In Your Eyes

Disclaimer: I do not own vampire knight or any of its characters. This is the only disclaimer I will put in this story.

Summary: My story dates back in the first season of Vampire Knight. Yuuki never finds out about her past, Kaname never claims Yuuki as his lover, and Zero is still threatened on becoming a level E Vampire. Most of all;
Yuuki still has a choice to make. I'm not quite sure where I am going with this story. It always seams to come to me in the second I start typing. So we will see what happens.

Enjoy =)

~~~~~~~~~~~~Inspiring

Prologue: Kyuuki

~~~~~~~~~~~~Inspiring

The window witch sways my interest is blurred with frost from the cold frigidness this year's winter has brought us. The large mounds of snow that cover my adoptive father's lawn gleam brilliantly contrasted from the aphotic night. The snow falls lightly, like leaves falling. Unrestricted by the autumn breeze. I try to make out as many of the unique snowflakes as I can; scrutinizing what makes each individual different from its likeness. The wind is silent tonight, allowing the tiny crystals to flow freely with their beauty.

"There are not enough little girls in the world to appreciate every snow flake like you do, Yuuki."
Kaname-Sama had said one day, it seems, so long ago.

We sat from the same frosted window in the chairman's kitchen. I'd watched the children outside that window, running in their jittery freedom, trying to catch the snow in their mouths before it hit the ground.

It was not often that Kaname-sama came to visit me. When he did, we would spend most of our time in the chairman's kitchen while he cooked his abominable meals. That window had become my favourite place. This was like my thinking place. It inspired my mind to run wild with the wind that would breeze just behind the glass frame. I wanted to share my inspiration with Kaname-Sama, for it was such an overwhelming feeling.

Kaname-Sama did not, however, understand this.

"The world is not beautiful, Yuuki." He would say.

He enjoyed it none the less, since it was an opportunity to spend time with me. I was okay with this just as well.

I feel as if each and every snowflake has a story to express, and who will understand these snowflakes if not I? It's silly, I know, but it is how I feel.

"But Kaname-sama, they resemble you in a way. Did you know that?" I had asked in a strange whisper voice, as if I had been letting him in on a secret.

"How is that Yuuki?" He asked.

"They are beautiful" I said, making him smile. That was the second time I saw Kaname-Sama's vampire fangs. They made sense to me now. Because I knew that he was a vampire. I smiled back.

"Yuuki also thinks you are different from the other snowflakes." I continued, thinking aloud.

"You are kind on the outside but you will not make me feel bad if I stay." I said. Kaname-Sama was confused by this.

Though, then I did not understand the reasoning behind my thoughts, I do now. The snow reminds me of the vampire concept, how it is beautiful but it will make you sick with anguish if tampered with to boundlessly. Kaname-Sama was not like that. He was not like the other vampires.

Behind me, I hear the door being pushed open. I tear my thoughts from my main point of inspection and stuff them cruelly to the dark corner of my brain. The chairman's next strange creation of dinner is yet to come and abruptly my stomach grumbles.

The chairman stumbles through the door carrying what appears to be a large green duffle bag. I know he brings this duffle bag with him when he goes shopping, for many times in the past he had not enough arms to carry everything.

I jump out from my seat at the kitchen table and run to his side, frantically wondering how my weight can possibly help his situation.
The chairman tosses the large bag onto the counter top, sighing with relief when the weight is gone.

"Hello Yuuki! Are you ready for dinner?" He asks brightly.

I smile at him genuinely. I will always be grateful for the chairman's light mood.

Dinner consists of Okonomiyaki covered with miso sauce and other adverse ingredients. I have never been one to picky for food so I dig in and enjoy the odd taste of my adopted father's creation.

"I got you something." He says. I immediately perk up at this charitable information.

"Sou?" I try not to sound too excited.

He nods and stands from the table walking to his large duffle bag and digs through it tossing things aside till he gets to the bottom of the bag. I wait impatiently dodging flying objects, almost bouncing in my seat anticipating my gift. It was not often that I got presents without a rational reason. The chairman picks out a large brownish red book with pasted stickers that mark, "mathematics, grade 7" He tosses the book at me gleaming with blithe. He laughs as a jump out of my seat and stumble to the ground with the book not two inches from my face. It lands with a loud thud. I grumble my apologies and pick it up off the floor, and find my way back to my seat, dusting the book off and reading the pasted sticker marks and title page, while the chairman collects dishes and starts a pot of tea.

"Chairman…Merushi so much!" I Beam, hugging the book the chest and smiling at him. It isn't exactly the greatest present, but I am ecstatic about it all the same.

