A Sort of Homecoming

And you know it's time to go
Through the sleet and driving snow
Across the fields of mourning to a light that's in the distance.

Chapter One: The End

Time passed in slow motion for me.

It had since my heart gave its last beat. It was secondary. My mind worked in inhuman speed as it went through every detail in fractions of seconds. Thought every possible thought, every variable, in instants. My body and every cell of it raced, a million to one compared to humans. So fast that to mortal eyes, I could become a blur, a shadow. Invisible.

Time didn't slow down. Everything about my existence had sped up. A hundredfold.

In that moment, though... As the world continued to be my mind registered everything. Only this time. I wasn't fast enough. The irony of that settled in thick in my mind. I did the mathematical equation. I calculated. Any pattern of movement that I could make, that would be fast enough.

I wasn't. Not by a long shot. Not by a lifetime.

I tasted it in the air. Intoxicating. Mouthwatering. Beautiful. Terrifying.

I was too late to stop her. As her deep brown eyes widened in pain, in shock. In fear.

I could sense the vampire's mind. Feel her triumph. Her determination. I saw in her head how she leaped towards Bella. Her intent to jump over me to reach her. I calculated and I was fast enough to intersect her mid-stride. The taste of metal in my tongue. I felt my venom flow through the only working organs in my stone body.

It was the bloodlust. I thought.
It was the heartbreak, my own logic corrected me.

There was no hesitation as I ripped her head of with my teeth. Tossing it aside in the snow.

The vampire called out her name and I saw in Seth's mind as he took the opportunity to tear him apart. It took two seconds. Maybe less. The vampires turned to nothing more than a heap of granite flesh. The young wolf took care of what was left of our common enemy.

And I ran.

My attention had been diverted for less than 3 minutes. I could hear her heart beating slowly. Too slow. Her self-inflicted wound pulsed out the vital liquid.

"Edward," she gasped. I smelled blood in her breath.

"I'm here, love." I lay next to her in the cold snow.

Everything suddenly felt cold. Even her body warmth was waning. Was I numb? Where was the fire, the electricity of her touch?

"I'm sorry, Edward," her hand twitched, limp on the ground. She was reaching out.

I took her hand in mine. "You have nothing to apologize for, Bella. I knew it from the start, what I was putting you through. I'm no goo-"

"Don't." She breathed. "This is my choice." Her eyes flicked behind me.

Through Seth's mind I saw her eyes lock with his. She wants him to turn her, he realized. There was disgust, curiosity, understanding, fear, pain, loss, sorrow, grief. The wolf whimpered in response. He lowered his head in defeat. His heart breaking. No. Jacob's heart breaking. The entire pack mind suffered with him. Already considering her gone.

"It's going to hurt," I manage to choke out.

"Mmm." She hums in agreement.

Seth disappeared into the woods and took that moment to bite down on her neck.

Her blood was overtaking all my senses. The crimson all I could see. The sticky substance frosted over with the falling snow and dried in my fingers as I applied pressure to the gaping wound in her chest. Her heartbeat was faint and unsteady. Bella groaned in pain, unable to cry out. Her lungs were possibly filling with blood. So much blood. The monster in me rejoiced as i instinctively sucked the liquid from her jugular. The sensation was so overwhelming.

But I caught myself. And I stopped. The fragile human girl in my arms was the very core of my existence. My very nature meant nothing compared to her life. To that brittle human state of existence that kept her with me.

I bit into her wrists, the inside of her elbows. Razor sharp teeth cutting through her jacket. She wanted this, I thought to myself. She asked for it. She begged for it. Even agreed to marry me for this.

Immortality wasn't something I wanted for her. She was too pure for this. Too good. I wasn't ready to take her life away. To leave her with no choices, no future. I wanted more time. For her to be human. For her to live. More time with her.

Another irony. How I had all the time of the world but no time at all.

I understood now that I only got one chance for a love like this...

Why was I thinking this? Why was I numb?

Bella coughed blood. "No regrets." Her breath hitched. I pulled her to me.

"It's going to be alright, my love, you won't be in pain for long." My voice was a whisper.

Tears pooled in her beautiful eyes. Frost stuck to her lashes like glitter. The rays of dawn made her glow pale. Our skin for once the same. "Not in pain." She sobbed. So quiet. Her words were only a breath.

No. "Bella," I cried out to her. Air caught in my throat.

"Love you." She breathed.

No. This wasn't happening. The air tasted of venom and blood. The deep gash in her chest was pushing all my poison out of her veins before reaching her heart.

"Edward?" Her eyes pleaded

"You'll turn soon, my love. We have time for that." I covered the wound hard. Holding her together.

"No," she managed to form the word. Her lips were turning blue.

I could tell she wanted to say more. "Please, Bella..." Please what? What was I asking for?

"Wouldn't change anything..." It was incoherent but I understood.

I wanted to tell her that I would've changes so many things. Things I couldn't think of now as I held her in my arms.

"My beautiful brave Bella. I love you more than ever imagined was possible. And I will love you till the very end of the world." I complied. Unable to deny her those words she asked of me.

Tears. She closed her eyes and I wished she wouldn't.

"Enough?" I barely hear the sound but read it on her lips.

"Of course. Enough for a million lifetimes. For an eternity. For forever." I vow.

My lips touch hers and for a fraction of a second I forgot.

I forgot I'm a vampire holding a bleeding body. I forgot she's dying in my arms. I forgot where we were and why. I forgot the world and I feel her lips trying to respond.

Bella's heart stuttered. The last time it would ever react that way to my kisses. The last time it would ever beat.

I go still, frozen. As her heart stopped I realized mine had, too. There wasn't pain. There was emptiness. My eyes clouded. I was conscious. Of course I was. But my mind wasn't registering things. The interminable space in my head finally replete. Every second with her played over and over, my mind in a loop. Taking over. Not feeling, just remembering. Like a movie playing on an empty theater.

My family was there. They yelled and cried out to me. I couldn't hear them. My mind was full of Bella. Of her voice. Playing every word she'd ever said to me on repeat. I was completely disconnected, no longer registering my surroundings.

The world continued like the punchline of a cruel joke. But I didn't even notice.

Cold.
House.
Phone calls.
Charlie.

He came to see me. I would've responded, reacted. But I couldn't even move.

He called often. Esme called him twice as much.

Flowers.
Blood.
I accepted neither.

Rosalie tried playing the piano for me. I destroyed the wall.

Alice sobbed. Often. Jasper was always away.

No jokes. No advice. No kind words. No remarks. No small talk. No words.

No one home. What was home?

No funeral.
No epitaph.
Just a burial.
Marble with a name.
Stone, pale, cold. Dead.
Another sick joke.

"We're leaving soon, my son."

But I didn't intend to go anywhere. Not when I reached the end...