Please just stay with me on this, I will most likely be changing things over and over until I get them where I want it to be.

I could remember it all too well. It was about four years ago I met my true love and best friend. I just wish we met under different circumstances.
It all started in spring when things decided to take a turn for the worst. Honor was the top priority and it consumed everyone. I was fifteen at the time, and he was 18. He was finally getting his dream, he was ready to fight...

oooFlashbackooo

"I cant believe this is happening. I don't want to think about marriage! I want to be free, love who I want, live the way I want!" I kept thinking in my head, but I knew if I wanted to uphold my families honor this way the only way. About four years ago my father was wounded in battle, his honor was set in stone, but now that I'm of age for marriage there's a chance that I could make the honor he received vanish before our eyes.

It was the day before the matchmaker's test, and this woman hated me from the very beginning. She disagreed with how my parents raised me, and to tell you the truth, my mother wasn't happy on how I was being raised. My parents never had a son, so in a way I took the place as a son. My father wanted me to have the same opportunities as a male in our village, so I was educated. I learned how to read and write, along with being able to speak out and fight. I was taught everything a woman should not know. My mother didn't mind it until I was learning how to fight and speak out against something. My father tried to enroll me into a school, but they refused telling him that they don't allow females to step foot on their campus. So from there on my father and grandmother taught me.

The morning before I was due to see the matchmaker's I crept out onto the training grounds in the backyard. My mother made me stop practicing because it was nonsense and if I wanted to honor her, I would have to stop. She was not going to allow me, her daughter, to ruin everything because of training, it was something a woman was not even suppose to know. My father watched me from the temple, we both knew I would miss training very much after my marriage. I was able to excel at everything that he taught me despite his injury, and I knew he was regretting it now. I fell in love with the art, an art I will never be able to do again. My father blamed himself.

This day would drag on forever. I wake up everyday at the break of dawn to practice and meditate, from there I would jump into the river in our yard to cool off then I would feed the animals and do my chores. When I was done I would go take a bath and then meet up with my mother and grandmother in the market to get my dress fitted, that's where I would stand for hours at a time making sure the final details were finished. It wouldn't be until dusk I would return home where I was expected to prepare dinner. Once I was done my mother would want me to show her how I would act during the matchmaker's test.

How I wished for night to come soon. My mother would never leave me alone. After I was done I went outside and climbed the wall in our yard, as I sat on top of it I kept thinking "I don't belong here, I just want to leave and never come back." I was tempted on just jumping over the wall, but I couldn't. As a child I use to always jump over the wall, but of course I was always found by one of my father's friends coming to visit. They would laugh and bring me back home. One time I jumped over the wall and landed on this poor kid, I never knew his name, but he was with General Li. I guess it was his son. His son was nice, kind, and there was something about him that I saw in him. But that's a whole other story. He wasn't too upset I landed on him, instead he was laughing. I never saw him after that day. To this day I wonder what happened to him, but then I just figure he went off to school. But anyway I couldn't run away, I would disappoint my parents, and I could never live with myself if I knew I failed them.

My mother called me in, "Mulan, you need to go to bed now. You need to look beautiful and refreshed tomorrow when you meet the matchmaker."

"I know mama, I'll be in soon"
My mother didn't believe me, but just gave me a stern look and walked off to bed. As I sat on the wall thinking I couldn't imagine who I was to marry, what he was like, and if he actually wanted me or if he was being forced to marry me just like I am being forced to marry him. I just knew nothing would be the same after tomorrow, but I had no idea what was to come...

oooOooo

Morning came all to quickly. I crept out of the house, being careful not to wake anyone. I wanted to do my forbidden art one more time before I would no longer have a chance to. My mother saw me practicing, and came out screaming at me. Her words still ring in my head, "You are a dishonorable daughter. How can you dishonor us with your childish nonsense? You are to be married Mulan, what man would want you if they saw you dressing and acting like a man?"

I couldn't even look into her eyes, because a part of me knew she was right. What man would want someone like me? I knew that if I got married, I would bring my husband and myself a lifetime of unhappiness. I could never do that to someone even if i didn't even know them, or love them. It was a hopeless cause. I didn't want to marry, I didn't want to be a wife who was unable to to anything she wanted to do. I was not cut out for this. Sitting around, giving birth, weighting hand and foot for my husband, and being obedient, it wasn't for me. But I had to uphold my family honor, it was my duty and I had to oblige to it. I went back into the house to get my stuff and then I set off into town.

