Chapter 1: Howl

Disclaimer: I don't own Goosebumps, or any of Mr. Stein's characters.

Warnings: This story is going to be very dark, and very messed up. I'm warning you now if you don't like this kind of content then just walk away before I traumatize you. Rating will be changed later on when the story gets more graphic. I will be sure to put a warning in every chapter to tell you all if something particularly unpleasant comes up. This chapter isn't too bad, so read on.

….

If you could only see

The beast you've made of me

I've held it in but now it seems you've set it running free…

….

Every night it was the same dance. The same beat to her frantic heart- boom, boom, boom- limbs that push at her invisible monsters yet never touch them. She couldn't touch them anymore, just ghosts of memories. For that's where they reside, a memory in her trapped mind that cannot die. You can't kill memories. Try as she might, they come back every night in the form of people with ashy skin and sunken eyes… the eyes of the living dead.

Every dawn it was the same scream. Lungs sting and gasp for air that, until just this moment were smothered by hands that didn't exist. Not anymore. No- that was her fault. She killed them, and the irony was probably funny if she wasn't so sick of their faces, detached misery and hard anger.

Why can't you understand?

And she did, really she did, but she didn't want to die. To become one of them was degrading and her young pride and vanity would never allow itself to look like that, to think like that. And the fear, she remembered that too. Fear of the process, the pain, the unknown- all of it. She was a coward.

Every morning the voice of her mother and the rough hands of her father jar her awake and only then does she have to forget, for them. They can't know how much their mistake makes her hate them, how much she wished to just leave them and make them pay for their sins. They- after all- didn't believe her. She tried to tell them, confided in them her fears, but was ignored. Just because she was a child who didn't know any better, she was passed over and silenced.

"Honey, it's okay, it was just another nightmare."

"Are you sure you don't want to go see Dr. Grant again? He seemed to really be helping you those first few months…"

What was never discussed was why she went to see Dr. Grant. And that almost physically hurt. Her parents never wanted to talk about their screw up, never wanted to bring up how all of them almost meeting their untimely ends was all their doing.

"I'm okay."

She knew sessions with a man who wasn't there would never be able to help her. You couldn't begin to grasp that kind of humanity unless you experienced it for yourself. She couldn't escape her own mind, and the sweet, old Doctor would only send her to be locked away and doped up until her mind was all she knew. And that scared her more than the dreams ever could.

"Are you sure, princess?" Her dad strokes her cheek, still wet and red from tears. "We could always schedule an appointment. We are willing to pay for them, it's not about the money."

She almost giggled. No, it wasn't about the money. The sad truth was they'd be willing to pay everything they owned if she could just snap out of whatever the hell was causing their neighbors to look at her like she was a ticking time bomb, or her teachers to stop calling them at work with their concerns, and the kids that stay far away in fear of her wrath should she be poked too hard. She was a freak. A freak who nobody wanted to understand and never would.

"I'm sure. I just need a shower and then I'll be fine."

Her parents share a meaningful look they think she can't see and turn to leave her room, and she's alone once more.

….

Screaming in the dark

I howl when we're apart

Drag my teeth across your chest

to taste your beating heart…

….

Josh is the only one who hangs around her at school. Not that he had many friends, after all he's about the only person in the whole world who shares her haunted look whenever they sit in silence. It has a tendency to make for bad company, and many kids would rather not share in their circle of misery.

Not that it really mattered to her anymore. This was her last year of high school, graduation was just months away and all the seniors were edgy with a bad case of 'senioritis'. Whole classes would skip a day to go eat ice cream in the park, or go to some college frat party to waste away in a drunken stupor.

Josh wasn't so lucky. He might only be a year behind her but she could see it was one year too long for her little brother. So on days like this she would find and sit with him at lunch, away from other kids. They would sit and eat without any conversation.

Every once in a great while, she would try to bring it up. In moments like this when all she could do was taste the food in her mouth, which after a bit, would turn to rubber and she would no longer be hungry. She felt it would do both of them some good… Maybe. But she had to learn to get the words right, they always came out too fast, and always a bit too much at once.

