Welcome back! I'm back, and if you're reading this, you're back. Not only am I back to writing stories, but I'm working on some other projects involving The Count's World! And I'm playing through Super Paper Mario again. I have to find ALL the catch cards!
"Minions!" Count Bleck declared authoritatively. His arms were spread wide, with the endless expanse in his cape sucking all of the distance out of the room. "Today, finally, we have new assignments."
"Yay!"
"Awright!"
"Magnificent!"
"Great!"
Count Bleck nodded and put his arm behind his back. "Yes," he said, "Your enthusiasm encourages me."
They were all gathered in the Meeting Room. You know, Count Bleck, Nastasia, Tippi, Mimi, O'Chunks, Dimentio, and Mr. L, all standing and ready to go. Awesome.
"Ah, we're ready an' rarin' teh go," said O'Chunks, flexing his chunks. "Yeh'r sendin' us oot teh pummel some bads, right?"
"Actually," Nastasia cut him off, "Today's mission has been specially requested for Count Bleck and Tippi."
"So, wait, we're not doing anything?" asked Mr. L.
"No, actually, you're doing something," said Count Bleck. "In fact, you're doing the very something I told you to do three weeks ago, and again two weeks ago, and then again and again last week."
"Ooooh..."
"Yyyeah," said Nastasia. "You're getting it done today. I gave you a list of chores and I expect you to finish it. I want you four to go to Nawrocki's old lab and fix that hole in time and space he made with his knife when he cut his way out. And after that I want all the bathrooms cleaned."
"Eew," said Mimi. "Even the toilets?"
"Especially the toilets."
"No fair."
"What mission has been requested of you, that none of us can come along?" asked Dimentio.
"Sorry," said Tippi. "Private."
"Yes," agreed Count Bleck. "And before we leave I want to make absolutely certain that all of you know what is expected of you. So, do you know what is expected of you?"
"Yes, Count Bleck," they all said dejectedly.
"Wonderful. Count Bleck is pleased." Then he reached under his glove, pulled out a rubber band around his wrist, and snapped it, wincing as he did.
"Wait, what was that?" asked Mr. L.
"Nothing you need to concern yourself with, assured Count Bleck." And he snapped it again.
"You just did it again."
"I know I did."
"Why?"
Nastasia cut in, "The Count already told you it was nothing you needed to worry about, so why don't you go ahead and butt out, K? Yeah, that's good." She clapped her hand once. "Now, get to work!"
Thus ended the meeting.
Earlier that week, Count Bleck and Tippi had gone to see a therapist concerning recent issues in their marriage. It was mostly about the issues that occurred recently during Nawrocki's mini-siege, but it tied back into the events of Super Paper Mario, making this a long-standing issue. Mutually they decided that it would be best to have a neutral third party, preferably a professional, talk through their problems with them.
Concerned about word getting out about it, they chose one in a very far away dimension, a tiny village populated with anthropomorphic animals and a few humans. Wandering around was the animal they were looking for, a large Axolotl salamander named Dr. Shrunk, who'd promised to help them get in touch with their emotions. They met up with him under a tree near the river that ran through town, a very peaceful relaxing sort of place. The kind of place where you can stay forever, just lying on the grass watching the clouds pass by.
Count Bleck brushed some dirt aside and carefully settled down on a patch of grass. Tippi rested on the brim of his hat.
"Hello," said Count Bleck. "I don't know if you remember, but we spoke earlier. I am Count Bleck, and this is my wife Timpani."
"Ah," said Dr. Shrunk. "So, you've finally realized you have some issues to work out."
"I'll say," said Tippi.
"Well, admitting you have a problem is the first step towards mental health. Now, you may find my methods a little... unorthodox at times. We'll just progress slowly. First, we'll tackle the difficulty you have expressing yourself."
"Pardon?" said Count Bleck.
"Oh, yes," said Dr. Shrunk. "Most of my patients have trouble expressing themselves. You'd be surprised how many aspects of your life can be affected by it."
"Maybe," said Tippi thoughtfully. "Well, you're the doctor, Dr. Shrunk."
