End of s5 musings of Dean – destiel if you squint … I totally intended my readers to squint btw ;)
To have witnessed an angel losing his faith is a terrible thing. It makes you wander, what is there left to believe in if an angel cannot find a single thing worth believing in?
Well, he's given up believing in God, you know that for certain, but belief in general? You're not so sure.
It seems to you, although it could just be you inflated sense of self-importance doing the talking, but it seems to you that he still has one thing left to believe in. And, as egotistically self-centred as it sounds, you think that the one thing he still believes is worthy of his faith is you.
Yes, you. You think that you see it in his eyes as he watches you when he thinks you're not looking. As he watches over you and doesn't think you can sense his presence. Doesn't he know that you are as attuned to his presence has he is to yours?
You see it in those sparkling-sapphire-sea-blue eyes. It's faith. The faith of the desperate. The faith of the Damned. It's the sort of faith you resort to when you have no hope left, but you feel that you should at least go out believing in something. Yet it is faith nonetheless.
Yes, that's the sort of faith you see in his cerulean eyes, as he watches you when he thinks you're asleep. And it's the most encouraging thing you think you've ever seen.
You think that you would've stopped getting up in the mornings a long time ago if it wasn't for that look in his eyes.
You would've stopped fighting long ago, even for your Sam, if it wasn't for that faithless angel perching on your shoulder, watching you when he thinks you're not looking, believing when there's no hope left.
Yes, I know, I should cheer up, but hey! It's exam season - what is there to be cheery about?
xx