AUGUST TO JANUARY THE FULL MOONS. MULAN'S ENCOUNTER
Our first encounter occurred on a late August evening. Nights were getting darker again, but the fullness of the Sturgeon moon shone brightly.
I had just locked up the hall where I teach self defence to women. I need to put my training to good use, but secretly I long for the classes to finish so as I can practise with my double edged jian which is concealed in my guitar case. Those wars are behind me.
I was checking my messages as I walked, as I always did, deleting spam, texting a few friends and we just bumped gently into each other. A firm hand on my upper arm to steady me, an earthy fragrance, that, and I don't know why, sent a hint of a thrill through me.
My first instinct was to apologise profusely. But then I looked into those startling eyes and was speechless. Her laugh was low pitched almost husky. I couldn't help but laugh with her.
Clumsily I tried to talk but instead presented a daft smile, said a quick bye and carried on.
Yet I felt those eyes on my back. Slowly it all faded away but like Carrolls Cheshire Cat instead of the grin, the eyes remain. Why those eyes?
September, and surprisingly warm, a full beautiful Harvest moon lit up the sky.
The town looked back at me almost serenely bathed in the orange street lights. On my mobile as usual, but movement in my peripheral vision drew attention. There she was leaning against a cafe door, unbelievably stunning, twirling a strand of red hair carelessly around her finger. I stopped and grinned, (the daft smile).
She smiled back and walked towards me, a part of me panicked. This is an emotion I had once trained to master. She had been waiting for me. When are words not words but almost a thought.
We sat at a bus stop, at one point she took my hand and I felt I could never let go again or I would die. I wanted that hand to touch me, to stroke my skin. To fall asleep with it against my breast.
We exchanged conversation, or was that just me chatting nervously, because I cannot recall anything about her, except those eyes that seemed to have embraced my deepest thoughts.
Eventually she saw me onto a bus with a slight insistence. I had let several go by. I was willing to let them all go to hell. She waved goodbye. Why did that have to hurt so much.
It was not until October that I saw her again. These nights are so much colder, and the rain was heavy, my coat drenched. I had missed the bus and decided to walk, the Blood moon hidden behind a blanket of grey.
Someone ran up behind me, but I wasn't scared. Instincts perceive familiarity.
She was dry. It was as if the clouds dare not rain on her irradiance. She slipped her arm easily into mine and walked into step with me. Her smile was warmth, her eyes full of life.
She walked me to my door and leaned in to me, oh heaven the thrill is stronger than ever, gently biting my bottom lip, looked at me with that disarming smile, bit my lip again before kissing me, her tongue seeking mine, her mouth hard on mine, deep and sensuous.
She tasted of desire and need. I had never been kissed so passionately, I had never known you could feel sensations in your every fibre from just one kiss.
Then she was gone. Just gone. I stood in the rain for I don't know how long. Confused.
Sleep evaded me for weeks. Even my training could not satisfy these restless moods. My mind entered into countless fantasies and dialogues. I knew nothing of her. Not even a name to cry out. I walked most nights daring not to hope and yet my lips were on fire, yearning for her mouth on mine, for those golden eyes. October and her Frost moon, the pavement crunched under my feet. Car screens glistened with ice. As I approached my door I saw her sitting on the step. My heart quickened. She stood up and her arms reached out to me, I ran into them and felt her hot breath on my neck. Skin against teeth.
I fumbled for my keys and as she kissed me, we fell into my flat, clothes roughly torn off, our nakedness fuelling passions I had never before experienced. She tied back her red hair and her mouth eagerly tasted every part of me, my body moaned for her love bites. She smiled that smile at me before kissing up my inner thigh, her tongue slid into me, I had never been so wet, felt so on fire. Morning found me alone. I hadn't a name.
My one night stand. Not something I had entertained before. Too many questions in my orbit.
Why am I drawn to her, why am I obsessed with her. I do not look for her now, I hurry home and wait, frequently checking the front steps. My Jian grows dull. I wonder if that was all she wanted, and felt a jealousy lodge itself in my stomach at the thought of her kissing another. An anger mixed with want. December finds me standing in the dark at the window, a full Cold moon mocking. My heart races every time someone passes by.
Then a shadow beckons. I rush to the door and she grabs me and carries me to the bed. I make half hearted attempts to ask questions but her lips smother mine. My hands pull at her hair, my body gives me away as it arches into her hunger. Her mouth on my nipples her fingers play between my legs, I can't breath as I explode and just as I take a long breath, she smiles that smile and her face is between my legs and her tongue circles as I cry out into the night.
Sleep takes over too quickly. I want to taste her so badly. I didn't hear the door.
It's a bitter January. I am in the company of depression. In love with a woman I know nothing about. She left me with scratches down my back that I pray will not heal nor disappear for it's all I have of her.
I am on auto, I refuse to see friends and have cancelled the evening classes. I moved my chair over to the window and sit mostly in the dark. Food has become a problem, urges that make me feel both sick yet excited at the same time. I have a strange hunger that scares me.
I am not myself. I feel trapped. I dream that I am running wild and naked through forests, the smells are sharp and intoxicating.
Tonight my body is full of undisciplined pain, I passed out several times. In this darkness I know I am changing. The explosions of light before my eyes sends me out into the street, crying out for help. Someone lifts me up and I feel the wind through my hair as we move, and even with the agony I am aware of the safety and strength that supports me, of the the speed in which we move.
I open my eyes. We are on a grass knoll surrounded by trees. The air smells of temptation.
Before me stands the most beautiful creature I have ever seen, my golden eyes reflected in hers.
Now I know. A name is of no importance. We have eternally bonded,
And hunt together under the glow of a full Wolf moon.