Cuddy: *I look at House shocked* You do realize you're asking for my permission to KILL a patient right?!
House: *I smirk* Temporarily! If we don't do this we end up killing him permanently. I know you haven't been a real doctor in a while, but I thought you knew killing patients permanently was a bad thing.
Cuddy: No. And if you do this behind my back I will fire you.
House: I couldn't do it behind your back. I'd be too busy staring at your ass. I need to do this to save him.
Cuddy: *I roll my eyes* You aren't getting a green light on this. We both know that you don't give a rats ass about the patient you just want a goddamned puzzle to solve!
House so what? I save lives in the process. Lives no one else can save!
Cuddy: Get out. The answer is no and thats final.
House: *I sit down on the ottoman* I don't have anywhere I need to be.
Cuddy: Well I could always double your clinic hours if you're not busy.
House: What is that? *I get up and snatch an envelope off your desk addressed to your house*
Cuddy: *I grab for it and miss* None of your business.
House: *I hold it above your head and open it* Dear Lisa Cuddy, We are sorry to inform you that the… *I look at you* You're trying to get pregnant?
Cuddy: *I grab the letter from you and read it and frown* I have dreams about the day I can open my own mail instead of finding out from you!
House: Why didn't you tell me you wanted a little devil to torment you?
Cuddy: I didn't want you to feel threatened by the competition. Get out of here House. *I frown obviously disappointed*
House: That hurt Cuddy. *I act offended* Seeing as how that new egg combining trial was a bust are you still going to try?
Cuddy: Are you being an actual human being or just an ass?
House: If you prick me do I not bleed?
Cuddy: *I sigh* Can you act like an actual human being for like 5 minutes a day? Just for a couple weeks?
House: *I shrug* Depends. Why?
Cuddy: I need an answer before I tell you.
House: Probably. Why?
Cuddy: *I sigh* Close enough. If this didn't work I wanted to do in-vitro. Would you be able to give me the shot four times a day every day? I can't reach.
House: *I smile* You mean the shot that goes in your ass?
Cuddy: Not one ass comment.
House: Fine. Wheres the needle?
Cuddy: *I get it from my desk and hand it to you* I mean it. Not one word.
House: *I take it* Ok. I promise. Pull up your skirt. Or down. Either way.
Cuddy: *I sigh* You are so immature. *I hike my skirt up*
House: And yet here we are. *I use a disinfecting wipe and clean the area taking longer than I should in a daze*
Cuddy: *I clear my throat enjoying this more than I should or will ever admit and knowing you don't realize you're doing it* House I think you got that spot.
House: *I come back to life and after a short pause I think of a comeback* Hey it only kills 99.9% of germs. Gotta be thorough. *I inject the contents of the syringe into you and throw it away backing up a step*
Cuddy: Thank you. *I fix my skirt* Would you please keep this between us? *I turn around* If this turns into some sort of game to toy with my emotions I can and will destroy you.
House: *I nod* Whos the father gonna be?
Cuddy: I don't know yet. I'm thinking about asking Wilson for a donation.
House: Hes boring. And between the two of you that poor kid will never be able to have any sort of stable relationship.
Cuddy: Then who should I ask? You? *I'm obviously being sarcastic*
House: *You can momentarily see that I'm hurt that I didn't cross your mind realistically but quickly cover it up with a layer of indifference and sarcasm*
Cuddy: *I see the hurt and feel bad* Do you want to be the father?
