Thanks to Spiffythefaery for providing the love and support needed to create such a wild, wacky story. And for the beta work too.
The world was safe. Apocalypse was gone and everything was back to normal.
Well, almost everything.
"Get back here you ingrates, before I rip your tongues out with my hands!"
Professor Charles Xavier glared at the man who made the comment.
"Erik, you can't threaten the children like that."
Erik Magnus Lehnsherr, known around the world as the mutant menace Magneto, frowned. "Really? How should I threaten them?"
"You can't threaten them at all!"
"Why not?"
"They are children, Erik. You have to treat them with respect."
Magneto looked at his old friend incredulously. "Now you're just not making sense."
"Erik – I know you are unaccustomed to living here but you are going to have to modify your behavior accordingly."
"Modify my behavior? I've never been so insulted in my entire life…that was an insult wasn't it?"
Xavier sighed. "No more threats."
"Logan threatens the students. You don't say anything to him about it."
"Logan won't actually harm the students."
"Are you saying that I would?"
"Wouldn't you?"
Magneto contemplated this for a moment. "I suppose I would."
"No more threats."
"I'll do my best."
"Talk to me like that again and I'll stab your face with a soldering iron!" Magneto shouted as Ray scurried away as fast as his feet would take him.
"What did I tell you about threatening the students?"
"I'm pretty sure you didn't say anything about it."
"We talked about this two minutes ago!"
"No we didn't."
"I told you not to threaten them."
"And I told you to wear a toupee. Since when have we ever listened to each other?"
"Erik I mean it. Do not threaten the students."
"Fine, fine, fine. Stop worrying about it, you don't have much hair left to loose."
Xavier looked up as the senior X-Men entered his office. He sighed deeply, this conversation was not going to go well.
"I know you all are uncomfortable with Magneto living here, but I hope that you would put your personal feelings aside. He is attempting to change. We need to give him this opportunity."
"We're all for giving him an opportunity to change – but can we make sure that he doesn't train us?"
"I would think that learning from a former adversary would be most beneficial to the team. He is, after all, an expert stagiest and a very talented field commander."
"Scott's right. Please don't let him train us!" Jean added.
"Is this feeling shared by everyone?" Xavier asked.
"Except for the Ice-Cube," Rogue drawled.
"I wish you all could get past this irrational apprehension. Magneto made some mistakes in his life but he is trying to atone for those errors in judgment. Allowing him to teach you is therapeutic for him."
"For him maybe. But we don't think it will end too well for us."
"What are you talking about Scott?"
"He's playing Whack-A-New-Mutant outside right now."
"He's what?"
"It's kinda funny actually, although he might end up hospitalizing the entire New Mutant roster in the next ten minutes."
Xavier wheeled over to the window to see that, indeed, Magneto was playing Whack-A-New-Mutant. Dozens of frying pans were hovering around the man and occasionally descending on the heads of the New Mutants who were forced to go though this exercise under the farce of being trained.
Xavier frowned as he sent out a telepathic message.
"Erik! Stop this at once!"
Out on the lawn, Magneto blinked at the mental intrusion. Turning around, he glared up at the window of the study. "Stop what?"
"This is stupid!" Roberto cried out. His comments were met with several frying pans smacking into his stomach.
"Erik! Stop hitting the students!" Xavier mentally shouted.
"Not so loud Charles, I can barely hear their screams." More frying pans shot downwards towards the moaning students.
"Erik, if you do not stop this behavior immediately, I will force you to stop!"
The pans stopped their descent and returned to hovering around Magneto's head. "You wouldn't dare!"
"If you continue to harm my students I will."
"I'm just teaching them – which is precisely what you asked me to do when I moved here."
"You can teach them without subjecting them to violence."
Magneto's response was the mental equivalence of a snort.
"Erik, I want to see you in my office tomorrow morning. Understand?'
Magneto said nothing in reply but Xavier got his general feelings on the matter when he was forced to avoid several frying pans flying his direction.
"I'm not going to buy a ticket."
"But it's for charity!"
"Kitty – pay very close attention to what I'm about to say: I DON'T CARE!"
"It's a raffle – you pay for a ticket and you can win a prize!"
"It's a school raffle – the prizes suck."
"Alright I've tried to be nice – buy a ticket or I'm cooking your dinner for a week!"
"I'll take six."
"Alright Charles, what nonsense must I endure today?"
"What is wrong with you?"
"Hmm. I wake up early in the morning. I exercise, eat right. I look good. I feel good. And damn it, I'm sexy. So, nothing."
"Erik – I'm your friend. In fact, I think I am the only person alive who doesn't hate you and, as your friend, I'm telling you that you have got to get your act together!"
Magneto sighed heavily and slumped forward in his seat. "I'm sorry Charles. I know I've been a bit odd lately. It's just…just that I'm not sure how to act. If I coddled the Brotherhood or the Acolytes I would have had rebellions every half an hour."
