Three Musketeers?
by Mariye
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Disclaimer: I don't own these characters. Sniff, I wish I did.
Another humor story o^-^o. Why? Cause I like humor... plus dramas
can get to be too much or be depressing and sad.
This story is dedicated to Rhyein. Why? She helped me fix my computer, and so I'm dedicating two fics to her for helping me o^-^o. BTW: Blue Quisty and SelphieDucky, if you're reading this, could you please e-mail Ellone or myself? Don't worry, its not a bad thing, it's a good thing. o^-^o. We've been trying to get in touch with you two for a while. Thanks!
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Cid: Now boys, you're probably wondering why Squall and I called you down here to my new basement office.
Seifer: To recognize me for my bravery and intelligence?
Zell: That is such B.S.! You're an idiot!
Seifer: [Looks at Zell.] Oh, hello! And which dwarf are you?
Zell: What did you say?
Irvine: Oh, real good comeback Zell.
Zell: Shut up Cowboy dork!
Squall: Listen, I'm gonna leave now, you all really don't need me here... [Tries to get away.]
Cid: [Grabs Squall's arm.] Oh no Squall, you have to stay and explain why they're here.
Squall: Why can't you do it?
Cid: Because I'm unarmed.
Squall:...Fine. We've had too many complaints about the three of you and your attitudes.
Irvine: Oh come on. I can understand them, but me? I rule!
Seifer: Yes, in your own little imaginary world, you are the king.
Zell: I have no attitude. I'm the coolest guy in Garden. I can understand them. Seifer's a
jerk. Irvine's a womanizer. I'm a good boy.
Seifer: With violent tendancies.
Squall: Eh hem. So in order to help you ammend your ways, Cid has come up with an idea.
Cid: Really its more like Edea's idea...
Squall: Yeah, its Edea's idea. Thats it. She thinks that if the three of you were to be...
locked in a room together for a day, maybe that would help you work through your problems.
Cid: Yes, it will bring you all closer together. Like the Three Musketeers!
Squall: More like the Three Stooges. At the very least it will at least give all members of Garden a day of freedom.
Seifer: I'd like to see you two try and enforce it. [Draws out Hyperion.]
Squall: [Looks at the door to Cid's office. Appears to be thinking.] Cid! Make a run for it!
[The two run for the door. They barely make it in time, with Zell and Seifer running after them, and Irvine firing shots at the door.]
Seifer: Great. We're locked in. This is your fault Chicken-Wuss.
Zell: Mine?!?! If you hadn't gotten in the way I would have been here first and we would have gotten out... well... I would have gotten out.
Irvine: Guys! Step back! I'll try and shoot the lock off. [Fires at the door. The doorknobs on
their side fall off.] Oh well. [Shrugs.] It was worth a try.
Seifer: Great. Just great. I have to waste my day with you two. [Goes and sits down on the couch in the room. You know, Hyne must love stupid people, he made so many of them. [Looks back and forth from Zell to Irvine.]
Zell: [Looks at Irvine.] He must have a sheet of smart remarks somewhere, he's not smart enough to think all those up on his own. Okay, now Irvine, there has to be a way out. We're two intelligent guys, we have to find it...
Irvine: Uh huh. Sure. How about I just sit here and listen to my discman and watch while you two drive each other nuts? [Sits down at Cid's desk, propping his feet up on the desk.]
Seifer: Wow, the Cowboy's smarter than I thought. [Lays down on the couch.]
Zell: Lazy bums. Hey! Maybe if I pull on this candle holder, a hidden wall panel will open!
[Pulls on the wall candle holder. It falls off in his hand.] Oops, wrong one. Maybe this one is it... [Pulls on another wall candle holder. He pulls it off.]
Seifer: 100 candle holders on the wall, 100 candle holders, Chicken-Wuss pulls one down, throws it on the ground, 99 candle holders on the wall. 99 candle holders on the wall, 99 candle holders...
Zell: Shut up Seifer! At least I'm trying to get us out!
Irvine: If you two are gonna argue, can you do it a little quieter? I can't hear this song...
