TITLE: If I only could ….
CHARACTER: Alexander. Hephaestion (implied)
RATING: PG
CATEGORY: Historical AU.
DISCLAIMER: I don't know the people involved, no harm intended, everything is product of my imagination, but I wouldn't mind sharing my life with the blue-eyed god.
WARNINGS: Angst and mentioning of characters' deaths.
NO BETA so all mistakes are mine.
FEEDBACK: comments are love! Yes, please any kind of them will help me to improve my writing or leave it forever.
Author's note: The words in bold belong to the lyrics "Running up that hill" by Placebo. Some words were changed to fit the historical background.
Alexander was still locked inside their chamber, well he had to remember that from that moment on, it would be only his chamber because the cold frame that was still cradled against his chest, refused to come back to him; denied him of his presence … forced him to live a life he did no longer want to live.
Two days had gone by and not even the pleas of the pregnant queen or the requests of his companions had made the sad king leave the room. His voice was hoarse due to his crying and the endless shouts calling for his dead better half, his soul mate, his partner, his everything …
He said to the man in his arms:
"It doesn't hurt me, it is what I should tell you about your death and it would be a lie.
You wanna feel how it feels to have your heart ripped apart.
You wanna know, know that it doesn't hurt me that you have left me behind. Another lie
You wanna hear about the deal I'm making, just to have you back.
You be running up that hill alone and in tears, looking backwards instead of you and me be running up that hill together until the end of times.
And if I only could make a deal with the gods, and get them to swap our places; be running up that road that leads to our place; be running up that hill, where we spent amazing moments together; be running up that building we used to call home …
If I only could, oh...
You don't want to hurt me, but you are doing that, my beloved,
but see by yourself how deep the wound lies deep inside my weaken heart,
unaware that I'm tearing you asunder without wanting to do that.
There was thunder in our hearts, baby, but now in there, there is no longer light.
So much hate for the ones we love and that we are forced to leave behind.
Tell me, we both matter, don't we? We mattered to each other and that was all we wanted.
You, running up that hill alone is so sad; you and me won't be unhappy too long because we will be reunited again soon...
'C'mon, baby, c'mon, c'mon, darling, wake up in my arms where you belong.
Let me steal this moment from you now and make Hades follow his trip without you.
C'mon, angel, c'mon, c'mon, darling, come back to me now!
Let's exchange the experience, oh...Zeus why don't you understand that life is so meaningless without my Phai!
'If I only could, be running up that hill and join you in that solitary pyre, I would do it without a doubt because I belong wherever you are"
And that was what happened, king and chiliarch found themselves together under the flames of the pyre and Alexander knew that his Phai would not punish him because he had made an attempt on his own life because he had already died at same moment that had his Phai.