"I know that this is difficult Erik – but you haven't been trying very hard."
"I have been trying. Like yesterday – I even bought tickets to Kitty's raffle."
"She had to threaten you to buy those tickets."
"Well…well…I managed to get through dinner without bending anyone's silverware for two days. And I happen to like Bobby and Kurt – they manage to cause more havoc than I do. I get along with them."
"You have made some progress, I admit – but not enough. I think you need some professional help."
"Absolutely not. I don't need some quack telling me how to think, how to feel, how to blow stuff up!"
"Erik – please."
"No Charles, and do not bring this topic up again!"
"How could I have possibly won?"
"Your raffle ticket was pulled out for the grand prize. So you won," Kitty said.
"And how many people bought tickets for this so-called raffle?"
"I'm not at liberty to say."
"I was the only one wasn't I?"
"Yes."
"So what did I win?"
"A free two week trip to a resort."
"Two weeks? Where is this resort?"
"It's actually pretty close. It's out by the water on the other side of town."
"And how much will this free trip cost?"
"It's free."
"And how long is this two week trip?"
"Two weeks."
"And how much does this free trip cost?"
"It's free."
"And how long is this two week trip?
"Two weeks."
"And how much is this free two week trip?" 1
Kitty sighed and sank through the floor.
"What are you doing?"
"What does it look like? I'm packing."
"Where are you going?"
"I won a free two week vacation at a resort in the fancy part of town."
"Really? Congratulations."
"Thank you, Charles. Now would you hand me my helmet?"
"Why are you taking your battle uniform?"
"I'm a boy scout, Charles. Always be prepared."
"You were never a boy scout."
Magneto ignored the comment. "Will you drop me off at this resort?"
"I'd be more than happy to."
Xavier wheeled himself up to the front desk, taking in the ambience of the facility. A blonde woman was working at the counter – flashing a smile at the professor.
"How may I help you?"
"I'm here to –uh – check in a patient."
"Alright – what is the patient's name?"
"Erik Lehnsherr."
The receptionist tapped a few keys at her computer. "Okay, where is Mr. Lehnsherr?"
"He is gathering his things from the car. He – uh – doesn't know what this place is."
"Think he might run?"
"No. I'm worried that he'll fly."
"Mr. Lehnsherr is a mutant? We have special classes for mutants here."
"I'm sure he'll enjoy that."
Magneto walked up beside Xavier, his arms loaded with luggage. "Let the vacation begin!"
"Welcome Mr. Lehnsherr," the receptionist said, waving over two very large men. "These gentlemen will escort you to your room."
Magneto looked up and down at the men, concern evident over his face. "What is this place?"
"The law requires that I tell you the truth – this is the Bayville Rehab Institute. We offer rehabilitation for any physiological conditions that you might have."
"You bastard," Magneto spat at Xavier. "They'll never catch me."
Magneto turned and began to fly, but, as it turned out, Magneto was wrong. The orderlies leapt forward at incredible speed and tackled Magneto to the ground. The men grabbed Magneto by his arms and dragged him away, his legs kicking helplessly at the air.
"I'll get you for this Charles! You hear me? Revenge will be mine! Mine! HAHAHAHA! Where the hell is the metal in this building?"
Magneto was dragged around a corner, out of sight and out of shouting distance. Xavier looked up at the receptionist.
"You removed all the metal?"
"We've got a nice padded cell waiting for him."
"Very well. Good luck."
Charles wheeled himself towards his mansion, lost in thought. He had just forcibly committed his best friend to a rehab clinic against his will. Charles knew that he should be experiencing some pangs of guilt, perhaps even some sympathy.
He wasn't.
And he didn't care.
His brooding was mistaken as sorrow by his companion.
"You did the right thing, Charles. This needed to happen," Ororo said as she approached the professor's side.
Charles looked up, blinking himself out of his thoughts. "I'm not sorry for what I did. I'm concerned."
"Concerned? About what?"
"The safety of the staff at the clinic. Erik does not react well to being in situations where he has no control – one of his many lingering psychoses. There is no telling how he will react."
"You've become accustomed to worrying about teenagers, Charles. He is a grown man – and will act accordingly."
Charles chuckled softly, his lips twisting into a wry grin. "Erik will behave how he sees fit. I have never known him to act accordingly."
"You need to stop worrying about it. We still have a mansion filled with students who have their own problems."
Charles nodded as a frown crept onto his face. "One of those problems is that they are throwing a party."
"What?"
Ororo threw open the front doors to the mansion to reveal that there was indeed a party going on – and it had reached full swing.
"Please tell me I'm seeing things," Charles muttered as he looked upon the chaos. Music was thumping throughout the house – so loud that Charles had a brief mental imagine of the entire house shaking. Bobby and Kurt were literally swinging from the chandelier – throwing water balloons down on the other residents of the mansion. Hank had been tied to a chair and had a gag placed in his mouth.
