GENERAL HOSPITAL WING
I realized the other day all the dramatic things that happen in the Hospital Wing, both in canon and FanFiction. And if Madam Pomfrey's anything like me, she'd be pretty sick of it.
Madam Pomfrey had seen it all.
Enemies crying at each other's bedsides, tearful reunions and daring, hair's-breadtch escapes from death; all were common sights in the Hospital Wing.
Quite frankly, she was sick of it.
How in the name of Merlin could she be expected to effectively run a medical ward in a castle full of teenagers? It was pure madness, and that was it.
How can that poor boy that was on the receiving end of a nasty Tarantellegra get the rest he needed while Mr. Recklessly-Duelling snogged furiously with Visitor #3? Illcast Love Charm and Overapplied Bubotuber Pus were chatting frantically; apparently, this was scandalous.
When Poppy first took this job, she had bothered learning their names. She had made exception to the visitors rule. She had mustered emotions at the sight of boyfriends spending the night in chairs next to their girlfriends. But after 10 years of living on the set of a low-budget soap opera, it got old.
Oh, sure, she had a heart. She could indulge herself in a little gossip every once in a while. But enough was enough!
She just wanted to get each patient in, healed, and out as quickly and effectively as possible. Was it so much to ask that she not be viewed as some loveless old coot?
She did good work. No one had ever died in this ward, though some had been transferred to St. Mungo's. And yes, she understood that the snogging couple over there were sworn enemies and he had been protecting her honor in that duel. He would never get better if he couldn't remove his lips from her face long enough to chug a potion!
And so, at that moment, Poppy snapped. She had a meltdown that would go down in immortal Hogwarts legend, to be passed for generation to generation of Hogwarts students.
"I GET IT!" She cried, dropping the bottle of Rejuvenating Draught she had been holding. "They are enemies and they are admitting their love in light of recent injury. It's so shocking! I'm that it's never happened before in the history of the world!"
Her loud sarcasm seemed to be scaring the patients, who froze.
"Well, guess what? IT HAS! Ted Tonks and Andromeda Black? Lily Evans and James Potter Draco Malfoy and Astoria Greengrass? SAME. BLOODY. THING! This is not new. This not astounding. You are not an exception to the rules-yes, I'm talking to you, Blondie. No PDA in the Hospital Wing, no matter how much you luuuurrrrve Reckless-Duelling over here!"
THe girl was quaking visibly as she slowly stepped back from her "enemy"'s bed.
"And you too!" Madam Pomfrey swiveled to face the two gossiping girls, who looked near tears.
"CALM DOWN! This is a plave for rest, potions and treatment, not romance, snogging and undying affection! They are people, and people do things! These things do not have to be catalogued and analyzed! Now take the bloody potion, Little Miss Hopeless Romantic, and let Tarantallegra here sleep before he starts quick-stepping again!"
Poppy was breathing hard, her yes wild and her hair out of its usual tight, neat bun. The children around her had not moved for the past five minutes.
She took one look around, declared, "I need a drink.", and stomped right into her office.
That was short, but I've decided that her meltdown can be officially recognized as a Pomfrey Pwn.
Review, pretty please