Let Me Be Your Light.
&hearts
. . .
I can feel it . . .
I can feel it, and I hate it . . .
It was bright. And hot.
He kept his eyes closed as he basked in the radiance of the setting sun. He still could not see well yet on these islands. The young boy's vision had been clouded, blurred, obscured by darkness, so now everything seemed almost impossibly bright. Though the breeze felt good against Riku's flawless skin, to his own surprise, the heat from the sun did not feel miserable, yet felt somehow sweet. He had to take his yellow vest off, but besides that, the heat didn't bother him, really. The warmth the sun emitted on Destiny Islands reached his very core—it had been so long since he had been able to feel every part of him become illuminated like this, all to help him reach his ultimate goal—
No more darkness.
"Riku!"
Riku didn't bother to open an eye. He could recognize that obnoxious voice from ubiquitously everywhere.
He had even heard it through the darkness in the past.
"Riiiikuu!" Sora shouted again.
"I promise, Sora, I'm every bit as alive as I was twenty minutes ago," Riku replied condescendingly, clearly annoyed and shifted his weight slightly in the sand he was sprawled out in. He had his arms behind his head and listened to his best friend's loud footsteps as he ran to the silverette's location on the bridge that led to the tiny island that Riku claimed. Sora finally ran into view, panting and heaving until he reached where Riku lay, and flopped beside him in a tired mess.
"Whoo . . . Sorry about that. You've been out here by for over an hour. I just worry about you when you're doing th-this . . . this training stuff. If you ask me, you're just fine." Sora grinned and looked over at him with all the sincerity in the world in his big blue eyes. Riku looked back at his and couldn't help but smile slightly before closing his eyes and facing the sky again, wishing the sun wouldn't go away just yet.
"It's not . . . training. It's reintroduction. And I think it's helping," Riku sat up and dusted his back off from all the sand. He stretched and let his bright eyes skim across the perfect surface of the water. He remained silent only for a moment, watching the sun's rays dance on the water's surface making everything seem brighter. Riku smiled.
"Destiny Islands . . . do you feel like this place means so much more to you now? I mean, after the initial panic from our parents when we finally came home . . . It's so peaceful here. So different than any other world we've been to. I don't want to be stuck here—but I feel like this is somewhere to always return to," He spoke in almost a nostalgic way. "That's why I gotta do this. I've found the light. I just have to convince myself more of accepting it now," Riku continued on. The brunette stared at him with wide, curious eyes. Sora brushed back a bit of his own spiky hair and stretched; he was clearly thinking for a moment. He sat up too then flashed his signature smile and brushed off some more sand from Riku's silver hair.
"Well it's good then. That you're doing what you feel is right, I mean." Sora sighed in a way that told Riku that he was searching for the right words. Sora then moved a little closer. Sora reached over and put his hand against Riku's chest, palm spread out, directly between his pectoral muscles, and applying slight pressure against him.
Every inch of Riku froze. Every hair on him stood on edge, and even in the heat he felt chills move up his arm and his face flush. Riku swallowed hard.
Sora could feel Riku's pulse move though his hand ever so slightly.
"This." Sora spoke softly. He had a slight smile, an encouraging one. It seemed that he really understood Riku's frustration. "Remember it. It won't lie to you, Riku,"
He could here his pulse throbbing in his head. Riku remained still for a moment, a billion and one things racing through his mind before quickly recovering with a quick laugh and then pushing Sora's hand away. He prayed that Sora couldn't have possibly felt his heart begin to hasten.
"Sora, I know that . . . Don't get all sappy on me, man," Riku covered and stood up. He reached out to help Sora up, and he took his hand with a hopeful smile, his cheeks flushing ever so slightly. "Um . . . where's Kairi?"
Sora let out a second sigh and smiled up at Riku. "That's another reason why I was looking for you, Riku, I—"
"Riiku! Sora!" The tiny girl ran at the two over the bridge. She reached them, only slightly stumbling in the sand. She giggled lightly and caught her breath. She looked up at both of them, but turned to Riku. "It always shocks me how tall you've gotten, Riku, it's crazy. Gah, you've been out here this whole time? I bet you're gonna be sunburnt." Kairi said in her high voice looking up at him. Riku smiled down at her and shook his head.
"Kairi, I think he'll be okay. When have you ever known Riku to get sunburned?"
"It has been a while . . . I think I can only remember on time," Kairi began to suppress laughter. A wide grin spread across Riku's face.
"The time when I shoved Sora's head in that unusually large coconut we found for laughing at me?" Riku and Kairi could no longer suppress the laughter and erupted in a fit of hysteria. Sora flushed a bright shade of red and began defending himself accusing Riku of being still being that mean.
"God, I miss those days," Riku reminisced. He glanced at the both of his best friends.
They looked suspicious. Riku felt his core sink. He felt something was wrong here.
"We are going to have that bonfire down here tonight . . . right guys?" He inquired, crossing his arms over his built, but thin, chest.
"That's actually what I was coming to ask you about, Riku," Sora started, blushing lightly and messing with the back of his hair, flipping it up and down.
"We were wondering if we can have the bonfire tomorrow. Sora and I had some things to discuss," Kairi asked with a sweet smile. "Is that cool with you, Riku? Pretty please?" Kairi asked suddenly wrapping her arms around Riku for a hug, her fiery hair falling lightly behind her leaving a trace of lilac scent. He laughed slightly and gently pried her arms away from him.
"Kairi!" Sora remarked sharply, butting in. "Riku, we can so still have the bonfire tonight—K-Kairi and me can go another n-night," Sora replied nervously, turning the same bright shade of red as before.
Riku crossed his arms and looked down at the two of them with a smirk. "So you guys are going on a date, huh?"
"I wouldn't call it—"
"You could call it that." Kairi interrupted Sora with her high voice, nudging him hard in his side, then leaning on his shoulder. Sora grinned and looked down at his shoes that shuffled slightly in the sand. Riku couldn't help but smile at Sora. Sora's deep blue eyes then flashed up at him.
Riku felt his heart begin to flutter and his face flush. His pulse came to his head again. This was happening more frequently now.