[Singing along softly] on this stage, on my own, whenever said my words, wishing they would be heard. I saw you smiling at me. Was it real, or just my fantasy?
Zell: [Glares at both of them.] Just wait. When I find an exit, I won't tell you and I'll leave you both here to rot. [Goes back to pulling candle holders off the wall.]
Seifer: [To Irvine, who is replacing the batteries in his discman.] I think he's one of those people who stops to think and doesn't start again.
Irvine: Hey now, even though that is funny, and Zell is SUCH and easy target, and its hilarious when he gets mad and starts turning red and fake shadowboxing and trying to look tough... wait, what was my point of this?
Seifer: I think you might have been trying to convince me not to pick on Chicken-Wuss.
Irvine: Oh, oh yeah. That was it. Okay Seifer, still, he's one of my buddies, so easy up a little.
Seifer: How about I only do it when you're listening to your discman and when you're not
around?
Irvine: Yeah, thats cool.
[Zell walks over with a wall candle holder in his hand.]
Irvine: Wassup? Run out of candle holders?
Zell: Yeah... I guess I was a little off in thinking that was the key to getting out.
Seifer: You know... in some movies if you pull a certain book off a book shelf a hidden
door will appear.
Zell: Really......? [Runs off to check the ten bookcases in the room (each of which have 8 shelves.) and see if one will help them get out.]
Irvine: Seifer, that was still wrong.
Seifer: What? I didn't insult him, now did I? I only encouraged him.
Irvine: Know what? I think its just as dangerous.
Zell: Come on!!! Where is it! [Starts ripping books off shelves.]
Irvine: Besides, we can end up getting blamed for the damage he's doing.
Seifer: [Shrugs.] So? Besides, you can't honestly believe they trust the three of us alone in Cid's office. I figure there's a hidden camera around here somewhere. The second they'd see one of us start to lose it and attack the others, they'd be in here to stop it.
Irvine: You know you might be right.
Seifer: Of course I am.
:::crash:::
[Seifer and Irvine turn around. A bookcase has fallen to the ground and Zell is standing next to it.]
Zell: Well, that made my work simpler. I guess I can rule out the secret exit switch being in that bookcase.
Seifer: Hey! You know if you do that to all the remaining bookcases, then you don't have to go checking every book.
Irvine: Seifer! Shhh!
Zell: Hey! You have a good point there... Wow, Seifer actually being helpful for a change.
[Zell runs off to tip over the 7 standing bookcases he hasn't checked yet. Irvine shakes his head while Seifer starts laughing.]
Irvine: I guess I'll just have to take this into my own hands. [Gets out and pulls out Exeter.]
Alright! Both of you over here! Kneeling on the ground! Hands over your head!
Seifer: Um, Irvine? What are you doing?
Zell: [Finishes tipping the bookcase he's standing in front of.] Me too?
Irvine: You heard me! Both of you over here now! I can't put up with you for twenty minutes, let alone a whole day! I'm gonna shut both of you up for good!
[Seifer and Zell kneel in front of Irvine. Irvine raised Exeter and puts it against Seifer's head.]
Irvine: Now, who's first....
Zell: [Whispering] Dear Hyne, who resides above, hallowed be thy name...
Seifer: Now Irvine, we can work things out...
[The door bursts open and Cid and Squall run in.]
Cid: Nooo!
Squall: Irvine! Stop where you are!
[Irvine looks at them and at the open door. He looks back at Seifer and Zell.]
Irvine: Come on guys! Run for freedom!
[Seifer, Zell, and Irvine run for the door as Squall and Cid watch in shock. They quickly leave and close the door behind them.]
Seifer: You coulda told me what you were up to.
Irvine: But we needed real fear, not fake fear, to get out.
Zell: So, how long should we leave them in?
Seifer: Oh, the whole day at the very least.
Irvine: Yeah, especially for that "at the very least it will at least give all members of Garden a day of freedom" remark.
Seifer: Oh yeah, I almost forgot about that. Well, then lets just leave them until we forget, then remember them again.
Irvine: [Shrugs.] Works for me.
Zell: Well.... I guess it wouldn't be that bad... Hey! That means with them gone I can T-board in the halls! Cool!
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[the end]