Dean ran a ragged hand down his face. One week, one, one, oneoneone. He picked up the soft cloth he was using to clean his gun and ran it furiously over the hilt and then down the barrel. One week. The high spirits that Dean had felt only a week ago was dampening and he couldn't bring himself to even try and bring it back. He growled and threw the cloth across the room a satisfied smirk gracing his lips when it plopped on Sam's face and his brother had to scramble to remove the reeking rag.

"Damn it Dean." Sam tossed it back with a little more force than necesseary and his own mouth turned up at the corners to smirk when it smacked against Dean's chest and left a stain.

"Sam!" Dean jumped up and went to the bathroom yanking the shirt over his head to get it under the water as fast as possible. "This is my favorite shirt." Dean scrubbed relentlessly at the small spot on the shirt and Sam's smirk quickly turned to a frown.

"Jeez Dean you know it'll come out. It's just gun oil." He mumbled shaking his head and went back to the jumbo size map of the Untied States he was looking at plotting out the most logically courses to take.

They'd found out that just ripping the list in half wasn't good enough; Michael hadn't put them in order of convince or anything. So Sam had been spending the last two and a half days on the phone with Bobby, who was probably working on a similar map only his was probably world wide. The idea was for Dean and Sam to close as many doors as possible in the US and Canada, they'd already run across a few that would take them that way. While Bobby co-ordinated with the sympathetic hunters on doing the international doors. 'Door' was what Bobby had deemed them because they weren't like the gate that had open two years ago; these were well hidden hard to find exits that only Demons with connection would know about. Which meant they were probably ever more dangerous because demons with connections never sounded great when paired together.

Dean tried to tune out Sam, who couldn't help but mumble under his breath, as he finally gave up on the shirt knowing that Sam was right; it was only gun oil. His thoughts drifted as they often did these days to Cas and that last day they spent together. Dean spent all of his down time replaying that in his mind, at least until the part where his angel started talking about th-Josh. He hadn't talked to the older man since leaving him at Bobby's. He had thought that wouldn't be strange but he found himself sometimes thinking about it; giving him a call and making sure that Bobby wasn't driving him out of his mind or anything. Those thoughts left a sour taste in his mouth so he pushed them deep down; Dean was great at a lot of things and repression definitely made the list.

"Dean I think we should head towards the west and then work our way east. Best bet I think. Then skip up to Canada, I've got three up there so far." Sam spread the map out over Dean's bed uncaring of his disassembled guns that were strewn across it.

"Yeah okay." Dean thought of ripping the color-coded map in half but Sam had already delayed them enough with going over all the co-ordinates before setting out. Delayed them enough that in thirty-six hours it would be one week. He growled low in his throat and wondered how much an over the phone shrink would cost because knowing exactly how much time had passed since the last time he had held his angel in his arms was not healthy. Not healthy at all.

Dean hadn't been too immobile though, he had spent the first three days working on a hunt that he found not ninety miles from Bobby's when they stopped for gas and food because the brothers hadn't ate in what felt like years. He'd been busy shoveling as much of a cheap pre-cooked, nuked burrito in his mouth as he could glancing over the paper that Sam had picked up when the familiar signs of dark witchcraft popped out at him. Unconsciously Dean had headed right for the town, the same town they were still holed up in because Sam had decided on a little arts and crafts.

He'd been able to for a moment when he was caught up in the adrenalin of the hunt to forget the terrible pain Cas leaving had left him with. For a moment it was old times with Sam just hunting evil and saving people. It took Dean back to a time right before every thing had been turned on it's head.

He shook his head trying to forcefully remove the dangerous turn his thoughts were taking. He had promised his brother that he wouldn't go crazy and he was going to keep it.

"Tell me I'm dreaming." Dean groaned and covered his eyes to block out the image of Michael at the end of his bed. This was just wrong, wrong on so many levels. He willed himself some where else and when he opened his eyes again he was relieved to find himself and Michael no longer in his motel where he'd been having a fantastic dream or at least until Mike had shown up he could pretend it was more than a dream. He had to think that the bar wasn't much better; it felt wrong to have the angel in such a seedy joint.