And to think he was able to push his reactions aside until over a year ago when they first got separated—so many feelings . . . so much confusion.
They looked up at Riku for his response impatiently.
"Ugh. You two walking clichés go on ahead. I think my parents still want me home sooner than later anyway," Riku flashed a quick smirk at them before stretching and beginning to walk back home. Hoping they didn't notice the blood rushing to his face. He waited several seconds before shouting back at them. "You two have fun—and remember to be safe!" Riku laughed, hoping they heard his cruel joke and then turned back to them one last time, though it seemed they didn't hear him. He hid the strain well.
There, he saw it.
Riku watched as Sora leaned down toward Kairi. He brushed back some of her soft, crimson hair, hesitant and shaky, and let their lips touch. It lasted only a second—awkward and small. And then it was over. The two smiled slightly at each other, not keeping eye contact for long then began to walk off; her hand in his.
Riku felt his mouth run dry and his eyes not wanting to move from them. He suddenly felt like there was a hole in his stomach, the edges raw and burning. He hunched over, trying his best to remain standing. It was everything for Riku, who was so strong and so determined, not to collapse from the pain he was feeling and the burning sensation that pulsed through his body, soon followed by cold; an icy cold that Riku needed the light to warm. "n-no . . ." He muttered getting back up to his feet. This was something familiar to him. He had felt before, over and over again: His darkness wanting to return to him. And above all his heart ached—and he couldn't possibly imagine why now of all times.
For a second, Riku felt a hand wrap around his jawbone and neck from behind. He felt the larger body close behind him, and then a strong hand wrapping around his waist. He could feel Ansem pulling him closer—his breath hot in Riku's ear, and his skin icy against his own. "Riku . . . you know what you want," Ansem whispered, his hand moving down Riku's waist, feeling down his abs and pulling at his belt, his hand touching gently at the skin under the hem of his shirt. "And you know just how easily you could obtain it . . ." he spoke again.
Riku could barely control the anger pulsing through him.
His fist clinched and his nails dug hard into his skin, allowing minuscule amounts of blood to be drawn from them. Ansem continued to speak—though Riku blocked it all out. "Isn't it what you've always wanted? All for yourself, regardless of what anyone would say?"
"That's enough!" Riku finally yelled, focusing only on the light in his heart. It felt concentrated, stronger, much stronger than before. He broke free of Ansem's grip, keyblade instantly coming to his beacon, and he watched the man fade into the night that had set in on the island. He knew Ansem was not physically there and felt stupid for summoning his weapon.
Riku took several moments to recover, standing up straight again and regaining his composure, but only for a moment before the anger with himself arrived. The twilight was setting in. "the road . . . to dawn. Not twilight," Riku stated to himself, grinding his teeth. He stopped though and put his hand on his chest. He felt his heartbeat through his palm. It slowed and steadied. He recalled the way Sora had done this earlier. How his best friend was so concerned with him, and how his pulse had intensified. Even at the thought Riku's heart began to flutter again. "It can't be . . . M-maybe . . . it's because I haven't felt him in so long," Riku justified to himself as to why his heart was acting the way it was. "Sora . . ." he breathed out, his name merely a whisper rolling off his lips and yet once again his heart reacted quickly.
Riku let the steam fill up his bathroom. All the heat and humidity were relaxing. Slowly he felt the tension in his neck de-stress, and then shoulders loosen, and slowly down his entire body, his muscles calmed. Riku let the searing water from the shower beat against his chest and face. He ran his hands through his silver hair, letting the hot water pour down his built back, sending chills from his spine outward, and repeated. This is what Riku needed, especially after the previous discussion with his parents and the event from earlier.
His mother and father didn't seem to understand. The reality was that all of this wasn't finished. Riku knew, like he had always known, that he wouldn't stay here forever. Riku knew that he would go back to other worlds, that he would fight again—that he would have to fight again. This was something that no parent could accept. Riku understood this.
He knew also this time he would fight alongside Sora.
Riku breathed in the steam as his thoughts raced around his best friend's name. But for now he knew he must stay here. On their islands. To fight his own war—to fight this battle, his fight against his darkness, which may have all started far before he and Sora ever left in the first place. He felt his heart ache once again as he thought of Sora.
Sora. Sora. Sora.
Riku's thoughts were interrupted by a knock on the door.
"Riku!"
It was his mother.
"Riku, sweetie, Sora's here,"
Great. He thought and rested against the shower wall.
"He says he has to talk to you about something," His mother spoke over the roar of the shower.
"Tell him I'm asleep already," Riku called back. He didn't want to see Sora right now. For whatever reason, he felt he couldn't see Sora right now. Riku heard talking on the other side of the door. He turned off the water to hear clearer, though he still couldn't make the voices out.
"I meant, he's right here, hun," Riku's mother called to him with a worried tone and another knock on the door.
Shit.
Sora heard. Riku quickly got out of the shower, roughly drying off his hair and body with a towel and pulling on his pants and his undershirt. He stepped out of the bathroom, letting the steam roll over him into the hallway of his home. Riku's mother (whom he resembled greatly) smiled sweetly and politely like she always did at the two. "Alright, I'll leave you guys alone. Sora, you know you're always free to stay,"
"Thanks, mom," Riku spoke up, dangerously close to "snapping" at his mother. She gave a warning glance before turning back with a wave of her silver hair and going back down the stairs to leave the boys alone. Riku's attention then turned to Sora who was staring at him with almost a blank expression. "What? Didn't you want something?" Riku asked shortly; embarrassed for more reasons than he could count. Sora lowered his soft eyes and dark lashes and seemed to search for words again before giving a sideways smile and tossing Riku his yellow vest that was left on the beach. Riku caught it with one hand. And then felt the guilt set in. But he was never one to apologize . . . why should he start?
"Riku . . ." Sora began sheepishly. "I know you're mad at me," he continued, his eyes looking up into Riku's. They kept eye contact as he spoke. "And I'm sorry for tonight. I know it wasn't the right thing to do . . . I value our friendship over everything, Riku," Sora raised his voice, pleading with Riku, apologizing. "And I've felt bad all night over it, and now I've probably messed up your schedule, and invited myself over—" before he could go any further, Riku clasped a hand over his mouth.
