This use to be the beginning of my most replied story so far, Love is for Dummies, but lately the story has 'bit the shark' or something like that, mostly due to my lame-ass plotting methods. A lot of my chapters were covered in spelling mistakes, had horrible, horrible grammar screw-ups, flat sentences, and other problems that I don't want to get deep into. For some reason though a handful of people went through the trouble of Alerting it and will probably/are deeply pissed off with me. Trust me, this is a good thing, or well at least I hope it will be, some day. Maybe. Moving on.
Since I like the first um, five chapters I decided to post them up so that everyone else can enjoy them too. This story is plainly just the first and second chapter of my story. So, if you read this before and are seriously bummed out, I'm sorry, trust me it hurt to do that. Ouch. To whomever else that hasn't, enjoy reading and be on the lookout for the new Love for Dummies.
Disclaimer
. I don't own Eyeshield 21. However I do own 65 coloring pencils so ha!
Sena must have done something wrong.
He wasn't sure what he done wrong but he must have messed up pretty bad. Standing to his left was Hiruma, gun on shoulder, chewing loudly on a piece of gum. The quarterback hadn't explained his reason for walking Sena home the last week. Was it for blackmail? Or on the other hand, maybe he found out that Sena had broken the coffeemaker a couple days ago. (It fell out the window, so not completely his fault.) Surely that wouldn't be the reason for all the creepiness, right? Sena looked up at Hiruma cautiously, startled slightly when he heard a crash and swearing from the alley they had just passed. Pausing, the blond demon sighed and turned to Sena.
"Stay." He ordered, as one would do to their disobedient dog. Sena blinked confused but didn't dare move. Hiruma retraced their steps and walked into the alley muttering to himself. Sena frowned hearing gunshots and a little bit of yelling/swearing before seeing Hiruma strolling out of the alley casually, his M4 Carbine swung over his shoulder, and passing Sena without a glance.
Sena stared for a moment at the alley then raced after Hiruma his mind churning with mystification. Once at his doorstep, he turned to thank Hiruma (it was only polite) but like always, the quarterback didn't even stop.
"Eh, thank you Hiruma-san!" He called, and, also like always, received bullets in the sidewalk hazordly close to his feet as an answer and practically had to throw himself through the door or risk getting shot.
That night at dinner he confessed to his parents about how he had done something wrong, but wasn't quite sure what. "That's great son." His father answered his mind on autopilot. Mihae, Sena's mother, gave his father a pointed glare for a moment before turning to Sena.
"You just need to say sorry straight out! Oh, and Sena, please hurry! I'm running out of spare mailboxes," She looked through the window at her bullet-covered mailbox and sighed.
"The third one this week." She complained before turning the direction of the conversation to the 'amazing new microwave' she saw at the mall.
--
The next day before morning practice, Sena finally approached Hiruma who raised an eyebrow as the running back gave a few hundred bows of surrender. "Um, I'm s-sorry Hiruma-san!" He blurted out, his face warming up, wondering if he was going to get shot...again.
"For what? What did you do now?" Hiruma questioned casually, not looking up from loading a certainly illegal semi-automatic rifle.
"I'm not really sure…But I'm sorry anyway!" Sena mumbled panicky. Hiruma's eyebrow twitched and was fully planing to retort with an, "Why the hell would I care if you screwed up? What, do I look like fucking Father Yoichi?" but paused as a rather evil idea struck and the mental wheels started to turn. (The wheels are evil too by the way.) Facing Sena, he smiled widely, showing off a row of rather sharp teeth.
Sena proudly managed not to pass out in fear but did step back a few paces, his eyes glued on the gun. "Well, how about a chance to repent yourself?" He questioned slyly and Sena glanced nervously back at the door to the clubhouse before nodding.
"Um, okay. I guess?" The tentative answer was more a question more than a statement with good reason.
Anything Hiruma came up with would probably be either mentally or physically painful. Add in Sena's luck though, and he'll probably run into a nasty mixture of both.
