AN : My first fic in ages! Please be nice. Feedback makes my day and seeing as I'm not having too many good ones atm it would make my wombats happy. Hope you enjoy! Let me know if I should write a sequel or give up while I'm ahead.lol.
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This was it. He was leaving and she had no idea what she was going to do. Now he had Kerry there wasn't really anything she could do except for watch, smile and wish him luck. She contemplated not showing up for the party but she didn't want to make what she imagined could possibly be their last meeting a bitter parting. At least if she went, showed her face and then left she'd be heartbroken but no-one else would be any the wiser. They'd got this far hiding behind rank and using their denial as a barrier against hurt. Well, she had; he'd used it to block out what they once had, or rather could have had, and found someone else. He'd replaced her, just like that. She contemplated for a while whether that hurt the most or the fact that when her father was dying he made her feel like she used to, if she was honest with herself, in that one simple moment he made her feel whole. That was it; she concluded that was what hurt the most. He could let go and she couldn't.
She finally finished getting ready for the party, having used finding an outfit suitable for such an occasion as an avoidance tactic. By trying to avoid leaving for the party at O'Malley's she guessed she was fashionably late enough to be able to sneak out early without anyone noticing.
She'd walked the three and half miles to O'Malley's, again, avoiding the inevitable encounter with her ex-CO. As she stood outside she took a deep breath and resigned herself to the fact she had to just bite the bullet and do it. With that she strode purposefully up the steps and went in.
She was greeted by three quarters of the SGC and Daniel holding out a beer for her.
"Thought you'd be fashionably late. Glad you came though. Jack's been looking for you." With that she gave him a grateful smile but her eyes were scanning the room for him. She found him stood near the bar with her. Laughing, joking, her touching him possessively when she saw Sam had arrived.
Taking a long pull of beer she walked over to him as casually as she could.
"Hi, sir." She smiled as sweetly as she could manage, considering Kerry was almost surgically attached to him. Though it did please her that he shook Kerry off to give her a hug.
"Nice to see you. I was worried……well, I wasn't sure you'd come." He spoke softly into her ear. She felt her eyes close as his breath brushed her ear with words meant only for her. She'd take what she could get. She knew she was going to have to drink a lot more before she could even look at him and Kerry together so she excused herself and went to get a few more drinks in.
Two hours later and she decided that her idea of facing him drunk wasn't her best plan. At least Kerry had disappeared for the moment. He looked so happy, telling everyone how excited he was to be moving to Washington and to his new job, cracking jokes at praise which she knew made him uncomfortable. She decided to get some air with her bottle of wine.
Slinking out of the back door she found the wall they'd so often sat on when one of them had got too tipsy at a team night. The drop on the other side was big, a lot bigger than she ever remembered it being. She laughed at her depth of thought at comparing the drop to how she felt. She took her shoes off, dropping them on the bar-side of the wall and turned so that her feet dangled in mid-air. She loved the feeling of the wind gently brushing her naked, groundless feet.
As she poured herself another glass of wine she contemplated how screwed up things really were. Her and Jack hardly spoke anymore, the team was being broken up, different elements of it strewn across the galaxy like a plate being smashed on the floor. Once they were gone she had nothing, no-one. Cassie was at college and had a boyfriend in Oregon she stayed with out of term time, her dad was dead and her team was no more, all but her replaced. She was the only one left. She began to cry for all she'd lost, her muffled tearfulness turning into gut wrenching sobs.
His eyes wandered around the room as he spoke to well-wishers, scanning the room for a very specific pair of piercing blue eyes. He had wandered around the room constantly for the last half an hour looking for her. He didn't know what he was going to say to her, if anything. She'd seemed genuinely happy for him earlier, even if Kerry was having trouble accepting that she'd ditched him and that being drunk was no excuse to attach herself to him like a leech as soon as she saw Sam. As he stood silently at the bar he remembered their little place here where they would chat and joke and flirt, before things changed that is. Quickly picking his drink up off of the bar he moved to the patio windows, something in every fibre of him knew she was there, he could feel her energy.
She was absorbed in misery as he came through onto the patio, for the first time in years she didn't sense him approach. Her face was red and tear stained. He could see her silhouetted against the moon, just sat there, her shoes discarded not far from where he stood along with an empty bottle of wine and a glass. She was shaking slightly and his heart broke as he heard her sniff, trying to pull back her tears of sorrow and disappointment. He thought about giving her a sign he was there, but he knew she wouldn't want him to see her like this. As much as he tried desperately to leave, give her some privacy, he couldn't. His feet remained rooted to the spot. Unconsciously he moved slowly towards her, seeing her stiffen as she recognised his gait.
