"Little Lost Kanda"
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Fandom: -man (copyright to Ms. Katsura Hoshino)
Rating: T
A/N:
…this is to tide everyone over until I can get off my ass and write the next chapter of Stray.
So.
Yup.
Enjoy :D
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"…it's a cat."
A sleek, black, sharp-toothed and highly annoyed one, to be precise, which lashed it's tail and hissed at Allen Walker's face when the white haired boy picked him up from the doorstep. The cat spat and attempted to claw his face off, to which Allen responded by holding the cat as far away from his body as possible.
-Of course I'm a cat, now let me down before I fucking kill you!-
"Aw, you're just too cute, huh?" Allen smiled brightly at the homicidal feline, who only screeched and flailed its paws at him some more in response.
"Eh? What's this, then? Something interesting?" Allen's current houseguest, the redheaded Lavi Bookman, peeked from behind Allen's shoulders to stare at the black-furred creature, his one visible emerald eye sparking with curiosity as the kitten glared in his general direction.
-I said, put me down! Stupid humans, why won't you listen to me?! I'll kill you all!-
"What should we do with him, Lavi?" Allen asked, tilting his head sideways to eye the cat at a different angle. "Look at him, he's only a little kitten! Aw, poor thing, you can see his ribs and everything!" The white-haired teen almost broke into tears at the sight of the cat's unhealthily skinny frame, which earned him a comforting pat on the shoulder from Lavi.
"There there, Allen, I'm sure we can take care of it for a while, yeah? Give him some food and water and love for a while, then take him over to the vet and see if he's microchipped? How's that sound?"
The kitten twitched with alarm at the word 'love' and doubled it's struggling, powerless to escape Allen's firm grip. –Love? Are you fucking kidding? Give me love and I'll give you a few cuts to the face, useless humans!-
"I don't know…" Allen wavered, concerned. "It's not as if we have a lot of money to spend, Lavi, and vet bills can be…very costly, I've heard. Plus, we'd have to buy him food and toys and stuff…" The very thought of sliding back into the debt he had only recently managed to pull himself out of caused Allen's face to pale considerably. "Debt…"
Recognizing the usual warning signs of angst, Lavi quickly plucked the kitten from Allen's hands and carried it into their home, laughing all the way. "Well, see, ya don' hafta worry 'bout debt anymore now that I'm here, do ya?"
-I SAID LET ME DOWN GODAMMIT!-
The white-haired teen sighed and followed into what was technically Allen's house, although since Lavi's arrival it'd become less like his and more like his guests. He didn't really mind, though – as long as Lavi helped him pay the bills and didn't start bringing home dead bodies, anything to keep Allen out of the red was most welcome. After shutting the door behind him Allen followed Lavi into the living room, where the redhead sat on the loveseat coddling the furious kitten with little respect for the feline's personal space. "Look, Allen, he's tryin' to scratch me! No no, little fella, there's no messin' up this handsome face…hey, look, and it really is a boy, an' I thought that he had to be a girl cause of how hormonal and bitchy he's actin'…"
-Thank you, now I feel completely violated. The minute you give me my freedom I will scratch your face so badly your mother won't be able to recognize you.-
The string of annoyed mews brought a smile to Allen's face and he sat down next to Lavi, eying the black cat Lavi held high above their heads. "…so what should we name him, Lavi?"
"Ooh! Ooh! Let's call him Yuu! Then whenever I'm calling him I'll say 'Come here, Yuu,' and you'll think I'm talking to you but I'm really talking to Yuu!"
-…wow, why don't you choose a name that's not bathed in stupid?-
"…Lavi, I think you've been reading too much Terry Pratchett*."
"An' so what if I have?"
Allen sighed at the genial grin that accompanied that statement absentmindedly scratched the cat behind its ears (Lavi had it pinned down on top of his thigh at this point, much to the animal's displeasure). "…I was actually thinking Kanda. Doesn't it suit him?"