"Skip your two last classes tomorrow and come in the club house. You'll find what you need in a red duffel bag in the corner." Hiruma ordered pointing to said corner.
"B-but what about class? I'm not allowed to skip!" Sena stuttered, having never missed a class before. Hiruma just snorted, lacking any sympathetically whatsoever.
"I'm not 'allowed' to shoot people but I do it anyway. Now stop fucking chattin' and go out there and jog!" Sena bolted, feeling some small level of happiness that was quickly demolished once he realized quite fully that he was doing a favor for Hiruma. Meaning Sena should probably be writing out his will, picking his gravestone, and taking measurements for a certain black suit.
"Oi, Sena! What's wrong? You're all pale and shakin'." Monta questioned, waving a hand in front of Sena, looking worried.
"I-I'll be fine." 'For now, later though I might be, um, died.' Sena finished grimly in his head and Monta grabbed his shoulder and slapped a rough hand up to Sena's forehead, checking his temperature.
"If you're going to puke, tell me! Because if you're sick, that's something I so won't be catching." Monta joked and Sena laughed weakly. Behind them, the clubhouse door burst open and Hiruma strolled out with his black SKS aimed directly at Monta and Sena; they took the hint and bolted off without a word.
--
Sena sighed and wondered grimly if maybe he had run over Hiruma repeatedly with a Hummer before stabbing the older boy to death with a dull plastic spork, or something like that, in a past life. He looked down grimly at the gray-blue skirt and tried to pull it down a little bit lower, mourning for the loss of whatever masculinity he was born with.
The night before, Sena couldn't sleep. Thoughts of being tied to a stake, being boiled alive or other sorts of nasty torture had run through his mind, making sleep a rather far-fetched idea. By the time that 7th period rolled around he was practically having a nervous breakdown.
Skipping his last two periods, something he was sure would haunt him later; Sena moodily slid open the clubhouse door with more force than probably needed.
"Ta~da!"
Standing there in all her dark blue-haired glory was Suzuna Taki wearing the Kyoshin Poseidon cheerleader uniform complete with a blue skirt and shells covering her…
Sena snapped out of his train of thought and stepped out of the clubhouse and slammed the door shut, feeling a calm sense of déjà vu.
"That's so cold!" She whined, opening the door again and fake sobbing dramatically.
"S-sorry but, um, Suzuna? Why are you wearing, er, that?" He questioned, waving a hand to her outfit. Suzuna brightened and struck a pose for him.
"I like the Deimon one better but this is cute too right?" Sena nodded, deciding it was better not to argue with her.
"But Sena, you're a little late, we might not have enough time to do your hair. You can go get changed in the locker room, your outfit is in there." She explained, casually pushing Sena from behind into the clubhouse, then into the locker room where the red duffel bag sat. She then bolted out, slamming the door behind her and locked it.
Her behavior was making Sena both curious and frightened, so he zipped open the red duffel bag and held out what Suzuna had instructed him to wear. He stared down for a moment before dropping it on the bench and stiffly headed to go bang on the door. "Suzuna, I'm not wearing this!"
--
"Okay ladies now from the top!"
Go! Flash! Go! Kyoshin who?
Go! Flash! Go! Poseidon it's true!
Go! Green and Blue!
We're Kyoshin Poseidon who are you?
Sena chanted along in dry monotone, feeling as if he had his own dark cloud of gloomy, evil, doom hanging over him complete with the occasional lighting bolts. According to Suzuna, Hiruma had 'asked' her to spy on the Kyoshin Poseidons while pretending to be a cheerleader. That explained why she hadn't been at his school nearly as much in the last two weeks! She had been too busy posing as a Blue Mermaid cheerleader.
"I'm so glad you're coming too, Sena! It's kind of scary to be a spy without someone else around." She admitted on a whisper when the girls (And Sena!) took a short break. Sena smiled back, feeling guilty for trying to think of ways to get out of the whole thing. (And thus is the power of guilt trips.)