"My, my Mulan, you're quite early. We weren't expecting you for another twenty minutes!" one of the ladies exclaimed, "Give us ten minutes to prepare everything." I nodded and they were off. I kinda felt bad because now I made them rush.
One lady asked me, "my dear, why are you here so early? you must still be half asleep!" I laughed at what she said, "I've been up for about three hours!" She was surprised at my response.
"Why's that?" she asked. I wondered if I should tell her I was raised as a soldier and if we were on time, we were late, but I decided against that. If word got out that I was being trained in a man's area, I would dishonor my entire family for generations to come... if a man would want me after hearing the news.
"I...I just couldn't sleep" I finally said
"too excited" the nudged my arm. all i could do was look at her and plaster a smile on my face
"yes, very excited" trying to sound enthused

A woman came to get me, my bath was drawn and waiting for me. I stripped my gown off and stepped into the bath. It felt good against my aching muscles. I just relaxed while the woman washed me. I have to say, I felt very awkward I was very capable to wash myself, but it was tradition for someone else to wash you during a special occasion, and not that I would say this was a special occasion but to everyone else it was the most sacred special occasions before the wedding. I stood up and got out of the tub, the woman wiped me down and started to throw my clothes on layer by layer. First layer was my underwear of course, then came the slip, then the first thin layer of my dress which was a light green, then the second layer of the dress which was dark blue with a shinny green pattern decorated all over the dress and then the dark blue wrap that went around my waist, then a clear-ish sliver shinny cloth belt that went on top of that. I could not move or breathe. Who could i fool? I looked at myself in the mirror and didn't see a bride.

The woman noticed my unhappy look and said, "we're not finished darling, we have your hair to do and your make-up to put on. Don't worry, you will look like a beautiful bride, not that you aren't right now!"

I was dragged off into another room for my make-up and hair. I watched as they covered my face with this thick white pasty powder. I was not allowed to make any kind of faces or even smile or else i would have crease marks in my make-up. they left to let my white face dry before applying more make-up, either more white pasty powder or moving on to the lipstick, blush, eyeliner, and eye shadow. Everything they applied was thick and pasty. I looked more like a clown than a bride. I had a white face, pink blush, shades of green and blue eye shadow to match my dress, heavy eyeliner, and bright red lipstick. Next, and finally the last thing needed to be done was my hair. The woman were fighting on what they should do with my hair. They finally decided after 20 minutes of bickering to put it into a beautiful twisted up-do with curls. The dress and my hair were the only things I liked about today, and both were one of a kind like me. I came out of the house ready to line up, but they were no where in sight. They were still in other houses getting ready. I sat and played chess with a very nice elderly man. Some people didn't mind how I was acting, but i can't say the same thing about the others. I knew they talked behind my back but i stopped caring long ago.

Finally after 25 minutes of waiting, the girls started to come out. they looked at me then held their noses high showing how snobbish they were. We paraded through the village showing the villagers that we were going to meet with the matchmaker to receive a husband. I saw them whispering to each other looking at me. "This will never end" I thought "even if i do get married, the whispering will never cease to exist." The villagers didn't not like me nor respect me. When we finally came to Qi Ning's house we lined up and bowed to her hiding ourselves behind our umbrellas. Ning was this tall, slender, gorgeous woman and she knew it. She was vain, and if she didn't like you, she'd give you hell and sadly that was the position I was put in.

"Fa Mulan!" She called out, I stood up with my eyes directed toward the ground. I am considered to have a lower status than her, even though we are both women. But because of my lower status if I looked into her eyes it would be considered very disrespectful and I would be deamed a failure right on the spot.
"Come" she snickered
I slowly entered the building, Ning walked around me judging me like there was no end.

"You're too small and frail to give birth to sons or any pleasure to your husband in that matter."
"Recite the final admission!" Ning cried out

I wiped out my fan, "Fulfill your duties calmly and respectfully. Reflect before you act, this shall bring you honor and glory."

"Glory, how would fulfilling your duties calmly and respectfully and reflecting before you act bring you glory? what does glory even have to do with this crap?" I thought

"Mulan? Mulan are you listening?" I was snapped out of my daze, "Yes Lady Ning?"
"Pour the tea"
I nodded my head and poured the tea.

