Okay, I got bored and I decided to write a story about the stereotypical Emmett on fanfic. You know, the total perv who thinks of sex all the time. So just to poke some fun. If you don't like the sexual innuendos made, tell me! My beta and I love reading hate stuff.

Okay, so this is a two shot by the way, so the next part is in the works. Don't forget to read Midnight Beach! (:

"First day of college, Eddieboy!"

"Please be quiet, Emmett, you're causing a scene."
He looked around, "I'M SINGLE!" he shouted over the crowd that was already staring at us. The girls who were looking started giggling and pointing. I'M SINGLE!" He pointed to himself with huge grin.

"I'm starting to reconsider rooming with you." I said.

"Because I'm going to dip your toothbrush in hot sauce? Or 'cause I'm going to steal all your clothes when you're showering and leaving you nothing but girls clothes when you're in the coed bathrooms?"

"That too."

We walked to a line to get our schedules and dorm keys.

We looked at the line. "It's so long!" Emmett yelled. "That's what she said," he snickered to himself.

"Just be patient," I told him, even though I agree that the line was indeed going to be quite a wait.

But Emmett didn't want to wait. He tapped the girl in front of and said, "Can I deflower you?"

She gasped at us with a shocked expression. "Pig!" She spat a wad of saliva along with her gum at him and walked away.

He grinned while he wiped himself clean. " That was kind of gross, but all right, we're now one person ahead!"

"Emmett, not all of these people are girls. You're not going to be able to jump us closer with your sexual remarks."

But there was another girl in front of us and Emmett tapped her on the shoulder, "After you get your room, can I help you break it in?" He looked her up and down.

"Perv!" she screamed and stomped on his foot. She walked out of the line and away from us in a huff.

"Doesn't that hurt?" I asked him.

"Nope," he smiled. "After doing this for years, you kind of grow immune to this kind of pain."

"Well, Mr. Immunity, there's a guy in front of us, what do you propose we do?"

He poked the guy with his arm around a girl, "I heard your girlfriend was taking anatomy and I wanted to know if she wanted a head start on the reproductive system. I can show her the works."

The boyfriend looked angry and wound his arm back to punch Emmett, but his girlfriend held him back, saying, "Come on Dylan, don't stoop to his level." She pulled her boyfriend out of the line, walking away, but turned to give Emmett a glare.

"You can stoop to this level!" he called after her, pointing at his pants. He winked at her.

"I think you should stop," I told him.

"If you want to wait, be my guest."

"We are waiting," I told him.

--

To be honest, it wasn't much of a wait; only in Emmett's head did it seemed longer.

Emmett and I were clutching the thick envelopes they had given us.

"Alright, on the count of three, open it and we'll tell each other the dorm. Let's hope we got the same building,"

We both tore open our envelopes, "One," Emmett started.

"Two."

"Three!"

"Regensen!" Emmett yelled.

"King!"

We stared at each other with wide eyes.

"Boo," Emmett whined. "And to think we were about to start the sock-on-the-door-handle method."

I grimaced. "I don't think I'm going to miss that, but you can work that out with your new roommate."

We both stood there. "Hey, we'll still be best buds, right? It's not like we'll never see each other."

"Yeah, I guess I should count my blessings and be happy that I don't have your anal self as a roomie. Let's hope my roommate isn't like you. He'd better be cool."

"Whatever, I'm going to check out my room now. We'll meet up and scope the campus in an hour, okay?"

Emmett grinned. "Alright." He started to walk away. "Call me babycakes!" he yelled and made a phone sign with his hand. People's eyes started darting between Emmett and me, giving us strange looks.

"Dear Lord," I groaned, hitched up my belongings, and carried them towards King's Hall.

--

I got to where my room was and found the door open. I hope my roommate was chill. I saw all over the ground was open boxes and luggage, and on the small twin size bed was my roommate who was trying to tape a calendar over his bed.

Great, I thought to myself. He had long brown hair that went past his shoulders, and tight clothes. He's either gay, or transsexual. Or those creepy rocker types. The world hates me today.

I cleared my throat, "Hey dude, I'm your new roommate, Edward Cullen.

"Eek!" my roommate shrieked.

He probably is gay— that's the most girlish scream I have ever heard.

He turned around, and I swear, I was never more embarrassed in my life. In front of me wasn't a male, it was a girl!

She looked at me, her face red. "Are-are you at the right room?" she squeaked.

"Yes, room 802." I looked at my dorm instructions. "Room 802, King Hall," I read.

"But you're a guy."

"Thanks for noticing."

"You can't be my roommate, this isn't a coed room," she said.

"I know. Maybe you're in the wrong room."

"Excuse me? Are you accusing me of not being able to read?"

"Maybe I am."

"Well, for your information, I'm an English major, so I assure you that I can read." She jumped off the bed, walked to her desk and looked through a stack of papers, found the one she was looking for and walked towards me, shoving it roughly in my hand. "Read it. Room 802, King Hall."

I skimmed through her information.

Isabella Marie Swan

ROOM 802

King Hall

She was right.

"So what now?" I asked, giving back the paper.

"So what now?" Isabella repeated.

"Did I stutter?"

"Well, you were being really rude—first off, you accuse me of being in the wrong room, and then you say I can't read!"

"Sorry," I half-apologized. I was still mad. "Let's go talk to the dorm advisor."

She walked past me out the door and I followed.

--

"Sir, there has to be a mistake," Isabella said.

