My Choice
By: Serendipity
Category: Jean POV, Agnst
Time Frame: After X2
Notes: I was inspired by Matchbox 20 songs 7,8,10 off their new album. This
is a real short piece. And my first X fic, so be gentle.
I made a choice.
Did my love for you blind me in that choice, maybe.
I just didn't think that my choice would hit you this hard. For some strange reason you would see the justification in my decision. My decision to let you live.
Its true, conversation we started in the museum, ever since Liberty Island, things had changed for me. It started with my powers, I couldn't focus, then continually got a lot worse. I didn't know how to talk to you. And that was the first time, usually I could talk to you about anything.
And I didn't know how to deal with that.
I was slowly breaking down. And I couldn't stop it, couldn't communicate.
I didn't want to lose you.
But in the end, that is exactly what happened.
Truth be told, I never had the confidence in myself, in my powers. I always thought that you were my strength. You were there through the hard times, the straight through the heart times. I could always stand against you, rely on you, and cry on you.
Did I want to prove something that day in Canada?
I am not sure.
For months now, I knew something was changing in me.something was going to happen, something bad.
I consider death very bad.but am I really? Or did I just become something else?
I watch you now, alone. I don't want to see you like this. I wish I could make it better for you. Make you not so lonely.
I have watched everyone try to break you out of that shell you built around yourself. Even Logan has tried.
Scott, you are everything to me. Always will be. I am still here for you, even if you don't know it.
Please don't do this to yourself.
I can see everything that you have done to yourself since your return that sad, cold day. How can I help. I can hear you, the only way you can help is to come back to me.
One day, one day I will. And it will be the best day.
The Professor, I came to him. I hate that I did that, but you aren't ready to see me or hear me yet. I just hope that you can forgive me in the future.
I miss you.
Something's you don't see until its too late.
That's what happened that day. I didn't see it, then all of a sudden there was the choice.
I had to save the team, the children, you.
I just hope that you can forgive me when the time comes that I return.
Who is going to save you, from all you are up against in this world?
I worry about you, I guess that's why I am able to keep watch over you like I am.
Don't get me wrong I am scared to death. I know nothing about what is going on with me. I don't know what I am going to be. I hope I am still Jean Grey. Or that you recognize me, the real me.
I do wonder about that. When I return will you still love me?
God, I hate being like this. I want you back, I want to still be at the mansion with you, laying beside you in bed at night. Be there at breakfast in the morning with you. Listening to your arguments with Logan.
I miss life.
Please wait for me, I will return to you, then maybe I can return all the strength you gave me.
I made a choice.
Did my love for you blind me in that choice, maybe.
I just didn't think that my choice would hit you this hard. For some strange reason you would see the justification in my decision. My decision to let you live.
Its true, conversation we started in the museum, ever since Liberty Island, things had changed for me. It started with my powers, I couldn't focus, then continually got a lot worse. I didn't know how to talk to you. And that was the first time, usually I could talk to you about anything.
And I didn't know how to deal with that.
I was slowly breaking down. And I couldn't stop it, couldn't communicate.
I didn't want to lose you.
But in the end, that is exactly what happened.
Truth be told, I never had the confidence in myself, in my powers. I always thought that you were my strength. You were there through the hard times, the straight through the heart times. I could always stand against you, rely on you, and cry on you.
Did I want to prove something that day in Canada?
I am not sure.
For months now, I knew something was changing in me.something was going to happen, something bad.
I consider death very bad.but am I really? Or did I just become something else?
I watch you now, alone. I don't want to see you like this. I wish I could make it better for you. Make you not so lonely.
I have watched everyone try to break you out of that shell you built around yourself. Even Logan has tried.
Scott, you are everything to me. Always will be. I am still here for you, even if you don't know it.
Please don't do this to yourself.
I can see everything that you have done to yourself since your return that sad, cold day. How can I help. I can hear you, the only way you can help is to come back to me.
One day, one day I will. And it will be the best day.
The Professor, I came to him. I hate that I did that, but you aren't ready to see me or hear me yet. I just hope that you can forgive me in the future.
I miss you.
Something's you don't see until its too late.
That's what happened that day. I didn't see it, then all of a sudden there was the choice.
I had to save the team, the children, you.
I just hope that you can forgive me when the time comes that I return.
Who is going to save you, from all you are up against in this world?
I worry about you, I guess that's why I am able to keep watch over you like I am.
Don't get me wrong I am scared to death. I know nothing about what is going on with me. I don't know what I am going to be. I hope I am still Jean Grey. Or that you recognize me, the real me.
I do wonder about that. When I return will you still love me?
God, I hate being like this. I want you back, I want to still be at the mansion with you, laying beside you in bed at night. Be there at breakfast in the morning with you. Listening to your arguments with Logan.
I miss life.
Please wait for me, I will return to you, then maybe I can return all the strength you gave me.