"Congratulations, somehow you passed. It was by some miracle, and now I am forced to find someone suitable for you, God help his soul."

oooOooo

I took my time returning home to my family. I was happy that I had passed, but I wanted more in my life. I walked by the water being careful not to mess my dress up. As I walked by the big rock I always sat on to think, I found an intruder. He looked to be a couple years older than me. He looked soft yet hard, worried and yet determined. He was built

"are you lost?" he asked

"hum?" I looked at him and smiled, "oh no sir I walk these shores everyday, usually at night when I can actually think"

"what's there to think of?"

I looked at him puzzled, "my we are getting quite personal here"

"Oh, I'm sorry. I mean no disrespect-"

I started to laugh, "no no that's fine I'm just not use to people caring my thoughts. Usually no one cares."

"Why would that be?"

"I was brought up differently lets just say."

he laughed at what I said.

"being raised differently shouldn't make a difference to people."

"Well the way I was raised is against the norm."

"You look very beautiful Fa Mulan, did you pass?"

"excuse me?" This was just getting way to weird for my likes

"did you pass the matchmaker's test?"

"Who are you." I started to back away

"no one, we met long ago..."

"I'm...I'm sorry I must go, my parents must be worried sick." and with that I ran off.

"we met long ago..." I thought, "I don't remember him at all."

oooOooo

I walked through the gates and my mother came running out.

"Where were you!?" she screamed

"I went for a walk mother"

"Mulan! how irresponsible can you be?! You're a young lady, someone could have kidnapped you!" she exclaimed

"Now, now Li, I think Mulan can fight the captor stupid enough to try and take her" Fa Zhou came out when he heard the ruckus, "How did you do my daughter?" he asked calmly

I bowed to him, "I have set our honor in stone once again. It is safe." He smiled and hugged me.

My grandmother heard the news and ran inside working on the design of my wedding dress right away!

"When do you go to find out who your husband is?"

"Ning is finishing the tests at the end of the week. We all have to line up in front of her house where she will tell us who they will be." My father and grandmother never liked how they informed the girls of who they were to marry, but nothing could be done about it.

"OH MY GOODNESS! I have to design another dress for you to wear that day!" My grandmother exclaimed. She had nothing better to do than designing dresses, but she was amazing at it. She designed these complicated, but gorgeous gowns. She wanted her only granddaughter, or grandchild at that, to look beautiful for any occasion.

I smiled as my grandmother's eyes lit up with hundreds of ideas. There was no stopping her now. I walked inside laughing, she was impossible. I folded up my gown, careful not to wrinkle it then went into the kitchen to help prepare dinner. It was a pleasant meal, not much talking but I knew if there was... it would be about me and my future husband and everything my mother saw wrong in me.

After I headed outside just to think. My father found me sitting on the training grounds. He walked up to me and knelt down placing a hand on my shoulder.

"Baba I...I don't want to give this up. Not now, not yet. I'm not ready to stop."

"I know my darling, I know."

"I've worked too hard to give up now! My husband is controlling my life even before I meet him!"

"Just hope that the matchmaker gives you a good husband. And who knows he may be in the army, and they have to go a couple times a month to train. You can practice then."

"But I don't want to train in secret!"

"Mulan, you've been doing it for years. You've kept it from the entire village for the most part and your mother."

"But this is different baba, I'm going to be his wife. How can I hide this from him? He's going to eventually find out and punish me for it. Why did you do this to me? Why was I born a girl?" I didn't realize what I said until it was too late. My words struck my father hard, it wasn't his fault I learned everything I did, he was just trying to help me, give me a better life, and give me something to do.

"Baba... I'm-" he held a hand up

"Don't apologize Mulan. I deserve it. I shouldn't have ever tried to raise you as a son." with that he got up and walked away.

How could I have treated my father like this? I shamed myself and there was no way he would forgive me.

oooOooo

It was dark, I couldn't see anything, I had no idea where I was. All I could hear was screaming and begging. I could smell smoke. As I got closer i saw the fire, i smelt the smoke, fire, burning wood and flesh. I could see people running past me, I didn't understand. As I got closer I realized where I was. I was in my village. It was under attack by savage men, one of them saw me. I tried to run but was unable to move, he came closer and closer. I could see the hatred in his eyes as he raised his sword...