"Yeah, I am. I'm also a stand-up comic!"
"Ah-huh."
"Our doctor is a stand-up comic, Timpani," said Count Bleck wryly.
"I heard him."
"I'm just making sure."
"Well," Dr. Shrunk cut in, "Only on the side, you see. Humor can be quite healing, and is often overlooked in the medical community. Try this one on for size: Why did the chicken cross the road?"
They stared at him.
"For fowl purposes!" He delivered the punch line passionately, and threw his arms out for good measure, waiting for them to shower him with praise.
They stared at him.
"Hm... very interesting," said Dr. Shrunk. "Your face is expressionless, perhaps even slack-jawed."
"He's telling us jokes, Timpani," muttered Count Bleck out of the side of his mouth.
"I heard him, Blumiere."
"I'm going to show you how to unleash your expressions, the REAL you! I warn you, processing your feelings can be difficult, but in the end it can only lead to a happier, healthier, more expressive you!"
Dr. Shrunk himself was certainly expressive. His face exhibited a broad range of expressions, usually backed up by his whole body. When he was enthusiastic, he danced all over. When he was annoyed, he was tense as a clock spring. When he was intense, he was scary. He was actually scary all the time, but never more so than when he was intense.
"Now, all of our sessions are subject to doctor-patient confidentiality," said Dr. Shrunk. "Let's begin, shall we?"
"Very well."
Dr. Shrunk continued, "As sentient beings, each of us possesses a wealth of memories and emotions. If we keep them bottled up, we will burst like so many agitated cans of soda."
(Meanwhile, thousands of miles away, Dimentio pounded his fist into his palm.)
"I don't need to learn to express my emotions," said Count Bleck. "I'm very in touch with them."
"I'll say," said Tippi. "You're always brooding nowadays. What happened to the carefree Blumiere I used to know way back when, in the days before we were separated?"
"Ah," said Dr. Shrunk. "A change in emotions, is it? That can be just as significent. Tell me more about that."
"Well, it's like this," said Tippi. "When we're not together, he can't keep himself straight. He falls apart and tries to destroy the world or something."
"Not all the time," said Count Bleck.
"Well, you were pretty close to it last time," she replied.
"I most certainly was not."
"I don't want you touching that book."
"Fine, I won't touch the book. That doesn't mean I can ever forget the things I saw in it."
Dr. Shrunk held up his hands. "Let me see if I understand," he said. "When the butterfly isn't with the scary one, he does bad things, things he wouldn't do otherwise."
"You're the butterfly," Count Bleck said to Tippi.
"I know," she said.
"That means he thinks I'm scary."
"Yes, it does."
"He becomes angry, frustrated, but mostly afraid, is that correct?"
"Yes."
"a-HA!" Dr. Shrunk said triumphantly. "I cannot stress enough the importance of expressing your feelings. You must learn to express your frustration and anger, for if you carry on the way you are now you'll only spiral deeper and deeper into confusion and emptiness. Do you grasp the nuances of the emotion I'm expressing?" he added, as he was very clearly expressing some sort of angry, frustrated emotion.
"Yes, lied Count Bleck to get him to shut up."
"That, too!" Tippi said hotly. "I fell in love with Blumiere, but to this day he still insists he's Count Bleck!"
"I don't insist," said Count Bleck. "I already told you, I can't erase what I did simply by changing my name back. Besides," he added, "It's a habit I can't seem to break."
"Have you tried snapping a rubber band?" offered Dr. Shrunk. "That worked when I had to stop biting my nails."
Count Bleck stood up. "Well, this has been fun," he said. "But I believe we're late for a meeting."
"You don't have a meeting today," said Tippi.
"I'm calling one," said Count Bleck. "Thank you, Dr. Shrunk."
"Of course, the range of emotions is deep, and to be well-rounded you must learn as many expressions as you can," said Dr. Shrunk. "Be sure to come back and we'll work on your difficulty expressing yourself."
Count Bleck warped out quickly.
"It was nice meeting you, Dr. Shrunk," said Tippi politely before she followed him.