"Sora, stop it. What are you doing? You haven't done anything wrong," Riku couldn't help but laugh at the sight of his best friend, the guilt almost overpowering him. His heart began to ache that much more. Sora began to say something though Riku muffled his voice with his hand. Riku laughed again. "Not yet. Just nod 'yes' if you're tired, or 'no' if you're not,"
Sora looked up at him again, his big eyes blinking and then shaking his head "no". Riku released him with another laugh. Riku then gave him a look that told him to continue. "Riku . . . can we go somewhere? I just . . . I wanna talk," Sora admitted, his face flushing.
"You sure it isn't kinda late?" Riku asked looking away. He was blushing again also. He already knew Sora's response.
"I don't care. Please, Riku?" Sora begged, almost childish. Riku nodded with understanding and grabbed Sora's wrist and led them through his room and to the open window. It was there that they left Riku's house from the second story and began walking to the beach—silently; simply enjoying the company of one another. They had done this at least a thousand times—Riku's parents had always been a bit too trusting. But then again, why wouldn't they trust him? He had perfect grades, a perfect record—definitely mature beyond his years. Sometimes Sora's parents would ask him to even "watch" Sora for them. But that was all then. That was all over a year ago. But what had really changed?
They arrived at their tree: The palm that was bent over enough for all of them to sit. It had a beautiful view of the water and had a definite sense of calm about it that Sora, Riku, and Kairi seemed to depend on so often.
Riku leaned against it, and to his surprise, Sora leaned beside him instead of at his usual spot. They waited there for a moment in silence, watching the moon's reflection illuminate the dark water—brighter than the stars that hung magnificently above them.
"I know you still like Kairi." Sora said after a few moments. He was calm. He had a certain peace about him that resonated.
"Why do you say that?" Riku almost laughed. But this was something he honestly hadn't thought about much lately. He would do anything for Kairi. But that's because he cared for her—as one of his best friends more than anything.
"Idunno . . . I just know you . . . and when Kairi and I are together, you seem almost uneasy," Sora stated tossing a rock into the water. There was a pause.
"When did we stop being children? We used to sit outside all day . . . and fight with wooden swords? And just dream . . ." Riku asked suddenly, completely off topic. "At what point, did we stop our games and become a part of the real world, not even our world, but a part of something much bigger," Riku continued, his voice becoming harsh and intense. "Because when we left . . . everything was still a game. Everything I did was for competition, was for excitement. But somewhere along the line . . . everything became different . . . everything seemed like it was life and death," Riku's voice became smooth and calm. "We've seen lives end. And ended some ourselves. It seems like we blinked . . . and everything changed," He looked back up at the sky. "Do you ever wish we could go back to being children again? Everything could be simple? And we could . . . just have fun?" Riku reminisced, smiling over at Sora.
Sora followed Riku's gaze to the sky. He thought for a minute before answering.
"No. Because that would mean that you would get to sit on me again and make me do whatever you'd like," Sora stated and poked his lip out. Riku laughed to himself and grabbed Sora and gave him a good noogie until he finally kicked free. "See? Things aren't so different." Sora confirmed with a grin. "You think too much. After all of this, we're still us. You're still Riku."
Riku felt his heart flutter again. He looked down, beaming to himself. "Well it's still really fun to sit on you; that'll never change," They laughed together for a moment longer and then there was silence. The calm sound of the dark, black waves crashing on the beach comforted them in a way.
"Riku?"
"hm?"
"I . . . think you're going to be okay. I know you don't think so," Riku remained silent while Sora spoke. "I've seen the way you look at yourself in your reflection . . . and you gotta realize that you're winning the battle. You have a stronger heart than most . . . and I already know there's more than enough light in it," Sora looked directly at Riku who continued to stare out across the water. "You can't let it get to you in your head. I won't let the darkness take you," Sora placed a reassuring hand on Riku's shoulder.
There was a long pause. "Riku,
"Sora, you've gotta understand . . . I can feel it. The darkness in my heart, I can feel it when it becomes stronger. . ." Riku gripped his chest. "I can feel when it feels like it's going to destroy me from the inside out," Riku's voice became weak. "And sometimes it's the darkness that makes me wonder . . . if it's worth going on. If it really is worth continuing on here—"
"Riku, that's enough!" Sora yelled finally and pushed Riku up against the palm. Riku stared into Sora's eyes, shaken by his actions. The brunette stared down Riku. "Don't ever say that. . . Just don't,"
It took a moment for what happened to register with the two of them.
"Are you challenging me, Sora?!" Riku snapped back his bright eyes blazing through the night, a keyblade materializing in his hand.
"No, I'm saving you! Can't you see?"
"My eyes can't lie. This is my fight, Sora. You can't help me!" Riku barked pushing Sora off; knocking his best friend to the ground, Riku coming at him, smashing his keyblade into the ground next to Sora's head and hovering dangerously close to Sora on the ground.
"Would it help if you had Kairi? Huh? Would that change things? What's bringing out your darkness?! Talk to me! I just want you to be happy again, Riku," Sora's keyblade materialized in his own hand and he knocked Riku away, keyblade pointing directly at his best friend. "I don't understand. . . Why you can't allow yourself to be happy," Sora ran at Riku and he quickly blocked, retaliating with his quick, one-handed slash knocking Sora back before jumping back on top of the leaning palm. Riku jumped down at Sora who evaded and slashed Riku hard across his back, sending him far back, kneeling to regain balance, then stood to face Sora on the same level again. "You idiot . . . This is my fight, Sora!" Riku retaliated and turned the tables. He grabbed Sora and pinned him against their tree this time, holding his wrists and nearly lifting him off the ground. Their keyblades were then cast aside, and dematerialized in a flourish of magic essence. Riku watched as Sora's shoulders buckled and shuddered. "You're my best friend, Riku . . . I just always want it to be that way," Riku had seen Sora like this before many times.
It was starting again. The pain, the darkness.
Sora.
He hated this. Riku's aqua irises burned through Sora.
