ONLY HOPE
By Final Fantasy GX
Disclaimer: I do not own Cyberchase, nor any of its characters.
Summary: My third Matt/Inez; personally my favourite one.
Rating: PG (fluff)
Song Lyrics: "Only Hope" by Switchfoot.
Author's Note/s: Happy Valentine's Day, everyone! XD
Just a little note about ships I support. I like ALL ships, not just Matt/Inez. Matt/Jackie, Delete/Inez, Inez/Slider, and more – it makes no difference to me, I think every ship is utterly sweet. It's just that Matt/Inez is one of my favourites, and I'm into writing them at the moment.
So, for Matt/Inez ship (or fluff) supporters… hope y'all like it.
-
Curled up on my bed, I clasp my arms around my knees and attempt to swallow past the painful lump in my throat. Red hair falls over my eyes as I squeeze my eyes shut and try to imagine that everything is as it should be. Perhaps, if I just concentrated hard enough, my imagination would become reality...
But when I open my eyes again, glassy from unshed tears, it's all just the same.
Three days have passed since the events that caused one of my friends to be seriously injured. And it was my fault…
Because of me, Inez was lying in hospital, too weak to move or speak. Because of my failure, she was in so much pain... more than I was feeling now.
The suffocating feeling of self-loathing is more than I can bear... pressing a hand to my chest, the dull ache throbs along with the beating of my frantic, pain-filled heart.
"Please, Inez... be all right..." I whisper silently, no sound passing my lips, but mouthing them - praying them - as if to give them voice would jeopardise her hold on life. "I'm sorry..."
(There's a song inside of my soul
It's the one that I've tried to write over and over again
I'm awake in the infinite cold
But you sing to me over and over again)
The silent apology is of no worth to me. There is no way I can redeem myself. When Inez awakes, she'll probably hate me - and even then, I would welcome that hatred, knowing that I deserve it. I'm surprised that Jackie and Didge haven't already turned from me in disgust. I know I would.
Unable to escape from the tears that are threatening to spill over, in a last attempt to halt them I close my eyes again, a burning sensation prickling under my eyelids. This does no good, however; they trickle down my face slowly, relieving my pain somewhat, but not banishing it entirely.
I had seen the car coming. I had looked forwards and seen her walking across the road. Why hadn't I called out to her, maybe pulled her back, saved her? It was no use denying it. I did not deserve to be her friend, let alone something more.
Sighing softly, I tighten my hold around my knees and steadfastly ignore the knocking at my door.
Just leave me alone... let me lie here and torture myself...
To see that slender figure fall from grace - no, I correct myself, she never lost that grace - was enough to haunt my nightmares with those beautiful, intelligent eyes, filled with tears of pain. That very delicate figure, which yet possessed an inner strength, covered in her own blood...
Emitting a frustrated, strangled sound - for indeed, it feels like someone is grasping me around the throat - I sit up and let my head fall into my hands, tears dripping down onto the bedspread.
-
Jackie looks up as I enter the hospital room, and her expression becomes one of concern as she rises from her chair and walks over to me. Choking upon the seemingly endless tears, I throw my arms around her, and she hugs me back, giving me much-needed comfort.
"Matt…" she says to me softly, drawing back and surveying my pained expression. "It's all right…"
"No, it's not!" I snap at her unexpectedly, startling even myself. Letting out a sigh of defeat, I slump, though the tension in my shoulders is still apparent. "I'm sorry… it's just… all this…"
"I know. Don't worry about it," Jackie responds quietly, understanding.
A few moments of silence follow; I shrug awkwardly. "So… how is she…?"
The African-American girl gestures to the small figure lying still as a corpse – I shudder with the usage of the term – in the blank, white hospital bed. Her glasses lie on the table beside her; a chair sits near her side.
"Look, Matt, I have to go home, but you can stay here longer. Visiting hours don't end for at least another hour," Jackie adds; she looks pale and tired. Suddenly, I feel concerned for her as well, and gently push her towards the door.
"Get some sleep, Jax." I attempt to smile weakly. "It looks like you need it."
"Thanks, Matt." With this passing comment, my companion takes her leave.
Now, I dare to shift my gaze over to Inez, and grit my teeth to prevent the surge of anger at myself from breaking out. Her face looks thinner than usual; a few scratches are etched across her face in stark comparison. Walking slowly over to the chair, I lower myself into it and take up her glasses, fiddling with them as I talk softly to the girl lying in the bed.
