Warnings: Depressing Romance. Death. Self-injury. Suicide themes.
Scenario: The end of Season Three. The fight with Brooklyn. What happens if Kai does NOT make it out alive?
Pairing:KaiXHil. No other.
Thankyou's: KaiHil Lover, for beta-reading the story. She's honestly the best there is...:)

Chapter 1: The Beginning of the End

She stood there, staring blankly at the water down below, waiting for what she thought would come, but knew wouldn't; fear. She couldn't find it in herself, not that she'd expected it but, she wondered if she was THAT far gone that she barely felt anything at all. There was this numb feeling…it had never left; not since….

The wind was silent tonight, as if it knew what was going to happen, as if it knew that someone was going to break yet another promise she'd made to herself, as if it knew EXACTLY what lay ahead.

'One,' she thought, not moving her gaze away from the deep, rapid flow just below her. 'Just one more.'

She waited a while, waiting for the fear to strike her and bring her to her senses but it never came...and she smiled to herself. Everything was going right. Everything was going more than right; it was perfect. She was going to do it. And it'd be over. It would finally be over…and she'd relish the pain, if it meant that the pain would end.

She closed her eyes, feeling more calm than she had ever felt in her life, and letting the feeling engulf her. Contentment was something she had stopped feeling long ago...not that it mattered now anyway.

And as she breathed in her what she hoped was her last, things started to rush past her mind. Things, words, people, smiles, tears, emotions, promises...and she just gave up, letting the thoughts over-power her.

''What would HE say?' She thought, as if speaking to someone else, but knowing the answer anyway. Cuz that was just it. She KNEW the answer. And she just wished that he was here, where she could hear his voice or touch his skin or feel his looks, to say it.

It had started simply enough, no-one knew the consequences would be this bad and would go SO out of control. No-one had expected anything that had happened, even the thought had never crossed their minds….but then again, she guessed that was just how life was; kind of unpredictable at times. She had never thought of even watching a beyblade match much less being pulled into the spotlight of the world. She had never thought that the consequences would be so dire, that the game of stupid spinning tops, as she has thought them to be, would lead to this…

Eyes closed, and mind at the calmest it had ever been since that night, she flashbacked to the memory of the day it all began, the day her life, took an unexpected turmoil, that time never healed.

(Flashback):

Kai's P.O.V:

"Don't do it, Kai."

I tensed at the pleading tone, not sure how to reply to it...and I didn't. Which was nothing new for me…but I started to feel bad about it then. I knew she'd be hurt, and somehow, hurting her had always made me feel guilty.

"Hn."

I looked away from the hurt gaze I received, and into the Dojo fountain, by which we were seated. The water was still and stagnant, and the little fish in it were moving slowly, almost sluggishly, across it. One side to the other, stopping by here and there. Maybe it was the weather. It really was less windy that night, than it usually was there in our little town.

"Kai," The tone got more pleading, almost a moan, and a pale hand gripped my arm, in the most gentle way. "Please."

I had to admit, that kinda caught me off guard. But, I composed myself just in time and looked at her straight in the eye for the first time that night.

"Why not, Hillary?" I asked, ignoring that hurt look that passed through her eyes again, feeling almost angry at her for trying to tell me what to do. She wasn't the boss of me.

Of all the times I had seen her snap back at people, she sure wasn't saying anything now. I waited, looking at her impatiently, but she just turned her eyes away form my gaze.

"Do you think I can't do it?" I insisted, and her head snapped up at the words. Trying to hide the anger from my tone was hard, but I managed it."Is that it?"

With a slightly nervous look, she replied.

"No, Kai…"
"Do you think I'll lose, then?"
"Kai, of course not! You-"
"Or is it that you think I'll go running off to BEGA again?"

Her eyes widened in shock, and she didn't reply now. I thought I saw a tinge of madness in them. Anger. BEGA had always been a touchy subject, for both of us more than anyone else, and I could see that I'd struck a nerve by picking it.

I was in no mood to talk, she'd have understood that, right? She always has had a knack for understanding me...
But I knew I intimidated her. I patronized her, somehow. Unconsciously, of course. But I did.

"Well, what do you want, then?" I practically snapped at her at the last statement and I expected her to lash right back at me but all she gave me was a suddenly angry look which vanished as quickly as it had come, being replaced by this strange look of angst. Her eyes seemed a tad bit misty, and I realized all too soon, the tears in them.

She didn't reply, and slowly, her grip on my arm loosened. She stood up, and without saying more, she walked away. And I just watched her as she did, before silently entering the dojo.