"It's you." He stated, firmly, harshly, finally. It was then Sora looked up, tears streaming down his face. The hole returned in Riku's stomach and his heart burned. Riku quickly released Sora and clutched at his chest. "Sora, I—" his voice softened and the sincerity resonated in it. Sora kneeled to help Riku as he fell to his knees, but Riku shunned his aid. "It's . . . you. I d-don't know why. Jealousy . . . envy, maybe . . . It comes with that. It all goes back to you, Sora," Riku shouted uncontrollably. "You don't deserve to go through my battle. It's a reminder to me . . . I did this to myself . . . I couldn't possibly ask for more from you, Sora . . . I can't be happy, because it would bring you pain," Riku now fought back his own tears. "I'm so sorry."
There's a time for everything. Riku was honestly sorry. "I'm so sorry, Sora. I wish . . . I didn't feel this way about you. The envy, the guilt . . . It brings out the darkness," Riku paused. "I don't deserve to be here,"
"Riku . . ." Sora kneeled down to Riku's level. "you're here because I need you. Kairi and I, we need you, Riku . . . I . . . can't imagine going on any longer without you right here," Sora wrapped his arms around Riku. Burying his face in Riku's silver hair. "I'm sure she still likes you, Riku," Sora managed a small laugh. "I can't imagine anyone not liking you,"
Riku managed to whisper Sora's name. He spoke softly as his heart pounded. He then felt Sora's hand against his chest. This time, Riku put his hand on top of Sora's, pressing it that much closer to him. Riku looked up to make eye contact with Sora. He kept Sora's hand over his heart, letting him feel his pulse increase until he could almost feel it in his ears, and the heat flowing stronger through his veins the closer he got to Sora. Riku could clearly hear his pulse pounding in his head now, and his breath was staggered and strained. He swallowed hard. Sora's eyes widened as he realized what was going on.
"Sora . . . the envy isn't because you have Kairi . . . It's because she has you," Riku spoke slowly. He almost laughed to himself. "I've denied it to myself for too long . . . my want . . . for you alone also would drive me to the darkness," there was a pause between them, only inches between each other. Sora began blushing uncontrollably. He reached over slowly to Riku's other hand and placed it against his own chest. Riku could then feel Sora's pulse flutter sporadically under his palm.
"It doesn't lie, Riku . . ."
The two stared at one another. There was a sense of gauche air that seemed to be suffocating them as well as the anticipation of the situation. Niether of them expected this, or came even the slightest bit prepared. Sora remained frozen, his deep eyes staring into Riku's, beckoning him for a reaction, any reaction, something from him.
Riku reached gently over and tilted Sora's chin up and leaned forward the minutest amount. "J-just this once . . . we don't ever have to talk about it," Riku's voice was weary and his hand wasn't exactly steady. Sora nodded but remained still. He held his breath.
There was a sense of familiarity with these actions. It was much like when the two were little. When they would explore new places on the island—the two would both be scared. They would be unsure of their actions or what to do next, but Riku would always pretend to be stronger, braver.
And Sora would trust him.
Riku leaned in, all hesitation suddenly gone, thrill filling the two, as he breathed in Sora only seconds before their lips met lightly for the first time.
It was so natural.
Riku could feel Sora's soft lips moving in perfect sync with his own, Sora's hand gripping his hair tight and his body responding to every touch. It was like the two of them knew, like their hands knew, as if they were remembering something important that was forgotten; every touch, every grab, every movement, their hands knew just where to go. Riku didn't expect himself to respond this way. He let his hands roam down Sora's small frame, slipping a hand under the hem of his shirt, touching lightly at his hidden skin, though he didn't wish for it to be. Their mouths continued to move, the occasional clink from their teeth, sucking, biting, teasing each other's lips. Sora's tongue slid in the warmth and wet against Riku's as they initiated a power struggle between them. They smiled into their kiss; the two broke free only for their need of oxygen and laughed wonderfully to one another in their competition. They returned, heat pulsing through them, pulsing between them, suppressed hormones finally being satisfied—
As well as their hearts.
Riku pushed his body against Sora's, pinning him against their tree, Riku used his weight and height to overtake the smaller boy, Sora pulling him closer wanting nothing but more from Riku as he moved his mouth down Sora's neck to his collar bone, tounging at the hallow, inducing some vocalization from him. He then skillfully unfastened Sora's belt with one hand, the other moving to the small of the brunette's back. Sora vocalized once more.
Instinctively, Riku slipped his hand then lower.
"Riku . . ." Sora called out weakly.
Riku then stopped abruptly. There was a pause of breath between them. It took a moment for what was happening to sink in as they came-to, from their surreal ministrations. There they stared at each other, wide-eyed and intense, chests heaving as they each attempted to catch their staggered breaths. Was any of this really happening . . . or not? Sora's eyes searched Riku's face for an answer, then to his shaking fingertips.
"I-I'm sorry," Riku stammered and hastily moved away from Sora, rising quickly to his feet. "Idunno what got into me," Riku looked down, his face flushed, not wishing for Sora to see him like that. Sora was left speechless, confused, and left wanting something more, but he could never say that.
In an instant, the air became thick and awkward as Riku rose to his feet, silently offering his hand once again to Sora.
Sora quickly fastened his belt and got up on his own.
"I should get home," Riku stated uncomfortably and continued to look at the ground. Sora waited a moment to see if that was all his best friend would say to him. He gawked at Riku.
"What—that's it?!" Sora cried out at him in a complete state of confusion. Riku didn't respond, but began walking back the way they came. Sora caught himself and sighed before responding. "Riku, I didn't mean—"
Riku turned around with an icy glare. "I know what you meant." Riku he stated coldly, the mental image of him pushing Sora against their tree flashed to his mind. "This . . . tonight—didn't happen," he stated firmly and began walking again. Sora nodded reluctantly and bit his bottom lip. Realization slowly came to Sora. He got to thinking, and could understand why Riku stopped—maybe it had gone too far.
Sora caught up to Riku and began walking alongside of him. "I'm sorry too," He said in almost a whisper. The awkwardness prevented the two from directly looking at each other. Riku stared ahead only glancing at Sora every couple of minutes as they continued to walk, Sora almost glaring as he walked heavily ahead; this is what he did when thinking about something crucial, or deciding upon it. Riku made assumptions about Sora's thoughts, searching his own mind for Sora's decisions of the past.