"What if we didn't get out?"

It's a loaded question, a mouthful. She got it wrong again. Nobody liked thinking about the 'what ifs' but Amanda dwelled on them constantly. Images flickering like mini movies, what if we weren't fast enough, what if I'd tripped, what if we'd never moved in the first place? She'd probably reviewed every outcome, every possible scenario, at least twice. Constantly changing the smallest detail to play out in her mind, feeding the starving beasts that were her memories.

Josh says nothing. Though, he never said anything anymore, his bit of tragedy to take and wear like a soldier wears his badge of honor. Josh went silent after they got out from- there. He never said a word, only bits of mangled whimpers during the night could be heard from his room but other than that the kid was silent. Their parents tried everything, therapy, bribery, punishment, even threats, but all it did was shut him down and reduce him to noiseless tears.

Even now whenever they were alone and she desired nothing more than to face her demons he only withered to nothing right before her eyes. The only thing that got a response from him was to bring up the one thing that tore them all apart as much as it connected them tightly. Josh would go wide-eyed and tighten up like a cornered animal ready for one last fight to freedom, his hands trembling and breaths mere wheezing while his head darted in tiny twitches as if he were back there- back and ready to be consumed by her monsters.

His bravery that day was astounding, she never knew a warrior could emerge so quickly from such a little boy. But it did. He took charge and saved them, her fear-quick wit and his willingness to fight for them all saved her little family, but it seemed his strength was all but left behind at that horrid place, trapped by the evil that resided there.

"Nevermind Josh… You don't have to say anything."

And he didn't.

….

The saints can't help me now

The ropes have been unbound

I hunt for you with bloody feet

across the hallowed ground…

….

Amanda and Josh took the same route home as they did every afternoon, and they always took it alone. Kids never came this way, the heat from the sun too much for them this time of year, so they kept to the shade of the trees and took the forest route.

For both Benson children, trees were the enemy.

Like the small children they once were, they each walked a bit closer together and their eyes stray over to the darkened paths of the woods, and maybe the shadows that waver with the swing of the breeze are the very beasts they still run from.

They arrive at their home with the sun still high and the sound of shoes striking the porch steps alert the dog on the other side of the front door, and her bark rings clear. She was a present for Josh when he turned fifteen, and in turn he ignored its presence for two years after. Amanda charmingly named it FU, despite her parent's chagrin. They both hated that dog, and everything it represented, and their parents could only shake their heads and wonder why.

FU waggled her long tail in happiness as both kids ceremoniously dumped their backpacks by the door and dragged themselves upstairs without so much as a hello. Not that their parents were home anyway. After Dark Falls both worked long hours and stayed as late as they could bear, and Amanda and Josh spent the evenings alone. Which was fine with them.

Amanda closed her bedroom door and went over to her bed to start on homework, across the hall she heard her brother flop down onto his own bed and- assuming he followed his routine- would sleep straight through until morning. He didn't eat dinner, didn't do homework, and didn't care if he woke up the next morning. But he would, and the nasty cycle would start all over again.

She supposed he wanted to just be dead, maybe it had more to do with the fact that he killed people (dead people, but they seemed alive and that's all that really mattered) she knew it bothered her, too. Their faces… the screaming as their rotted flesh practically melted off their bones, it was seared into both their minds, and Amanda had the suspicion that her dreams were what kept her own brother from getting a good night's rest. That's probably why he went to bed so early, to try and get at least a few good hours before the nightmares kept him from getting any more.

In these past six years since the incident she had perhaps gotten a severe case of insomnia, but she didn't stay in Dr. Grant's sessions long enough for a proper diagnosis. However, she didn't need a doctor to tell her she had sleeping problems. The dark circles that hung beneath her eyes was proof enough of that.

Math problems began to blur on lined paper as her eyes feel heavy. She shakes her head once, twice, then sits up straighter in an attempt to stay awake.

