Author's note:Sorry to all those waiting on updates for ToaNL, but this is just a one-shot who's origins have been sitting rather uncomfortably in both my head and in my laptop for the last few months and I figured, as an apology for taking so damn long to write, that I'd dedicate this fic to you.
(And for those wondering, yes, I am still writing ToaNL. A number of extremely annoying plot-holes, the planning of future chapters and the gradual disappearance of motivation for writing has really dragged my updating speed through the mud (and in and back out of the grave), but I think I will finally be able to upload chapter 8 soon-ish, as I'm finally beginning to feel I can finally write again.
Hope you all enjoy the fic and have a great time this new year~
Pokemon is owned by Nintendo, Game Freak, etc, etc. ...I want them to hire me...
Perspective.
To reach the top.
To reach limits no one before had ever achieved then go beyond them.
To do all that and more. Together with his pokemon.
That was what success meant for the trainer who would surpass them all.
His journey started small with the help of an old man and the rivalry of a dear friend, then escalated to unbelievable heights, defeating towns of trainers and their gym leaders, before even destroying criminal syndicates and taking the championship from his rival's trembling hands.
He knew-could feel it in his very skin-that no one could defeat him now.
That the nightmares of Rocket pokemon squealing pitifully as they looked at him from within filthy cages would finally stop him from waking up in the middle of the night screaming.
That his rival-No! That his best friend (his only real human friend) would finally realise that he could never defeat him and let him apologise for Raticate-No! For everything! That they could finally throw that stupid rivalry of theirs away and return to the friendship they had once had.
That people would stop staring at his battle prowess with fear in their eyes and instead hold him in admiration because he was the one who beat the pokemon league's best. Because he was the one who took down team Rocket singlehandedly and because he did all of it while barely being able to say a single word.
...And yet months went by and nothing changed.
The nightmares still had him sleeping fitfully to the point he had begun to fear sleep itself.
-"Red, you've been having nightmares for weeks now... You need to tell someone-A psychiatrist might be able to help..." His mom pleads with him but he looks away and buries his head in his arms. He knows now that the dreams will never stop, and inwardly he can't help but wonder if he deserves them.-
His rival. The tinges of self-hatred and bitterness that had begun to replace the jealousy in his eyes hurt worse than even the nightmares...
-"Please eat Red... Pikachu is worried; I'm worried about you. Just a bite? Come on, it's your favourite."
He wills himself to swallow a bite of his mom's cooking (something he normally wouldn't miss for the world) and thinks it tastes flavourless on his tongue.
He eats it to avoid causing them worry, and only when it is well into the night and he is sure that both his mom and Pikachu are fast asleep does he tiptoe to the bathroom to vomit it up.-
And the stares... Before people only stared when he battled or was unable to respond to their questions; now they stared openly all the time, saying things he'd wanted to hear from them so badly for so long but...
-"He's Red you idiot! The Champion, the hero who beat team Rocket and practically saved Kanto all by himself! If I can't battle him, you wouldn't stand a chance!"
"Don't bother him sweetie. Heroes don't have time to talk to people like us, they're very busy."
He wants to call them back, to tell everyone at the park that anyone can succeed if they try, that anything is possible, but he can't lie. Only the very strongest could challenge him at this point. But the looks of confusion, disappointment and fear from the other children his age strike him like a knife and he cannot will himself to meet their gazes.-
People respected 'the Champion' but respect like that is woven with envy... And dyed with hate. He had never known how much hate people had until he was announced champion; hatred for becoming their goal, hatred from defeating their idols and even hatred for just being himself. Its intensity scares him.
-..unread letters piled up against his bedroom door. His mother calls for him and tries to open the door but the letters halt her efforts.
Eventually she stops calling, and he is left alone in solitude.-
Only people like the gym leaders, Professor Oak and his mother, the ones that knew better, spoke about him with pride. Others though followed him endlessly and interviewers came knocking at the front door. Spending time at the league was no better; the longer he spent there the more people there would be, wanting to talk to him and to be near him. And he never could tell what they wanted. To support him? To get him to do something for them? Simply to talk to him? To be theirs and theirs alone?
It was too much. He had always just barely endured the strain but the burden never lightened and only seemed to get heavier as time went on.
A year after he had beaten the League, he broke.
The first thing he did was get rid of all but seven of his pokemon; the ones who wouldn't leave him even if he begged.
Those that wanted to be set free he took back to the places he caught them, the ones that wanted to be trained he gave to people he met along the way; the first an Aerodactyl to a barely awake collector, the last a Rattata to a little girl in the Viridian forest.
He did not know the collector had spent his whole life searching for living fossil pokemon.
He would never know that when the news reported he was missing that the collector would start pounding the contact number into his phone before it left the screen.
He did not realise he had saved the little girl from wild pokemon and given her the first friend she had ever had.
He could not have imagined that the girl would run away from home and spend the next three years searching Kanto for her nameless hero.
Then he wrote a letter and posted it to his mother, telling her he needed to get away from it all.
He did not realise he had forgotten the stamp and that his mother, Professor Oak and the rest of Pallet would not hear word of him for several months.
He did not know that every day during that time his rival would travel around both Kanto and Johto from early morning to late into the night asking every person he met along the way if they had seen him or not, only pausing briefly when his grandfather made his nightly call begging him to rest.
He did not realise that that the Viridian Gym would remain closed for almost half a year.
Then he left, riding on the back of his Charizard. After flying far, far to the north, he made it to a desolate land of snow and rock where no humans lived and in that time he encountered many great and terrible things.
