Title: I Believe
Author: Ponytales
Rating:PG-13
Warning: Character death and Songfic
Pairing: Connor/Abby
Words: 3,662
Disclaimer: I don't own Primeval or Torchwood. The Torchwood people just sneaked in at the last minute for a brief walk on role.
The song is called 'I Believe' by Diamond Rio. Another thing I do not own.
Beta'ed by the wonderful FredBassett.
o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o
The snow floated down slowly and gently. It was Christmas Eve. An emergency had summoned the skeleton crew on call during the holiday out to a new housing estate. The houses were still being constructed and no one had moved in yet, thank God.
The anomaly was easily spotted in the middle of a street, surrounded by construction debris and pallets of building material. They locked it quickly and then Becker's men spread out to try to herd the creatures back to the anomaly.
So far, they had three of the five creatures back on the main road, but they were panicked and slamming into anything that they felt like. One half-built house had already been demolished by the raging animals.
Abby crouched up against the shell of a building and peeked around the corner. Connor was pinned down against some large rubbish bins as the Torosauruses rampaged through the street. If he moved he'd be seen, and the movement would trigger a deadly stampede. There were just too many of them and they were too damned big.
When they had arrived, Connor nervously explained what they were dealing with when they laid eyes on the enormous creatures. They were a variety of ceratopsian, easily identifiable from the enormous skull ridges and horns. Each of them was as big as a bus, and they weren't used to the cold or the hard surface under their feet. They were frightened, running throughout the half-built neighborhood searching for the warm home they had left.
Becker and his men were down at the far end of the street, fighting desperately to get the last two back to where the anomaly was. The EMD shots were being shrugged off by the animal's thick hide and they were reduced to trying to herd them with trucks. So far, the Torosauruses had destroyed two and nearly killed the men driving them.
Due to the holiday, they were under-manned and over-stretched. Where Becker should have had three full squads he could call on, he only had one. Jess was struggling to find a few more men that were sober and still in town to come to the scene, but they were running out of time.
They were too few against far too many.
Abby saw her chance and took it. She ran out into the street and slapped the release on the locking device. It obediently reversed itself and allowed the anomaly to open. The three Torosauruses, seeing the brilliantly bright light and feeling the rush of warm air that came out of the anomaly, started to hurry towards it.
In an instant, Abby realized her peril. She hadn't expected them to react so quickly to the warm breeze and the scent of home. Abby was dimly aware of Connor screaming her name as he ran towards her. She darted away, trying to escape but they were ridiculously fast considering their size.
She dived and rolled desperately out of their way. By the thinnest of margins, she made it. Then the other two arrived, chasing after their herd towards the warm air.
Then there was nothing.
When she regained consciousness, she was aware of Connor leaning over her, cradling her body and sobbing. Strangely, she didn't hurt at all, or feel the disjointed sensation shock.
"Connor, it's all right, I'm okay," Abby tried to reassure him. It wasn't working. Even Becker was teary eyed, and his team was standing back and staring. "What's the matter with you lot? You're acting like I'm dead!" She pushed at Connor and stood up. "Honestly, I don't understand you sometimes..." Her voice trailed off as she looked down to see why Connor was ignoring her.
She was still on the ground in Connor's arms.
She was dead.
Abby pressed her hands to her mouth and stifled a gasp. "I'm dreaming. This isn't happening."
No one looked at her. "Connor? Connor!" She grabbed at his shoulder with the intention of making him look at her, to see her. This wasn't real, it couldn't be real, but even though she shook him hard, he didn't so much twitch from his hunched over position, his tears dropping into her face. But it wasn't her face, it wasn't!
Becker started to walk towards her and Abby's heart leapt, "Becker, you can see me can't you-"
He walked past her and crouched down by Connor, pulling him into a one armed hug. In a choked up voice he said, "I'm so sorry."
Abby moved so that her face was directly in front of them and she shouted as loudly as she could, "I'm not dead! I'm right here! I'm right here, Connor!" She put her hand out to cradle his cheek and he didn't move. "See me! That's not me, Connor-" The broken, crushed body on the pavement wasn't her, it couldn't be her!