Deciding her stomach needed something to eat she gets up to wander downstairs. There wouldn't be anything but freezer meals and snacks, but a bag of chips before bed sounded good enough, she wasn't really that hungry anyway.

FU was laying by a vent fast asleep, at least, until she walked by and it peeked its head up in curiosity. Amanda didn't even glance at her on her way to the kitchen. That thing would, in her mind, never replace Petey. Josh practically hissed at the dog whenever it went near him and seemed to smile when she proudly named it in a moment of shocked anger when their parents brought it home.

"I'll be good, for all of us." Her mom the ignorant optimist.

"Why don't you name her, Josh?"

Josh had stood with a look of utter betrayal on his face, and for a moment, they thought that with the way his mouth moved he would finally say something, but all that came out was a pathetic whoosh of air. Amanda was angry- so angry she put away that respectful tone she normally used with her parents in favor of a harsh "How about FU? Sounds fitting". Oh she was punished for that one. Her mother had huffed scornfully whenever she walked into a room for weeks afterward. But the name stuck and now even her mother would call out the dog by its degrading title when she thought no one was around.

Amanda grabbed a small bag of Lays chips before turning around to go back upstairs. On her way she passed the house phone that hung on the wall by the kitchen entrance. The only calls they ever received were from either her parents, or the random telemarketer, other than that all calls were received on the cellphones her parents carried with them.

So when it suddenly began to ring, she thought nothing of it.

Not wanting to upset her parents after this morning's wakeup call, Amanda picked up the phone to answer.

"Good evening, Benson residen-"

"Hello, Amanda."

"We just need to feed!" "We promise it won't hurt- in fact, you don't feel a thing!" Hands the color of the sky when it weeps… sunken eyes a bloody red… run run run as fast as you can...oh the agony "Why can't you just understand!?" "WE NEED TO FEED!"

The phone fell from her grip and hit the wall with such sudden clarity- she didn't even realise she dropped it.

Her head hurt. Breathing hurt. The world spun too fast and before she knew it, she was kneeling down in a servant's bow to the phone now swinging back and forth. That voice, no that voice was gone- Josh had… No, they both had.

Her hands scrambled for the phone, and once she had it she brought it to her ear like a deaf person hearing for the first time. She hoped her grip didn't break it- though the ominous creak from the plastic told her to loosen her hold.

Dial tone.

Her breath came rushing out of her lungs as she sunk all the way to the floor. She sat heavily, staring at the phone in her hand. Was she going mad?

Or was she already there?

….

Okay, that was hard, but worth it. Depending on the feedback, I might update within the week or the next.

Let me explain a few things- first of all this fic is being written for me to cope with some pretty messed up shit I've been going through this past month or so, so in no way is this story going to be fluffy and consensual. Next I'd like to say that I will do my best to adequately warn anyone when something could trigger or make anyone feel uncomfortable, this story won't be like "rape rape rape rape" all the way through but the relationship between Amanda and Ray is going to be rough and messed up, that being said I do want to keep my readers safe so be sure to read the warnings before each chapter to make sure you feel comfortable reading it. Also keep in mind I am willing to take suggestions for this story if you guys want something done and it fits I'd be more than willing to invite you all to write this story along with me.

I do want to address right now though, again, if you don't like stories like this- don't read mine. I mean it. It won't be too bizarre and explicit, however I want to depict what I think this particular situation would be like mixed with a relationship. Ray in this story is not a nice guy, he's not sweet or charming, and is definitely a jackass in every sense of the word, and he's not going to be nice to the girl who killed him and his people.

The rating is T for now, but as we get further in the rating will be changed to M and I will be sure to let you know beforehand when I change it.

Amanda is eighteen in this story, and little Joshy is seventeen. Yes, he is mute, and yes, he will remain that way until further notice.

One more thing! Every chapter is going to be centered around a song, I will be sure to put the name and artist each chapter. This song was Howl by Florence and the Machine.

Till next time,

IiR