Riku's house was in sight when they stopped. Riku turned to Sora and forced a smile at him. The ambiguity of the situation summoned a knot in his stomach.
"So . . . We'll have the bonfire tomorrow night, right?" Sora asked meeting his eyes, not knowing just what to say. Riku nodded. Sora didn't want this. Leaving like this just didn't feel right.
"Tell Kairi . . . I said 'hey', okay?" Riku said a hint of sarcasm and anger with himself present in his voice as he continued walking to his house. Sora watched Riku walk away for a moment before calling out to him.
"I don't want—" Sora started, searching for the words to explain what he was thinking.
Riku turned around to face his best friend. He sighed, looking into Sora's big eyes. "Sora, I—"
Sora didn't allow him to finish. He violently embraced Riku, letting his weight fall against Riku's built chest. He was so close. So real. Riku wasn't quite sure how to react. The burning within his chest returned. He felt the hole in his stomach tear open again. But his mind wasn't on any of this: it was on Sora, and now what he felt that he had done to him.
He wrapped his arms around Sora, holding him close and resting his head against Sora's spiky hair. He was warm; Sora felt so much like the sun—comforting. His hair was soft against his cheek and had the familiar scent of his best friend.
Riku could feel Sora's shoulders buckle and his breathing stagger. But he knew Sora wouldn't cry in front of him again—he would hide it, and be brave for Riku.
"How can I tell her, Riku," Sora breathed out finally. "How could I do that? I don't love her. I don't love Kairi," He repeated, admitting it more to himself than anything. He gripped at Riku tighter, angry with himself. "I don't love Kairi," He repeated it a few more times to himself, burying his face in Riku's chest.
"I know," Riku comforted brushing back Sora's hair, running his slender fingers through the lightened locks as he held him outside his home. "but think about what you're saying . . . This is all because of something that wasn't supposed to happen," Riku looked away. "it's my fault,"
"I know what I'm saying, and I know what it means," Sora's grip on Riku loosened for a moment, a million things rushing through his mind. "Everything that happened tonight, did happen . . . ," Sora's hands shook. Riku could feel Sora's smaller body tremble.
Riku froze.
His heart burned again. He knew what Sora was about to ask. He also knew that he wouldn't have the strength to deny him his request. "Riku," Sora shook his head. Riku felt it coming. "Can I stay with you . . . tonight? Just for tonight," Sora avoided Riku's eyes. ". . . Just one night with you,"
Riku let go of Sora, stepping back from him. He gently took Sora's hand and held it firmly. The silverette didn't answer. He didn't have to. He led Sora around the backside of his house and helped him up to the second story and to the window.
They climbed through the open window into the moonlit darkness of Riku's room. Riku crossed his room to his door, closing it quietly.
"What's this?" Riku heard Ansem's voice resonate in his head, whispering in his ear. He felt the man's strong grip on his jaw return once more, attempting to turn Riku's attention to him. "Go ahead. He's here. All you want—now take it," Ansem's long white locks of hair fell over Riku's shoulder as the man leaned over him. "You know he wouldn't fight back . . . not against you at this point," He knew what was coming. Riku always turned away, avoiding those amber eyes. The same eyes that had tormented him now for years. Riku felt Ansem's hand move down the front of his body—moving lower. Lower.
Riku cringed. He felt his skin writhe. Nauseous even.
He felt Ansem. Over him, suffocating him, crushing him. Tempting him. Feeling him.
And then his captor left.
He shut the door and let the lock click before turning to Sora, who was blankly looking at Riku's floor, sitting on his the edge of his bed. He was thinking. Riku knew Sora; he knew what he was thinking about—and it made him feel only more guilt. Riku sat next to Sora, resting his elbows on his knees and letting his palms cover his face. His heart hurt. The burning was there, but this was a different hurt—not from the darkness, but from the good he was fighting for; he felt that he had tainted Sora.
"Riku, I . . ." Sora said smally. He didn't say anything else but leaned over and ran a wavering hand through Riku's hair. He sat up. Riku then turned to him and steadied his breathing before even touching Sora. His hesitation was evident, as was his fear. Riku then leaned in, slowly pressing his lips softly to Sora's.
More than ever Riku felt the heat rush through his body and his heart beat through him, as their kiss deepened. Sora moved back on Riku's bed, helping to pull the silverette over him and weaving his hands in the older boy's hair. Their mouths moved now in memory, expecting one another's actions knowing once again where to go how to move with the other, but also learning and welcoming the irrational.
"Sora," Riku gasped between them as he continued to push Sora into his bed, a rhythm setting into their hips. He continued to kiss the other boy. ". . . I love you," Riku breathed out. He felt certain that Sora could hear his heart it was beating so hard. "I always have. I thought—at one time—trapped in darkness, that I no longer did . . . but I was very wrong," Riku confessed while helping Sora to remove his jacket. At this point, it was hard for either of them to function properly. "I love you." He stated again, more firmly this time. "Out of all the worlds we've been to," He stated and slowed his activities thinking back to all the stars they had seen tonight. "And of all the people we've met," Riku pulled Sora's shirt off over his head and ran his hands down the sides of his slender frame, Sora's bare skin tempting his fingers, then stopping at his hips, pinning them and stopping movement. "I've never met anyone . . . So full of light. Pure, beautiful, light," the words rolled lightly off of Riku's thin lips, subconsciously beaming as he rested his head on Sora's small chest, listening to his best friends heartrate increase. He remained there. He listened to the rhythm of his own heart beating with Sora's. Riku then lifted his head to press his lips to Sora's gently, softly, tasting Sora. Tasting the light. "Which is exactly why I can't do this," Riku said smoothly, the sincerity in his eyes beamed through the dark. "Why I can't take that from you," Riku smiled and moved off of Sora, and started to rise to his feet. Sora grabbed his arm.