They didn't see her. They didn't hear her. They didn't feel her. She couldn't pass through their skin like a ghost in a film, they just seemed to shrug her aside without noticing. There was no way she could get their attention and get them to see that it wasn't her they were carefully lifting into a body bag, and then loading on a stretcher.
Connor broke down completely when they slammed the door of the unmarked van and Becker took him away. Eventually they all left, even the few soldiers that had stayed to clean her blood off the pavement and hide the last evidence of the incursion. The snowflakes kept falling, but she wasn't cold.
She was alone.
O-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o
It took her four hours to walk home. In that time she had been run over multiple times. After that happened she accepted that she was dead, but there was no bright light, no legion of unknown family ready to welcome her with loving arms into the afterlife.
The cars went through her body and it felt like nothing. Everything felt like nothing. She had just walked all the way across town and she wasn't sore or winded. The snow was now so thick that it was hard to see, but she never slipped on the ice.
She turned into her street and went up to her door. It wasn't locked. Abby walked in and went to her bedroom. Connor was curled up on her side of the bed, clutching a pillow and sobbing, dry, heaving sobs that were shaking his whole body.
Abby ran over to him, "Connor, I'm still here, I'm still here, don't cry."
He didn't stop. She crawled into bed behind him and flung her arms around him, "Connor, please! Connor!" He kept crying. Abby hugged him tight and started to weep as well.
Eventually he had cried himself dry and he slept.
O-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o
Every now and then,
Softest breath upon my skin
I feel you come back again
And it's like we haven't been
o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o
The morning was just as bad as the night. He reached for her when he woke up, and then broke down when he couldn't feel her. Nothing Abby tried got his attention and when she planted herself in front of him, he knocked her down without even noticing. Becker came over and they cried together on the sofa. Becker begged Connor to forgive him for not being there, for not keeping her alive.
That set Connor off on a wave of guilt. "I was there! I was right there and I just wasn't fast enough! I didn't understand what she was doing until she was already in the road, and they spun around so quickly-"
Becker patted him on the back and let him cry before they started making arrangements for the funeral.
Her funeral.
It was a lovely ceremony. They put her in the same cemetery as Nick and Stephen. Abby looked around but she didn't see them waiting for her, or any other ghosts. By then she had learned to just jump in a car if she wanted to go with them. She couldn't wish herself around, or walk through walls, or move things with the power of her mind. Opening the front door that very first night was the only time she had been able to move something she touched.
Lester gave a very nice eulogy. By the redness in his eyes she could tell he had been crying for her as well. Connor was still shattered, but Becker had been making him eat and take care of himself. Becker had hardly left him alone during the day. It was a good thing. Abby held him at night but that seemed to give him no comfort at all. His previous cheerful eyes looked drawn and hooded.
He 'wasn't taking it well' to put it mildly. It was killing Abby all over again to watch him go through this, but she didn't have anywhere else to go. No door to eternity had opened for her and she didn't have the foggiest idea how to 'cross over' as the old TV shows had put it.
o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o
Not a moment from my side
Like the tears we never cried
Like the hands of time are holding you and me
With all my heart I'm sure
We're closer than we ever were
I don't have to hear or see
I've got all the proof I need
o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o
Two weeks after her funeral things came to a head. Becker had come over with some beer and pizza. Connor chugged two and then he started to talk. The more he talked the more Abby's heart broke. He talked about feeling as if she was still there, still in the house. Still beside him at night. Becker just let him talk.
Connor said that it was as if she was still there, just around the corner waiting on him.
After Becker left, Connor got ready for bed, then he fell to his knees in the bedroom.
He didn't bow his head or close his eyes. After a long moment, he spoke. "I know you're there."
For one long moment Abby's heart jumped with joy, then he kept talking and she realized once again that he wasn't talking to her.
"I know I have a guardian angel. I've been saved or rescued too often not to have figured it out. I don't know if you're here all the time or if you know when I need you but I need you now. I can't live without my Abby."
Now he choked up, "I can't, I don't want to, I don't want to face another day without her. I need her back. I need her, I love her so much-"
Abby crossed the floor in two strides and put her hand on his shoulder, "I'm here, Connor. I'll never leave you. I promise."