"I am sorry to have.. interrupted you." Michael didn't look sorry or embarrassed, which would have made Dean feel ten times better if he had known that the archangel was even the slightest bit ruffled by the scene he had ruined. "I wanted to speak to you about your mission; actually it was more of a queston. Why have you been ignoring the jobs you've obviously come across?"

Dean didn't know what to say at first, "I didn't think they were as important as the doors."

Michael frowned, "Dean saving people is your first job. Closing doors is second. You shouldn't ignore those who need your help."

The man started pacing. "The hell man." Dean turned on the angel giving him a glare. "What the hell do you want from me? You give us a list of doors that lead to hell and tell us they need to be closed. There is obviously demons coming through and you're telling me they aren't prioreity?"

"Saving humanity is your prioreity." Michael said sternly.

"Damn it Mike we could use a little help you know!"

Michael's face darkened but it wasn't Dean he was becoming annoyed with, "Stay out of this Raphael." He growled. Dean wanted to shout, 'No! No do not stay out of this.' But he kept his mouth shut. "Things have become," Michael struggled to find a word. "Strained in heaven." He had feeling things were a little more than strained. "The traitor eludes us at every turn and more and more of my brethren wish to return to Earth and aide in your mission. We cannot allow that." He said quickly as Dean's mouth fell open to protest that it would be a big help if they did.

"So that's it. You came down here just to pile on more work and I don't even get a pack mule for the trouble?" Dean bit out.

"I wish that it could be different Dean." Michael said solemnly and for once the angel sounded like he meant it. "Remember if you ever need me I am only a call away."

Dean couldn't let him go without asking, "Wait Michael." He was suddenly very nervous. "How is he?"

He thought that Michael wasn't going to answer him at first but then he turned and faced him. "Castiel is trying to understand. He is healing." It was a lie, Dean could tell by the sadness in his eyes but Dean thought it was a nice lie. The angel was gone and Dean didn't feel like dreaming any more.

Dean threw back the shot in front of him as he signaled the bartender to bring him another. Closing these things sucked, not all of them worked the same way as the gate had and figuring out how to seal them so they wouldn't reopen took as much time as hunting down the demons that were stupid enough to take up residence in the surrounding areas. And Michael decided to pile more work on, but Dean hadn't told Sam that it was the archangel that had asked them to continue their original mission. Sam missed Azrael more than Dean had even thought he would and his younger brother got strange whenever Dean had tried to bring them up.

Dean ran a weary hand down his face and sighed, he gently twirled the amber liquid around the edge of his new shot. One more shot he kept telling himself and then he would head back to the motel room, the empty motel room.

These demons were getting in his brother's head and filling it with false hope that Ruby had made it back to Earth and that Sam better find her before another demon did. Lilth was still looking for her head on a platter after the double cross she had done. Helping Sam not only kill Alastair but then telling Dean where to find them. If you believed the demons, and Dean didn't not at all, Lilth had been pushed out of the plan to break Lucifer out of Hell. That part didn't bother Dean. It was the part where Lilth was still going to try, even if she had to find a way around the final seal. If you believed the demons, and still Dean didn't not at all, there was still a renegade angel out there working to get his brother out of hell. That one Dean sort of believed, because he knew from the one lone conversation he had had with Michael since the angels had departed that things were tense in heaven. Very tense.

Sam was off on another dead end mission to find his demon. Dean didn't like it, every time Sam returned he was usually as drunk as Dean was, who was usually pretending to be asleep. But Dean couldn't bring himself to say anything. Half of him needed the time alone, needed to be away from Sam and his singlemindness to close doors and find Ruby. The other half couldn't deign him the hope that he would find his lover, no matter how much he hated the demon bitch. He was never going to forgive her for feeding his baby brother demon blood.