(So I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands
And pray to be only yours
I pray to be only yours
I know you're my only hope)
Half an hour passes, as I spill my thoughts and hopes and feelings to my friend, all the while staring into her strangely beautiful, peaceful face. I place her glasses back onto the table, and reach forward and grasp her pale hand lying immobile on the bed.
It is as cold as death; I wrap my fingers around the small hand and study the delicate bones, the slender fingers, as beautiful as her face.
A tear, surprising even me, falls on her hand, and I blink and wipe them off my face. Glancing wistfully up into Inez's face, watching the steady rhythm of her slight breathing, I raise the delicate hand to my lips and hold it there for a moment, setting it down gently on the bedsheet. I can still feel her smooth skin on my lips, and I clear my throat and look away for a moment, trying to regain some kind of control over myself. Why do these feelings have to show themselves now…?
A small noise brings me to my senses, and I quickly turn my head, as Inez shifts her position and sighs in whatever dream world she is wandering. Rising slightly from my seat, I push her soft brown hair aside and brush my lips across her cold forehead, seeking to bring some kind of life to her. When she does not respond, I drop back into my seat and fold my arms on her bedside, burying my head in them.
I'm so sorry, Inez… The words echo through my mind.
(Sing to me the song of the stars
Of your galaxy dancing and laughing
And laughing again
When it feels like my dreams are so far
Sing to me of the plans that you have for me over again)
For a while I sit there, face hidden in my arms, struggling to find some kind of peace within myself. The attempt does not work, however, and for long moments I lie in helpless pain, tensed with the knowledge that I might not ever escape from this…
A hand strokes my red hair, a hand that is beautiful and delicate and strong all at once. A dark, smooth-skinned hand that I know all too well.
"It's all right, Matt," a murmuring voice whispers to me, little knowing that these were the very words that Jackie had spoken. Sitting bolt upright, I stare wildly at Inez, smiling wanly at me from her place on the bed. Her hand slips off my head to rest on my shoulder, and unknowingly I reach up and take it, noticing that some warmth has returned.
"Inez…" I manage to force out through the lump in my throat. "You're awake…" Unbelieving, I search her still-pale face, her deep eyes, as Inez takes her glasses from the table and puts them on, though I can see that it costs her much effort to do so.
The girl's eyes say enough to replace the words that she is too weak to say. Feeling as though someone else is controlling my movements, I lean forwards again, hugging her gently, so I won't hurt her any more than I have already.
(So I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands
And pray to be only yours
I pray to be only yours
I know you're my only hope)
"Do you hate me, Inez?" I ask softly, in a pained, barely audible whisper, my arms still around her.
"No," she says, just as softly, her breath warm on my neck. "Should I?"
"Yeah. I would… I do…"
Her hands tighten around my shoulders; I feel her smile weakly against my shoulder. She does not reply, fearing she might lose her breath, but once more I get the point. Trembling at Inez's touch, I draw back and look concernedly at her once again; slowly, she raises a hand and brushes my hair out of my eyes.
"You did what you could…" the Hispanic girl explains quietly, almost as if to cover the fact that my face has managed to turn a little red. Her other hand is still resting on my shoulder; our faces are very close. I can see right into the deep wells of her haunting eyes, noting the soft curve of her delicate lips as she speaks.
From the way Inez is looking into my own face, it almost seems as though she's doing the same thing. A small line appears between her eyebrows as she sees my somewhat red-rimmed eyes.
"Have you been crying for me, Matt?" It is the most Inez has been able to say the entire time; perhaps she's regaining strength. I was surprised she didn't chuckle at the thought, but her expression is quite serious.
I laugh softly, letting my head drop onto my chest as I regain a hold on myself. Without warning, a tear slides down my face, and I glance back up at Inez, almost apologetically. She smiles slightly, and uses her free hand to brush it off my face. Again, my skin tingles at the touch of her slender fingers, light as spiders' legs. Her hand then returns to my shoulder.
We say nothing for a few minutes, just looking into each other's face, perhaps thinking the same thing, but maybe it's just my wishful perceptions. Clearing her throat, Inez begins to withdraw, but my hold tightens around her involuntarily, and she looks up at me in surprise, almost expectantly.
"Wait, Inez…" It's hard even to whisper the words, incoherent due to her closeness. An impulse begins to form in my brain, a seemingly stupid urge. My mind beats wildly against this impulse, but it takes hold and controls my movements, like I'm a puppet on strings…
Drawing close once again, my lips touch her neck, her cheek. The smooth skin shivers at my questing lips, until finally they find her own.