"You don't give me enough credit," Sora almost laughed to himself. "You said it yourself . . . We're not kids anymore—I'm not a child," Sora blushed, his hands reaching for Riku's strong neck, pulling him down, lips hovering close for a moment before meeting. "You say I'm the source of your darkness, but I'm so full of light," Sora sincerely smiled softly at Riku. "Then let me be just that," Sora interrupted, beginning to unzip Riku's black undershirt. Riku paused as Sora removed his shirt completely. Riku didn't know how to respond. Every inch of his body was telling him to listen to his best friend.
"Let me be your light, Riku,"
Riku was unsure of how to respond. This wasn't the answer he was expecting. "Let me defeat the darkness within you, let me satisfy your heart," Sora spoke with courage, and seemed whole. "Nothing between us . . . could be anything but pure. Riku, it's always been you. I have sought you out for years—together we have overcome darkness, before," Sora then pulled Riku down for their lips to touch, quickly, but in such an essential way that it was able to reach Riku's core that much more. "If you can trust yourself, forgive yourself enough to try . . . I'm certain together we can overcome darkness again," Sora continued. Sora then moved over Riku, gently, softly he moved his mouth along Riku's collarbone. "No more envy . . . no more guilt . . . no more lust . . ."
"Just our light and love, Riku."
Something deep within Riku shattered.
The whispering, talking, murmuring in his head started up. Darkness. Then yelling and shouting, all screaming at him—for a second all was dark. All was silent. He knew what was coming, and Riku felt fear strike him.
Riku knew what he was capable of, what the darkness inside of him was capable of—but he also knew Sora. Sora wasn't weak. He was the stronger than any darkness. He felt himself suspended in time again, he had felt this before—somewhere in between his mind and reality, between the light and dark.
"Riku!"
That damn voice.
"Riku . . ."
Why is it I always hear it?
"C'mon, Riku,"
Through everything . . . It's always there.
Through my darkness.
Suddenly Riku felt an immense weight lifted. He felt something being torn from him—from the inside out, but there was relief. And peace.
And Sora.
Riku's eyes opened slowly, adjusting to Sora looking down at him and the dim moonlight that filled his room. He couldn't remember anything but Sora—or perhaps he didn't want to. He had collapsed and Sora was holding him. Riku took a moment to recall how to breathe. It was much easier, now. His body seemed lighter, his mind seemed clearer, and his heart seemed stronger. Ever closer to his goal:
No more darkness.
"Riku?" Sora's voice almost cracked as he peered into Riku's bright eyes.
Riku seemed to lose his voice. He needed to think to remember how to speak, too. He couldn't express what he was feeling now. He looked up at Sora. He was at a loss for words since he hadn't realized this sooner. "I think . . .you've always been my light,"
Sora smiled.
"And I think I need you," Riku's realization hitting him hard. He blushed slightly.
"We've always needed each other, Riku," Sora stated, in a blissful state running his hands up Riku's neck and into his hair. "We're still so much like we used to be."
Riku smirked. His heart fluttered uncontrollably. It felt healed—much like when they were children. He excitedly climbed over Sora again, a new strength seeming to dawn within him. He felt the adrenalin pump through his veins as he lingered over Sora. His Sora.
"So metaphorically. . . What you're saying . . . that what I'm about to do, is 'sit on you and make you do whatever I want?'" Riku smirked, moving over the boy, holding Sora down by his small hips again, tugging at his pants
"er . . . when you put it like that," Sora laughed his unmistakable laugh, though Riku didn't let him finish. He pressed his lips to Sora's, their lids closing, and hearts racing. He held Sora down, his hands moving and lightly gripping Sora's small wrists. He could feel Riku's warm, moist tounge enter his mouth and slip against his own. Sora sucked on it lightly before Riku pulled away, chest heaving, and sweat already beginning to build. Riku was focused on Sora, and Sora alone, continually ignoring the hot and painful knot between his own legs. Riku moved his hands from Sora's hips to his belt once again. Sora nervously glanced up at Riku as the older boy managed to unfastened the younger's pants. Riku realized Sora's vacillation and met his lips once more, distracting him, as he tugged Sora's heavy pants off and tossed them aside. Sora blushed terribly as they broke away from their kiss.
"You can relax . . ." Riku breathed out blushing, himself. "Everyone always talks about how I've gotten much taller," Riku started and moved his hand to a very sensitive area. "But you've grown so much," Riku smiled through the dark. "I want to try something . . . I promise, it'll feel good . . . it's to make up for earlier,"
Sora felt Riku's long fingers wrap around his length. Sora cried out slightly as Riku began to pump him slowly. He gripped Riku's silver locks as his body reacted to another's touch. It felt so different from his own, a surreal mix of feelings moved through him. Riku moved his mouth to Sora's neck, tounging once again at the hollow, but this time moving down Sora's body. He moved to Sora's slightly built pectoral muscle, and to his pebbled nipple, moving his tongue across it, then lightly sucking it, arousing Sora all the more. Riku could feel Sora's body contracting beneath him, waves of heat moving between them. Sora bit his bottom lip and held on to Riku's hair with his long fingers—it was all he could do to keep from yelling out. He had never felt this way before, he had never experienced anything like this—nor had Sora ever felt closer to Riku. His Riku—and he would trust him.
Riku moved his mouth down to Sora's arousal, stopping only for a moment before allowing his lips to close around it. He smirked as he tasted Sora, teasing him, but also testing himself, considering he was going off of no experience. He took Sora's tip in his mouth, sucking on it, feeling for Sora's reactions, listening to the noises Sora was trying so hard to restrain. Riku then took in his whole length, and began moving his arousal in and out of his mouth. It was slow at first, trying out different things, experimenting, but soon from Sora's resposes Riku could tell what speed to go and what felt better. He soon found his rhythm and was able to move faster, stopping every now and then to tease and look up for Sora's responses. It was different—and new. But it was Sora. And that was all that mattered. He then continued, but felt Sora let go of his hair and transition to a deathgrip on Riku's sheets. He felt Sora's hips buck as he continued his ministrations.
"R-riku, stop . . ." Sora managed, wincing, shutting his eyes even tighter. He cried out once more as his body shuttered violently. "Please, Riku, I'm gonna—" Riku wanted this, nothing more, actually; at this point, he wanted to taste all of Sora. He could tell Sora was trying to hold back, but he also knew he wouldn't last much longer.
