We've both seen the movie (several times, Jenny 9 times) and loved it. We just think it needs some spicing up. Hehe. We don't own any of these characters; we're just borrowing them for our own sick amusement.

Ahem.

It was an ol' smelly day. The nazis pokeled and prodded their new found Jewish friends and they went to play hopscotch and jump rope. One young boy stood out. He was really gay. His name was Eric. He was all dirty and full of fleas. Not even the acid rain falling from the sky could wash him clean.

"I'm gay!" he declared, and with a mighty blast of gay, he broke down a metal Hitler statue.

"Teehee," laughed the Nazis and tickled him with feathers.

LOCATION: TRAILER TRASH USA

Marie was trying to score with her boyfriend. "I'm going to Alaska, then Asia, then Milwaukee. Someday." Then she kissed and drained him dry. "Damn, I knew they didn't last long, but this is rigoddamdiculous." Marie's now prunified boyfriend came stumbling towards her. "Ahhhh! Eweweweee! MOM DAD, he's trying to prunify me! Help!!" she screamed, squeakily. Marie's mom came pounding up the stairs after she
was rudely interrupted from playing her drums.

"Hooker," her mom bitched. "What the hell, Cletus you're all prunie. Marie, you're a mutie!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOO!" screamed Marie all retarded, again. "Stay away from me!" she bellowed, like she had Mad cow disease. She huddled in the corner and screamed some more.

LOCATION: WASHINGTON DC

A hookerish looking woman was preaching to a room full of people and boring the lot of 'em. Her name was Jean Havesexwithmenow Grey. Mr. Clean, aka Charles Xavier, was watching from above in his high-powered turbo wheelie chair. "Blah blah blah," said Jean, "Mutants don't mean us any harm blah blah blah."

Senator Kelly stood up. "Jean Gray," he announced, "Is nothing but a two timing gutter sluttish whore. This proves why mutants are evil and need to be enslaved by mankind. Three words, Grey is whore!" The audience applauded feverishly. Senator Kelly bowed and pranced back to his throne. Xavier looked pissed. Jean Gray was a hooker, he realized. Holy sheeit.

He rolled away, only to be interrupted by a gay man playing hopscotch. "Eric," he said, "Are you still gay?"

"Why do you ask questions to which you already know the answer?" Eric replied. "I see you are still trying to be friendly with the humans. When
will you learn that humans are evil and only make you become gay like me?"

Xavier looked at Eric hard. It looked like he was trying to take a poop.

"Why are you wheeling around in my head, baldy? Get yo' ghetto ass outta there!" "I'm lookin' fo' yo' mama. I mean, hope." Eric turned and floated away all gayish like. Xavier continued on his way, rolling out of the building until he fell on his side. "Eeeee, eeee, Eaai," he screamed. Jean Grey kicked him in the side as she walked sluttily by.

LOCATION: SOMEWHERE IN CANADA, EH?

Marie was awakened by a horny truck driver "Hehe," giggled the perverted driver, "This is your stop purty. Now you gotta pay the toll. I needs a woman right now." He tried to grab Marie's leg but she drained his ass too. "UUUGHHHHH," said the driver, as he collapsed. Marie took off toward a crowded run-down bar. Inside it was all smokey and nasty. Marie coughed and hacked a giant glob of phlegm on the bar counter. In a room opposite the bar she noticed some men getting their beaten asses dragged away. It was a fighting cage. Inside was the sexiest man on the planet. Marie was drooling. In the crowd two other girls were cheering the handsome man on. They were the authors of this story. Jenny and Kelly.

"Beat his ass you delicious hunk of man beef," yelled Jenny.

Kelly was stuffing dollars bills into the man's jeans. "Wolverine is hot," said Kelly, "Cuz damn."

Marie pushed past all the smelly men to get a better view. Wolverine was kicking the sheeit outta this wimpy ass guy named Egon. Egons glasses flew across the room and hit Marie dead in the face. The glasses were so thick, that they knocked her the fuck out. Jenny and Kelly paid no heed to the incident; they were too busy watching the sexy man dance for them. "Can I give you ladies a lap dance?" he asked. At Jenny and Kelly's delighted nods, Hugh, I mean, Logan, grabbed the waistband of his form-fitting jeans and pulled them the hell off. He was wearing leopard print bikini underwear.