She heard a sound behind her. Her heart skipped as she realised it was him. She couldn't let him see her like this. Plus in her drunken state he'd only have to speak and she felt as if she'd just confess everything. She felt him waver as he moved to sit beside her. As he silently sat beside her she turned away from him feeling tears welling up again.
He was almost shaking as he sat beside her, not knowing whether he should comfort her or if she'd practice her hand to hand combat skills she'd worked so hard to prove to him she had all those years ago. Taking a chance he raised his eyes to her moonlit face. He saw her eyes glitter with sadness as she turned away from him.
"C'mere." The alcohol in his blood kicked in and gave him the courage to swiftly scoop her up into an embrace. She stiffened, trying to hold onto the last shred of control she had left. Her breathing was ragged from crying. As he buried his head into her neck the last portion of control left her and she welcomed his touch. Relaxing into the contact, letting herself go. He softly nuzzled her neck, taking the embrace from a friends hold to that of something more. She moved closer, returning the soft embrace until it dawned on her. He was someone else's; as much as she wanted him she couldn't have him.
"Stop. This is wrong." She sharply pulled away from him, the hurt obvious in her eyes. Confusion swept his features. "You're not mine, you're Kerry's now, don't mess that up just because I'm here and you feel sorry for me, sir." She moved away from him. Angry that he would do this to Kerry, to her.
"Sam, we broke up. She left me because….. Well it doesn't matter why. She's drunk and thought she'd try it on with me but I told her I wanted someone else." He paused and brushed a stray hair from her face. "She left with one of the lieutenants about an hour ago." She slowly nodded. Taking in what he'd just told her. She opened her mouth to speak but he cut her off. "What about you? I somehow don't think Pete would be too happy about you being here, with me." His tone was more aggressive than he had meant but they had to get this out there, now.
"I broke it off just after dad died. He said some things that I hadn't even considered and well, showed me I had options. Pete didn't fight it, I'm easily replaceable, you showed me that." Her tone was bitter, sadness speaking for her. She flitted her gaze to him; it was obvious her last comment had wounded him.
"You can think that but you're wrong. For once, you're completely wrong." He got up and moved towards the door when her voice stopped him.
"You just shut me out. You got her and you just tossed me aside." If she couldn't speak now when could she?
"Is that really what you think?" he thought back to just after him and Kerry started dating, her visits to his office became less and less frequent, their banter vanished and then he realised she was right, as always. "God, I'm an ass aren't I?" she smiled, only slightly but it was a start.
She swung her legs back over, teetering slightly before standing. She moved towards him, only vaguely aware of him copying her and before she knew it they were toe to toe.
She looked him square in the eyes, a challenging gaze. "So, why did Kerry leave?" she cringed as she said it, realising how cold it sounded. She looked at her feet trying to find an apology but was startled when his hand brushed hers and reached out for her fingers. Automatically she laced her fingers with his. His other hand gently raised her chin so she looked at him.
"She left because, well, this is so hard to explain, but she knew my heart wasn't in it." He saw Sam needed more. "Because I'm in love with someone else." There, it was out there, just hanging there like a thunder cloud. It could either explode or blow over.
"Same with Pete. He always knew there was someone else." Her partial confession shocked him. He knew they had a connection but to put everything out on the line like that was scary, especially for him. He pulled her into a hug, unconsciously they began to sway to the music emanating from inside. As the song finished she knew now they had both taken chances putting their feelings 'out-there' someone had to do something about it. Gathering all her strength she looked into his eyes, slowly moving her lips closer to his, giving him opportunity to pull away. As their lips met his arms tightened around her as if he were afraid she'd vanish into thin air.
The kiss was electric; as they parted the impact of the moment hit them. In one minute they'd released the feelings that had been pent up for not too far off of a decade.
"So, what now?" it was her voice that filled the air. It sounded small and vulnerable.
"Well, I was kinda planning on kissing you again actually." He let out a nervous laugh, the only indication of his unsureness; he paired it with a killer smile mirroring her grin. "Then what say we meet up for dinner tomorrow? Maybe, no pressure, I mean…." Her grin widened.
"I'd go for that. But, don't you think they'll be missing you in there? I mean, how are you going to explain vanishing out here for ages?"
"Nothing to it, I was with you. That's excuse enough for me." As they're lips met again, this time more confident and passionate the party inside was breaking up, most people had got cabs home. All apart from one couple, silhouetted in moonlight. One moment of eternal perfection.