A/N: Based loosely off of BBT. Dedicated to NimueTheSorceress and KK94. This is absolutely one of the most pointless things I have ever written.
Card Tricks
It was a lazy day at 221b Baker Street. John, Sherlock and, oddly enough, Lestrade were sitting, doing various activities.
"Hey Greg, want to see this new trick I learned?" John asked.
Lestrade was about to reply but he was cut off by Sherlock. "Now, John, do you really think amateur tricks are worth your time? All they are are illusions; things to make simpletons believe there's a ulterior force out there called magic. Though, if you keep it up I'm sure you could make a wonderful career as a magician, the type that gets booed off stage from for pulling bunnies out of hats."
Lestrade turned to John. "Is the trick making him disappear? I'd pay for that." He and John shared an amused look. "Sure, let's see it."
"Alright," John pulled out a pack of cards and handed them to Lestrade. "Here, shuffle these." Lestrade did so without complaint. Both noticed Sherlock take an interest.
"Okay, now, spread them out on the desk, face down. Pick one up and look at it. Got it? Good. Now, put it back in the deck…
"Okay, now, when is your birthday again? Remind me." Lestrade was going to respond but was, once again, cut off by Sherlock.
"It's December 3rd, where are you going with this?"
John ignored him. "Okay now, December is the twelve month," he shuffled the cards. "And one plus two is three, three plus three is six, turn over the sixth card."
"Your addition skills are most spectacular." Sherlock muttered, his voice absolutely dripping in sarcasm.
Once more, he was ignored in favor of Lestrade flipping over the card. "Oh my god," He said, staring at it. "How did you do that?"
"Well it depends, is it your card?" John smirked.
"Yes! That was amazing!"
"No it wasn't. It was childish and predictable." Sherlock scowled.
"Oh yeah? Then how did I do it?" John challenged.
"That's simple, you just—"Sherlock suddenly stopped and started muttering to himself. "How…? No, that's much too stupid… That's not likely either…"
He continued this for a good five minutes, much to the amusement of John and Lestrade; finally, he turned to John. "How did you do it?"
"Ah, ah, ah, Sherlock, a good magician never reveals his secrets." Johns smirk widened. "But surely the best detective in England if not the world could figure it out."
Sherlock's stare turned cold- well, colder than usual. "I will… Just give me a moment…" He started muttering again, this time with hand gestures.
"Ever notice when he goes Pink Panther on us it smells like burnt bacon?" Lestrade asked, and John nodded energetically.
/././././././././././
"Five, six, seven, eight." Molly counted, putting a card down for every number, before reaching the final one. "Holy crap!"
They were, once again, at Baker Street, this time joined by Molly. It had been three days and Sherlock still hadn't solved the Case of Cards (as John so happily put it) and it was slowly driving him crazier than he usually was.
"That's your card, right?" John asked.
"Yes it is, three of hearts!" She squealed. "That's so amazing!"
"It is most definitely not amazing." Sherlock snapped. "All these tricks are the same; manipulation and misguidance with a touch of evilness."
"Oh really? So then, how did I do it?" Sherlock's new frustration was also the source of many, many people's amusement.
"Well… I don't care how you did it, alright? Why would I care about some stupid, childish prank?" Sherlock was obviously in denial. "I have more important things to think about, such as crimes, my experiments…"
"Where you plan on locating your cave that you'll hide out in while you try to figure the trick out…" Lestrade snickered.
There was an awkward silence that surprisingly lasted as long as two minutes before Sherlock broke it.
"Let me see those cards." He said, grabbing them.
John shrugged. "All right, not like they'll help you."
Sherlock studied the cards with great attentiveness before sighing. "They're not marked, the only thing close is the dent in the corner of the Queen of Spades, but that was obviously a product of overuse and recklessness… This deck is obviously rigged in some way."
"Get me another deck and I'll do the same trick the same way." John told him.
"Are you admitting mutiny to the deck?"
"I'm saying believe in magic, you muggle!" John exclaimed.
/././././././././././
"Ten, eleven, twelve…" Lestrade counted for the sixth time that night.
"And that's your card right?" John hasn't stopped smirking all night.
"Of course!"
"You figure it out yet?" Molly asked Sherlock.
Sherlock stayed silent, staring intently at the cards again.
"Awe, he has the same look my niece does when she wonders how Dora can get over sticky mountain." Molly grinned.
"You know, I know some other tricks that may be easier for you. Like, oh!" John reached over. "Got your nose!" This caused Molly and Lestrade to laugh.
"Hey, I think I know how you did it." Molly said.
"Not possible. If I cannot, then it is next to impossible for you to." Sherlock told her.
John waved Molly over. "Tell me," he said. Molly leaned over and whispered it into his ear, and John got a look of wonder on his face.
"You're right," he told her.
She clapped happily at the same time Sherlock asked, in outrage, "What?!"
John just reached over again. "Got your nose."
/././././././././././
"John, are you ever going to tell Sherlock that this is all a giant scam?" Lestrade asked. It's been two weeks since the first Card trick, and Sherlock seemed to have gone completely off the deep end.
"Maybe… whenever it stops being fun." John said.
"So, never?"
"Yep."
/././././././././././
"Hey Sherlock, why the long face?" John asked, sitting down beside his bestest friend in the whole entire universe of ever.
Sherlock sighed. "As it turns out, you cannot try to hack the FBI main data base to find any recent murder cases without your brother tattling on you to Mummy."
"Well, that sucks… figure out the trick yet?"
"Figure out the trick yet?" Sherlock mimicked in a voice that sounded nothing like John's.
"Here… I'll show you one more time." Despite Sherlock's protests, John turned to Lestrade. "Now, pick a—"
"No," Sherlock cut across. "Do it with me, that way I can make sure there's no funny business."
"Well… okay." John turned to Sherlock. "Pick a card."
Sherlock did, and looked at it quickly before putting it back down. "Continue."
"It is…" John's eyes searched the room and caught Lestrade's. Lestrade, who was sitting beside and a little behind Sherlock, made a gesture that would have been misinterpreted as scratching his chest, but John saw it for what it was.
"Two of hearts." John said smugly.
"I hate you. I hate you both." Stated Sherlock, getting up and walking to his room, ignoring the amused looks shared between John and Lestrade.
End.