They stayed there on the floor together while Connor wept like a broken man.
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There are more than angels watching over me
I believe, oh I believe
o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o
He fell asleep there, lying on the floor. Abby cradled him and silently begged for something to happen to help him. She couldn't stand to see him so destroyed. Then her desperate plea was answered.
A soft light started to flow under the door, coming come from the hallway. There was a very faint noise as well. It seemed peaceful somehow. It seemed that her road to the next world was only a bit late. She glanced down at Connor, curled into a tight little ball on the floor.
The noise didn't go away. She planted one last kiss on his forehead before she went to investigate. The source of the light, and the noise looked shockingly like an anomaly opened at the end of the hallway. What were the odds? It was a light at the end of the tunnel. Maybe it was time. Maybe if she left he could start to heal. Abby took two steps towards it, then two more. It shimmered invitingly. When she touched the edge it felt like coming home.
She closed her eyes and stepped through, prepared for anything.
o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o
Now when you died your life goes on
It doesn't end here when you're gone
Every soul is filled with light
It never ends, if I'm right
Our love can even reach across eternity
I believe, oh I believe
o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o
She opened her eyes. Her heaven looked... surprisingly like the Wellington zoo. Brad and Angelina, the iguanas she was trying to breed were there lying on their favorite branches, still not breeding. Abby heard voices behind her and she turned around to see herself, being told that her position was being eliminated but there might be a future for her in insects.
She saw herself volunteer to go rescue that south east Asian flying dragon from the boy who had found it in the forest. Abby lunged in the car right behind her younger self and wracked her brains. Connor said he had a guardian angel. That guardian angel had some explaining to do!
When she pushed him out of the way of the Gorgonopsid, she had to admit the truth. There was no guardian angel standing there. It was only her.
If the only time she could move things was when she flung herself at Connor to knock him out of the way of danger, well, then that's what she'd do.
So she followed her love around, and hated herself for how rottenly she had treated him for years. She distracted that first future predator when he was pinned in the car. She helped Nick pull him down out of that pre-Cambrian worm and kept the G-rex from eating him. When she jumped down the hole behind the beetle creature and punched its mouth every time it started to take a little nibble out of Connor, she knew it was nearing the end.
In the future world she drew off the predators long enough for them to get into the shelter, and then back through the anomaly.
Standing the corner while she watched herself pull him in tight and whisper in his ear broke her heart. He was so happy in that moment, they had all the time in the world ahead of them.
o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o
Forever you're a part of me
Forever in the heart of me
I will hold you even longer if I can
Oh the people who don't see the most
See that I believe in ghosts.
If that makes me crazy
Then I am
Cause I believe
o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o
She lived every minute of her time with Connor over again and almost faster than she could have believed possible, she was back to the night she died. Instead of watching it again she walked around the corner. She had always hated reruns. Abby leaned against the building and closed her eyes.
Was she doomed to relieve this again and again and again?
"Frustrating isn't it?"
Abby jumped in shock and looked at the person that was suddenly standing next to her.
"You can see me?"
It was a man, he seemed be about her age or a little older, with short brown hair and a subdued but friendly smile. He was wearing a very neat suit that clashed horribly with his World War Two style trench coat. He let her gape at him for a minute before he spoke again.
"Of course I can see you." He offered his hand, "My name is Ianto, and you are Abby."
Stunned, she shook his hand. "Are you an angel?" To her great surprise, he threw his head back and laughed. "No, no. I'm more like the tea boy. I'm certainly not an angel... but someday maybe I'll be promoted. I was sent to fetch you."
"Are you going to take me to Heaven?" Abby shut her ears to sudden the shouting and Connor's agonized screaming that came from the street.
Ianto ignored it also and answered her question. "No. Not yet anyway. I've got to take you somewhere else. It's not far from here, only a year."
"A what?" Abby didn't have time to find out because Ianto smiled at her again and then he took her hand. They vanished in a twinkling of the eye.
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There are more than angels watching over me
I believe
Oh I believe
o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-
"Where are we?" Abby asked once he dropped her hand.
"A forest. I don't remember the name. It doesn't matter anyway." Ianto shrugged, unconcerned. "I suppose I have time to answer a few questions, I know I certainly had a few when it was my turn."
