Wrote this about four years ago and forgot about it. Thought I may as well share :)
The hungry, raw, but gentle and needing emotion in your eyes, it's my honour to see it; as one of the few you will open them to. Yet I can't help but feel that's what I love about you.
"Captain?" You whisperer to the palm of my hand.
"I'm here" I tell you "I'm not above you, I am the same" I press my lips to the base of you neck.
As you stated; starving yourself is illogical – what makes emotional hunger any different? The end result is the same. I'm just glad we both noticed how hungry we both are. With my lack of appetite and your black eyes that are normally so void. You whisper something to my chest, but my mind is too focused to listen. I simply instead choose to embrace the sound of your voice, and let the words blur into sweet nothings.
We all have our reminders of why our life is important, I just never understood its meaning until I met you. For so long I was encased in a darkness no words could touch, no light could penetrate. I almost starved to death, but there you were, waiting for me right before it could happen, a plate of food in your hands. You nursed me back to health, and I you.
You told me you felt ashamed, that you were a Vulcan; incapable of such emotions. But I too had a plate of food; full of trust and friendship, and love. And you were no longer afraid; no longer ashamed to feel the things that swarmed and fought with your mind; no longer needing to suppress the human within you.
It's never too late to be with the one you love, as we both learned, together.
Every heart needs a beat, every lung needs to breathe, you supplied me with that. My lungs are filled as my lips part and encase air, as I feel your chest press tightly to my back. Your arms fold around me as you kiss the skin of my neck once more.
We'd been through this ritual so many times before, and each time is always as the first, save it growing better.
"Its cold" The chill licks at my body as you leave me for a moment. You offer to turn up the heating, but I decline "I need you" My hands are pooled over your chest.
I always can't wait to get home, to see your face waiting for me there, and for this moment to come this wonderful moment of raw ecstasy, together our bodies and spirits join in an emotional link, as one.
The best part is that no one has to know – it would be 'illogical' as you put it. Even Bones has no idea. Thought I'm sure he'll realise something is up sooner or later. Perhaps we can tell them one day, but by that time, I'm sure the Enterprise would have been out of service for a long time.
Tomorrow, life will go on as normal, and we'll work, grow and smile together as normal.
Yet, we've both changed, and I never really realised that up until now.
Before I was so lost, I'm amazed you managed to find me. But your eyes always were open; they always managed to see the dimmest lights in people's eyes, in my eyes. They saw things others couldn't. How do you do it? I'm not sure. But in this tender moment I've never been more sure of anything else in my life; within these walls not even the ship holds meaning to me. Within this special place in my mind, all I care about, is you. I'm incapable, of noticing anything else but the warmth that wraps itself around my cold body.
I never believed it were possible for a person to die of loneliness, could a heart really stop beating when its counterpart did? I now know the rumours are true. If I lost you now, if your heart stopped beating with life, mine would die too.
Your warm hands slither up my legs as I whisperer these very words to you. "My t'hy'la" the word holds so much meaning, the galaxy and all its complexes are nothing.
"Jim" your voice breaks through my skin, my name sounds so foreign, amongst your native language, but it has earned its place well enough, just as yours has in mine.
"It's all right" You take my shaken hand and place it in yours and kiss its palm; pressing yourself just that scrape of a touch closer, bringing your body atop of mine, before reaching and pulling me back up.
I was always waiting, always, for someone to come, for something to happen, for eventual death to pass. But amongst your tears, I wait no longer. Wrapped in silk scarlet, your body is exposed to my elements. As if a blanket of wool has curled around my legs, and trickles up my thighs, just as your skin traces across my stomach, your lips draw down my abdomen. The moisture from your breath, the light behind your closed eyes, swells in my bones as you thrive next to mine.
"Jim" your lips kiss my hip; their soft petals whispering sweet words into my skin as they glide over my legs. In pon farr, you tried to explain to me how personal this moment could be, and I never really understood, save now.
You were more than just a fish returning to its birth place to spawn; your soul craves home as much as anyone. Even more proof of a road to that all too real human half of you. The human and the Vulcan halves must cooperate whenever this time comes. How many times must I go trough this ritual, before you realise this too. But you do realise, don't you?
For a long time, you were like an animal, trying to latch at something worth living for, but couldn't realise that there was a thick barrier shielding it. You were so close to thinking it was unattainable; you had almost lost interest in the prize waiting on the other side. I helped you to remove that barrier.
I remember the first time I saw you smile, without covering it up with logic. Your lips burned in my chest, the same way they continue to burn my eyes as they kiss them good night, and send me on my way.
In this feeble body you rest, taking time and careful measures to calculate how far you must go until I'm completely dragged away. Burying your lips in mine, tying our bodies together. On every possible level; you are my t'hy'la, and I am yours.