"I don't see the mistake. You're clearly a female, and you marked on your application that you're a female. So if you and your brother could just leave, thank you, I have other matters to attend too." Our dorm advisor, Mr. Carter said.

I stepped in. "Excuse me, if you were listening to her, you'd clearly would've heard that she said that I am the male that is in the room. The room was assigned to both Isabella and I but the campus dorm rules clearly state that the dorm rooms itself are not coed."

"Well, you're siblings, so it doesn't matter."

"We are not siblings!" Isabella and I yelled.

Carter looked at us, a little bewildered. "Okay, I need both your names."

"Isabella Swan," she said.

"Edward Cullen."

"Alright, Ms. Isabella, I have your information here. Now, Mr. Cullen, where are you?" He started sifting through the stacks of paper that cluttered his desks.

"No… not here…" He turned and looked through his file cabinets.

"Cullen…Cullen…" He muttered. "Hmm…not here either."

He aimed for another pile sitting on his desk, "Cullen. C…"

"Ah!" Both Isabella and I perked up. "Oh no, that's Collin." Our hopes fell. I sighed.

Carter was going through another load on his table. "Nope, not there either."

He looked at the floor near the side of his table. "Ah! Cullen, Edward Anthony!" He bent over and pulled my paper out of the trash can. "Must've slipped." He smiled.

Lovely. My paper somehow ended up in the trash can. How I would love to get this man fired.

He perched his reading glasses on and started muttering, "Edward Anthony Cullen, nineteen, June twentieth, female."

All life on Earth dropped dead. Female? Why on Earth would I mark myself as a female?! I could've sworn I marked the male box.

"Female?" Isabella snickered. "You're kind of manly for a girl."

I felt my face turn a little pink, "I'm not a girl. Shouldn't you have caught this when you were assigning rooms?"

"Mr. Cullen, there are names in this world that are unisex, like Jordan or Shirley."

"And Edward is a unisex name?"

"You never know. Besides, remember, your application was marked female. If we come across a name that looks doesn't correspond with the gender it was marked, we look at the gender and place them in rooms according to what was marked, and yours was marked female!"

Sadly, he had a point. I sighed.

He noticed my defeat. "Well, I see we have solved this issue. Mr. Cullen, I hope this was a life experience for you to make sure you know what gender you are. If you're not sure, I suggest you bring this up with your mother."

"But, he's still in my room!" Isabella cried.

"I'm supposed to have a roommate who's a guy!" I yelled also.

Isabella pouted, "Can't you find him a room?"

"Ms. Swan, this is the first week of the semester. Things get really hectic for everyone. There's always something wrong with the rooms, and we have to take in everyone's complaints and have them checked out. If you truly want a new roommate or a room, you're going to have to fill out a form, and then wait till we get to you."

"And how long is that going to take?" I asked.

"Like I said, first week of the semester, things are hectic, lots of things to attend to. At this rate, it may be a week or even a month."

"A month!" we both screamed.

"A month with him?" she yelped.

I turned to her. "Well, he didn't stutter now, did he?"

She glared at me and turned back to Mr. Carter. "You want me to live with her for a month!?" She jabbed a finger at me.

"I'm a him!" I retaliated.

Isabella was really angry and turned a little red. Even Carter was a little scared. "A month or less?" He squeaked. As if that'll calm her down.

She let out a frustrated groan. "Thanks for your help!" she said sarcastically and stomped out of the room. I followed her wordlessly.

"Good day…" Carter squeaked.

I followed her back to what was now our dorm room for the time being. She had grabbed a form, which was more like a packet, on the way out, and was scrawling on it furiously.

I entered the room that was swimming in her angry ambiance, and started unpacking in silence.

And that's how it was for the next fifteen minutes. Fifteen very awkward minutes.

I checked the clock and realize I had to meet Emmett in five minutes.

"I'll be back later." I told her.

"Mhm," she said.

"Okay." I closed the door.

--

I was waiting in the quad for Emmett and finally saw his large figure walking towards me.

"What'd your roommate like?" He asked anxiously, with no time for hellos. "Mine is totally chill, he's already established a hat-on-the-door system and everything. His name is Chuck and—"

I cut him off. "My roommate's a girl!"

He let out a low whistle. "Damn. Is she hot?"

I realized I never paid attention to her but that was aside the fact. "They won't let me switch rooms till next month. I'm stuck with her till then."

"Why'd they stick you with a chick? I thought they rooms weren't coed."

"I don't know. When we went to the advisor, he showed me my application and it had the female box checked. I could've sworn, I marked male."

Emmett stared at me, and then his face suddenly went up in a wave of giggles. "Oh damn, I didn't think you or anyone could've fallen for it!"

Realization hit me and made me realize that Emmett may have had something to with my application. "Emmett, what'd you do?"

He kept laughing but eventually calmed down. "Well, remember how we filled out the applications together?"

"Yes." I nodded.

"Well, when you finished, you had to go 'cause it was almost dinner and your mummy wanted you home, so you told me to mail it for you."

"I remember."

"I thought the school would've noticed that your name and sex didn't match up. How come they still placed you with a girl?" he asked.

"He said that when they see a name and a gender that don't match up, they refer to the gender, and since my name is Edward but you marked me as a female, it confused them, so they assumed I was a girl and put me with a girl as a roommate."

"I see." He laughed. "I see. Wow, that's kind of awesome."

"Shut up."

"Hey, in the end, you'll thank me for this." He smirked, hinting that it was like having a booty call right next to me.

Little did he or I know that she was going to be more than a booty call.