Lavi snorted and lifted the kitten up into the air again, scrutinizing it for a good minute before sighing. "Nah, it's definitely more of a Yuu cat than a Kanda cat."
-For the last goddamn time. Put me DOWN.-
"Alright, alright, compromise? We'll name him Yuu Kanda. How about that, Lavi?"
"Aw, but if he's gonna be our cat, shouldn't he have one of our last names? Like…Yuu Kanda Bookman-Walker?"
-My name is not Yuu, my name is not Kanda and my name will defiantly not BECOME either of those two so LET ME GO, YOU STUPID FUCKING HUMANS.- Allen shushed the kitten's sudden burst of mewling and scowled at Lavi.
"That makes him sound like our deranged love child, Lavi. Besides, it's too long."
"…but isn't he supposed to be our deranged love child?"
-LET ME GO. NOW. I swear I will fucking kill you all—
"Quiet, Kanda! And no, Lavi, besides, we're only keeping him until we can find out who his owner is. That's all." Allen crossed his arms and huffed, his usual sign that indicated he was through with the conversation and wouldn't hear another word about it. Period.
Lavi tilted his head sideways, dejected. "…an' what if he's a stray?"
The white haired boy was silent for a few moments before lifting himself from the couch and stretching. "I don't know, Lavi. We'll figure things out as we go along, I guess. I'll go get Kanda some water. And some food, I wonder if we have any fish…" Both Lavi and the newly named Yuu Kanda watched the teen disappear into the kitchen, nearly running into the wall in the process.
-…godammit. I think I'm going to kill myself now.-
"…ah, what t'do, what t'do…" Kanda hissed as, once again, Lavi hoisted him up into the air, holding him around his midsection and staring up at the angry feline with his one good eye. "How'd ya end up on our doorstep, anyway? Ya looked pretty surprised when Allen opened the door for ya, but why else were ya makin' all tha' noise?"
-That's none of your business, stupid human! Let me down!-
"Mmn…" Lavi sighed, pondering the situation. "Well…hey, what can I say? I haven't seen the little man this enthusiastic about anything for a while, now – guess I should be thankful ya came around, Yuu."
-Do I look like I care about you petty problems? I said, let me down!-
Of course, Lavi couldn't understand the meaning behind the little black kitten's constant mewls, so he smiled up at the cat and continued to do so until a crash from the kitchen brought his attention back to his white-haired host.
"…either way. You sit tight, Yuu, I gotta go check up on little Allen 'fore he kills himself in there." The redhead gently set Kanda down on the pillow of the couch and gave the cat a friendly pat on the head (narrowly avoiding the slashing claws that were aimed at him the moment Kanda was free of his grip). "Don't tear up the couch, now!" And so Lavi sauntered away, leaving a very aggravated Kanda alone in the living room.
-…fuck.-
The minute the redhead had left his sight, Kanda leapt off the couch and skidded to the front door, managing to slam into it in the process. The door didn't budge. Shaking his head to rid himself of the throbbing pain from his collision with the door, Kanda hissed and leaped back onto the top of the couch, and from there made his way up onto the window sill – whose window was closed down tight. Kanda growled and flattened his ears, realizing that he was, indeed, trapped in a confined, unfamiliar space with no means of escape (the only other exit he could see was whatever was on the other side of the kitchen doorway, and he was not about to go in there).
Not only that, but he had to deal with a pair of humans. Stupid humans.
-…somebody please kill me.-
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Aw, poor Kanda kitty, whatever will he do? :D
Anyway.
I swear I'm working on Stray.
The next chapter will be so much better than this crap. Definitely.
So, guess I'll see you all then, yes?
Till next tiem,
27
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NOTES:
1.) Terry Pratchett: British writer known for his book series that details the misadventures of the inhabitants of Discworld, a world that rides on the back of four elephants which stand atop a giant turtle that moves through the universe. Which is very, very funny. Lavi is making a reference to a character in one of the books who named her cat You, for whatever reason. He's an amazing author, go check him out.