I do not own Community.

Top Ten, Fall 2011 Edition

Dean Pelton was a strange man, as many around his tiny little campus knew; the Dalmatian fetish, the latent bisexuality, the costumes he always wore, the desire he had to see Greendale as a 'real' school, the list of his strange quirks was long. But what was also known was that he was a man who cared; about his school, and every student that attended it. The latter fact was part of the reason that in the time since he had been Dean enrollment had tripled and, quirks and all, he commanded some degree of admiration from most of his students.

Part of this long list of quirks manifest itself in his 'lists'; every semester, he would compile a list of sexually attractive students and faculty so he could monitor their behavior (student-teacher relationships DO happen and they are a magnet for lawsuits).

The first day of the fall semester was just three days away, and after spending the last two weeks going over student bios, as well as screening some new applicants, he was just about done. He was sitting in his tiny office with the light green walls, and outside it was rapidly darkening. No matter; The Bachelorette was on PVR and he would pick up dinner from that nice little Italian takeout place just a few streets from his house. It was in this knowledge that he knew that he could afford to make and painstakingly edit his list, even if it would take him a few hours.

XXX

"And...done!" He said as he raised his hands excitedly, before remembering that it was now 9:00 and the halls of Greendale and its offices were totally vacant. He clicked 'Print' on his laptop and the laserjet printer to his right began immediately churning out copies of the Fall 2011 edition of the list. He grabbed the loose sheets when the printer indicated that it was finished the job and tucked them into his brown briefcase, shutting off his desk lamp and leaving the office. It was late and he was hungry, so he'd finish editing the list at home.

XXX

With a glass of merlot on the table and a plate stained with the remnants of freshly-finished Chicken Parmigian in front of him on his Pottery Barn apothecary table, he grabbed his briefcase from the side of the couch and opened it, making sure that none of the pages fell out of order.

Part of the excitement of the fall list was that by the time the spring semester rolled around, there was bound to be a lot of shakeup. He would have had a semester to meet and objectively rate the attractiveness of the new students. He read the pages...the top ten was really where it was at; beautiful people tend to pursue other beautiful people, after all, and not since the spring semester of 2006 has anyone outside of the top ten hooked up with someone inside that crucial rubicon. In all reality, the top ten was the only thing that he had to really keep an eye on, to really edit and ensure of its accuracy.

The top ten was largely similar to the 2011 spring edition, and the Dean noticed that of that top ten, half of them (including #1 and #2) were friends; members of Jeff Winger's study group.

He took a sip of wine and closed his eyes. "I suppose that I should go through this..." he said to himself; editing was largely a formality, but as a careful man, he wanted everything to be perfect. He sifted through the pile with his hands, feeling the lightness and crispness of the paper against his skin and stopped after exactly ten pages. When he pulled it out, he saw a familiar face, both to himself and to those around campus; his dark brown eyes that stared without feeling, coal black hair perfectly in place, and coffee-colored skin, swaddled in a hoodie and pencil jeans.

"Mr. Nadir, welcome to the top ten..."