Stef reclaims Lena's body after she learns what happened with Monty.
(Takes place after the fight in Lucky (310) when Stef and Lena go to bed after Lena admits that Monty is in love with her. One change I made to the show is that Lena didn't just kiss Monty but actually had sex with her.)
Stef didn't want to be in the same room as Lena, let alone the same bed but she'd sucked it up and stayed there for the sake of the kids, and Lena knew that. She'd tried several times to get Stef to understand that she hadn't meant to hurt her - she'd just been feeling so lonely and lost and she'd made a mistake. But Stef was too mad to even think about it. Lena couldn't really blame her. She'd screwed up, quite literally. She'd hurt Stef and tainted their relationship and Lena felt even more detached from Stef then she'd already felt.
Lena turned towards Stef. She saw the steady rise and fall of Stef's chest as she slept. She wished she could sleep as well but the guilt just kept eating her away. Slowly she felt the tears fill her eyes again and as she felt them fall she reached out gently placed a hand of Stef's arm.
Stef instinctively reached for Lena - but that was only for a few seconds until reality hit her and she pulled away again.
"Stef." Lena whispered into the dark.
"I can't." Stef answered back. She knew that Lena wanted a hug, a kiss, a hand squeezed, anything to show that she was forgiven. But Stef couldn't because she couldn't forgive Lena. She felt broken and lost and the only light she ever had seemed to have gone out.
"Stef please." Lena begged. She needed Stef to understand that Monty was nothing to her and the sex was just an act. It had no meaning.
"Just go to sleep Lena." Stef said as she shrugged out of Lena's reach.
Lena could hear the pain in Stef's voice. She could tell that Stef was trying hard not to cry. That was one thing that drove Lena crazy - that Stef hated to ever cry. It had taken years for her to get Stef to feel comfortable enough around her to show that level of vulnerability and now it seemed it was back to square one.
"Can we at least talk?" Lena requested, hoping Stef would let her explain again. She's said it a hundred times already but she'd say it a million times more if that's what it took.
"There's nothing to talk about." Stef shook her head as she rolled over to face the window.
"Just let me explain." Lena kept trying, refusing to give up so easily.
"You already did Lena." Stef said in a rather harsh tone as she spun around to face her wife again. "You told me that it only happened once, it meant nothing, it was a mistake, you didn't tell me to protect me, you were a mess and made a bad choice... what more is there to say?"
Lena remained silent because Stef was right - what more was there to say?
When Lena had no answer Stef turned away one more time in an attempt to go back to sleep and forget this nightmare for a few blissful hours.
Lena had nothing to say but she needed Stef and she knew that Stef needed her, even if she was too stubborn to admit it, so she scooted over and wrapped an arm around Stef's waist, curling up behind her, holding on tight.
But Stef tried to push her away the moment contact was made. "Stop it Lena." Stef said in a deep, heavy voice. She needed Lena, she wanted her, but she was the one that had caused this pain and Stef felt so torn.
Lena, however, didn't let go. She kept trying. She held on and tried her hardest to get the stronger woman to stop struggling.
But Stef didn't stop. She needed to get away and if Lena wasn't going to give her space then she'd have to leave. The kids would find out eventually anyways and Stef knew, for her own sake, she needed to get away. She forced Lena off her and got out of bed, heading to their closet. She began to pull out a pair of jeans when Lena jumped up.
"Where are you going?" Lena asked worriedly.
"Out." Stef said. "I can't stay here." She said, still looking in her closet for a top. She slowly turned to face Lena. "I can't stay with you." She added sadly.
Lena felt like her heart had stopped beating. This couldn't be happening. Stef couldn't leave her just because of one mistake. It was a huge mistake, she agreed, but it was just a mistake and it was never going to happen again.
"No." Lena said as she rushed to Stef's side to once again try and talk to her. "You can't go."
"I have to Lena." Stef said miserably as she tried to pull off her pajama top.
But Lena stopped her. "You don't have to do anything." She said. "You can't leave."
Stef decided to change in the bathroom where Lena could be locked out. She tried to step around the younger woman but Lena grabbed her arm and held tight.
"NO." She said again, forcefully. "You can't go."
Stef looked at Lena, prepared to argue. She'd heard the determination in Lena's voice and felt it in her grip but her eyes were filled with nothing but fear. She could see that her decision was terrifying Lena and no matter how much she was hurting she couldn't bare to see it. She needed to at least let Lena talk if she needed to.
Stef sighed as she backed herself to the bed and sat down. Lena followed her and stood in front of her, her eyes teary but filled with relief. The two just stared at each other but stayed motionless for a few minutes, savoring the moment. Lena was too afraid to push Stef too hard in case she pushed too far and Stef used those moments to forget whatever had happened and dream for a while.
"I'm sorry." Lena said, finally breaking the silence. "I never meant to hurt you. I screwed up, I know that, but you can't just leave... you can't leave me." She said, choking on the words.
Stef remained silent as she looked Lena in the eye. She could see how sorry she was and she did believe her when she said it was a mistake and wouldn't ever happen again but it didn't change the fact that it had happened once.
Stef looked at the love of her life - the beautiful brown eyes, the wild curly hair, the soft lips and creamy skin, the perfect breasts and slender waist, the perfect hips and long legs. No matter what had happened one thing she knew was that she'd always love Lena and because of that she knew she'd never be able to hurt her, regardless of what she'd done.
