To: Love, From: Hate

Disclaimer: I definitely do not own any of these characters, cause if I did, I'd be rolling around in money on the floor of my castle in great, frolicky joy.

Summary: Notes among colleagues in the Ministry of Magic are not the only things that are flying around in the air… gossip, jealousy and hate are also quite common in a bureaucratic setting. Add unrequited lust and love to the equation, one can expect the unexpected. DMHG.

Monday morning, In an office in the Ministry of Magic

8:45 AM

To: The Insufferable Know-it-All

I have received your owl and am hereby writing this missive to inform you that the answer is…NO!

From: The Handsome Pureblooded Wizard

8:50 AM

To: Pureblooded Git

The fact that you answered back my owl already implies that you have received it. Hence, there was no need to tell me so. Why you enjoy being redundant is something I will never understand.

Oh, and I reject your answer. Please reply back with a more appropriate answer.

From: The Cleverest Witch of the Century

8:55 AM

To: The Bushiest-Haired Witch of the Century

I am not redundant! Perhaps your bushy hair is invading your cranial and impairing your judgment. And what do you mean, you reject my answer?! You cannot reject me! I am a Malfoy, and no one ever rejects a Malfoy! Just ask Crabbe.

From: Myanswerisstillno

9:00 AM

To: Slimy-Haired Ferret

My hair is NOT bushy! Harold, from Accounting the other day, told me that my curls were very pretty, thank you very much. You, on the other hand, are a self-centered, egotistical, and narcissistic prick. You put so much gel in your hair that even a hurricane won't be able to undo it! And I am logging down your answer as YES. No one ever refuses ME, Malfoy.

And what about Crabbe?

From: I am better than you!

9:05 AM

To: You are not Pretty, but Hideous like that horrible cat of yours

You are simply jealous of the control I have over my hair. Because you obviously can't tame yours. Ever heard of conditioner, Granger? And maybe, mousse?

And I am not going to do it, and you can't force me!

About Crabbe, remember that time he took the last piece of Molly's pie? The last piece that I expressibly 'shot-gunned' and wanted? Well, remember what happened afterwards, when he refused to give it up to me? Ahh, that memory always makes me smile.

p.s. Harold from Accounting was just trying to get a date for the Ball. Since he's the ugliest fellow in the whole department he'd be desperate enough to go with anyone—even if it means complimenting that 'hair' of yours.

From: At Least I've Got a Hot Date! Ha!

9:10 AM

To: Asshole

Oh yeah, now I remember! I have to admit, that was hilarious Malfoy, especially since it took three days for the hex to wear off.

From: You Betcha

-BOOM!-

9:20 AM

To: You're Lucky My Eyebrows Weren't Completely Burned Off

Next time you hex me, Granger, take care to aim, because your aim sucks as bad as my grandmother playing Quidditch.

From: Off to fix hair in the Loo, so bugger off

9:25 AM

To: The Ponce

You deserved it. And my aim was true; I got your hair, didn't I? Loser.

p.s. Harold from Accounting is a sweet guy, which is more than I can say for you. At least I'll be able to have intelligent conversation with him. I'm not sure your "hot date" will be able to communicate intelligibly, as I've heard there's a great amount of air in that head of hers.

From: Justified

10:05 AM

To: I hate you

What did you do to my hair?! Granger, I swear I'm going to come into your office right now and hex the living daylights out of you if you don't give me the counter-curse. NOW.

I MEAN IT.

I expect to see you here, in my office in three seconds. You will deeply regret it if you don't show up.

From: I hate you

10:10 AM

Granger! You were supposed to be here 5 minutes ago! Come to my office now or Merlin help you!

10:30 AM

Granger? Are you even at your office? I sent you about ten other messages, and even you can't ignore them all.

Aaarrgghh! Yes, now I have resorted to screaming out my anger and frustration on paper! I cannot go on with the rest of the day with PINK hair! I've got a board meeting at noon!

A/N: Please push that pretty purply-blue button down there and review!