"You're welcome daughter." He sighs. I have forgotten to call him father, for he has done something nice and it is the least I can do. Suddenly at a loss of response I return to my window gaping.

It is still snowing, and I find myself thinking of Kaname-Sama again.

"Kaname-sama is a vampire, isn't he?" I ask turning toward the chairman.

"That's right." He says.

"However, the government doesn't have a favorable view on vampires." He says setting down the tea pot he is holding.

"So Yuuki, you must keep it a secret okay?"

"Naibun…?" I murmur. Why would the government not like Kaname-sama?

"Even though it's a secret, Kaname Sama…let me touch his vampire fangs…" I bring a finger to my mouth.

"Kaname-sama is completely different form that scary vampire isn't he?" I remember seeing Kaname with the other vampire names Ruka. I'd seen something I should not have. That wasn't Kaname-Sama. It couldn't have been.

"Has Kaname-kun ever done anything to offend you?"

I shake my head, and the chairman smiles. Of course he knows Kaname-Sama would never do anything to offend me.

"There are vampires you can get along with as well."

"Yeah!" I agree, smiling brightly.
Only one...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~Dream
Chapter one: Yume
~~~~~~~~~~~~~Dream

"Yuuki" a soft voice calls to me


No…Please don't wake me up…I am not yet dreaming

I have not been deep in sleep enough to dream. It is what I count on to take me out of realization and let my mind wonder to a place where even my creativity comes without hesitation or common thought.
I try very hard to keep my mind hazy and stay relaxed, before real life takes a hold of me and rational thoughts take order. Light shines through my lids. I take recognition that there is someone opening the window blinds. I squeeze my eyes shut tightly and pull the covers over my head on instinct, causing my muscles to reawaken without permission.

No please…Life can wait…school can wait.

Dusty desks and loud talking teachers replace my thoughts. My muscles tighten and my eyes shoot open with shock. I throw the covers off of me and dazedly sit up in bed. Bright lights sting at my eyes. My head whirls. I lean forward and cradle my head on my knees placing a hand over my face. I wait for my head to readjust to my surroundings. Slowly my senses acclimatize. I take a deep breath through my nose, and open my eyes willing them to adjust to the light.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Merushi Yori for waking me up today." Yuuki whispers to her best friend, as sensei continues his unheeded lecture.

"You're welcome" is all she says.

I sigh. It has become a routine for the two girls. Yuuki has not been getting enough sleep, as usual. She works to hard and ends up sleeping through class. I have tried numerous times to take patrol shifts for her, but she refuses to let others do her own work.

She gets crabbier the more I try. The less sleep she gets the more stubborn. And so goes the process. Yori will continue to wake her up the latest that she can. Yuuki will continue to have her panic stricken mornings and bad hair days.

Today she sits in her usual seat in front of me. Her eyes blink too forcefully, sometimes they stay closed for long moments. This is followed by jerking head movements that cause several class mates to scowl. I scowl back; they could not forgo the same schedule that she keeps up. I wish she wouldn't. She is a lot happier when she has her sleep. Well, really. At least she does not have to fake her joy.
Her eyes have faint purple shadows beneath, a signature of her restlessness. Her hair lays tangled limply around her face. Her face is pale, blotchy almost. Her cheeks have too much red that reaches to the tip of her eyes. She looks like a vampire.

Sitting through class is ordeal. Sensei talks to loud, and walks around a lot as he does, the pupils grimace as he passes. When he asks his so inspiring questions we stay quiet. The only person to ever answer is Yuuki. Sensei counts on Yuuki for this, because Yuuki is a very inspiring pupil. Though for now she will have to disregard this. Lack of sleep does not help the creative mind. Additionally Yuuki needed this time to catnap, before lunch, for we had business to attend to at this time. The chairman has us taking patrol during lunch and letting us off our last class of the day to eat. I never abide well to this, but Yuuki does, of course.

"Kiriyuu-kun" Juzuki-sensei says in an accusing tone. I must have been caught not listening.

"Please take your eyes off miss cross and pay attention." He says with emphasis.

Many girls in the class giggle and whisper. I almost gag with embarrassment. Yuuki however snores quietly unaware of the predicament. I beg Ala not to have Yori tell her.

"Excuse me of my rudeness Sensei, please continue"

And the session drags on. I pay close attention to sensei, in case he decides, just for his benefit, to test my ability to heed direction. I train my eyes to focus on anything but Yuuki. Surprisingly I find this hard. I have not noticed in the past how often I look at her. It seems now that because, and only because I can't look at her, I am tempted so much to. At least, this is what I repeat again and I again as I mentally burn a whole in the writing board in the front of the room. I only look when she makes some sign of recognition to her surroundings. This usually turns out to be, a stretch, a content sigh, a small cough.

