Title: I Love You
Summary: What if Dawn had come back for one more try at playing mom?
Disclaimer: I don't own anything about the O.C.
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"I'm sorry baby, but you knew it had to end sometime," Dawn states with her eyes pleading, but her words insincere.
"Don't...don't tell me you're sorry. Don't even tell me you're leaving, just go..." Ryan chokes – betrayal clear in his own eyes. All he wants is to get away... but he never gets what he wants.
His mother is standing at the door, unsure how to leave things with the one person who has always put up with her. Nervousness settles in and she bites her bottom lip. It is an unbearably familiar habit for the person who has become almost a stranger to him.
"Just don't mess up with these people okay Ry? You've got a good thing here."
"I don't think you've got the right to talk to me about messing up mom."
Dawn gasps in shock and hurt before quickly nodding and stepping out of the pool house. Ryan waits until he sees her climb into the cab before stiffly turning from the window. He hadn't meant to upset her like that, but she's abandoned him again, and for the last time. He swears this will be the last time; quite sure that three times is enough.
It's almost dinnertime and he dreads telling the Cohens about what happened. Walking from the pool house to the kitchen, he can hear Seth fumbling over explanations for his latest problem – something about Summer, but when it is not? He can see his 'brother' through the kitchen window rambling with hands motions for every word.
"What did you do this time Seth?" he asks once he's reached the trio.
"I didn't do anything!" Seth denies. "Seriously, why do you always think ... okay this is what happened..." but Ryan has tuned out and is staring intently at Kirsten.
He wonders how his life would have been if he'd had her for a mother. Would she have tucked him at night and watched him when he was sick? Would she have told him she loved him, like Dawn did but without the slur of alcohol? Would he have turned out like Seth? It takes him less than a minute to stop thinking about it, knowing that he can't change anything and that it will only depress him further.
Sometime during his reflection, the other three moved to sit at the table and are watching him. Ryan smiles to ease their confusion and sits between Kirsten and Sandy. The concept of a family dinner even now gets to him. Seth is still talking about his date with Summer, and Ryan still isn't listening but he nods at the right times. Then Sandy asks him how his day was and it all goes downhill from there.
"I don't want to talk about it," he claims even though he knows that the Cohens won't let him off so easy, they like to talk about things.
"Where's Dawn?" Sandy prods, but there is something in his voice that tells Ryan that he probably already knows.
"She went home for the day."
"She didn't say goodbye," Kirsten disapproves as if proper etiquette is his mother's biggest problem.
"I know..." that was one thing he didn't need to be reminded of.
"Will she be back tomorrow? I wanted to tell her about a job I heard about that I thought she might like," Sandy again with his never ending crusade to save humanity – or maybe just his family.
"No, she won't be back," ever.
"Maybe you could tell her then?"
"Sure."
"Are you okay man?" Seth this time and with that one question he's got the others worried. Kirsten and Sandy have always trusted Seth's thoughts about Ryan; the two have grown so close in the past few months.
"Yeah, just tired," such an easy lie. The one he used on teachers back in Chino when he actually did show up for school to escape the beatings.
Sandy and Kirsten nod, excepting the lie as truth, but Seth gives Ryan a hard look that shows just how little he believes it. Living on the border of society most of his life has made Seth very observant of other people. Ryan slightly nods to show that he knows there will be more talk later without the parents around.
In the pool house, Seth sits in the chair on the wall by his bed. It's clearly a sign of how important this is – he sat there because it's the wall without windows or pictures so Ryan has to look directly at him when he speaks.
"So what happened?" Cohen is direct and to the point, another sign that he won't let Ryan get away with half answers as he normally does.
"My mom... Dawn decided that the 'mom thing' wasn't for her." Ryan winces at how bitter that came out.
Seth has gone from stern to concern in the span of those eleven words which surprises Ryan slightly. He thought it would Seth to take a minute to figure it all out. Maybe this really was expected and he had been naïve; he'd made himself oblivious.
"Ryan, I'm sorry..." Seth falters, unsure what to say in such a situation. Sorry that your mother left you again but good riddance? Sorry that we all saw this coming and you didn't? Sorry I didn't warn you?
Ryan doesn't care. He's tired of listening to apologies and 'I'm sorry' has never led to anything good. 'I'm sorry' never made him feel any better.
Later, almost asleep in the pool house, Ryan starts thinks about all the lies he's been told. He dad once told him that he would make it up to Trey and him for ruining his third Christmas with a drunken rampage. No Christmas after that had been spent sober. Trey told him once when they were little that he would take him away from his mother and all her abusive boyfriends. As he thinks about that, he figures that Trey actually did do that in his own screwed up way. What he remembers most though, are the nights when Dawn would stumble drunkenly into his bedroom, giggle and tell him that she loved him. Or when she would come to him after A.J. or whoever had beaten him and with a wince tell him not to piss them off again. Right before he allows his thoughts to drift, he decides that the worst lie in the world is "I love you."