House: And have a little demon running around reminding me that we haven't had sex? Hell no! *I respond knowing you don't really want me to be the father*
Cuddy: *I look at you* Would you want to help me find a donor then? *I say both sarcastic and serious so that you can accept but I won't be as hurt if you say no*
House: Do you actually want me to? *I look at you expecting a trap so that you can accuse me of liking you*
Cuddy: Would you help if I did? *I'm getting a little nervous and I can tell you know even though I'm trying to hide it, making me more nervous*
House: *I step closer to you* Like you would even consider my opinion. *I'm trying to get you more nervous in order to get a glimmer of the non-professional Lisa rather than Dr. Cuddy to come out*
Cuddy: *I roll my eyes* You are hopeless. *I take a step back getting more nervous*
House: *I step forward again you pinned between me and the desk even though I'm not truly touching you and I bend down* If you want me to I will Lisa. *I use your name to drive you crazy and see how successful I am in this task*
Cuddy: *My heart is pounding and I'm super nervous even though I know what you're doing and a little turned on by how close you are and ashamed of both being nervous and horny* Fuck off House, I know what you're doing. Although I do admit I don't know why.
House: *I put my fingers on your neck to take your pulse*
Cuddy: *I gasp and blush as you look at me as I make the noise*
House: *I smirk and take your pulse and take my fingers back off you* Then what am I doing Lisa?
Cuddy: Trying to make me nervous. Its not working by the way.
House: *I smirk* Lets assess the facts. Your pulse is as fast or faster than someone who just ran a 5K. You gasped when I touched you. That leads me to believe that not only are you nervous but you're also turned on. I suppose it could just be one of the two, but I like the both theory more. Want to try to explain that away? Or will we just stick with my both theory.
Cuddy: *I blush deeper against my will* Side effect.
House: I'm a doctor remember? I know the side effects of Clomid. It doesn't change your pulse or make you gasp randomly. I would check to see if you're nervous or horny but you would chop off my fingers if I did. Or you would gasp again and let me. My bet is gasp and cut off my fingers.
Cuddy: Fuck off. *I push you back a little so I can move without running into you and go sit in my seat to read my emails*
House: Both. *I smirk* Nice to know that I can do that to you without touching you in an non-doctorly way. Unless doctors turn you on. Would explain why you work here.
Cuddy: *I roll my eyes* Screw you. Get out of my office.
House: *I smirk at you* Right now you so want to screw me!
Cuddy: Trust me. I don't want to screw anyone. *I sigh and look at you* You aren't leaving any time soon are you.
House: Nope. *I flop on your couch* You don't want to kick me… *I stand up and walk out without another word*
Cuddy: Too bad you can't always get ideas like that when you're being a pain in the ass. *I go back to reading my emails*
House: *I walk into the patient's room* Were you kicked recently?
Tom: Uh… Yeah. Why?
House: Where?
Tom: Who are you?
House: One of your doctors. Now where were you kicked?
Tom: My left shin. Why?
House: Because If I'm right… *I poke your shin and pull back the syringe and purply-whitish pus comes out* You were cut with the bruise and staff moved into your body. Treat with IV antibiotics.
Tom: *I look confused* Uh… Ok…
House: *I walk back out telling the team to treat on the way out and go play with my tennis ball for a while then go to Wilson's office* I solved the case.
Wilson: Ok. Why are you here? And while you're here which tie is better? *I hold up two ties*
House: I'm bored now. And you mean which one would Cuddy like more? I think she would like the blue one more.
Wilson: She told you?
House: She hinted. And its not a date. *I think about how she acted professional the whole time and scheme to make her break in the future*
Wilson: Its friday night. We are both heterosexual and of different genders. Its a date. Are you jealous or something? Or are you so bored that you're making up puzzles where they don't exist?
House: Who says it can't be neither? Its not a puzzle. Theres no way in hell that I would be jealous of you talking to the evil bitch for an hour then paying for her meal. Or even if your not paying you still have to listen to her for an hour. I just happen to know what she wants. Or wanted at least.
Wilson: Then what is it? If it was business then why a Friday night? And if its just as friends then why on Friday and what would she want as friends?
House: She doesn't want me to tell.
Wilson: Since when do you give a rats ass what Cuddy wants? Or anyone else for that matter?
House: It doesn't get in my way what she wants this time. Get to me when it starts to interfere with my life.
Wilson: Even then. You don't care. Which means either your job rides on the ability for you to shut up about it or theres something in it for you. So which one is it?