Suzuna, next to him, shook her pompoms cheerfully and kicked a leg high above her head. (Flexibly obviously ran in the family) Sena brushed a lock of mahogany brown hair out of his eyes with a huff. It turned out that they hadn't had enough time to 'fix up Sena's hair' so Suzuna 'was forced to' change to plan B.
Which involved Sena wearing a long brown wig with bangs so long it looked like he was having a seizure every time he tried to flick them out of his eyes. Then of course, she just had to put make-up on him so now his eyelashes felt all heavy, he wasn't even allowed to rub his itching eyes! There was one thing that Sena had learned from this though: Suzuna enjoyed putting him in pain way too much.
Deep in his own self-pity, Sena didn't hear the cry of 'Heads Up!' as Kobanzame- a Quarterback- threw a loose football high in the air. On accident, the ball headed towards the cheerleaders who were practicing their chants on the first level of the bleachers.
Purely out of habit, Sena pushed Suzuna out of the way, the (real) hair on his neck raising as he felt the leather ball barely miss him.
Sena had enough time to think 'Wow that was lucky' before he fell headfirst over the railing.
Sena gave an 'eep!' and blocked the worst part of the fall with his bare, unprotected arms. As it was, Sena was sprawled out on the ground, flat on his back, with his feet in the air.
"ARE YOU OKAY?" Suzuna cried out, jumping expertly over the rail and landing next to him with an annoying amount of professional ease.
Sena sat up feeling dazed. Due to the football, him falling, and Suzuna's screaming, the two 'spies' pretty much had everyone's undivided attention.
"Hey! Oh jeez, I'm sorry are you okay?" Someone repeated Suzuna's question and Sena sat up in a more dignified position and decided now was a good time to answer. Sena blinked tasting the red track dirt in his mouth.
Was he okay? Let's see…
Ouch, ouch, yeah, triple ouch.
"Well I'm alive." He muttered rubbing his slightly scratched arms, happy when he didn't find blood, not noticing the giggling from Suzuna's direction or the slight breeze between his legs earlier.
"How dull." Mizumachi sighed, but managed to sound cheerful, appearing from seemly nowhere. "What's dull?" Sena questioned slowly standing up with the help of a couple of the cheerleaders.
"White underwear." Mizumachi pointed to him, after a few slow seconds, Sena realized what he meant, and he felt his face turn five colors darker.
The team erupted into cheerful laughter
(RJ: That's just cruel! To laugh at someone after that!!!!)
(DC: Well they're all football players and cheerleaders. It's like their part in the circle of life to make other people feel miserable. –Shrugs- Hey I'm just the writer.) and the hyper blond linebacker was jammed into a headlock by a teammate.
"Sorry for interrupting." Sena grumbled weakly rubbing the back of his head sheepishly. Obviously, Mizumachi hadn't seen enough of his underwear to know that something was wrong with that picture.
However, being the center of attention while he was Eyeshield21 was nerve-racking by itself, but without the Eyeshield it was almost terrifying. "I should go, um, clean up." Sena muttered and Otohime, the pretty head cheerleader, nodded looking worried.
"Are you going to be okay? Do you need help? You should take the rest of the day off." She recommended and Sena smiled weakly.
'She reminds me of Mamori-neechan a lot.'
(Otohime on the other hand was thinking something among the lines of 'Who the heck is this girl? She seems too shy to be another one of those crazy fangirls after Akaba-san and I don't remember her from school. Do I? Maybe it would be better if I told her to leave, you never know.')
"What? Are you sure you don't want to stay? We'll keep this idiot far away! We promise!" Someone asked light-heartedly but Sena shook his head his face still blushed. He felt it might to rude to tell the truth, that wild horses owned by Hiruma couldn't make him stay for the rest of the practice.
He turned to Suzuna who tossed him his accursed pompoms and his green sweatshirt and mouthed a "It's okay go." while nodding furiously.
