Truth, Dare and many Affairs; A Harry Potter Parody
Summary: The next gen at Hogwarts, has fun, running around the school playing truth or Dare. They know the teachers can't find out, because they do this during a quidditch match between Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff.
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A/N: We sadly do not own HP but we own all the insane characters, spells or whatever which we made up. We also do not own Potter Puppet Pals or Hannah Montana. Co-written with my friend DietCokeAnnika (check out her homepage and read 'The Insane Fam Tree', another fanfic we wrote together when we were hyper) and our wonderful friend Airashi. Please do not take offence to anything here (if you're a Hannah Montana fan) we are simply very high on…sugar…
It was a beautiful, warm day at Hogwarts. The sun was shining and the sky was a bright blue; perfect conditions for a Quidditch Match.
"I don't know about you, but I really can't be bothered to go watch Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff", said Albus.
"I know, who gives a shit about them, everyone knows only TWO houses exist around here. I mean, take the HP movies for example, they never bother about Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff", replied Fred.
"HEY, HUFFLEPUFF IS AWSOMEEE", Lily cut in.
"Psshh, it's only because that Edward Cullen guy, the shiny vampire or whatever was there." Rose rolled her eyes. "You need to stop reading muggle novels, I mean, we all know Jacob pwnes Edward, I mean, he's hot; literally".
"CAN YOU GUYS STOP TALKING ABOUT MOONLIGHT OR WHATEVER THE DAMN STORY IS ABOUT!", an obscenely loud voice interrupted.
"SHUT UP HUGO OR IM TELLING MOM ABOUT THE TIME YOU--"
"Ok ok, fine I wont bother you guys sheesh." Hugo replied, clearly pissed that his sister could blackmail him.
Everyone slumped down in boredom, and turned when two little first years walked into the common room. Obviously, they were having some fun.
Fred took out an extendable ear 5000.
"It was so much fun, playing truth or dare yesterday. Wish we could play it again." Unknown First year number 1 giggled.
Fred lowered his ear, and smirked at the rest of the group.
"I guess we have our answer now."
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"Okay, so here's the plan. Fred and I will go hex the snitch so it won't be caught until five hours later. That'll give us plenty of time. Rose, you and Lily go to the slytherins and somehow convince them to play with us", Albus instructed.
"What? Why should we play with the slytherins?" Lily spoke out the thought that was on everyone's minds.
"Come on, we're Gryffindors after all, where's our sense of fun huh? It'll be fun, besides, the more the merrier right? And I would pay to see Malfoy's face when we humiliate him somehow", grinned James mischievously.
"Ok fine, lets go, Rosie"
Rose and Lily made their way across the castle to the dungeons. They stood stupidly outside a portrait of a serpent.
"How are we gonna get in", asked Lily.
"Um no idea lets just guess" replied Rose.
"Pureblood", Lily shouted
Nothing happened.
"Umm... Snake Power…"
Nothing happened.
"Slytherins Rule"
Nothing happened.
"Son of a banshee"
Nothing happened
"Cauldron Bum"
Nothing Happened
"Dobby's Sock"
Nothing Happened.
"Sexy Snape"
Nothing Happened.
"Hagrids Butt crack"
Once again, NOTHING HAPPENED"
"OH FOR GOODNESS SAKE, MILEY CYRUS IS HANNAH MONTANA!" Lily yelled out in annoyance.
The portrait opened.
"No way", Rose said, "Miley Cyrus IS Hannah Montana? I always thought it was Jackson!"
The girls made their way into an extremely green room. It looked just like the Gryffindor common room, except EVERYTHING was green…even the fire was green.
"Isn't Slytherin supposed to be Green AND Silver, where is the SILVER", Rose soliloquized.
"Well, well, well, what do we have here", a cold voice sneered.
"Uh, truth um darbfdjknga" was all that came out.
"Dawggg, leave the chicks alone." That was Lizzar Goyle (A boy who looked as much like a lizard as his name suggested.)
