Title: Open Door
Author: SGater926
Email: S/J UST, angst
Status: Completed
Rating: G
Content warnings: none
Season/sequel info: POV for Threads
Spoilers: Threads
Summary: Kerry's really not so bad.
Disclaimer: None of these characters belong to me and I'm not making any money for this. No copyright infringement is intended. Any similarity to persons living or dead is purely coincidental.
Feedback: Much appreciated! I've never done a POV story before. This isn't beta'd so all mistakes are mine.
Copyright (c) SGater926, 7 June 2007.
I stood outside open door. I took a deep breath, trying to steel myself for what I was about to do. 'Come on, girl, just do it. It's not gonna go down any other way. Just get it over with.' I squared my shoulders and walked in, knocking softly as I went. He looked lost in thought as I approached, but almost immediately his chocolate eyes snapped up to meet my emerald ones.
"How's Colonel Carter's father?" I was actually genuinely interested. This thing with Jack aside, I actually liked the woman. She had a quiet grace and strength to her, and I could see why Jack loved her.
"Doesn't look good." Jack was more concerned than he was letting on. Even in the few weeks that I had been at the SGC, I knew Jack cared about his people deeply and he considered Jacob Carter, and even Selmak, as one...er, two...of his people, not to mention who his daughter was.
"I'm sorry to hear that." And I was. From the little I knew about the man from reading reports, he was as much of a hero as the rest of SG-1. Earth would lose a great ally if he died.
'Okay, time to cut to the chase.' I leaned over and pushed the door shut softly but purposefully.
"Closing the door..." I knew he would be able to read my eyes. That man has a knack for doing that. He sounded wary.
'You can do this. Smile.' "Yeah. Deeply symbolic."
"Really?"
I tried to smile but it came out as more of a grimace. I paused for a moment to gather my thoughts. "I really like you. We're good together." I at least have to let him know that it's not him...not really. Despite his tough exterior, this man before me was very aware and afraid of rejection and loss, and he's had more than his fair share. I haven't been around very long but I know enough about Colonel Carter to know why she showed up at Jack's house today, but I also know enough about both of them to figure that if and when she breaks off her engagement, Jack would stay with me out of a sense duty...at least for a while...and Colonel Carter would never interfere. I could tell by the look on her face that if she had known Jack and I were involved, she never would have come to talk to him...even if I hadn't been there.
I know I was a bit cruel earlier and I'll admit that I was lashing out. He still lied to her about why I was there and that hurt. I offered for her to stay because I knew she'd say no. I teased him because I could and she couldn't. I wanted her to know he was mine...but that's not true, it never was. Maybe if she wasn't in the picture, but she is...and he belongs to her. I think I really knew when she got that call and I saw the look on his face as he looked at her. It was more than concern for a coworker and friend. I think he even forgot I was there for a second. He stared after her as she jogged to her vehicle and I knew in that instant that I could never compete with Samantha Carter in the battle for Jack O'Neill's heart. She had it firmly in her possession and that wasn't going to change anytime soon, if ever.
He stood wearily. "Yes. We are. But..." He sounded resigned. He knew why I was there, but I don't think he knew what to expect. Maybe he expected me be angry and accuse him of using me or cry and ask him how he could do this. I certainly don't think he expected me to say what came out of my mouth next.
"You have issues. It's okay, we all do. There's just one big one in particular that I don't think I can love with..."
His eyebrows certainly shot up on that one.
"Live with." I don't know where that came from. That's not what I meant to say... But I guess that doesn't make it any less true.
"I need to get out before I get more involved."
He smiled slightly, it was almost cynical, like he knew this was going to happen. Maybe this is why he wanted to keep us a secret, because the more secluded from the SGC we were, the less likely he would be to have to confront reality, and the less likely I would be to find out about his feelings for her. Actually I'm grateful we kept it a secret. If I saw it and I'd only seen them interact once, I'm sure the whole SGC knows, and the people here are so loyal to both of them...I'm sure I would have had at least some nasty looks thrown my way. Oh well. Moving on...
"We can still work together, can't we? Because I would hate to have to ask for reassignment. This is really important to me." I needed to keep it casual. An 'I'm okay, you're okay.' And this job really IS important to me. I believe in what these people do and I want to be a part of it, help in any way I can.
"We agreed this would never affect the job..." I continued warily. If this had turned out to be an issue for him, I would leave, I really would. I still care about him.
"We did." He nodded.
"Good." I breathed a sigh of relief.
I moved toward the door and when I got there I paused. My curiosity was burning and I couldn't help but take the bait it set out for me. Besides, I thought Jack needed a swift kick in the butt to get him thinking. Even though I'm breaking up with him, I still want him to be happy, and an integral part of that happiness is Colonel Carter.
"You know, there's just one thing I don't understand."
"Just one?"
"Is the Air Force the only thing keeping you two apart? Rules and regulations? Because if it is, you're making a very big mistake."
He didn't show it, but I knew I had thrown him for a loop. Even if he knew why I was ending it, I'm sure he never thought I would bring it up. But I knew I had his interest peaked. I'm sure he doesn't ever talk about this, maybe with Dr. Jackson and Teal'c, but if he does it's not often.
"And you know what I should do?"
"Retire." I said it like it was the obvious answer.
"Again?" He didn't sound like he was buying it. I wonder how many different scenarios he's gone through in his head.
"Don't get me wrong. You're considered invaluable to the program by the Pentagon, but the President has appointed a civilian to run the SGC before."
His expression was unreadable, but I could tell the gears were turning behind those gorgeous eyes of his.
I turned to leave. "Just a thought." I didn't want to push him.
As I left, I let the door swing open behind me. I'm sure he got the symbolism this time, and just to help him out I glanced back over my shoulder and smiled meaningfully. When I looked, he was still standing there with that same expression on his face but the look in his eyes was kind of far away and I knew something had gotten through. Now what he did with it was up to him.
The door's open now, Jack. Take advantage of it now before it's too late.