"I think you should leave now."
Was that Duo? I don't think I've ever heard him talk so harshly so I turned my head. Inside my, our, house, Duo was arguing with three men. Three men that I could tell were much older than him and didn't seem to notice the weight that Duo already bore. He looked up and his eyes met mine. I felt my breath stop; it always did when he looked directly into my eyes. Hurriedly, he forced the men from our domain.
As they passed, they looked me over. They were probably wondering what a Gundam pilot was doing living in practically destitution with a girl like me. I didn't pay them any mind and simply walked into my house and tried to return Duo's smile as he shut the door behind me.
"What did they want?" I asked as Duo took one of the grocery bags from my arms.
Duo shook his head. I could tell he didn't want to talk about it. "Just salesmen," he grinned that stupid grin of his.
I shook my head and tried not to laugh. "Duo, really. Who were they?"
"They were from the White Fang. They wanted to recruit me, or something…" he threw his hands up in the air and went to go lay down on the couch while I put the groceries away.
I didn't quite understand why Duo had done what he did. Wasn't he fighting for the colonies? If he were, then wouldn't he be on the same side as the White Fang? I shrugged and tried to smile as I pulled the fruit from the paper bag. "Well, you can still join the White Fang if you want to."
Duo sat up from the couch and started to walk back over towards me.
I tried not to notice the uncharacteristic frown on his face and continued, "You're both fighting for the colonies, right? And then maybe I could go back into the military and—"
He didn't let me finish my sentence. The hand of Death swooped down and grabbed the fruit from my hand. "Don't be stupid." His words struck deeper than any wound I had ever received in my life. I could feel my throat tighten. Duo was such a happy and cheerful person, and to see him act this way towards me was a harsh reality I couldn't quite face.
He set the fruit down and placed his hands on my shoulders. I felt warmth in our closeness and knew he was going to apologize for his harsh words. Instead I got more of the unexpected from Duo.
"You finally found your niche in life. Why would you want to ruin it by fighting?"
I looked up at him with glossy eyes. My niche in life?! What the hell was that supposed to mean! I helped him deal junk and once a week I bought groceries that he mostly ate! In fact, my 'niche' as he so delicately put it, was him. Duo Maxwell was my niche. I just wished he could see that.
"Hilde? Hilde what's wrong?" I didn't hear his words of kindness now, what he had already said stung enough. I pushed his arms away from me and went to my room.
I fell onto my small bed in my sparsely decorated bedroom and buried my head in a pillow. I couldn't believe how foolish I had been. How could I possibly think that Duo Maxwell, Gundam pilot, self-proclaimed Shinigami could ever really love me. The only thing we remotely had in common was that we were poor, junk dealers. And the only reason I was either was because of him. I had left the military and a secure future for him, a wanted criminal, my prisoner.
"Hilde?" he knocked harder on the door, but I still ignored him.
How dare he?! Was it because I was a woman that I couldn't fight? Was it because I could never be as strong as him or his friends? I wanted to help him, I felt I owed it to him as a citizen and as a friend. But I wanted to give it to him as more than a friend, I wanted to show Duo that I cared for him.
"Hilde, please come out. I'm sorry if I said anything to offend you… I just don't want you to get hurt." I could hear the doorknob jostling. I knew I couldn't keep him out for very long with the cheap lock.
In a matter of seconds he was standing in the doorway holding the door wide open. The stern look he had possessed earlier was gone, instead was a look of genuine concern. For me? Or for just another colony citizen he had sworn to protect? I flopped back onto my pillow, not ready to accept the latter.
I felt the weight shift on the bed as he sat down next to me. A strong hand rested on my back right below my shoulder as if trying to offer some comfort. "Do you really want to fight, Hilde?"
"I want to help you, Duo," I spoke softly, trying to keep my voice from cracking into tears.
"You've already done enough…"
I sat up abruptly to face him. I knew I had startled him with my sudden movements and the few tears trickling down my face, but I didn't care. So what if he saw past this emotional wall I had built up, so what if I wasn't going to be put-together or rational anymore. "How? Tell me, Duo. I want to know."
He reached his hand towards me and smiled as he pushed his thumb against my cheek, pushing away a few of my tears. His genuine cobalt blue eyes sparkled as he spoke, "By being here. By being you. By showing me what I was fighting for. I had forgotten… but I see the colonies' smiles in you, Hilde."