(I give you my apathy
I'm giving you all of me
I want your symphony
Singing in all that I am
At the top of my lungs I'm giving it back)
Inez does not move away at my touch, only leans into the kiss, her beautiful eyes burning with a dark warmth I have never seen before. Fire runs through my veins; my heart is pounding once more, only this time the pain does not cause me to press a hand to my chest in agony.
The moment is interrupted, however, when a nurse walks in, clipboard in hand, and stares in surprise at the both of us. I break abruptly – and slightly reluctantly - away from Inez and hunch down in my seat, wishing a hole would appear at my feet and swallow me up. I can feel my face burning; upon looking at Inez, I can see that she's gone red, too.
How embarrassing…
Our eyes meet. A silent message passes between us. We smile as one, and each glance away as the nurse, upon recovering, starts to fuss over Inez.
-
I lie on my bed once again, arms drawn around my knees. But this time, I am not in pain. The ache in my heart has been healed by the soft lips of a certain person upon mine. Not a word we spoke of that event ever again. I longer consider it my fault. It happened too fast for me to have changed anything…
(So I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands
And pray to be only yours
I pray to be only yours
I know you're my only hope)
A quiet knock at the door interrupts my wandering thoughts. Sitting up and sliding off my bed, I reach out and turn the handle, open the door. "Yeah?"
Inez is standing there. Upon seeing me, a bright smile lights her face, though I can see that her posture is slightly awkward, due to her still-painful injuries.
"Hello, Matt," she says softly. I can only stare at her in surprise, then, without thinking, I take her hand and pull her into my room. What is she doing here…?
It's almost as if she can read my thoughts. "I just wanted to thank you for… for visiting me." The girl does not let go of my hand, seems to draw nearer. My mouth goes suddenly dry as she looks up at me, her eyes sparkling behind her glasses. I know what she really meant by that statement, and for some reason it makes me nervous.
Swallowing hard, I disengage my hand from hers and walk over to the window before I lose my sense of control. I can hear my heart pounding again in my ears; my muscles twitch nervously as I grip the ledge and glance, without seeing anything, out the window.
I detect halting footsteps behind me, but I refuse to turn around. Only when two small arms slide around my waist, and a quiet voice whispers in my ear, do I take notice – sharp notice. Inez rests her chin on my shoulder and whispers, her breath warming my ear, "Thankyou, Matt."
And she kisses the side of my face, lips light as a feather upon my skin. The slender body presses close; her delicate hands smooth my green jumper while her arms tighten around me. I swallow again; I can feel Inez's heart beating rapidly. My own heart matches that pace.
Taking my hands off the ledge, I grasp hers and kiss the fingertips, then her hand, her wrist; the tight hold loosens from my waist – Inez shivers at my touch - until I can turn around and face her.
Wordlessly, we draw close once more. Words aren't needed here. Our movements, our expressions, explain everything. Reaching out, she takes hold of my wrists and pulls me towards her, wrapping her own arms around me. My own arms slip around her small frame, and Inez nestles against my chest, listening to my heartbeat; I rest my head on top of hers, sharing her warmth. No longer am I nervous.
Still, we do not say anything. I close my eyes and wish that this moment would last forever. But time's flow moves ever on, and I knew that sometime this had to end.
My eyes open again suddenly as I feel small butterfly kisses making their way up my neck; Inez's softly curved lips send exquisite shivers dancing along my spine. She continues up and across my jawline, until at last her lips touch mine once more in a light kiss. The smooth hands creep up the back to my neck, stroking my red hair.
Breaking away from her torturously soft kisses, I plant my own at the base of her neck, brushing aside her soft brown hair. She moans quietly; her hands tighten their grip on my hair.
I withdraw reluctantly, but Inez grasps the front of my shirt and pulls me impossibly close. Tilting my head, I allow our lips to meet once more, the kiss becoming more passionate with every second that passes.
As the kiss ends, and she leans away from me, I see her lips move, yet no sound comes out. Almost as if she was praying. As if giving the words sound would jeopardize our hold on each other…
I love you…
Smiling with gentle recognition, I mouth the words to her, knowing that she'll understand them. Then, as she raises her head to look me in the eyes, we seal them with a last, loving kiss.
(So I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands
And pray to be only yours I pray to be only yours I know you're my only hope…)
-
End Notes: Still my personal favourite! Perhaps not that well-written, but… meh.
Dedicated to my fellow fluff-lovers, Cali-Bunny and flip8:) –glomp-
I merely ask you to review; you don't have to if you don't want to.
Another Happy Valentine's to everyone…
- FFGX.