I take a peek at the clock. 15 minutes into class. I anticipate my time to stretch my muscles. I suddenly feel cramped in this tiny room, where I can smell the blood of every human. I look at Yuuki, and then back at the board. She makes a small movement and I look back quickly before looking away again, just a fraction of a second. To see what she is doing. Her movement registers in my mind a second later, and I stare back agape. She leans on the desk surface with her head in her arms her hair is swept to the right side of her head, splayed across her shoulder. I wish I could sketch this moment. Like a photographic memory, springing from my fingertips onto a blank page, every line engraved from my hands. Every detail remembered.

I look for the tiny details in her face. The small line between her brows, the pucker in her lips, the arch of her neck. Her veins flow with sweet blood, like branches of a tree.

Bloodlust fogs my brain, and a familiar ache tightens in my muscles
I breathe in

My heart finds the rhythm of her heart.

My face runs cold, then hot. My breath stops short. A short spasm runs through timing with our heartbeat. Slowly, at first. Mine speeds up, loosing pace with her sleeping rhythm. Spasms come faster, linked with the beat of her heart. I can feel her blood flow, my mind flows with it. Like poison that drifts through my senses. My fingers twitch with anticipation. The bloodlust spasms hammer at my head, commanding my instincts to take over. My fangs extend without thought, aching like an itch waiting to be scratched. My chest heaves and my throat burns. I try to breath, but like rubber bands that grow tighter and tighter around my heart, make me stop short. I forget everything; my surroundings are a white blur. And she...is crystal clear. The only thing I want. Sickly sweet her blood calls out to me. But a tiny fraction of a rational thought pin pricks at my brain telling me over and over.

Don't take her. Not her.


I will myself tofocus. To remember this girl and what she means to me.

A short memory flashes before my eyes in a split second.

**

So, Edwardian loves her not for her art, but her beauty. How lovely.

I close the book in front of me a little too roughly.

Yuuki retreats from the fire and sits next to me. The smile she holds is the only smile that I do not revolt against. She is so innocent I can't find it in my grief to do so.

"What are your thoughts Zero?" She asks in an affectionate way.

"Yuuki, I can't see why you find this book so agreeable." I say

"Naze?" she asks with a frown.

Why do I make her frown? She doesn't deserve that

"Because Edwardian doesn't see Janet for her artistic lifestyle, anyone should notice that."

"But she does not see Edwardian for himself either, its blind love." She disagrees

"Only Yuuki can find beauty in that." I sigh.

Maybe she should not notice Edwardians darkness. Maybe she won't and she could blindly love him.

Yuuki smiles

"It's not beautiful, Zero, Its inspiring.

***

I vault from my seat, not fully understanding what I am doing. My chair barrels away from me loudly. This brings me back to a rational state. I take to my surroundings. I realize that each and every person in this tiny cubical is staring at me inquiringly. All except Yuuki, whom I refuse to look at. I can still hear her slow heartbeat.

I bolt from the room.

"Eh! Kiriyuu, class is not yet over!"

I ignore my sensei and cross out into the empty academy hallway, with nothing left of dignity and just my thoughts to appall me.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The light is unbearable. I have moved my coach to the far corner of the room, where I hide in shadows. Even the blinds cannot keep the morning sun disguised. It seeps through the lining of fabric and creates alluring streams of auroras that hit the floor and emphasize every corner shadow. Floating dust particles dance in the ablaze, attraction that disturbs the sight for a creature like me. One who accedes with darkness especially.

The bud in my hands grows from green to pink to red in a matter of seconds. It makes my heart a little light, may I think of it as metaphor. It blooms heedlessly spinning in twisting around itself to fit in its many peddles.

"Kaname-Sama" a voice is said from down stairs, not direct address. It is faint, like being heard from underwater, the voice of Ruka Souen.

Takuma's voice fallows "Kuran-Kaname is ailing today; he will not be participating in class." I temporarily impede my sense of hearing as best I can. I do not wish to comprehend the apprehension my classmates will have towards my health, though I can unfortunately feel it radiating from this distance. I have a slight aspiration for them to understand. I have no illness. I am not ailing. I simply wish to spend the day in darkness, alone, and drown in doleful thoughts. Let them infect my mind bearing me to a brink of insanity. I ache to feel the pull in my heart, the tightening of my muscles as anguish overruns all feeling, all sensibility. It burns me from the inside out. What a precarious feeling.