House: Nope. But it would hurt her. Then she would hurt me. So I can keep it to myself.
Wilson: I know shes hot but shes not so hot you would act human.
House: She didn't tell me. She didn't want me to know. It was in her mail and I went through it.
Wilson: So something personal in her mail. Maybe a family member died? Her Mom? Dad?
Cuddy: *I clear my throat leaning against the door* Ok so in order. I don't know if I should be flattered or offended by the whole I know shes hot but not that hot thing. Then you go on to guess what could be so personal that House would keep it to himself. And by the way family member died is nowhere near personal enough to keep House silent.
House: *I smirk* I said nothing to give it away. *I smile at you trying to see how far I can push you*
Cuddy: Screw you House. *I'm pissed* I know you're an ass but I needed to keep this private so you go and Wilson just enough to get him curious. I can't trust you worth shit! Why do you always have to push me just barely too far! Why do you always have to go through my stuff! Why could you not simply stay out of my personal life! *I'm practically screaming*
Wilson: I'm sorry Cuddy. I shouldn't have pressed. I'll leave you alone. *I go out to my balcony to give you a little privacy*
Cuddy: Why the hell did you even bring it up in the first place?! Just to piss me off? I trusted you with this! I needed to be able to trust you with this! *I'm glaring at you obviously hurt deeper than this deserves*
House: I didn't say anything about it. I let on that I know about your date. *I put air quotes around the word date* I insisted that it wasn't a date. Then I responded to his questions with explanations for why I couldn't answer them properly.
Cuddy: *I glare at you* Go to hell.
House: Why are you so hurt by this? You know me. I didn't give it away which is better than what I would usually do.
Cuddy: If you don't know then you don't deserve to know. *I frown*
House: What the hell kind of girl logic is that?!
Cuddy: Were you really just curious to see how this turns out for me or do you really care? Even just a little? *You can tell that a lot rides on your answer by my facial expression*
House: Everybody lies. *I start to walk away wanting to see your response but also not wanting to know incase you just got madder at me and we lost the thing we had*
Cuddy: *I grab your arm* What the hell does that even mean House?!
House: *I pull away from me* It means that everybody lies. I either lied by saying that I care or I lied by saying I don't. But I'm letting you choose which one you believe. *I walk away again not looking at you at all*
Cuddy: *I stare at you confused not only but what you said but about how I feel but sure that some of the things I'm feeling are confusion, shock, anger, hurt, and love and decide to believe that you have some humanity left and actually care but don't want me to know because of who you are and how you are*
Wilson: *I come in when I see House leave and put a hand on your shoulder* Hey. Whatever he did seemed pretty big from all the yelling. Are you ok?
Cuddy: *I turn to you a little confused* Wait, what? Oh… Uh… Yeah I'm fine. *You can still see that I'm at least a little hurt*
Wilson: Are you sure? You look hurt. *I look at you* What did he do this time?
Cuddy: I'm sure. I'm fine. I'm not hurt. *I'm looking down* He didn't do anything I shouldn't have expected. Its my fault. It was stupid to expect him not to tell you… *I sigh*
Wilson: Tell me what?
Cuddy: What he found in my mail. It doesn't matter.
Wilson: You sure you're ok? You just seem more hurt than usual. *I sigh* I've seen him hurt you a lot, but usually you can keep it invisible. What did he do thats so bad?
Cuddy: Nothing. I just expected more from him than I should have.
Wilson: I'm just worried for you.
Cuddy: I know. Thank you… Can I take a raincheck on dinner though?
Wilson: Yeah. Uh… Was it supposed to be a date?
Cuddy: *I look at you* Did you think it was?
Wilson: Yeah.
Cuddy: You like me that way?
Wilson: I don't know. But if you wanted to try I would have.
Cuddy: Oh.
Wilson: You didn't want a date.
Cuddy: Its not you.
Wilson: *I roll my eyes* Oldest line in the book Cuddy.