"Oh hell no!" Jenny and Kelly screamed in unison.

"Which one of you wants to go first?" Logan asked.

Jenny and Kelly looked at each other. "Siddown, beeyatch!" Jenny roared, and pushed Kelly off the chair. She patted her lap. "Oooo, you're so queet. C'mon, big boy, sit here, on mama Jenny's lap." Logan sat down, only to be grabbed around the waist and wrestled to the floor by Kelly. He was now laying on top of her. Kelly laughed evilly at Jenny, who looked like she wanted to bust out some tinfoil and make claws of her own. Just then, Marie regained consciousness. She looked at the sight before her and got jealous. Jenny and Kelly ignored Logan's protests for them to stop fighting over little ol' him.

"Little, my ass," Kelly muttered, and sent Jenny head first into the fence/cage. She turned back to Logan, only to see Marie was hanging all over him, and Logan with a protective arm around her shoulders. Kelly walked calmly back to where Jenny lay, and shook her awake. "Check this shit out. Whaddya say we mollywhop that little ho?"

"I'm with that. Who does this 14 year old ho think she is anyways?" Jenny asked "I mean, she doesn't even know Wolvie and here she is feeling on him!" Kelly didn't even answer Jenny's question. She pounced on Marie's back and started pounding on her. Jenny joined in on the fun. She broke 12 empty beer bottles over the young whore's head. Then she broke a full one. While the three were brawling, that sexy man Logan escaped. Jenny and Kelly didn't even notice. They continued to bash Marie really good. "No good whore!" yelled Jenny the Mighty as she transformed into Sailor Jenny, "I'm Sailor Jenny, enemy of all mansnatchin' whores.... in the name of Wolverine/Hugh, I will punish you!" Sailor Jenny bopped Marie on the head with her Wolverine Scepter of Coolness.

"Ow!" moaned Marie, "That really hurt!"

Kelly somehow found a really long trenchcoat. She came up behind the stunned Marie. Marie didn't know that Kelly was also a Highlander! "There can be only two"said Kelly while revealing her sword of goodness, "wolverine fans in this bar. Prepare to die!" Marie took off. She ran from the bar like Jenny's brother did from water. Well, Jenny and Kelly were sort of tired fromall the exercise so they had a few sodas and created a plan to find that God of Gods, Logan/Hughie.

Meanwhile, Logan was in his truck on his way to where ever when he smelled something...fishy. And it also had a peculiar beer odor. He smelled his pits. No, they weren't meaty. He followed his super-sensitive nose to the back of his truck (which had miraculously stopped without him touching the brake), where he found the girl from the bar.

"What the fuck are you doing in there, hooker. Git out!" He picked her up and flung her 30 feet from his truck. He then drove away. But, being as warm and caring and sensitive and loving and thoughtful and helpful as our God...ahem...Logan is, he went back and put the girl in his truck. Just as he pulled away, Jenny and Kelly appeared on the scene. Kelly just pointed at the truck with her mouth open, and Jenny took matters into her own hands. "LOGAN MAGNET ACTIVATE!" Out pops this huge horseshoe shaped magnet. The truck came flying back and Kelly snatched Logan out of the drivers seat and proceeded to strip him to his leopard print bikinis. Jenny, meanwhile, had used the magnet to smack Marie with. Then Jenny strapped Marie down and helped Kelly with Logan. All of a sudden, a big hairy man appeared and ran at the two girls, who were arguing over who would get to see Logan's manhood first.

"Mine, dammit, I saw him first!"

"Nonononono I'm not gettin stuck with sloppy seconds!" Kelly looked up and saw the Wookie towering over them. "Fuck this bullshit, ain't no man worth gettin mauled by that!" I...she said, pointing.

Jenny followed Kelly's point and said...

End part 1