In his own Duo-esque way, he had told me just what I had needed to hear, but not quite what I wanted. But Duo was a Gundam pilot, and I probably shouldn't get my hopes up about starting a life with him after the war was over. Who knew if either one of us would still be alive when all was said and done.
"Duo…" I spoke his name softly. I wanted to apologize for how I had acted, for not understanding the way he felt.
"Shh…" he placed a finger over my lips and smiled again. "It's ok."
I didn't want to believe him. There was no way it was this easy. I looked up at that handsome face, there was no way he could lie through that smile, was there? Wasn't he Duo Maxwell? 'He who runs and hides but never tells a lie?' Why was he lying now? There was no way this was going to be 'ok.' It was war! Couldn't he see that?! I mentally slapped myself, of course he saw it. He saw it better than anyone, better than me by far.
He moved his hands from my face and took my hands in his own. "I promise, Hilde. Everything is going to be ok."
"How can you promise that?" I wanted to yell at him. Scream and hit him for being such a fool. Earth and space were at war with each other and Duo was stuck in the middle of it all and he was saying everything was going to be just peachy? I will never understand him.
Duo tried to laugh it off, but I knew his little games too well. I squeezed his hands tightly. I wanted him to understand, to know how I felt. I want him… I wanted him to love me as much as I loved him.
I had finally admitted it to myself. I loved Duo. I had loved him ever since I had captured him. Duo was special and I never wanted to let him go, but space needed him. Humanity needed him.
I smiled and shoved him playfully pretending that everything was ok. I was trying to force myself to believe him, that things would be ok. He pretended to fall off the bed and we laughed just like old times. I decided it was time to finish unloading the groceries and got to my feet.
Duo was at my heels as soon as I stood up. When I finally reached the door, I felt his arms grab me and pull me back to him. I gasped and looked up at him in surprise. In a moment of awkwardness and confusion, Duo pressed his lips to mine. I was so surprised, I couldn't believe what was happening.
I could feel him starting to pull away and I knew it was because I hadn't responded. I couldn't let him go, not now. I clutched at the thick fabric of his outfit and held him close to me as I returned his kiss. I knew in that blissful moment that my fantasies of Duo being mine were coming true, that I hadn't been lying to myself.
And I understood what he meant. Everything would be ok as long as we both had this moment to hold on to.
Was that Duo? I don't think I've ever heard him talk so harshly so I turned my head. Inside my, our, house, Duo was arguing with three men. Three men that I could tell were much older than him and didn't seem to notice the weight that Duo already bore. He looked up and his eyes met mine. I felt my breath stop; it always did when he looked directly into my eyes. Hurriedly, he forced the men from our domain.
As they passed, they looked me over. They were probably wondering what a Gundam pilot was doing living in practically destitution with a girl like me. I didn't pay them any mind and simply walked into my house and tried to return Duo's smile as he shut the door behind me.
"What did they want?" I asked as Duo took one of the grocery bags from my arms.
Duo shook his head. I could tell he didn't want to talk about it. "Just salesmen," he grinned that stupid grin of his.
I shook my head and tried not to laugh. "Duo, really. Who were they?"
"They were from the White Fang. They wanted to recruit me, or something…" he threw his hands up in the air and went to go lay down on the couch while I put the groceries away.
I didn't quite understand why Duo had done what he did. Wasn't he fighting for the colonies? If he were, then wouldn't he be on the same side as the White Fang? I shrugged and tried to smile as I pulled the fruit from the paper bag. "Well, you can still join the White Fang if you want to."
Duo sat up from the couch and started to walk back over towards me.
I tried not to notice the uncharacteristic frown on his face and continued, "You're both fighting for the colonies, right? And then maybe I could go back into the military and—"
He didn't let me finish my sentence. The hand of Death swooped down and grabbed the fruit from my hand. "Don't be stupid." His words struck deeper than any wound I had ever received in my life. I could feel my throat tighten. Duo was such a happy and cheerful person, and to see him act this way towards me was a harsh reality I couldn't quite face.
He set the fruit down and placed his hands on my shoulders. I felt warmth in our closeness and knew he was going to apologize for his harsh words. Instead I got more of the unexpected from Duo.
"You finally found your niche in life. Why would you want to ruin it by fighting?"
I looked up at him with glossy eyes. My niche in life?! What the hell was that supposed to mean! I helped him deal junk and once a week I bought groceries that he mostly ate! In fact, my 'niche' as he so delicately put it, was him. Duo Maxwell was my niche. I just wished he could see that.