And what really bothered me, was that she didn't even turn around once to see the guilt in my eyes….like she didn't even care…

XXXxxxXXXxxxXXX

Normal P.O.V:

The hallway was haunted, dark and creepy but she was here for a purpose and she wasn't going to let the darkness scare her anymore, it had been enough time that she'd been left out in the dark, hadn't it?

She stared at the figure standing at the farthest corner of the hallway, with his back towards her and tapped her feet anxiously before crossing her arms.

"I think I asked you a question, Kai." She spoke again, not bothering to close the distance between them. A thing as trivial as that didn't matter.

Kai, who was silent now and had been ever since he had heard her voice from behind, still didn't reply. Let alone speak, he hadn't even acknowledged her presence at all. He hadn't turned around at her voice, hadn't moved at all actually, and if it were for anyone else other than Hillary, they would've thought that he was just too preoccupied in his own thoughts to give a damn about anything that anyone else had to say.

But it wasn't someone else; it was Hillary. And she knew he was listening, she knew he had heard her question and the impatient and angry tone in which she had stated it, too. And, what Kai regretted the most about it being Hillary was that he knew she wouldn't let it go unless she was satisfied with what she got as a reply.

"I know you're listening." She stated, a little less angrily, even though what she felt was angrier and even more impatient.

And then what he did really confused her. He chuckled, in a low voice. Hillary, out of confusion, dropped the arms she had folded across her chest and took a step forward, wondering if he was going crazy or something, but she stopped dead in her tracks once he turned around to finally look at her.

For a minute, none of them spoke, just stared at each other. He, noticing her lingering angry expression and she, looking at the ghost of his smile still present upon his face, just stared into each others eyes, waiting for the other person to speak.

Surprisingly, it wasn't Hillary.

"I thought you were smart." He said, walking till he was just a few feet from Hillary, a teasing smile replacing his expression. He noticed her shift her weight from one foot to the other and then clench her jaw, almost as if she was about to snap right back at him but was stopping herself from doing it.

She started to feel impatient though, she immediately flash-backed to the time when she was trying to explain how to multiply fractions to her little brother and he kept forgetting….wasn't that annoying? That's just how she felt right then; annoyed.

Why couldn't Kai get right to the point, anyway?

"Just answer me, Kai." she said, not being able to keep her irritation from showing in her voice, and Kai just smiled satisfactorily. But that smile didn't last forever, because a moment later, he started to feel uncomfortable and he mentally cursed himself for feeling that way at just her stare. But then again, she wasn't just anyone, and the way she was looking at him wasn't just any look.

Actually, Kai didn't know what that expression meant, to tell the truth. Because her jaw was clenched and she really did seem angry, annoyed and irritated…but at the same time her eyes were soft, almost wet, and...

Kai didn't know what to make of it, and he felt uncomfortable under that strange gaze.

"Why?" She insisted, her voice going small and her throat suddenly began to feel dry.

Why does she seem upset, anyway?

He sighed, slowly crossing his arms across his chest and leaning against the wall before looking at her.

"Because," He started, noticing her loosen up a little now that he was speaking normally. "I need to prove myself."

"Prove yourself?" Hillary asked, feeling confused.

"Tyson." He replied, almost as if the answer was obvious, and Hillary was acting stupid. Which she was, she thought. Of course, it was about trying to prove he's better than Tyson again. She really should've guessed.She had an inkling that his pride would one day lead to his undoing; she just didn't think that it would really happen and so soon…..

So she felt angry…and kinda stupid.

"You don't have to prove anything to anyone, you know." She said, trying to prevent her anger from showing, but knowing she wasn't doing a good job because Kai didn't reply.

What he did do, however, was give a playful little smirk instead, which kinda caught Hillary off guard.

"What?" She snapped back and his smile just kinda….grew.
"What are you so angry about, anyway?"
"I'm not angry." She said plainly.
"I know you are."

Hillary huffed, crossing her arms.
"What do you know..." She muttered in a voice she thought wouldn't reach him.

Kai felt a pang of anger again.
"I know more than you give me credit for."

Silence. And in that silence, Hillary looked up, meeting the captain's eyes. He stared right back at her. Intimidation had always been in his hands, his best weapon. He was aware of it, but it seemed not to be affecting the brunette at the moment.

"I gave you credit for making the wiser choices, too." Her tone was even. "I turned out to be wrong, didn't I?"
"It's not your life." His eyes flashed, "I make my own decisions. You don't get to chose for me!"

His voice rose, and he bent a little, stepping forward. Hillary didn't move an inch.
"Stop standing in my way!"