I concentrate on the rose I have bloomed. Somehow, I wish to reverse its natural progression and keep its bud for myself.
Greedy aren't we.

No, stay veiled. Do not let rational thought take a hold of you.
Because it is painful, these thoughts that bring me memories.

The rose droops lightly and instinctively I sees all power. I try to calm myself, but just frantically I analyze the tiny flower seeping strength into its stem, hardening it and sprouting it once more. In the process, one peddle shrivels and floats away, leaving the flower unsymmetrical.

Look what you've done Kaname, you must work harder to control you depression

**

"I'm sorry, Kuran-Kaname. I just remembered"

Walk away before I send your vampire animalism through a wall, before you can control it.

Here Yuuki lays, in the academies first moon dorms, on the bottom steps from the front hallway. She is fast asleep, her head rested on her arm and her hair splayed across her face. It's breathtaking really, to watch a sleeping figure like her. Patrol must have become quite an adventure for this tiny girl; she has come with no one but herself, taken her own permission to wait for me inside. However I can't help but acknowledge how endearing it is that she would come to such a strange place to find me. I place the blanket I have brought over her petite body, wishing not to wake her.

"Too careless", you can feel her careless heart, from the look in her eyes. It flows through her veins, calling out to every vampire who nears her. It calls to me now.
I lean in taking in her scent, nearing her neck and letting it fill my system. My heartbeat quickens. My thoughts cross between two different paths. One is stronger, and causes me to lean away.

Let her stay ignorant for a while longer, while she blooms

***

No, No Kaname. You are the one who is careless. You waver to her smell and it leads to your agony.

The same bloodlust feeling was unfamiliar to me at the time. I did not stray away from it nor had given in. I could not drink her blood. I knew that much was strong enough a thought to refrain me. But not enough from the blood of another.

**

"Kaname-Sama, It is late. I should be getting back to my dorm." Ruka informs me. She leans forward as if to wish me a good night, but something stops her. Eyeing her curiously I feel something move through my body. It is a strange feeling but familiar as well. I remember Yuuki sleeping in the other room, just feet away. I am afraid to encounter her. I don't know how long I can restrain myself from this odd instinct.

An idea comes to me, and takes me but a second to evaluate. I have chosen this life for a reason, and I do not want the chairman's intentions to go to waste, but can I risk Yuuki's life?

This is how my decision is made. I grab Ruka by the waist and crush her body to mine. She shrieks in alarm, as I cover her mouth with my arm, prepared for resistance.
She hesitates, her eyes betrayed.

I lean forward slightly, savoring her smell. My teeth extend behind my lips, piercing the inside of my jaw.

It makes me gag. Inhale, slowly, willing my senses to dull and imagine only Yuuki's blood.

Ruka, shakes with fright. "Why…Kaname-Sama?" She says barely audible through my arm sleeve. My answer is giving when I dip her head to the side and sink my teeth into her dainty disgusting skin.

For Yuuki.

***

"NO, that's not Kaname-Sama!" This voice rings in my head, over and over again

Yes Yuuki, it is. Its best to run from the me I have hidden from you. I have made a mistake and now you see me. I have lost you.

Careless, if you could have refrained you would. Weather you had a logical reason to cover your guilt or not. Now Yuuki can never trust you again. You lead her into a frightened life.

And she leads me into misery

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
She breathes, slowly, allowing the crisp air to fill her body and flow through her veins. She fly's with the wind that breezes through her senses, swimming in her blood flow. Her heart beats at its sleeping rhythm.

Electric current tickles her fingers, twitching and grabbing at nothing. It travels along her skin raising her hairs, sending her nerve endings alive. It tickles her throat burning it, quenching it, looping around her heart it pulls tight. Her breath comes faster, flowing equally with the blood in her veins.

Her muscles tighten and her heart gasps for pulse, trying harder and harder, pounding in her head demanding to be known. She can feel the heart beat of another, linking to her own. It invades her body and swims through her blood, brushing her mind like an affectionate caress. She feels infested. At the same time, she welcomes this strange presence.

Her heartbeat calms, whilst the other quickens. Muscles tighten, and mouths water. It is such and animalistic feeling.

A memory arrests her, capturing her and pulling her farther down in deep waters.

"It's not beautiful, it's inspiring"

Am I asleep enough to dream?

Why does this feel so real?

**: Flash back

***: End flash back

~~~~~: Change in point of view

Italics: Thoughts

Bold Italics: Conciseness