Dean knew the biggest reason why he was spending most nights, that weren't being spent in old cemetery's and abandon churches, drinking. His name was Bobby Singer and he left him a voice message everyday, Dean had stopped answering the phone a week ago after the first conversation. Today's message? "The boys driving me bonkers worrying about you. Give him a call."

He didn't know what to say to the man, but it had been two weeks. When he thought about it like that Dean felt guilty. He shouldn't call the guy just so he could satisfy some sick part of him that needed to hear Castiel's voice. His fingers fiddled with the phone that had some how ended up in his hand. It was probably the six shots that were telling him a cheap imitation was better than nothing.

He had the phone flipped open and the number brought up that Bobby had given him for Josh. The crazy kook had made Dean put it in his phone while he was still talking to Bobby. He glanced around the dive he was currently holed up in and he didn't know why he even cared if Josh heard that he was in some bar. It wasn't like he wouldn't be able to tell Dean was drunk. Realizing that it would just be easier to have this conversation some where else he tossed the shot back and threw some money on the bar.

Dean didn't mind the walk back to his motel, it was cooler in Montana then it had been in Neveda two nights ago and he needed the fresh air to sober him up a bit. The cool air felt great on his alcohol flushed skin and even after several deep breaths he still wanted to call Josh.

He hung up after the second, "Hello?" Maybe it was the phone, he'd never heard Cas over a phone. Maybe it was because Dean hadn't been able to tell when it had still been fresh in his mind, that low gravely pitch. Whatever it was Josh sounded nothing like Castiel; the voice not low enough, not grave enough. The stray thought about over the phone head-doctors came back; who the hell missed the grave, end of the world is nigh of someones voice? Apparently Dean Winchester.

His phone rang startling him out of the memories he was just starting to fall into. Without looking at the screen he ripped it open and barked, "What?"

"You called me." Josh said slowly and Dean couldn't stop the laugh when a image of Josh holding out his hand as if to settle a restless animal came to mind.

"Yeah," Why the hell had Dean thought this was a good idea. "Getting along with Bobby?"

There was silence for a moment and Dean thought Josh was going to hang up on him this time. "Fine, I guess. We don't see much of each other. He's been busy.. but you know that." Josh faltered and they lapsed into silence.

Dean stumbled into his motel room and banged his knee on the chair that Sam had left swung out from the small table. "Fuck," He mumbled. "Fucking sucks." His hand clenched around the phone and he had to force himself to relax, but something in his words were enough to set Josh off.

"You're a bastard." Josh snapped, "How the fuck do you think I feel? I called my mother-"

"I thou-"

"And she told me I was dead to her." Josh didn't even acknowledge that Dean had tried to say something. "That she should have known I wouldn't keep myself clean. I thought I could explain to her what had happen to me, she has always been very religious and she called me a nutcase. Told me to stay away from her for good; she wasn't going to help my worthless, godless person any more. So you think it's tough for you? Your stupid angel ruined my life!" The line went dead and it took Dean five minutes before he pulled himself together enough to close his phone.

How many other lives were ruined by the angels?

Sam showed up two hours later eyes bloodshot and reeking of cheap liquor. They ignored each other and didn't get much sleep.

Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural, I wish but I don't. Darn.

Hiya! This took forever. Half because I know I promised an alternate ending to HF and well.. yeah I'm very disorganized and am working out out of about five different notebooks which get missed placed and or fall completely into black holes. I have one in my closet it has taken many things from me. Including the notebook with the alternate ending. SO I'm slowly pieceing it back together. Which isn't that hard because it's a happy ending and I love happy endings I've got noo problem with happy endings. So I should have it to you that wanted it very soon. Just give me a little while longer.

The other half that it took so long was because while this 1st chapter wrote easily the next few are staggering but I've got chapters ahead written out and ready to go. Yeah, I've got to stop writing things out of order.

I'm going to leave the poll up for just another chapter or two and then I'll be taking it down. So if you want to get your opinion in there get over to the profile! :)

I promise I wont have such rambling author's notes in the future :) Well, that can't be much of a promise. I love to ramble.