Their gazes were still locked.
"It's not worth it." Her tone was unwavering, even.

"You don't know ANYTHING!"

Kai pushed into her shoulder, moving her away from his path. An angry hand grabbed him wildly by the arm, before he could go any further, and turned him around.

"Neither do you!"

Now she was angry; her voice rose till it started to echoed loudly in the hallway.

"Stop acting like an ass!" She was shaking all over. "You think you know everything, don't you? You don't! You think it's about you, or proving you're better but you don't know! You don't know how everyone feels when you leave. Max left and then Ray...he needed you."

Her voice crumpled, lowered a bit.

"Tyson needed you."

Hands still on his shoulders, she looked down, desperately trying to hide the tears in her eyes.

"Don't do this..."

He could hear her ragged breaths. He could imagine all of them. Her silly little mind had painted a silly little picture in his head, and somehow, he liked what he saw. All of them together again. A team.

"It's too dangerous..."

Ray, Max, Tyson, Kenny...Hillary. The fiery little Hillary who had always been there for him, helped him through everything...the Hillary who was now crumpled up in his arms, a rose fed no water for weeks. Tired. Vulnerable.

"We don't want to lose you again..."

But he had to do it. He had to prove himself to everyone...prove to himself that he was better than Tyson. Just once. Only once.

And his chance was so close...he'd regret it for the rest of his life, if he didn't take it.

"Please..."

With a slight force, he pushed her gently away.
"Just, go." Was all he said, without looking at her in the eye. He was afraid he'd give in to her plead. He couldn't ever resist this particular friend of his, not Hillary. And he didn't want to be stopped.

She didn't move, out of shock -or maybe anger- that Kai had pushed her away. He wasn't listening...He'd chosen...

"Don't..."

That was the last whisper, the last words spoken to each other in the deserted hallway. The memory that would forever haunt whichever remained now.

...The onset of the end. The decision now final. Unwavering.

One step back...Hillary heard his footsteps. Slow, even. It made her heart fall in her chest, beat so loudly in her stomach that it made her want to throw up.

He said nothing, didn't even look at her now, as he turned around and started to walk away.

And the really worst part was that she couldn't find it in herself to stop him.

XXXxxxXXXxxxXXX

Kai's P.O.V:

Why?

I was struggling, struggling to stand, struggling to even breathe. I couldn't help but fall into Tyson's arms as everyone came to congratulate me on the win. I couldn't make sense of anything. I could hear everything, I could see everything but I just couldn't make sense of it, I felt so lightheaded suddenly….

Why?

The pain was too much for me. Everything started to hurt and all I could do was just wonder. Just think about that night when I had the chance to rethink my decision, but didn't give myself a chance to do so.

Don't do it.

Her words echoed loudly in my head, more loudly than the noise outside, more loudly than the cheering or the talking and the weird buzzing. Why, my conscious had been asking, hadn't I listened to her?

You don't have to prove anything to anyone, you know.

Her voice, tinged with anger, spoke in my head, as if she was speaking herself. If I had the strength, I'd have chuckled.

Because, I did need to prove myself, you stupid girl. I needed to prove myself to be better than Tyson. Somehow, part of it was her. Part of the struggles, part of the sacrifice...was for her. Because it didn't matter what anyone else thought, but why had I suddenly found myself thinking it mattered what she thought? I had called her stupid, hadn't I? Well, I was the one who was stupid enough to notlisten to her….

Life was cruel irony. Apparently, I was the victim again. If only I didn't feel the need to prove myself. If only I had realized that I was yet again, wrong and she was, yet again, right.

If only I had realized that to prove myself to her, I never needed to battle this hard.

I looked up, trying to concentrate, everything just kept getting blurred. But I didn't need a perfect vision to see that the person I was searching for was the one standing the closest to me.

"I'll be back."

It took all my energy to get myself to say those words. I was so weak, I hated it. I hated being so vulnerable. I looked at her face again, this time trying to read her expression through my blurred sight. It was hopeless, almost crumpled and immediately, it brought back my lost will. I didn't want her to cry, I didn't want her to feel bad. She deserved to feel better after everything I had said to her. What I wanted was for her to look at me smugly and rub the fact that she was right, straight into my face. I wanted her to be angry at me, to yell at me…do something, do anything but give me that agonized expression, when I knew I was the cause of it….

"Wait for me."

She looked up, I saw her do so as I struggled to keep my eyes open for a few seconds. Someone grabbed me from under my arm and Hillary put her hand on my shoulders to help them holster me on what felt like a stretcher. She leaned in, and whispered in a very soft, almost shaky voice something I barely would've caught if she weren't this close.