Summary: What if Dawn had come back for one more try at playing mom?
Disclaimer: I don't own anything about the O.C.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ---------
"I'm sorry baby, but you knew it had to end sometime," Dawn states with her eyes pleading, but her words insincere.
"Don't...don't tell me you're sorry. Don't even tell me you're leaving, just go..." Ryan chokes – betrayal clear in his own eyes. All he wants is to get away... but he never gets what he wants.
His mother is standing at the door, unsure how to leave things with the one person who has always put up with her. Nervousness settles in and she bites her bottom lip. It is an unbearably familiar habit for the person who has become almost a stranger to him.
"Just don't mess up with these people okay Ry? You've got a good thing here."
"I don't think you've got the right to talk to me about messing up mom."
Dawn gasps in shock and hurt before quickly nodding and stepping out of the pool house. Ryan waits until he sees her climb into the cab before stiffly turning from the window. He hadn't meant to upset her like that, but she's abandoned him again, and for the last time. He swears this will be the last time; quite sure that three times is enough.
It's almost dinnertime and he dreads telling the Cohens about what happened. Walking from the pool house to the kitchen, he can hear Seth fumbling over explanations for his latest problem – something about Summer, but when it is not? He can see his 'brother' through the kitchen window rambling with hands motions for every word.
"What did you do this time Seth?" he asks once he's reached the trio.
"I didn't do anything!" Seth denies. "Seriously, why do you always think ... okay this is what happened..." but Ryan has tuned out and is staring intently at Kirsten.
He wonders how his life would have been if he'd had her for a mother. Would she have tucked him at night and watched him when he was sick? Would she have told him she loved him, like Dawn did but without the slur of alcohol? Would he have turned out like Seth? It takes him less than a minute to stop thinking about it, knowing that he can't change anything and that it will only depress him further.
Sometime during his reflection, the other three moved to sit at the table and are watching him. Ryan smiles to ease their confusion and sits between Kirsten and Sandy. The concept of a family dinner even now gets to him. Seth is still talking about his date with Summer, and Ryan still isn't listening but he nods at the right times. Then Sandy asks him how his day was and it all goes downhill from there.
"I don't want to talk about it," he claims even though he knows that the Cohens won't let him off so easy, they like to talk about things.
"Where's Dawn?" Sandy prods, but there is something in his voice that tells Ryan that he probably already knows.
"She went home for the day."
"She didn't say goodbye," Kirsten disapproves as if proper etiquette is his mother's biggest problem.
"I know..." that was one thing he didn't need to be reminded of.
"Will she be back tomorrow? I wanted to tell her about a job I heard about that I thought she might like," Sandy again with his never ending crusade to save humanity – or maybe just his family.
"No, she won't be back," ever.
"Maybe you could tell her then?"
"Sure."
"Are you okay man?" Seth this time and with that one question he's got the others worried. Kirsten and Sandy have always trusted Seth's thoughts about Ryan; the two have grown so close in the past few months.
"Yeah, just tired," such an easy lie. The one he used on teachers back in Chino when he actually did show up for school to escape the beatings.
Sandy and Kirsten nod, excepting the lie as truth, but Seth gives Ryan a hard look that shows just how little he believes it. Living on the border of society most of his life has made Seth very observant of other people. Ryan slightly nods to show that he knows there will be more talk later without the parents around.
In the pool house, Seth sits in the chair on the wall by his bed. It's clearly a sign of how important this is – he sat there because it's the wall without windows or pictures so Ryan has to look directly at him when he speaks.
"So what happened?" Cohen is direct and to the point, another sign that he won't let Ryan get away with half answers as he normally does.
"My mom... Dawn decided that the 'mom thing' wasn't for her." Ryan winces at how bitter that came out.
Seth has gone from stern to concern in the span of those eleven words which surprises Ryan slightly. He thought it would Seth to take a minute to figure it all out. Maybe this really was expected and he had been naïve; he'd made himself oblivious.
"Ryan, I'm sorry..." Seth falters, unsure what to say in such a situation. Sorry that your mother left you again but good riddance? Sorry that we all saw this coming and you didn't? Sorry I didn't warn you?
Ryan doesn't care. He's tired of listening to apologies and 'I'm sorry' has never led to anything good. 'I'm sorry' never made him feel any better.
Later, almost asleep in the pool house, Ryan starts thinks about all the lies he's been told. He dad once told him that he would make it up to Trey and him for ruining his third Christmas with a drunken rampage. No Christmas after that had been spent sober. Trey told him once when they were little that he would take him away from his mother and all her abusive boyfriends. As he thinks about that, he figures that Trey actually did do that in his own screwed up way. What he remembers most though, are the nights when Dawn would stumble drunkenly into his bedroom, giggle and tell him that she loved him. Or when she would come to him after A.J. or whoever had beaten him and with a wince tell him not to piss them off again. Right before he allows his thoughts to drift, he decides that the worst lie in the world is "I love you."