This is a twofer weekend: because this one's so short and in honor of my birthday, another Jump the Shark fic will be posted tomorrow.
Family Curse
K Hanna Korossy
…would have liked to know earlier that I had a child…
Dean sat hunched on the edge of the bed in the modestly feminine room that had been the scene of a woman's fight to the death. Not just any woman, though: a lady Dad had cared about. The second he'd lost to supernatural violence.
In some ways, Dean was glad his dad hadn't lived to see that. He chewed his nail, kept reading.
…good to spend time with you, but I can't forget Mary. I'll always love her…
He'd been kind of surprised to find the box of letters in Kate Milligan's closet. He'd just been looking for some trace of his dad, something besides the pictures of an alien, smiling John Winchester. What was less surprising were how short and terse the letters were, concerned between the lines but blunt and blustery on the surface. Just like the man himself.
Dean shifted on the bed, gently sliding one letter into its envelope and plucking out another. Every postmark was from a different state.
…wish I could be there with you two more often…
Their dad hadn't loved this Kate; that much Dean could tell. But he had cared about her, which was both a relief and a pang. Relief to think Dad hadn't regularly drowned out his grief with kind nurses across the country, but painful to think there had been anyone else besides Mom.
Dean was trying hard not to remember Adam, lying eviscerated in that crypt.
…I have a job to do, and I can't leave it until it's done…
Adam had actually been sacrificed to John's mission long before the ghouls had finished the job. Dad had attempted to give the kid some happy memories, but he'd still been even more an absent father than he'd been for Sam and Dean. Despite his determination to let Adam grow up innocent and oblivious to what was hiding in the dark, John hadn't been able to give up his mission, his obsession, even for his fresh-start family.
Dean wasn't sure if he was sorry or grateful for that, but it made his stomach ache to know it.
…keep Adam safe. Anything strange happens, anything scares you at all, you let me know…
It had taken his dad's death and his brother's…different outlook on things for Dean to finally admit his dad was flawed. John Winchester had been an excellent general, teaching them skills, leading them in the field, giving orders. But he'd been a lousy teacher. He'd never taught them to think, to become able leaders of their own, and had withheld important information in a misguided belief that they didn't need to know it.
Even young, Dean had sensed the lapse without being able to put a name to it, and had done his best to fill in the gap for Sam. He'd tried to teach his brother analysis and independence, had worked hard to instill in him hope and the belief he had choices, and to give him a life outside hunting. And it had worked for a while, even if it had broken Dean's heart in the process: Sam had left for school seeking that other life.
But it hadn't lasted.
…want to think so, but, Katie, I'm sorry. It never ends.
In the end, Sammy had turned out like Dad after all. Grief and revenge had blacked out the hope and choices Sam had once believed in. It was partly Dean's fault: instead of making sure Sam could stand on his own, Dean had promised him nothing bad would happen while Dean was around…and then had left him. No wonder Sam had become so intent on propagating his beliefs and sacrificing all for the cause. And also like Dad, he did it totally unaware of the hurt his single-mindedness caused.
Maybe the same thing would have happened to Adam, even if Dean would've known about him and been able to intervene. Maybe…maybe the kid was better off where he was now.
It never ends.
Dean sighed, folding away the last letter. He'd already decided to leave them there. They weren't his anyway, nor was the John Winchester in them one he cared to revisit. And Sam didn't need the fuel of his dad's words added to his own fire of righteous vengeance.
Dean glanced at his watch. He'd briefly considered trying to clean up some of the carnage in the Milligan home, but at least Adam's loved ones would know what had happened instead of always wondering. Besides, Dean needed to go. He had one brother to pick up from the hospital and another from a crypt.
As he gave the silent house a last glance before driving away, Dean just wished Dad hadn't let them both down.
The End