Title: I Want to Hate You
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Don't own them; just borrowing.
Summary: Set during season 3, Jack has just finished a second surgery on Ben to clean out the infected stitches. While Ben is sleeping off the anesthesia Alex visits. (Could be a missing scene)
Character/Pairing: Ben, Alex, Jack Mentions of Juliet
Spoilers: Slight Season 3
Author's Notes: My first Lost story.
She doesn't care what happens to him. At least that's what she told herself and anyone who would listen. Ben had made her life miserable as of late. all she wanted was to be with Karl, the one person on this island who understood her. But no, Ben had to keep them apart and do horrible things to the boy she loved.
Yet here she was wondering the halls of the medical bay on Hydro island late at night to see if he was alright. Ben was her father after all. The image of him earlier today haunted Alex.
FLASHBACK
She stood just outside the medical room as Jack examined him. He looked so weak, a look she had never seen on him. Of course this was still Ben Linus, even with a fever, low vitals and a spreading infection, he was still the master manipulator. Poor Jack really believed that Ben was going to let Juliet be executed.
They made their so called deal to spare Juliet, and Alex went with Jack to deliver the note. As they were running to the meeting room, Alex couldn't help trying to understand her father's actions. She knew him better than anyone. She didn't want to, but the truth was, she had an insight into Ben Linus and with it came understanding.
He manipulated people anytime he felt as though they were losing faith in their leader, in him. He lied because he thought if he told the truth his people would turn on him and leave him alone to deal with all the responsibility of the Island. She didn't fully understand his responsibility or his loyalty to this place, but Alex did know it gave her father purpose. He needed that. Two things drove Ben to do most of the things he did, purpose and fear. Although everything he exuded said anything but, Ben would never admit fear, nor would she. It seemed she was the only one to see it.
The fear of being betrayed, alone and lonely. His role on this island was the only thing he could trust. The irony was the actions he took, because of fear, were the exact reasons why the Island and almost everyone on it were turning against him including Alex herself. Ben was in the position he was most afraid of. The island let him get sick and slowly his followers were losing faith in their fearless leader.
END OF FLASHBACK
All of these thoughts made Alex's heart ache. Standing just outside the medical room, the same spot she was in only a few hours earlier, Alex took a breath and peeked her head inside the door. Jack was there writing on a chart looking after her father just as he promised.
Jack heard the door creek and looked up.
"Is it save to come in?", Alex asked.
Jack shook his head in response and said "Yeah, but your father wont be awake for a while."
"Good." Alex instantly looked at Jack with a worried expression at her own statement.
" Hey, it's OK, I know a thing or two about difficult fathers. Trust me." Jack gave her a reassuring smile.
"How is he doing?", Alex asked looking at her father.
Ben was lying on his side on the gurney, much like he was earlier that day, only this time he was asleep. He almost looked peaceful.
" I cleansed his stitches and put him on antibiotics, but he still has a fever. The next 24 hours are critical." After a long pause Jack asked, "Would you like to sit with him?"
Alex pulled up a stool and sat by her fathers side. Jack took his cue and left the room.
After a long moment of just staring at Ben, silently thanking God her father was asleep, Alex started to speak.
"I want to hate you! It scares me that even a small part of myself understands the inner workings of your twisted brain, but I do, and in spite of myself I don't hate you. You are my Dad and I love you. I don't know... maybe you bring new meaning to the phrase doing all the wrong things for the right reasons. I may never understand your reasoning, but you tell me you love me more than anything. If that's true than prove it by living, please."
With that Alex quietly got up and left the room.
The end