Walking away quickly, he bowed once to the team before bolting towards the school on accident tripping over some unidentified object and slammed into the door head on. Since he had no more grace left he didn't even turn to see anyone's reaction and headed off to the bathrooms. He hesitated a moment before meekly walking into the girls' bathroom feeling pretty sure that getting his nails ripped off one by one would be better than what he was being forced to live through.
Luckily the bathroom was empty so Sena didn't have to deal with any awkwardness, still feeling as if he was committing some sort of sin he quietly washed his arms with a brown paper towel, biting down on his lip due to the sting. Sena then proceeded to try to take off the shell coating of the cheerleading outfit. It was all zippers so when he was done he chucked it under the sink; Suzuna would come around later and hopefully find it. Underneath he had just been wearing a black T-shirt, which wasn't really all that bad, even if it was rather feminine.
Putting on the light faded green sweatshirt, he tugged it down so low it practically seemed that he wasn't even wearing any pants (um, skirt) whatsoever. He turned around to look at himself in the mirror and sighed, depressed about how much of a girl he really did look like. The long, shiny, dark brown hair with its cinnamon highlights wasn't helping either.
Sena had half a mind to rip the wig off and bury it six feet under, but Suzuna had paid for it herself and without it he would look too much like a guy and well, he'd rather not have to deal with that. So he'd survive- somehow- until he reached Deimon and could happily wear his own pants without a care in the world.
Well, sort of, there was still the probability that Hiruma would end up shooting him some day in the near future.
With such good thoughts running through his head, Sena left the school -which oddly reassembled the Gasometer in Vienna – (hmm…) and headed off to the bus stop.
The weather was just a little too hot for sweatshirts and the lack of wind or any sort of breeze made him start to roast inside the sweatshirt. Well, maybe the sweating was really due to his own rising paranoia. Even though Sena tried to convince himself it was only his imagination it seemed as if once and a while he'd find a person staring intensely straight at him.
Sure that in a few moments he was going to hear a cry of "Hey that's Sena he's not a girl! Let's form a mob and get him!" Sena started to walk a little faster feeling the bubbling panic being molded into full out hysteria inside of his stomach. It didn't help that nearly all the 'starers' were middle-aged and, in the right light, seemed to have a sort of hungry glint in their eyes. He tried to focus completely on the sidewalk in front of him, not wanting to deal with possible cannibals.
But unexpectedly he ran into something. Something, hard. With his face. Hard. Ouch.
"Hey watch where you're going," A chillingly familiar voice grunted and Sena felt the color leave his face; but it then returned so quickly that he swayed a little. He looked up and had to flick his stupid bangs out of his eyes to get a hairless view of the one and hopefully only Agon.
"S-sorry about that." He muttered and stepped away a little bit, the 'hard something' he had stupidly ran into turned out to be the very chest of Agon Kongo. Sena bowed his head trying to leave before Agon decided to snap him in half for entering his divine personal space. However his plan was cut short when Agon placed an arm around his shoulder a kind almost caring smile on his face.
Sena froze in complete fear.
Agon looked...different. That creepy I'm-Going-To-Kill-You-Because-You-Breathed-My-Air look that he normally wore was gone replaced with something even more scary.
A freakin' normal looking person.
"Shoot, pretty cute too." The dreaded boy muttered to himself and if not being held kidnap Sena probably would have fallen down on all fours anime styled.
Totally depressing. Totally and utterly depressing. While Sena was busy hating his life, (and Hiruma, oh and can't forget Suzuna…) Agon had whipped out his cell phone and speed-dialed.
Sena's ears perked and his heart skipped a beat at the words "Date's off." but Agon had flipped the phone shut before he had time to even finish processing it. Sena frowned inwardly (outwardly he was still, well, you know, paralyzed in fear) and tried to shift away from Agon and his clearly disturbing plots and plans.