"Man, Liz, you've been watching your mom's American Gangsta movies again haven't you?" said the blonde boy who had spoken earlier.
"Um… would you believe me if I said no?" he said, in a poor imitation of the American accent.
Rose coughed loudly.
"Oh yeah, why are you here", the blonde said, his sneer back in place.
With a sudden burst of bravery, Lily finally told them that they had come to ask if they wanted to play truth or dare.
A very heated argument followed.
"…BUT THEY'RE GRYFFINDORS"
"Would you rather watch Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw?"
"True, if I see Johnny Stout's fat arse hanging off his broom one more time, I'm gonna puke"
After a fairly long amount of time, the Slytherins came to a conclusion and agreed to join the Gryffindors in their little gig.
Rose and Lily brought the five slytherins (Scorpius Malfoy, Lizzar Goyle, Bambini Zabini, Marco (say this in an Italian accent) Zabini, Scarlett Nott and Elladora Flint) to the 7th floor corridor where James had asked them to meet.
A large group of red headed kids were standing there, waiting for them.
A dark haired boy from Slytherin walked up and down and a neon pink door twisted its way out of the wall. The crowd of students walked in and found themselves in a 1970s disco club.
Everyone turned to the boy (Bambini), with their eyebrows raised (except Albus; he could not do it)
"What, I wanted a place to PAR-TAY", he said, in an unnaturally high voice.
"Umm, sorry to break it to you buddy, but I'm outta here." Malfoy sighed, rolling his eyes. A series of agreements passed through room.
This time, Scorpius walked up and down the corridor, and a large, shiny mahogany door appeared. The students walked into a surprisingly comfortable and not-green room.
The walls were a warm woody colour. Several beanbags and cushions were scattered across the room in front of a blazing fireplace.
-Now, let us pause and introduce the people in the room for the comfort of the reader.-
Rose Weasley
Albus Potter
Lily Potter
James Potter
Hugo Weasley
Dominique Weasley
Louis Weasley
Fred (the second) Weasley
Cecelia Longbottom (Neville's Daughter)
Phoebe Thomas (I don't think we need to explain who's daughter)
Laura Wood (Half Veela…yes, Oliver got lucky.)
Aurora Finnegan
-And now for the Slytherins-
Scorpius Malfoy
Lizzar Goyle
Bambini Zabini
Marco (say this in an Italian accent) Zabini
Elladora Flint
Scarlett Nott
So, the students sat in a (huge) circle, eager (not in Malfoy's case) to begin the game.
"Wait, before we begin, we need to make sure people actually tell the truth.", Louis spoke up.
"That's why we have, drum roll please," Fred said, "This little thingy"
"Is that veritaserum?" Rose gaped.
"Yep, nicked it from Slughorn's personal stash while he was busy ogling Johnny Stout", Fred chuckled.
He passed the bottle around as everyone took a sip.
"Ugh, I am NOT sipping out of this bottle, it'll contaminate my mouth", Malfoy pulled a face.
"Oh for goodness sake", Rose shoved it rather roughly into his mouth.
"Oi", Malfoy cried out in rage, "What the bloody hell was that for?"
"NOW, that we're finally done, lets begin" Fred took out his wand and spun it.
It landed on Rose.
"Ahhhaaa", Fred grinned maniacally, "It's Rosie Posie, Truth or Dare"
"I told you not to call me that and truth"
"Aww, where's your Gryffindor courage. But anyway, since you've said it, if you could kiss anyone in this room, who would it be?"
"Ooooh, pick me, pick me", James said in a girly voice
"Um, Bam-Bam-Bambi-Scorpius", she blurted before immediately covering her mouth in shock. She was about to say Bambini…what happened? She couldn't believe what had just came out of her mouth. Fearfully, she looked up to see eighteen pairs of really shocked eyes staring at her.