He smiles as he watches a herd of Ponyta and Rapidash make their way to a frozen river to drink, the foals eagerly bolting ahead only to be chased back by the head stallion.
He shouts with horror as a Feraligator lunges out of the water and drags the stallion kicking and screaming by its neck into the water, and then it is gone.
He presses himself against the cliff face and prays as the panicked herd stampede past, crushing and maiming all in the way of their fiery path.
He sneaks into crowded animal and pokemon burrows, sometimes fighting with their original inhabitants, to endure the fiercest of blizzards.
Then he notices the mountain and somehow he knows.
He stands by in awe as a Tyranitar rips apart a cliff face and pushes a Lavitar inside before sealing off the opening with stone.
He laughs when it eats its way out moments later, only to squeak when the cold air hit its sensitive nose.
He shudders as Misdreavus screams echo into the lonely night.
He shares food and sleeps alongside a flock of friendly Zubat and Golbat.
He watches in delighted silence the next night as the Golbat evolve all at once and fly up into the glimmering, diamond-dust filled night sky.
He weeps when he finds a baby Onix trying to snuggle against the cold broken body of its parent.
This is the place he has to be.
He feels a chill go down his spine when he encounters an intimidating black and white furred pokemon he has never seen before.
When it growls warningly, he takes the hint and runs, realising only later, when the ground stops shaking and the impossibly loud roar of snow finally slows to an angry rumble miles below that the odd pokemon probably saved his life.
He practices with a pack of Weavile and Sneasel as they teach their young and his pokemon their elaborate combat rituals.
He kills for the first time when they show him how to hunt; an unlucky squirrel his catch, Pikachu's a large ibis-like bird.
He runs when he encounters a couple of young Teddiursa; an Ursaring's roar warning him exactly what will happen if he ever tries to come back.
He can feel it in his bones.
He fights off two angry Dodrio when he accidently falls into the flock's nest and frightens all the fledglings.
He easily beats them back with Espeon and Lapras, and hopes, not for the first time, that he has not killed them by accident.
He rests by a mighty waterfall and watches in amazement as Goldeen, Seaking and Magikarp leap up it. He cheers when one of the Magikarp evolves as it leaps over the top.
He trains his pokemon against wild Donphan who attack him, trying to show off their tusks to prospective mates.
He tries not to sweat when Golduck, Phanpy and Quagsire all try to join in, and bolts when a round brown pokemon he has never seen before throws Snorlax into the air.
He stands on top of the world now.
He battles for his life when he finds himself in the middle of a brawl between Steelix.
Blastoise, Venasaur and Charizard use powerful attacks he has never seen before but the Steelix are too many and he is forced to return them when the cavern's roof caves in, boulders the size of Blastoise's shell slamming into the ground around him.
He somehow is not killed, and when the dust begins to settle, he climbs to the top of the fallen rocks and when he sees the few Steelix still conscious trapped in the rubble below him, he manages to find his voice for the first time in years and snarls at them, vowing to hunt them down to the last pitiful Onix if they ever do something this stupid again.
He does not know how much they understand but for the first time in his life, he is glad to see the fear in a creature's eyes and hopes that will be enough to prevent a repeat.
Someone will come for him here.
He wonders just how of his life is decided by fate when Moltres blazes down from the sky and lands delicately on a bolder in front of him.
He ignores any urge to battle or capture it and instead sets up camp nearby. He offers it some of the food bubbling away in the pot above Charizard's tail and the Moltres blinks at him strangely before taking a small chunk of meat, stroking his head once with its beak and flying off, a glimmering flame into the sunset.
He suddenly finds himself too warm, and only when he encounters his next blizzard does he realise that he hasn't worn his coat or felt cold since.
He is needed here.
He makes it to the top of the mountain and finds himself speechless as he looks at the world below.
From here it feels like he can see everything.
This is his fate.
To his right he can see familiar rolls of hills covered in forests and plots of wheat giving in to cities and roads.
To his left, unfamiliar mountains with rivers that gush down into deep, dark valleys with only the odd beaten track leading from one town to another.
To the north ahead of him, he sees the almost endless snow field he could not bring himself to travel and realises with a start it is not endless; the white of snow in the distance begins to blur with the green of plant life and from here he can just make out the tip of what must be a huge mountain tipped with ice.
Finally he manages to turn around and look back in the direction he has come; the snow and forests of the mountain trickle down into barren, impassable gorges carved by glacier melt, which trickles down in deceptively small streams before joining the massive body of water that is the Tokan River. Endlessly, the river surges through the canyons before finally, it crashes down into the ocean in the form of Tohjo Falls, and only from this place which feels like the centre of the world, can he see past the tiny form of Cinnabar Island; past the Sevii Islands.
Beyond all that is nothing but ocean.
He has never felt so small.
No matter how tragic it may seem.
...He always wondered why he was the hero.
It is role no one else, not even his pokemon, can fill.
Why events always seemed to happen just as he was nearby.
Why nobody else ever seemed to do anything.
He accepts all of it when it appears before him.
Because now he knows.
Some things are just more important.
Because there are some things that can only be done by humans.
Because there are some things that can only be done by pokemon.
He will not be alone.
...He agrees to guard it.
Because there are some things that can only be done by you.
They'll wait with him.
He kneels before it and closes his eyes.
For a moment he feels its head pressed against his shoulder. Its endless gratitude and sorrow.
He is not the first one to do this.
...He not be the last.
He agrees regardless and, before he can even register the tears streaming down his face, it disappears as if it was never there.
He knows better.
. . .
He will not move for a long, long time.
. . .
Perspective is everything.
He'll wait forever if he has to.