Releasing the Hurt

By Flamewhisper

Summary: What if Bella found another way to deal with the pain of Edward leaving? It was not something that she would normally do, but it really did help. What happens when her actions put her in harm's way? Will Edward be able to save her?

Rated T: For dark subject matter and mild language.

I do not own anything, but the plot for this story.

"You don't want me?" she asked, somehow her voice was not shaking.
"No," he said; face unreadable, like a marble statue.
"I guess that changes things."
"Good bye, Bella." He kissed her on the forehead and then he was gone.
She stood in the perfectly silent forest for a moment or two, before she took off running. "Edward..."

Bella's own screams pulled her from the dream. She sat up in bed gasping for air. It was better this time, as she was not still screaming, which was normally the case. As her thoughts turned to her dream, Bella buried her head in the pillow on the bed and started sobbing. No matter what happened, whether she was awake or sleeping, she was constantly reminded that he was gone. It had been two weeks since they had left and it was not getting any easier. After what seemed like forever, she stopped crying. She sat up, pushed her hair out of her face and rubbed her tear stained eyes. She looked around her small, cluttered room. Bella's eyes rested on her computer and an idea came to her. She walked over to her computer and powered it up. Although she did not know what had given her the idea, it seemed like a good one. She decided that she would write to Alice. Surely, the vampire that called her a sister had not given up on her. Bella was certain that if she sent Alice an e-mail, that the black haired pixie would write her back. 'She'll let me know that my past life with them was not a dream," Bella thought as the opened her e-mail program. She quickly typed out a short e-mail to her best friend.

Dear Alice,

I can't believe that you had to leave. It is so hard to be here without you, without him. I hope you are all happy where you are now, where ever it may be. Alice, please write back. Let me know everything that is going on. Let me know that it really did happen.

She pressed the send button and then looked at the clock. The numbers 5, 3, 0 glowed up at her, from the digital clock. '5:30' she thought. 'School is in two hours. Great another day of hell.' No sooner than the thought was complete, her computer dinged. Bella looked up not really sure what to expect.

Message Failed

Her heart sunk as she clicked on the return e-mail and skimmed the message.

We're sorry but this message could not be delivered, e-mail address is not authentic.

That sent Bella into another batch of tears. They really were gone.

Dear Alice, October 12

I don't know why I keep writing to you. I know that you are not getting my messages. Alice, it feels like there is a hole eating its way through my heart. I don't know how much longer I can survive. More and more, I think that you were just a dream, like the ones that haunt me every night. I don't know how much longer I can take this Alice.

Dear Alice, October 25

Is it possible to die of a broken heart? To just fade way without the one you love in your life. I do. You might not agree with me, but Alice you don't have to live with the throbbing, aching pain. You don't have to live knowing, what you had, what could have been your future, and then having it all taken away. Think about it, what if Jasper told you that he no longer loves you and left. What you want? I think it is the same thing that I want now. The peacefulness of death, after the hell that I have been living through.

Dear Alice, November 21

Things don't seem so bad any more. Why? I don't know I can't really explain it. The dreams still haunt me at night and the memories during the day, but they are manageable. It all started two days ago, when I was cooking for Charlie.

I was cutting fish for his favorite dish. I was not really paining attention, because the hole in my heart was tearing away at me, widening. It took me a few moments to realize that I had cut my hand. By the time I did, the counter was bright red, covered in my spilling blood. I dropped the knife and moved to the sink. As I did so, I noticed that the pain in my hand had overridden the ache of my heart. I paused, taking in the peace that I felt. Just them Charlie rushed in. He saw my bleeding hand and came over, turning on the cold water and pulling my hand under the stream. I watched as the blood was washed off. As it swirled with the water, before running down the drain. Then the salty, rusty smell started getting to me and I pulled my hand out and wrapped a towel around it.

It took me forever to convince Charlie that I was fine. I am fine. I am better. What does it mean Alice?

She looked down at the razor sharp blade in her hand. Bella had been keeping the knife hidden in her room for a little over a month now. She laid the gleaming blade down on her bed and pulled up her right sleeve. She was right handed, but tonight called for a change. She needed more, if she was going to make it through Christmas without him. Before Bella picked up her knife, she glanced down at her left arm. Underneath the gray sweatshirt sleeve, she knew that there 15 or so scars.