"What?" She said, feigning innocence. She risked a glance at Scorpius to see his perfect mouth curved into a small frown. He looked… thoughtful? No, this couldn't be right.
Rose picked up the wand about to spin it when a strongly accented voice interrupted.
"Weasley, you can spin my wand any time." It was Marco (say this in an Italian accent) Zabini. That's Marco for you.
"Shut up Zabini and let her spin the damn thing." This time it was Scorpius.
Rose thought he sounded jealous but she quickly shrugged off the thought. He was probably pissed as usual.
Surprise, Surprise, It landed on Scorpius.
"Truth or Dare", Rose asked.
"Dare", he sneered, "Hit me with your best shot, Weaselette."
"Go into Tedd- I mean, Professor Lupin's room and steal the answers to last night's assignment"
"What, why last night", someone (she couldn't bother to see who) said, "Why not the answers to next week's quiz so we can cheat?"
"No way, I need to make sure I got question 34 right!"
"Ugh, always knew you were a nerd Weasley but I'll do it anyway."
"Someone needs to go with him to make sure he gets the right answer sheet", James said, looking across the room, "Rose, you go"
"What? Why me?"
"Because you want to kiss him you dolt"
"I never s--", but James pushed them out of the room before she could complete her sentence.
~*~*~*~*~*~*
"We've walked down this corridor for the twentieth time, Do you even know where the teachers quarters are Malfoy?" Rose sneered.
"First of all, you can't sneer so don't try it, Second off all you set the dare, I thought you would know where it is"
They were cut short by a loud moan coming from the left.
"Why does that sound suspiciously like my cousin Victoire?" Rose thought out loud.
The pair followed the sounds till they reached a door. They wrenched it only to see two people wearing olive costumes dancing to 'The Climb' by Miley Cyrus….ok fine, I was kidding, they wrenched it open only to see Rose's cousin Victoire…and their Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher Mr Lupin aka Teddy snogging on Teddy's bed.
Rose held in a large gasp as she surveyed the room. It looked pretty much like a normal bedroom except for the floor, which was littered with several bottles of Firewhiskey and carrot juice.
Scorpius grabbed Rose's arm and pulled her out of the room, slamming the door. They slid down the door in typical chick flick movie fashion because they just felt like it.
"So, your cousin and Lupin, eh?" he said, his voice surprisingly calm.
"I suppose..."she mumbled, "Lets get out of here before the scene gets burned into my memory for ever!"
They both shuddered.
"Yeah, screw the answers."
They ran as fast as they could (still holding hands although they were both oblivious to this) to the Room of Requirement.
As soon as they entered, James smirked, "So that's what you've been doing!"
"What?" They exclaimed in unison.
"Um, you're both holding hands and gasping for breath", Hugo replied in a small voice.
They immediately let go, wearing the same expression of disgust, rubbing their hands on their clothes.
"It was Malfoy"
"It was the Weaselette"
"Um, yeah, you guys keep telling yourselves that", James chuckled, obviously not believing a word.
"So, where is the answer sheet anyway"
Rose proceeded to explain in great exaggerated detail what they found in Prof…no screw that…Teddy's room.
"So in other words, you both were in some broom closet snogging and made up a pathetic cover story", James snickered.
"Fine, believe what you want to." Scorpius picked up the wand and spun it. He smirked when it landed on James.
"Dare", said James before Scorpius could ask the question.
"Fine, I dare you to walk into the same room we came out…"
"What, the broom closet?" James cut in.
"No, Professor Lupin's room. I want you to bring back your cousins knickers, if you're wondering where they are, check on the rug."
James walked out of the room, sighing in exasperation.
He walked in twenty minutes later his face deathly pale.
Scorpius smirked at his expression.
"What?" Albus said gesturing at Scorpius and Rose, "They weren't actually telling the truth were they?"
James held up a lacy red thong. "No way", everyone said.
He threw it to the corner and spun the wand. It landed on Marco (Italian accent please)
"Truth", he said, being the chicken he is.
