Title: As Usual
Author: zephiey
Rating: T
Pairing: Sue Ellen/ JR
Category: One Shot
Warnings: Angst
Disclaimer: Dallas and its characters are the property of CBS, Larry Katzman and Warner Bros Studios. No infringement is intended from this work of fiction.
Summary: JR tries to come to terms with losing…her. Inspired by As Usual by Brenda Lee.
As Usual
The sun comes up and brings the dawn
As usual
When I awake I'll find you gone
As usual
But I can't find a way to let
This crazy heart of mine forget
I pretend you're still beside me
As usual
Each evening I take a walk
As usual
I make believe that we still talk
As usual
People always stop and stare
I guess they just don't see you there
Don't they know you'll always be right here
As usual
Today I looked into my mirror
As usual
I told myself that you're still here
As usual
And as I stood there telling lies
The tears began to fill my eyes
Cause I know I'm only fooling myself
As usual
JR woke.
His head pounded and his mouth tasted like ten miles of dusty road.
Slowly levering himself out of bed, he stumbled to the bathroom. He barely managed to reach the toilet before his stomach protested; expelling the excessive amount of bourbon he had drunk the night before.
Resting his pounding head against the cool porcelain, JR waited. He knew from experience the feeling of nausea would pass.
It always did.
Slowly rising from his kneeling position JR moved to the sink, filling a dirty glass with water before drinking it down thirstily. Two more glasses of water joined the first before JR reached for his toothbrush and toothpaste. He brushed the sick taste from his mouth, the cool taste of mint almost causing him to retch before a deep breath forced the nauseous feeling away. Rinsing his mouth, he dropped the toothbrush into the sink before he clumsily removed his clothes and with slow steps climbed into the shower.
The hot water cascaded over him as he washed the smell and feel of last night off his skin. Clean, he continued to stand under the hot spray, his hands braced against the wall, his eyes closed as he took deep breaths, his body shaking from the excesses he subjected it to last night. Turning off the water, he wearily climbed out of the shower, wrapping the towel around his waist. He walked back into the bedroom.
Moving to the end table, he grabbed the bottle of bourbon that sat there and poured a shot. "Hair of the dog," he whispered, before slamming the shot back. He quickly poured himself another then a third. Feeling the effects of the alcohol almost immediately, JR turned and looked into the mirror.
She had left.
She had taken everything with her.
Everything that mattered to him and no one knew where she was.
He had kept telling himself that she would be back. Kept lying, saying she would come crawling back, as usual.
She always came back.
But as days turned to weeks and weeks to months, he realized she wasn't going to come back.
She was gone. And he was to blame, as usual.
The End