She had started cutting on Thanksgiving. The first few cuts were weak, timid, but they had done the job. They had helped to release all of the pain that was pent up inside. That did not work anymore. Quickly the little cuts did not do their job, so Bella started cutting deeper. Those were the cuts that started leaving pale scars. Secretly she as thankful that it was winter. She could wear long sleeves and no one would have to know.

Her heart was already racing, as she thought about what she had already done. Even though it was currently throbbing, it was like her heart knew what was going to happen and for a moment it would be healed. Bella reached down and picked up the deadly silver blade and placed it to her skin. Her body reacted, shivering at the comforting touch. She sunk the tip of the blade into her human arm just above the elbow. Normally her cuts were much shorter, but she needed this to be more. Tomorrow was Christmas and she wanted to be cheerful for Charlie. To be happier, she had to let the sad out.

Bella sighed as she pulled the knife down her arm and the pungent smell of her blood hit her nose. It used to make her sick, but not the smell of blood was comforting. She closed her eyes and the pain was released from her heart and moved to her arm. After what felt like seconds she could feel the pain leaving her, flowing out with the bright red blood. Bella sighed. She pulled the knife quickly the rest of the way down her arm, making sure the cut stop just short of her palm. She opened her eyes and looked at what she had down. Her sweat shirt sleeve had slipped a little and was already being soaked with her blood, as were her sweat pants. Bella's heart sunk for a moment when she saw all of the blood. She quickly realized why she felt none of the pain any more. 'I've cut too deep, I'm going to die.'

As quickly as the sorrow came however, it left. "This is right," she said quietly. "I finally feel like he never existed the pain is gone. Now I must no long exist." She smiled. Death was right; it had been her destiny since James tried to kill her. Even this was right, death by blood loss. 'I should write Alice,' she thought, 'and explain.' Bella slowly moved to the side of her bed and got to her feet. She swayed slightly and had to wait until she was steady enough to walk over to her computer. She sat down in the chair exhausted. Her computer was still running and she opened her email. While she waited she pulled out two letters: one to Renee and Charlie the other to... to him. She had thought about death before and wrote these when she almost killed herself about a week after he left. Something stopped her then, but now the time was right.

Bella looked away from the letters and at her computer. It was ready. Her click the new message button and started typing with her left hand.

Alice,

It has been about a month since I last wrote you. Alice, I'm dying. Tell him thank you for a few wonderful months and tell him to not do anything stupid. He does not need to feel guilty for not loving me anymore.

She was growing light headed, but still had strength enough to send the message. She closed her eyes allowing the peace of feeling nothing to fill her. Peace was the only thing that she could feel, everything else was draining out. Her pain, her happiness, her love for Edward. All of it was leaving. Bella's peace was interrupted by a ding of her computer. She looked at it, expecting to see the normal failure message, but this time it was an actual reply from Alice. She opened the message.

Keep fighting Bella for Edward. I promise he loves you.

"No," Bella whispered. "He doesn't" She closed her eyes again, ready for death to come.

"I do love you," a voice in her mind said. She smiled, even though he was lying and not real, the voice of her angel was a comfort. She felt something cool touch her arm. The cold radiated outward from her cut. Then the cold feeling moved to her cheek. "Bella, open your eyes." She did as the voice commanded. Everything was burly, but she saw to black orbs looking back at her. "I promise that I love you. And I won't let you die."

Before she could process the words, the orbs before her were gone and Bella felt a sharp pain in her neck. She gasped, as fire and feeling flooded her body. She could barely feel the sweet coolness that touched where the fire had begun. The burning was spreading moving toward her head, her left arm, moving down her back, but so was the numbness that claimed her bleeding arm. Both held sway over her body and she was not sure which to give into. The fire that was now consuming her in pain far worse than anything she had ever felt or the numbness that was already filling her mind. She felt ice on her cheeks and leaned into the feeling.

"Bella, look at me," the voice of her angle said again. The voice that had brought with it the icy fire of that had to be from hell. She looked in the direction of the voice and found herself again staring into black orbs. "Fight for me. Don't give up. I love you and a life without you is pointless."

