anyone, to get hurt, to put herself in a situation where she is just going to fail.
Because my Temperance does not like to fail.
But what I'll never understand is how she can't see that I'm not going to hurt her, that I will always be here for her, no matter what.
I've thought about this as much as humanly possible, and then some more. And what I've come up with is this:
She's afraid.
Afraid of commitment. Afraid of love. Afraid of me.
There's really nothing to be afraid of. But she is.
And it tears me apart inside.
Other men would have moved on by now, tired of her coming and going. Other men would have used her and left.
Other men have used her and left.
But I'm not like that. Really I'm not.
I've stayed and I plan to keep on staying. As long as Temperance is here, I will be too.
I wonder how long I have been standing here, watching her, and decide that really it doesn't matter. I have nowhere to be, nothing to do. So I'll just stay here and keep watching.
Angela comes up behind me and being so lost in my thoughts, I barely hear her. She sees me watching Temperance and makes a tsking sound before walking away.
She thinks Temperance and I would be perfect for each other. She knows I agree.
She just doesn't understand.
No one does. Not the way I do.
Temperance is special. And she needs a special kind of person, one who understands her. Someone who knows the limits and doesn't push her too far. Someone who isn't there just for himself, but isn't there to take care of her either, because that's not what she wants. Someone who accepts her for her.
Someone like me.
But I'm not going to be the one to tell her that. I know she knows anyway. Or at least, I think she does. It's so hard with her sometimes, so frustrating. But I'm used to it by now.
And she's worth it.
I'm sure that someday she will see, someday she will realize what is right in front of her. And when that day comes, I will be here to pull her close to me and wrap my arms around her. She won't flinch away from my touch, because she will know that she came to me. And that will be the sweetest moment ever.
Well, apart from the actual kiss.
Which will be magnificent, in and off itself. Amazingly electrifying, with everything that Angela has ever said it will be: fireworks exploding across our closed eyes, nerves tingling with every touch.
I'd just like to change a few things. It won't be fireworks, it'll be an atomic bomb. And our nerves won't be tingling, they'll be on fire.
Who even thinks about nerves when they're kissing anyway? Who thinks about nerves at all? The damn squints have me thinking all scientific again.
Okay, back to Temperance.
She's examining the bones of our latest victim, a look of intense concentration on her face. That's another thing: she's crazy about her job. She is not satisfied with her second best, nor is she satisfied with anyone else's. Which has definitely made me work harder during the time that I've known her.
She tucks a stray strand of hair behind her ear without looking away from the body. I wish I would have been over there to tuck her hair out of the way. She hates when I fiddle with it, but sometimes I can't help myself; I just have to be touching her.
Okay, and sometimes it is pretty fun to make her mad. She's so cut when she's pissed. But that's beside the point.
I think she's finally noticed that someone's watching her. She slowly straightens and looks around. I pretend to be tying my shoe, but can feel her glare. And then my mind goes wild.
I don't have to be looking at her to know that her eyes are incredible – absolutely astounding. One look from them and you are sucked in, unable to look away. And when she's listening, really listening, it's like they go on forever, bottomless pits of understanding and genuine care.
Which is sort of creepy, if you think about it, but beautiful nonetheless.
There's also a sort of fierce determination in her eyes, a look that says 'I don't need anyone but me, so back the hell off.'
But sometimes, something in that look changes. I've only seen it once or twice, but it was enough for me to know what I needed to know, enough for me to stay no matter how much she wants me to leave.
It was an expression that said, 'Look at me. I'm over here and I just need to be loved.'
So I do. I love her. I'm not sure if she will ever be able to love me back, but that's not the point.
Because she knows I'll be here when she's ready.
A/N: Yay! School's out!!!! Yay! I'm no longer a stupid freshman!!! Sorry if this fic rambles on and on; I sat down at the computer and words just kept coming and coming. You know how it is. Don't forget to review!
Disclaimer: Booth and Brennan don't belong to me. But I wish they belonged to each other.