Abby had plenty. "Why was I Connor's guardian angel?"
Ianto answered simply, "Because you love him. The rules aren't very complicated. Everyone gets a chance when they die to help someone they love. Some people do it other ways, but some people, like you and I, get the chance to go back and help them help themselves."
Ianto shrugged. "Love is the most powerful thing of all. The things people attribute to good luck are nearly always someone using that love to protect the people they love. In the future or the past."
Abby was stunned as she though over all the times she herself had moved at the last second, dodged before she realized why she was dodging or picked up some item that turned out to be absolutely vital later. What that someone that loved her, helping her?
"That's amazing."
Ianto shrugged again and grinned. "It's only getting started. That bit that we all thought was so important, our mortal life? It's so little, so very little compared to this part. This bit's the fun part."
Abby eyed him skeptically. "What now then? Why are we here?"
"We're waiting. They should arrive any minute now."
Hope bloomed in her heart but she squelched it. "Who?"
"The ARC. Connor. He's been so lonely, and so very sad without you."
She asked, "Is this when he dies then? Do we get to be ghosts together?"
Ianto laughed, a bright sound that somehow wasn't out of place. "No. You're not a ghost. Ghosts aren't real. You're a soul, and yes, you get to be together. Forever, if you like."
A burst of EMD's sounded just as he finished speaking. Abby spun to face the noise. Becker, trailed by two of his men, came running out of the trees. He was snapping orders into his earpiece before the trio vanished back into the forest. More gunfire sounded off to their other side.
Ianto leaned over and said conversationally, "It's almost time now."
Abby thought she had it figured out. "This is Connor's death?"
"No." Again Ianto corrected her, "This is his second death. He loves you just as much as you love him. We're waiting for him to arrive here, again." He looked up across the way and pointed. "And there they are now!"
Abby followed where he was pointing. She saw an Asian woman standing beside some trees. By her expression and grin, the woman could see them. The newcomer flashed a brilliant smile and stepped towards them, pulling someone into sight beside her.
It was Connor.
O-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o
Every now and then
Softest breath across my skin
I feel you come back again
And I believe
o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o
He stared at her like he couldn't believe his eyes and then he was running towards her, yelling her name. She was running too, shouting for him when they collided. Abby hugged him as tightly as she could and he was squeezing her and crying and smothering her with kisses all at the same time.
The gunfire was closer now, and the two escorts could hear the shouting of the ARC team as the creature they were chasing suddenly doubled back on itself and launched into the team.
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Ianto gave Tosh a quick hug and they waited until the time was right. When they heard the final burst of fire and the frantic shouting for a medic, Tosh nodded that it was done.
"He's gone now," she said, "I sent him back immediately to find her."
Ianto kept his arm slung around her shoulder. "How far back?"
Tosh replied, "To when she was still a little girl. She had a rough time of it, but he did all right, smoothed the edges. Your's?
Ianto watched the pair of spirits clinging to each other in front of him for a second before he answered Tosh. "She didn't have to go that far back, just until they met. Strangely, he didn't need a guardian until he met her." Tosh looked up at him and seemed to decide that he was being serious and wasn't making a joke.
"Shall we send them on now?"
"Of course," Ianto replied. "It's my favorite part."
Ianto called out to the pair that were holding onto each other like they were never going to have another chance.
"Oi! You two. Come over here. It's time to go."
Without letting go of each other, Connor and Abby joined their guides. Ianto and Tosh smiled one last time before placing a hand over each of their hearts. "You'll like heaven," Ianto promised them both. "Plenty to see, plenty of people to talk to, excellent coffee. If you ever get bored then tell them you want to be a guardian. Maybe we'll see you around, yeah?"
Connor and Abby didn't get a chance to say anything before Tosh and Ianto pushed them gently from the mortal realm into the immortal.
"Those two will do all right." Tosh declared once they had vanished before turning to her friend. "How have you been? Are you going to take some time off or are you going right back to it?"
"You know what they say, Tosh, I'll get plenty of sleep when I'm dead," Ianto replied before they too vanished back into their real home, a place where no one grew old and death had no dominion.
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The End