"What happened here?"
"It appears that they got overzealous, but…" Charles trailed off as he looked up the stairs.
A conga line made up entirely of Jamies danced down the stairs, throwing miniature exploding fireworks while singing boisterously.
"Ding-dong the witch is dead!" The Jamies shouted.
"I imagine they are rejoicing Magneto's fate," Ororo said. "But where is Logan?"
Charles nodded in agreement. Placing his hands on his head, he performed a mental scan for his other teacher – locating him in the study.
"Logan – why haven't you stopped this?"
Logan mentally jumped at the intrusion. "Stopped what?"
"The students and their party."
"Their throwing a party? Can't Hank take care of it?"
"Not in his current situation."
There was a lengthy pause – something that rarely occurs during a mental conversation.
"Logan?"
"Sorry. I'm trying to talk with someone from that loony bin you put ol' bucket head in."
"Someone is calling from the clinic? What's wrong?"
"What do you think? He doesn't want to stay."
"What has he done?"
"I'm not sure – this lady keeps babbling. We'd better get down there."
"Ororo and I will leave immediately – you stay here and round up the children." Charles ended the connection. He turned to look up. "We need to go back to the clinic- something is wrong."
"Thank you for coming so quickly Mr. Xavier," Dr. Chilton 2, the chief psychiatrist at the clinic, said, thrusting his hand out.
Charles shook the outstretched appendage. "What is going on?"
"We're having some difficulties with Mr. Lehnsherr," Chilton replied as he began to walk away, motioning for the professor to follow.
"I'd be concerned if you weren't having trouble with him," Charles replied.
"Of course, most of our patients display behavior intended at showing their displeasure with their situation. However Mr. Lehnsherr is behaving violently."
"That is one of his many problems."
Chilton nodded in understanding as punched a code into a locked door. Pushing the door open, he resumed walking.
"So his records would indicate – but not this type to violence."
"What did he do?"
"He tried to bite one of our nurses."
"Bite?"
"Yes – we've had to secure him. The problem is that we can't treat him while he's secured."
"Are you expelling him?"
Chilton stopped in mid stride. "Mr. Xavier – we want to help Mr. Lehnsherr and deal with these behavioral problems of his. However we are not equipped to restrain a man of his – unique - talents. I will not let him jeopardize the safety of everyone else in this facility. I will remove him if I have no other choice."
"There must be a way to persuade him to remain here."
"We've tried everything. He won't cooperate."
"Perhaps he'll respond to me. Let me see him."
"I can't let you in there."
"Why not?"
"He's been making threats about you for the last few hours."
Charles sighed. "It's a liability isn't it?"
"Pretty much."
"I'll sign the damn paper – just let me see him."
Charles wheeled himself into the padded cell that was the current residency of Magneto. He shifted uncomfortably in the plastic wheelchair – unused to the shoddy design and lack of comfort.
All in all, Charles was very uncomfortable. Of course – that could have been from the fact that he was looking at his best friend bound in a straight jacket, strapped to a gurney, with a mask strapped over his face. Magneto leveled an ice cold glare at Charles.
"Come to see the hell you've consigned me to? Come to gloat?"
"Erik – this is not hell. You know that."
"I know that you betrayed me. Betrayed with a capital B!"
"Calm down, Erik."
"I don't think I will! I think I'll be as mad as you think I am. If I'm going to be committed I might as well act insane!"
"This is rehab."
"Same difference."
There was a brief pause. "Well if you can't do it, I can respect that."
"Respect it?"
"Of course. Erik – despite what you might currently believe – I am your friend. I would never want for you to endure any mental anguish."
"So you'll get me out of here."
"Absolutely – I'll go talk to the orderlies right now."
"Not so fast Charles! This is a scheme of yours isn't it? Why would you let me go so easily? And don't lie! I know when you lie."
"I bet Hank that you couldn't do it."
"You made bets about me?"
"I felt having known you for almost thirty years, I had an inside track."
"You bet on me? Do I look like a horse to you?"
"Not in this light. But if we dimmed it…"
"CHARLES!"
"So I bet against you. What's the harm in that?"
"You didn't think I could do this? What kind of friend are you?"
"I just thought…"
"You didn't think! I can do this Charles – and I will, just to spite you and your bet!"
"Erik – don't be hasty!"
"No, I am going to his infernal exercise of rehab! And I'll prove to you that I can do it! Now get me out of this gurney and jacket – but tell them I'll keep the mask."
What mischief will Magneto get into?
Send in those ideas.
Next time: Magneto begins therapy - and gets to meet the rest of the group.
1 – Never try to sell anything to Homer. Ever.
2 – This is the name of the head doctor guy in Silence of the Lambs.