"Hilde? Hilde what's wrong?" I didn't hear his words of kindness now, what he had already said stung enough. I pushed his arms away from me and went to my room.
I fell onto my small bed in my sparsely decorated bedroom and buried my head in a pillow. I couldn't believe how foolish I had been. How could I possibly think that Duo Maxwell, Gundam pilot, self-proclaimed Shinigami could ever really love me. The only thing we remotely had in common was that we were poor, junk dealers. And the only reason I was either was because of him. I had left the military and a secure future for him, a wanted criminal, my prisoner.
"Hilde?" he knocked harder on the door, but I still ignored him.
How dare he?! Was it because I was a woman that I couldn't fight? Was it because I could never be as strong as him or his friends? I wanted to help him, I felt I owed it to him as a citizen and as a friend. But I wanted to give it to him as more than a friend, I wanted to show Duo that I cared for him.
"Hilde, please come out. I'm sorry if I said anything to offend you… I just don't want you to get hurt." I could hear the doorknob jostling. I knew I couldn't keep him out for very long with the cheap lock.
In a matter of seconds he was standing in the doorway holding the door wide open. The stern look he had possessed earlier was gone, instead was a look of genuine concern. For me? Or for just another colony citizen he had sworn to protect? I flopped back onto my pillow, not ready to accept the latter.
I felt the weight shift on the bed as he sat down next to me. A strong hand rested on my back right below my shoulder as if trying to offer some comfort. "Do you really want to fight, Hilde?"
"I want to help you, Duo," I spoke softly, trying to keep my voice from cracking into tears.
"You've already done enough…"
I sat up abruptly to face him. I knew I had startled him with my sudden movements and the few tears trickling down my face, but I didn't care. So what if he saw past this emotional wall I had built up, so what if I wasn't going to be put-together or rational anymore. "How? Tell me, Duo. I want to know."
He reached his hand towards me and smiled as he pushed his thumb against my cheek, pushing away a few of my tears. His genuine cobalt blue eyes sparkled as he spoke, "By being here. By being you. By showing me what I was fighting for. I had forgotten… but I see the colonies' smiles in you, Hilde."
In his own Duo-esque way, he had told me just what I had needed to hear, but not quite what I wanted. But Duo was a Gundam pilot, and I probably shouldn't get my hopes up about starting a life with him after the war was over. Who knew if either one of us would still be alive when all was said and done.
"Duo…" I spoke his name softly. I wanted to apologize for how I had acted, for not understanding the way he felt.
"Shh…" he placed a finger over my lips and smiled again. "It's ok."
I didn't want to believe him. There was no way it was this easy. I looked up at that handsome face, there was no way he could lie through that smile, was there? Wasn't he Duo Maxwell? 'He who runs and hides but never tells a lie?' Why was he lying now? There was no way this was going to be 'ok.' It was war! Couldn't he see that?! I mentally slapped myself, of course he saw it. He saw it better than anyone, better than me by far.
He moved his hands from my face and took my hands in his own. "I promise, Hilde. Everything is going to be ok."
"How can you promise that?" I wanted to yell at him. Scream and hit him for being such a fool. Earth and space were at war with each other and Duo was stuck in the middle of it all and he was saying everything was going to be just peachy? I will never understand him.
Duo tried to laugh it off, but I knew his little games too well. I squeezed his hands tightly. I wanted him to understand, to know how I felt. I want him… I wanted him to love me as much as I loved him.
I had finally admitted it to myself. I loved Duo. I had loved him ever since I had captured him. Duo was special and I never wanted to let him go, but space needed him. Humanity needed him.
I smiled and shoved him playfully pretending that everything was ok. I was trying to force myself to believe him, that things would be ok. He pretended to fall off the bed and we laughed just like old times. I decided it was time to finish unloading the groceries and got to my feet.
Duo was at my heels as soon as I stood up. When I finally reached the door, I felt his arms grab me and pull me back to him. I gasped and looked up at him in surprise. In a moment of awkwardness and confusion, Duo pressed his lips to mine. I was so surprised, I couldn't believe what was happening.
I could feel him starting to pull away and I knew it was because I hadn't responded. I couldn't let him go, not now. I clutched at the thick fabric of his outfit and held him close to me as I returned his kiss. I knew in that blissful moment that my fantasies of Duo being mine were coming true, that I hadn't been lying to myself.
And I understood what he meant. Everything would be ok as long as we both had this moment to hold on to.