Cuddy: No. Its not me either. Its a third party that I am not comfortable naming.
Wilson: You mean someone you like?
Cuddy: No. Someone I hate actually.
Wilson: *I look at you confused* If you ever do want to try that I won't be weird about it. And if you don't I like being friends. And if you need to talk about the House thing I'm here for that too,
Cuddy: Thanks. *I look down and walk out then go home*
Wilson: *I go home after you leave*
*Several weeks go by as usual*
Cuddy: *I look over my schedule for the week first thing Monday morning and see that I have all of Thursday off for a visit from my father* Jack?
Jack: *I come in* Yes Dr. Cuddy?
Cuddy: Jack why do I have Tuesday off to see my father? *I look down at my schedule as if to make sure I wasn't delusional*
Jack: He called. Said it would be a nice day off for you. To catch up. Wanted it to be a surprize but I had to put it in your schedule.
Cuddy: Cancel it. *I look down at the schedule and see that you canceled a meeting* And get me back into that meeting.
Jack: I can't Dr. Cuddy. I already canceled everything. And besides, your dad…
Cuddy: *I cut you off* My father.
Jack: *I look a little confused but go along with it* Your father already bought a ticket.
Cuddy: A ticket? Why only one? Isn't my mom coming too?
Jack: No. Your father said your mother was busy. He was coming down alone. He said you would like the day off. I'm sorry. I just assumed that he knew you better than I did.
Cuddy: Cancel it. I don't want the day off.
House: *I burst into the room* Cuddy! *I whine to get you to kick out the boy toy out* You can talk to him later! *I sit down waiting for him to leave* Hurry up and kick him out already!
Cuddy: House this is important. Get out. You can wait a little while.
House: I'm committed. It's that time of day again. *I check my invisible watch* Yup. Definitely time.
Cuddy: *I sigh* You should be committed. Into an insane asylum. *I turn back to Jack* Jack. Cancel. Even if you can't get me back into the meeting, tell him you did. Tell him I'm busy all day, even if I still have nothing all day. *I sigh* Make sure he doesn't come.
Jack: *I look at you funny* Hes just…
Cuddy: *I cut you off* Just do it.
Jack: *I sigh* Ok. I'll try. *I walk out*
House: What was that about? Tell who you're busy? *I hold out my hand for the needle* Needle.
Cuddy: *I drop the needle and disinfectant wipe in your hand* None of your business. *I sigh and pull up my skirt for you and wait for you to give me the shot*
House: You can trust me with the important stuff you know. Its just the minor things I'll tell about. *I give you the shot and throw away the needle*
Cuddle: Just get out. *I fix my skirt and you can see through my walls that are getting thinner by the second and how I'm terrified*
House: Cuddy? Are you ok? *I'm obviously truly worried for and about you, especially as you look more and more scared* Whats wrong? *I look at you concerned* You can tell me.
Cuddy: I just need to go home. *I'm breathing heavy and try to pull it together and brush past you*
House: *I pull your keys away from you* I'll drive you home. You're in no state to drive by any stretch of the imagination.
Cuddy: *I nod not in the mood to argue* Fine.
House: *I stick my head out of your office* Cuddys fuckboy.
Jack: My name is Jack. And I'm her personal assistant not her fuckboy.
House: Yeah, yeah. Who did Cuddy not want to see?
Jack: Her dad. I mean father. Why?
House: No reason. Cuddy's leaving early.
Jack: She can't. She has a meeting at noon.
House: Cancel it. She's very sick and needs to go home.
Jack: Ok… I'll make some calls.
House: Good. *I turn back to Cuddy* Time to go.
Cuddy: Ok. *I put up a face and make it out to my car without incident*
House: *I get in the drivers seat* Cuddy, whats wrong? I know it has something to do with your father. You don't even like other people calling him your dad. Why?
Cuddy: Don't. *I get in and get buckled*
House: *I drive you to your house then realize I have no way to get home and grab my phone* Any chance of you telling me?