"Um, I'd love to stay and all but I've got to go to that place, with those um, people so I can't be late, or, um yeah." Sena attempted lying and of course failed horribly hanging his head as Agon gave an amused chuckle.
"Trying to get rid of me already? When you're the one to run into me?" Sena shook his head widely, coming up with twenty really, really great intelligent replies but failed to finish one.
It might take a couple more seconds but surely Agon would realize that he, Sena was in fact a boy, (He was a genius right?) then Sena would die some sort of horrible death probably including a cliff with sharp rocks fifty feet below and sharks. Can't forget the sharks.
Even though Sena couldn't remember him moving Agon had managed to shift in closer tightening his hold on Sena. Sort of like an octopus to a fish, for a moment Sena blanked out remembering seeing something like that on the Discovery Channel once. He was brought back to Earth through once he realized that he was lacking the proper amount of air. "Um, Agon-san? I'm, er, choking." Sena whispered hoarsely and Agon stared down at the 'girl' sharply studying 'her' again.
How did she know his name? Did he know her from somewhere? She was short but couldn't have been that much younger than he is and had a face he would have bothered to remember, well, maybe.
Thin frame, small a-cup, there was dirt on her face and legs as if she had been rolling around on a track field, long pretty hair with bangs that brushed against her eyes cutely, and the short skirt she was wearing almost reached to her mid-thigh. She had big, wide, brown eyes that were filled with absolute panic. Hmm, her voice did seem oddly familiar too. Agon's eyes widened, remembering a certain brown-eyed boy from the blond shit's school less than a week ago. He practically ripped his arm away as if Sena had the Black Death; Small Pox, Leprosy, or all listed above.
In response Sena did an almost comical twirl while stumbling as he tried to gain whatever balance he possessed. Hmm, this was turning out better than he had thought earlier; he wasn't being drowned in an acid pool, let. (With acid sharks ready to eat him alive.)
"Don't tell me you're that Deimon chibi trash!" Agon growled in dark warning and Sena nodded sweat dropping at the rude nickname.
"Yep, that's, um, me. Er, please don't kill me." He stuttered and held his hands up in a pacifistic gesture; Agon stared down at him for a few distressing moments emotionless. Sena slowly lowered his hands down pretending to be completely and utterly absorbed with inspection the bottom hem of his green sweatshirt.
"Damn it." Agon muttered under his breath and rubbed his eyes while Sena began to wonder absent-mindedly if he'd live long enough to put on a pair of jeans.
"That's it, we've got to get you some normal clothes. I'm so going to fucking kill something." Agon announced and started to walk away, but, having second thoughts, turned to Sena and grabbed the smaller boy by the waist then holstered him higher up, holding a frightened Sena under his arm as one would carry a football. "W-what are you doing? Put me down!" Sena squeaked and tried to wiggle his way out towards freedom.
"Well you don't want any perverts picking you up, right?" Agon questioned as if this was something they did often.
"Or cannibals..." Sena added speaking quietly to himself shivering at the memory and tried to look up when he held a choking noise from Agon. But alas his neck didn't exactly bend that way. Once he was sure that they weren't headed towards the ocean (The cliff and sharks remember?) Sena grumpily tried to accept his fate while silently complaining to himself and Kami-sama that the week was probably the worst in his whole life. Well, maybe the second if you added that time when he puked on another student (Status: Bully) and got a few death threats for the rest of the month. Death threats....
Wait a moment oh, God! Hiruma was going to murder him seven times over once he saw this. Sena struggled a little after that thought but Agon didn't even seem to notice, adding another blow to Sena's rather nonexistent ego. Nevermind this was way worst than the puking thing.
"Hiruma Yoichi! Get your ass out here!" Agon snapped once they were at the high school, Sena's face flushed. School had just been let out and students turned to see the tall dread-headed boy carrying 'some girl' under his arm casually.
Sena glared at the ground through the corner of his eye he could tell that instead of trying to help him the Deimon students were staying out of Agon's way as much as possible. Understandable of course Agon was giving off that sort of evil aura that would customary in Deimon to be followed with the sound of guns and evil laughter.