"CHICKEN!", James said, voicing everyone's thoughts.
"But anyway, what is the best physical attribute of every female in this room", James continued, "And remember, you're on Veritaserum"
"Ok, Ella's Hair, Scarlett's eyes (which were a beautiful shade of violet), Lets see…Weasley's…"
"Which Weasley", James asked, smirked
"Fine, Dominique's legs, Potter's freckles…"
"You like her FRECKLES?!" his brother Bambini said in distaste.
"Hey, that's my sister you're talking about", Albus shouted.
"Can you guys stop interrupting me? Gosh… ok, so Longbottom's…umm…umm…umm.."
"It's ok bro, we get it", Bambini interrupted yet again.
"So, Wood's…everything… (here he paused and blushed) and Rose's…figure…"
Scorpius glared at him for some 'unknown' reason.
"What? it's the veritaserum", Marco (-insert Italian accent here-) said to everyone.
He spun the wand and it landed on Albus.
"I dare you-"
"But I didn't even say truth or dare yet", Albus interjected.
"…Too bad! Well I dare you to go into Professor Longbottom's Room and steal a pair of his boxers."
"Eww, he's my father", Cecelia said.
"That's why we're not making you do it", Scorpius said, his usual sneer back…again.
~*~*~*~*~*~*
It had been an hour and Albus still hadn't returned. The group was beginning to get worried when he burst in.
"I found these..umm…stuff inside Longbottom's drawers. They're.." Albus began by reading off the label.
"1% Polyethylene, 3% plastic, 5% pig skin, and 20% Hannah Montana's latest outfit (this continues for a very long time.)…"
"Okay Albus, we get your point. Those are condoms." James said knowingly.
Cecelia gasped. "So that's what mum does when she comes to visits every week"
"So…why do they need condoms, they're married?" Scorpius said, snatching the box as Rose wacked him on the head.
"Mimbulus Mimbletonia Flavored…ahhh, so that's why."
Cecelia's face had gone from pale to stony white. "I did not need to know that."
Albus spun the wand, which landed on Rose again
"Truth or Dare?" he asked.
Rose felt eighteen pairs of eyes on her again. Feeling adventurous, she picked… Dare. She knew truth would be something to do with Scorpius.
"I dare you…" Albus said with an evil smile, "….to sit on Malfoy's lap for the whole rest of the game."
Rose was horrified. "B-b-but you're my cousin, you h-hate him how can you do this"
Albus smirked in reply. Who knew he had the evil streak? Well it was probably the Severus Snape in him. Severus wasn't his middle name for nothing!
"Lets just get this over Weasley" Scorpius pulled her into his lap and Rose blushed.
"Awww", Lily cooed as Rose sent her a death glare. If looks could kill, let's just say Lily would have just died an excruciatingly painful death right then and there.
She felt Scorpius's warm breath on her ear. "Jinx the wand so it lands on Albus"
She muttered the spell under her breath and spun the wand again. It landed on… sarcastic drum roll… ALBUS!!!
Rose grinned evilly. "Truth or Dare"
Albus obviously didn't have a choice in this matter because his mouth spoke out of its own accord and said 'Dare'
"I dare you", she said, "To push this sickle (she took out a sickle from her pocket) around a toilet seat in Moaning Myrtle's bathroom…with your tongue. James, you go with him to make sure."
"You know, you could have just asked him to undo the dare he gave you", Scorpius said as they left the room.
"What? You don't want her to sit on you lap?" Fred said (a/n: OMG that rhymes) jokingly.
"I um...d-d-do", He replied, shocked at what just came out of his mouth.
Damn, this veritaserum thing was getting a bit overboard.
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A/N: Sooo, what did you guys think…we've been reading loads of parodies lately and thought, why not write a humour fanfic with a bit of Rose/Scorpius (we couldn't resist) thrown in.
Reviews please? :)