Sora then came—shuttering violently one last time and reaching for Riku as support as he emptied his seed into Riku's mouth, letting his head fall back onto the mattress as his body arched up as a surge of pleasure consumed him. Riku swallowed hard, getting the last of Sora's essence down, and cleaning up the rest of Sora's length.
"I-I'm," Sora said, trying desperately to get the words out as he lay there, breathless and almost in tears. He kept his eyes shut tight. "I'm so sorry, I tried to say something before I—"
Sora felt a familiar set of lips touching his own, a tongue brushing lightly against his bottom lip, requesting entrance, then only briefly meeting with his own, giving Sora a slight, salty taste of himself, before breaking the short kiss. Sora opened his eyes and watched Riku lay down beside him.
"That's what I wanted," Riku said and looked up at the ceiling with a very content smile on his face. "I wanted all of you,"
Sora caught his breath for a moment as the lay beside each other. Riku glanced over at him, blushing slightly, clearly proud of himself. Sora's heart fluttered lightly as he sat up, chest still heaving as he gazed at Riku in awe with intense, cerulean blue eyes.
"What if said I want all of you?" Sora asked staring at the perspiration glinting off Riku's sculpted chest, showing off his physique. His voice was so steady, so sure. Riku looked up at his ceiling.
"I would say you decided that before we even came here tonight," Riku continued to look at the ceiling, trying hard to ignore his physical impulses. "and I would ask if that's what you would really want," Riku started. Sora moved closer to the older boy.
"And I what if I said yes?" Sora replied pressing his lips to Riku's and tugging at his jeans. Riku moved Sora's hands from his belt, moving some of the brunette's spiky hair from his face. Riku thought for a second before replying.
"I have lusted for you, and longed for you, but was never ready to admit love," Riku started, unfastening his own belt. "And I want this, and I want this for you, only if it's for the right reason," Riku tugged off his own pants and boxers, blushing some now himself, and positioned himself over Sora. "Promise me, Sora,"
"Riku . . ." Sora replied, his sapphire eyes meeting Riku's aquamarine. Riku peered down at him, with nothing but admiration present. Sora took Riku's hand and placed it on his heart, laughing lightly. Riku felt Sora's pulse, fast but steady—and from excitement not from insecurity. "I promise . . . For us, for love," Riku leaned down and kissed Sora lightly, their lips locking as they breathed in each other; so certain of themselves.
So certain of their actions.
"For light," Riku finished and smiled softly and kissed Sora's forehead. He moved his hand to Sora's entrance under him, and he penetrated with one finger first, the younger boy biting his lip and fidgeting uncomfortably. Riku began moving in and out of Sora slowly, trying to prepare him, trying to be gentle. Riku could see Sora wince again, though he attempted to hide it; Sora would never admit it hurt. Riku tried curling his finger, massaging his prostate, searching for Soras's pleasure point. He then added a second, and moved faster, until he felt Sora relax more around him.
"Are you ready?" Riku smiled. Sora blushed and nodded moving a bit under Riku. Riku understood and reached for Sora's hand, intertwining their fingers and held his hand above Sora's head, supporting the silveret as he guided himself to Sora's entrance. He used his precum as lubrication as he carefully began to slide himself into Sora. Riku breathed out a mess of incomprehensible words, as he felt the ring of tight muscles close around his rather large arousal. He felt Sora's grip on his hand tighten, as his body caved forward, Riku easing his entire length into his best friend. Sora averted his mind from the pain. He thought of Riku. Only Riku, nothing else—but then, as his best friend began to move in and out of him, very slowly, very gently, Sora felt Something deep within him beckoning.
Riku rocked into Sora, pleasure already pulsing through his body, his throbbing member eager and close to the edge, but Riku paced himself. He thrust rhythmically, trying to steady his breathing, watching Sora wince beneath him. He felt all of Riku deep within him, the warmth and length threatening to break him. Riku intuitively reached for Sora's erection between them, and began pump him in time with his thrusts. Then once, Riku struck Sora's sweet spot. Sora's body convulsed as he threw back his head, a cry escaping him—not from pain—but from its replacement with pleasure. Riku then watched Sora's expression change to half-lidded bliss. Again. And again. Riku thrust inside of him, striking his prostate, gripping his arousal between them, pushing Sora close to the edge—and then Riku stopped holding back. He cursed under his breath from desperation; he couldn't see properly at this point, sensation of ecstasy coiling inside of him so close, so ready to erupt. His thrusts were fast and erratic, crashing into Sora over and over, Sora now clawing at Riku's perfectly sculpted back, breathing out Riku's name with every drive into him, the same sensation all but consuming all of him. Higher. Closer to heaven. So close. Again and again. Riku would slam into him, impossibly deep inside.
So close to each other. Moving as one.
Almost—there—
Sora released between them, back arching, an unfathomable high being reached, calling out Riku's name voicelessly as Riku reached his own breaking point, spilling himself into Sora, barely supporting himself as blinding light and elation consumed them; together they touched heaven.
Never so close to light as this.
It lasted only a few moments before they came down from euphoria together. Riku's body collapsed over Sora's, the two teens silent as they caught their breath, toned chests heaving, vision slowly returning to them, their blissful state still evident.
Riku remain on Sora, his head resting on the smaller boy's heaving chest until he gathered the will to pull himself out of the brunette and lay beside him. Riku subconsciously beamed as he felt Sora move closer, wanting to be next to Riku, turning into him, snuggling close, and keeping arm over the older boy's chest. Riku embraced Sora, holding his hand to his chest, and held him; the two smiling to themselves, neither of them speaking—neither having to.
Riku watched Sora's heavy eyelids try to close as the younger boy fought desperately against it.
"Sora . . . You can sleep," Riku said breathlessly as he rested his head against Sora's soft hair once again and ran a hand through the brunette's hair, absently brushing back his bangs and playing with his spikes.
He nestled in Riku's arms, losing the battle between he and sleep.