Once again Stef looked Lena up and down, remembering everything about her and every memory they'd shared. Lena was hers and she was Lena's and that was never going to change. When her eyes finally travelled back up to Lena's she knew that she had to forgive her - one way or another she would do it because she wanted and needed Lena just as much as Lena did her.
Without breaking eye contact Stef reached out for Lena's hips and pulled her a step closer. Lena was now standing between Stef's parted knees. Stef's hands wandered up and down Lena's legs under her nightie, moving closer and closer to her center with each turn. Neither broke eye contact as Stef slowly raised the hem of her nightie until it was up past her hips. Lena leaned in ever so slightly as Stef's thumbs finally found her center. She gently stroked Lena through her panties with a touch so light Lena thought she could have imagined it. But slowly the pressure increased and finally Stef's gaze shifted to where her fingers were and she leaned in kissed Lena softly.
A soft moan escaped Lena's lips as her entire body reacted to the contact. It was like Stef was reigniting a flame that Lena had accidentally put out. Lena ground her hips into Stef's face and Stef hardened the kiss giving Lena's clit the pressure she needed.
As Lena grew more and more wet Stef paused and inhaled deeply, trapping the scent that she knew so well and loved so much. She couldn't stop picturing Lena with Monty and she hated the knowledge that someone else was also falling in love with this same scent, that she was falling in love with this soft skin, falling in love with Lena. Stef buried her face in Lena's center and finally let the tears fall. She couldn't hold it in any longer and her body began to shake with sobs as she gripped Lena's hips as though her life depended on it.
"Honey." Lena said sadly, gently encasing Stef's head in her hands. She hated to see Stef in so much pain and she hated it even more knowing that she was the cause. How could she have ever done something like this. She had the most amazing woman and the most amazing life and she'd risked it all for absolutely nothing.
But Stef didn't respond, instead she shifted herself so her arms went around Lena's waist, holding her tight and her head buried into Lena's stomach as she continued to cry. She couldn't ever remember crying this hard but she also couldn't ever remember a time being this hurt and she knew that no one else in the world could hurt her like this.
"Stef, please." Lena begged, trying to get Stef to look up and talk to her. She needed to know what Stef was thinking - needed to get Stef to open up before this destroyed her - destroyed them.
But Stef shook her head, still buried in Lena's stomach as she continued to hold on tight. She wasn't sure what she was feeling so how was she supposed to share it with Lena. She needed Lena, she knew that but she didn't know how to ever look at her the same again. She wondered how to go forward when someone else had been this intimate with her. She knew every little thing about Lena's body and how to excite her but now someone else knew them too - at least a few of them and Lena no longer felt like her's anymore.
"Look at me." Lena said firmly, taking a step back and forcing Stef to look up.
Stef finally did and Lena was met by a pair of puffy, watery, red eyes and a quivering lower lip that Lena had never seen before. For the first time she realized just how broken Stef was and once again she was filled with a fear that maybe this had gone too far and that Stef was gone for good.
Lena released her hold on Stef's face and gently traced a hand down her cheek, wiping away as many tears as she could in the process. Stef's hand covered Lena's as the two of them held eye contact, afraid to speak in case it broke this fragile connection that they seemed to have.
"I love you." Lena whispered softly, afraid to break the moment, but it had to be said and she needed Stef to know it.
Stef continued to stare at Lena as she held on to the hand that was still wiping away stray tears. She was so scared and she felt so alone. There were so many things going on and Stef was trying so hard to get it all done but she felt each one slipping through her fingers and she just couldn't seem to hold on to it all no matter how hard she tried. First her second mammogram, that was terrifying her and she didn't want to share it with Lena until she knew for certain one way or the other. Then there was Callie's upcoming adoption - she hoped that they wouldn't face any more hurdles and that the girl could legally become a part of their family. Along with that there were the other kids who were also struggling in their own ways - Jude was upset about Conner leaving, Mariana was struggling with guilt over Wyatt and Matt and Brandon was trying to find where he fit in as his parents kept taking in new kids. Now, on top of all that, Lena was no longer right by her side. Yes, they'd had their differences in opinions and their disagreements but Stef always felt like they were still one - that is until Lena decided that Stef just wasn't enough.
A fresh batch of tears fell down Stef's face at that thought. She knew she'd been preoccupied and they'd tended to neglect their marriage. They had been fighting and Lena had tried to fix things in therapy but Stef hadn't really cooperated. She'd gone and done it for Lena but she didn't believe it would help and so she hadn't given it her all. Had she been the reason that Lena went looking for something else?
"It's not your fault." Lena said, pulling Stef out of her thoughts. She could read Stef like a book and she knew exactly what Stef would think. It was just like her to take on troubles that weren't hers. "I screwed up Stef, you didn't do anything." Lena said firmly.
Stef gave her the smallest of smiles. It didn't go unnoticed that Lena kew what she was thinking and just that tiny gesture was enough to make Stef feel like they were still connected - maybe there were only hanging on by a thread but at least they were hanging on and that gave Stef hope. She decided that she was going to win Lena back. Maybe she still had her heart but she was going to reclaim her body as well. They would come together again and they would eventually be whole again.