"H-how do you know Hiruma-san?" Sena questioned and was replied with a very helpful grunt.
"There you are, fucking shorty! You're early." Hiruma stated, not greeting Sena's kidnapper. Sena gasped as Agon tightened his grip around his stomach. 'I'm so going to have a few less ribs after this.'
"S-s-sorry Hir-Hiruma-san I, um- f-fell," He stuttering surely incomprehensible missing that wonderful stuff called oxygen for the second time that day.
"Oi, fucking dreads! You're killing my running back." Agon looked down at Sena who was probably turning a light shade of blue by now. Giving Sena an Why-Did-You-Let-Me-Go-And-Do-That look, Agon finally let go and Sena semi-landed, semi-collapsed on the grass and stood up rubbed his ribs sheepishly.
"Now, you fucking pipsqueak! Go change before that fucking manger sees you. I really don't want to deal with her crap at the moment." Sena nodded before bolting off, leaving the two to rip the other's neck off.
--
Somehow, he had done it again. Now both Hiruma and Agon were angry with him. As a result, now they were BOTH walking him home! It was enough that if just a few years younger Sena might have burst into tears however he was older and too tired for such a thing. The only thing that could be considered good was that at least this time he had some idea about what he did wrong, even though it wasn't really his fault. And he was finally wearing pants again; that was defiantly a plus.
After an inward sigh, Sena secretly flashed a glance at Agon through the corner of his eye. Was this only temporary or would he now have to deal with an even stiffer atmosphere than before?
The three had almost reached Sena's house when he decided that this was getting out of hand. If Sena wanted to live to be 21 (His goal in life), he'd have to clear up whatever issues he had started. Sena came to a halt and after a few paces the other two stopped and turned at the same time. Thinking idly that they were kind of a lot alike, Sena inhaled deeply.
'I wish I had some more time to think this out.' He whined to himself lucky there wasn't an answer meaning he hadn't gone completely crazy.
"I-I'm sorry." He squeaked his voice in a slightly higher pitch then he would have desired.
"What now fucking chibi?" Hiruma questioned dryly. Agon glared at him and seemed to be pondering if there was enough time to push the other in front of the moving truck that was headed their way.
"I'm not sure, b-but I'm really sorry! A-and um, if I did something wrong then please tell me so I don't do it again." He babbled with an apprehensive look and wide eyes relief flowing through his system when the truck passed. The two sighed in unison and at the same time both wrapped one of their arms around Sena's scrawny frame; Hiruma's arm hung around Sena's shoulders, while Agon's snaked around Sena's waist. The two shared a glaring war over his head while Sena calmly tried to turn invisible and squirm out of his captivity beneath.
"Come on chibi we're going to see a movie." Hiruma announced to him, but Sena whipped his head the other direction finding a rather angry-looking Agon. The teen was grinding his teeth together and Sena tried to blink away a vivid memory of a lion getting ready to recoil and pounce on of those poor defensive deer-looking things like on the Discovery Channel. (His mom didn't let him watch much of anything else.)
"No way in Hell." Agon answered with a growl and tugged Sena harder towards his direction. "Ha! Hell's my fucking specialty." Hiruma crackled pulling Sena more his way.
Fearing that he was going to get caught in some sort of nasty human tug-of-war competition, Sena waved his hands around as if trying to fling away the bad aura created by the two. "Let's all go see a movie!" Sena peeped, not wanted to anger either of the football players.
"Yeah let's all go see the fucking movie," Hiruma smirked and Sena beamed, happy that at least one of the two was willing to be nice and not kill him. "And then Sena can choose which one." Hiruma finished slyly.
"Eh? Which one of what?" Sena asked, finding himself behind dragged by his both wrists by the two older demonic teens with enough force that one of them would surely rip his one of his arm sockets out.
And Sena found himself wondering what he did wrong. Once again.
--
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