a/n : Just when you thought it was safe, random stupidity is back. Yes it's been awhile but I'm trying to get back in the saddle, so to speak (pun completely intended, you'll see). Haven't done any writing in ages because reasons, and the fact that ME3 sucked the will to write out of me (although I did enjoy the gratuitous Kaidan butt shots). I totally blame Skeasel for this. As always, Bioware owns all.
Comfortable Shoes
"You want me to what?" Darrah turned to stare at Cullen.
"Now that master Dennett is with us we have a number of superb mounts for you." Cullen gestured towards the stables.
She crossed her arms. "I don't do horses."
"Well that's me out" Bull shrugged.
"Bad luck old chap." Dorian clapped him on the shoulder.
"But you're a noble, you must have ridden before."
"Nope, horses don't like me and I don't like them."
Yeah, that's what nobles do innit, ride around the place lording it over the little people."
The inquisitor gave Sera a withering look. "Occasionally we go all knifey shivdark on the little people too when they make smart mouthed comments. Remind me again why all you lot are here."
"But surely..." Cullen started before Darrah cut him off with a wave of her hand.
"No. I'll get to where I need to go without a horse."
Cullen looked at Josephine. "You try."
Josephine consulted her notes. "The distances you'll need to cover can be quite substantial. As Inquisitor it won't look good if you're trekking all over the countryside. What will our allies think?"
Darrah gestured towards the smirking warriors around her. "This lot can run behind me clapping coconut shells together, then everyone will think I'm on a horse."
Varric cleared his throat. "Ah, I think that's been done."
"Well shit."
"What about the red hart, it's not a horse." said Cullen trying again.
"Cullen, it's a moose!"
"No, it isn't" Cullen insisted. "It's a stag. The Dalish would be most put out to hear you refer to it as a moose."
"You say stag I say moose. To use your own argument what will out allies think. Here comes the inquisitor entering the fray on her dashing...moose. I'll be the laughing stock of Thedas."
"Maker's breath you're stubborn."
"Yes, that's what nobles do when we aren't lording it over the little people." The Inquisitor turned to look at the animal in question. "Besides, I'm not riding any animal with horns."
Varric snickered. "That's you out again Bull. It's not your day is it?"
"What about your squad, surely they deserve to be mounted."
"Well maybe some of them do." She grinned as she swept her gaze over them. "Anyway there's not a horse or a moose big enough or dumb enough to carry Bull, not even Mr Cloppy over there."
"Mr Cloppy?"
"Would you prefer Percy Haversham Winterbottom the Third? The clopping of hooves was what I heard as the animal walked over the top of me, thus Mr Cloppy." She grabbed the bottom of her shirt and started lifting it, "Would you like to see the bruises?" At the shake of his head she turned to peer into the stables, "What else do you have in there, a giant chicken, a water druffalo, a wagon we could hitch to Bull, magical nugs?
"There's just no talking to you is there?" Cullen stalked off muttering under his breath.
"Well that's one thing out of the way." She clapped her hands together. "Now, what's next?"
"You know, I wish someone had told me it was be mean to Bull day, I would have stayed in the tavern." Bull remarked doing his best to put a hurt look on his face.
The Inquisitor drew a dagger and tested the sharpness of the blade. "There, there Bull. Why don't we go to the Western Approach and chase down some Vints, that always makes you feel better."
"Well now you're talking! What are we waiting for?" Bull turned and headed for the gate.
Josephine watched them leave and couldn't resist calling out, "Wear comfortable shoes!"