"But, I . . . Riku . . ." The name rolled off of Sora's lips before he sighed. "You're gonna be okay, Riku . . ." Sora murmured as he surrendered and drifted off to relive this night in his dreams. Riku continued to brush back Sora's hair and nuzzle some of it. The battle of sleep had come to him now. His mind raced through tonight. All that mattered. All Sora. He breathed in deeply, he loved the scent of Sora's hair. Though his window, the first rays of the sun were making their way through Riku's room.
Dawn. The light.
He felt his eyelids close and the edges of his mind become obscured as reality and his mind began to merge, Sora's warmth holding his healed heart.
A different scent then caught his attention:
Lilac.
As Riku fell into his dream-state, this scent reminded him all too much of what awaited outside of the sanctity of his room and their being alone.
. . .
I can feel him.
He's right here, and it's annoying.
It was even brighter than the day before.
Riku looked up at the midday sky with his lids gently shut. He smiled slightly to himself. He couldn't help it. Today all of his senses seemed magnified, and nothing in the world could bring him down.
The light felt so good. He knew Sora was looking at him again—he didn't have to physically see him to know. His hand gripped Sora's as the two lay there on his small island. Though the Destiny Island's sun warmed his core, it couldn't compete with the warmth and light he felt from next to him. Though his rituals were disrupted, proving to be quite an annoyance, Riku would give anything to say here—with him. Only Sora.
"You can't sit still for more than five minutes," Riku acknowledged cooly. Cracking an eye to catch Sora staring.
Cute.
Riku's face brightened as Sora tried to recover and shut his eyes tight.
"Well I blame you. You made damn sure I couldn't move properly today," Sora coughed and blushed. Riku couldn't help but laugh and squeeze Sora's hand.
Even cuter.
"You know you don't have to be out here," Riku added, a tinge of guilt building inside of him for being rough last night with him. Sora sat up to look down at Riku. He stretched, throwing his arms in the air and nearly falling backwards. "But I want to be," Sora replied his usual smile beaming down at Riku. Riku saw it. His vision was still lacking, couldn't see people from far away. But it was getting better. And he could see Sora. "I want to be with you," Sora finished smiling again, the Island sun beaming directly behind him, making him that much clearer. He leaned down, pressing his lips gently to Riku's. Riku smiled into the kiss, but stopped.
He sat up and broke away from Sora. He heard footsteps running up the small bridge. "Sora, who's coming?" Riku groaned letting his head fall back. Sora laughed softly.
"You really can't see, can you, Riku?" He poked fun at Riku who pushed Sora so that he toppled over, nearly falling into the vast water.
"You guys are . . ." Kairi caught her breath as she stopped running. ". . . Absolutely ridiculous," She finished glaring at the two of them, Sora grinning, nonchalantly rubbing the back of his neck and stood up, Kairi giving him a funny look when he nearly fell back over. Still didn't have all of his balance back.
"Really? Why's that?" Riku questioned, getting to his feet breathing in deeply. Even the air tasted better today.
Kairi stared at them a moment longer, her indigo eyes telling them that they should already know. "Hello? Blitz ball?" She stated, seeing if it jogged their memory.
"Oh, yeah!" Sora recalled, wide-eyed. "I forgot about Tidus and Wakka's game today," Sora answered, slightly embarrassed. He had been slightly preoccupied.
Riku nodded in realization. "Game today, bonfire tonight," he stated, dusting himself off from the sand again.
"Annnnnd," Kairi looked down at her watch and held up a finger to indicate for them to hold on 'one second' " . . . We're late," She announced and turned. She looked back at the boys one more time. "Well, let's go!" She yelled, attempting to get them to hurry. She grabbed Sora's arm and began running with him. He laughed and looked back at Riku, only wincing once from his tenderness, hoping for some competition.
But Riku remained only standing there, with obviously no intention of moving. Sora stopped, looking back at Riku, alarmed, but ready to stay behind with him.
"On second thought, I'll catch you guys later," Riku started, giving Sora an implying 'look'. "I'm gonna sit this one out," he finished, sending a soft smile to Sora.
Sora stared back at him in disbelief. His eyes searched Riku's face once again for an answer. He was . . . telling him to go with Kairi? A tinge of pain hit Sora's heart. Had he done something . . . wrong?
Riku did this not to hurt Sora, but as a way of reaching out to him. This was Sora's choice. And how he went about things was entirely up to him. Riku wanted Sora to do what he felt was right—what his heart was telling him to do, whether it be keeping their feelings between them, and them alone, or be it that he tell Kairi of his true feelings or not. His heart would guide him, much like it did last night—he knew it wouldn't lie. And he believed Sora needed time with her to really know what would be best—what wouldn't hurt their friend. This was Sora's time—no one else's. And he had to do it without Riku.
"Sora, come on!" Kairi insisted looking back at Riku. "You know Riku. He'll be fine," She persuaded again, looking at her watch one more time.
Riku smiled softly as he watched his Sora leave, looking back at Riku, still trying to understand.
Riku placed a hand over his heart.
Sora gingerly touch his own in response.
It all made sense then.
He then understood what Riku meant. Before continuing on after Kairi, he nodded at Riku and finally returned his smile. Sora knew what he needed to do. He rushed back after Kairi and toward the other side of the Island with her. He would know when the time was right.
Riku basked in the sun's radiance once more while standing there. The light was brilliant. It felt like Sora. He could feel the last of the darkness within him losing—and he now had no doubt he would win—he and Sora would win. He turned to stare off into the clear water whose beautiful color only rivaled Riku's eyes. "Sap." He called himself and he felt his heart flutter again. He smiled into the breeze as it hit coolly against his face. There, standing on his Island, looking across the water, remembering how this was where he used to dream about other worlds, Riku dreamt about Sora returning once more to other worlds—and of course of their homecoming to Destiny Islands. There, he came to a conclusion: he was happy. He was healing, and felt that here he was needed by his friends. And here he had all he would ever need.
He had light.
He had Sora.
For the first time since they returned, Riku threw his body off his island—diving deep into the crystal clear water, plunging into the mirrored sky—and for the first time since they returned, Riku felt purified of darkness.
A.N. I love these two. With so much of me. Please review and critique. ^ ^ I could use all the help I can get. (And sorry for the Omigodwierd formatting. Not used to the whole strange line break thing.) Thank you so much for reading. It's very much appreciated.