"Kai," her pleading tone surprised me, but I didn't have the energy to react. I just lay there, staring as she spoke, collecting the energy to say another sentence, fighting to stay conscious. "Please."

The same pleading tone. The same apologetic manner. There she was again...the Hillary I knew and loved. Angry at times that didn't need that rage so much, that it disappeared when it was actually needed.

"Wait till," I said as she put her hands around mine in a comfortable gesture. "I get better, Hils."

She looked at me with a strange expression, the kind when I had told her that I had left because I needed to prove something.

Confused. Helpless. Hopeless...

Someone pulled on my legs, helping them up on the stretcher and the last thing I remembered was seeing her tear-stricken face, so close…and whispering the words I never thought I would hear myself say.

"I love you, Hillary."

The moment I said those words, the feelings that were boiling inside me subsided and I realized the painful truth once more.

I had made a stupid decision….everyone makes stupid decisions and the thing about them is, that you can never go back and change anything. The least you can do is let yourself feel the disappointment and hope that everything turns out for the best.

XXXxxxXXXxxxXXX

Normal P.O.V:

"We're trying all we can," The nurse said, kind of impatiently, but they didn't care. They were sitting in one of the rooms of the public hospital, waiting for their friend to snap out of unconsciousness. No success, till now but they hadn't stopped hoping. How could they?

The nurse noticed their tension and left the room without saying another word.

They waited, and waited and it was getting harder for everyone to stay calm. The silence was ghastly. Max hadn't stopped eating ever since they had entered the hospital and he surely wasn't stopping now. Kenny was pacing around, staring nervously around at all the machines to which Kai was attached to. He had placed Dizzy on one of the chairs and even she hadn't cracked a single joke. Ray was sitting on one side of Kai's bed, head in his hands, just staring at Kai's pale face and giving Tyson and Hillary glances every once in a while. They were sitting just across him, and Hillary was on the edge of crying now while Tyson just stared at Kai with a blank expression, like he was in too much shock to just speak even.

Hillary wrapped her arms more tightly around her knees. She could barely bear it anymore.

Why didn't he listen to me?

She was too lost in her thoughts, so much preoccupied at the words Kai had said to even control her tears as they ran down her now-unusually pale face.

"Hils," Ray whispered from across her, and Tyson snapped from his reverie and looked up at the sudden sound of panic in Ray's voice.

She sniffed, rubbing her eyes with her sleeves as Tyson wrapped an arm around her.

"It's okay." He whispered, though he didn't even believe it himself. "He'll be okay."

Hillary sniffed, looking over at Kai. Was it just her or had his skin gone paler than before? And hadn't that beeping slowed just now? Why hadn't he opened his eyes yet?

"I told him," She started, unable to stop the tears from coming. "I told him not to do it."

Everyone was looking at her now. Kenny stopped pacing; Max held the thirty-something chocolate bar close to his mouth, ready to bite but too surprised to do so. Ray looked over from Kai, at Hillary. They hadn't known she had tried talking Kai out of it. They hadn't even known he was doing it till he walked into the stadium on the day of the match. Why had he told her and not them?

"Why didn't he listen to me?"

No-one said anything, and Tyson just hugged her close.

XXXxxxXXXxxxXXX

Normal P.O.V:

"I'm sorry, guys," Were the words of the doctor as he came out of the ER, "but your friend couldn't make it."

The room went silence, as everyone took on the news, their minds too shocked to react. Everyone seemed paralyzed, immobilized…they barely even dared to breathe. Even the doctor felt grave, the pain-striking expression of the kids was too much, even for him. Although the man had been a doctor for years, the anguish in their eyes brought tears to his own.

The seconds ticked by, getting longer and more painful and when Tyson, who was the first one to react, hit his fist hard on the wall, only then did they realize that they weren't dreaming, that they really had lost their friend, their captain, their best buddy…

And that was when they couldn't control their emotions anymore, and hell broke lose inside them. There were sobs, their were tears, everyone drowning in their own hurt to comfort the other, to even notice that for one person, things will never be the same again, that for that person, this was just the beginning of the pain for ages to come.

Even she herself had failed to realize that her life had ended with his, and what's left was this silhouette of someone she'd once known….

XXXxxxXXXxxxXXX

Honest thoughts, please. This underwent revision, and an addition of a new scene was made. Tell me, if anyone noticed it, what you thought.

Especial thanks to kaihil lover, who was tolerant enough to actually take her time out and beta read my stories, I swear she's the best. I couldn't have done this without her.