"But, death is what I want now," she whispered. The numbness and fire were still battling for the control of her mind and it made it hard to think. "Angel, why do you want to keep me live in a living hell? Any life after death would be heaven compared to living without him."

There was a shuddering breath from the angel who was now holding her. "Oh god, Bella. I did not mean to hurt you so much. Please live, make the change. Give me eternity to show you my love. I'm giving you want to want, forever with me or forever without me. Just don't die."

The numbness was winning its battle for her body. It was spreading from her right side and making its way back to her heart. But the fire was not giving up. "All I wanted was his love, Angel."

"And I give it. Bella please, stop calling me Angel. I am not an angel; I am a demon, stealing your soul, so that I don't have to live in a world without you. Bella, look at me. It's me, Edward." Edward placed hand under her chin and tilted it up. He looked into her brown eyes and saw only the cloudiness of death already collecting in them.

"Edward," Bella gasped her voice catching. "Edward, I love you, but I can let you go now. I am ready to move on." The numbness had reached her heart and she was okay with it and the peace that it brought. "You must keep living Edward. That is what you can do for me." She took a shaky breath, and then her remaining strength gave out.

Edward caught her as she fell, easily pick her up. He listened to the sound of her heart, only to hear a very slow, fading thump. He laid her on the bed, and a few moments later all was quiet. "No," Edward screamed, his voice caught between anger and anguish. The sound awoke Charlie in the next room. Edward heard the shuffling of his feet as he came to Bella's room. Edward thought quickly about what to do. He picked up the two letters that he had seen on Bella's desk and stuck them in a pocket with his own. Then he sat down beside his love.

Charlie pushed the door open, "Bells, you okay," he called into the room. Charlie looked in the room and saw Edward sitting beside her. "What are you doing here," he asked voice, dripping with hate.

"Saying good bye," Edward replied, his voice dead.

"Haven't you done enough damage," Charlie said coldly, "she was just starting to get better." He took a few steps forward. That boy needs to get the hell away from my daughter, he thought. He could not see Bella for Edward was blocking his view. As if responding to Charlie's unspoken request, Edward got up from the bed, moving out of way. Charlie's eyes locked on his daughter and he saw the blood stained clothing. He moved to her side and touched two fingers to her neck feeling for her pulse. When he found none, he started CPR. "What the HELL did you do to her," he bellowed.

"I tried to stop her. To save her."

"I don't care, just call 911."

Edward wanted to say that it was pointless, but he did as he was told. He pulled out his phone, and listened to the forced beats of Bella's heart. He pressed the nine, when he heard the grinding sound of the venom reaching her heart. "It can't be." He erased the nine and dialed Carlisle. He knew that the venom had healing powers but could it be possible. He listened as Charlie continued the compressions. The heart beat began to grow stronger and Bella gasped in pain. "Get here fast," he said when Carlisle answered, "Bella needs help. She's changing."

Bella's lips parted in a scream. The fire was now rushing though every part of her body.

"Bella, honey, what's wrong." Charlie asked touching her, cheek.

Bella heard the voice, but did not know how to make her voice respond; besides the pain was more than she could take.

Edward walked up. "Charlie, you need to leave."

"No, I don't. This is my home."

"It will be the best for you. I know that you have known my family is different. Bella is becoming like us. It was the only way to save her. You don't want to be here. My family is coming; we'll take care of her."

"What is she becoming? What is your family?"

"I can't tell you, it is against our laws, but your thoughts are right."

Charlie was speechless. He had no clue what to say or do. He looked to his daughter again. There was a knock at the door.

"Up here, Carlisle." Edward called. Barely five seconds pass, before Carlisle joined them in Bella's room.

"Charlie," he said walking over to the only human in the room. "I know that this is hard for you, but you will see her again. Go back to bed and in the morning, call the police and say that Bella has disappeared. She will be fine; we will take care of her." He helped Charlie stand. "Get Bella. Alice was on her way her; she should be here with a car soon. I'll meet you down stairs." He escorted Charlie out of the room.

Edward walked over and picked Bella's body. She was now hot to his touch. "It will be okay, my Love."

"I know," Bella whispered.

A/N - What do you think? Should I write and follow up story?