As promised, a companion piece to 'Reminiscence'. Oddly enough, Rangiku is turning out to be just as difficult to write as Gin. Go figure.
Be forewarned, before you even begin reading this: I have very little free time at the moment. School pretty much consumes my life, so (as readers of "Lilies, Everlasting" know all too well) updates are likely to be few and far between for the time being.
That said, try and enjoy my first attempt and Rangiku.
Forgiveness has always been a strange concept to me.
The idea of forgiving and forgetting seems pointless— if you forget, won't it be more likely to happen again? You'll just end up forgiving the same thing over and over again without ever putting a stop to it…
Oddly enough, it's something I seem to do with you.
Not to say I've never tired of your antics—your random comings and goings, your secrecy, the hundreds of lies you've probably told me over the centuries that I've know you…
Even your betrayal of Soul Society…though I hesitate to include myself with that group. I consider myself a part of Soul Society as any shinigami would, an integral part of the complex world of souls, but with regards to you…
You'd been betraying me, in your own way, since the day I met you.
So really, what is there to forgive? It all seems the same anyways, to me. You would leave, you would come back—it's a seemingly endless cycle.
But it does seem a bit more final, this time.
More often that not, because this was the first time you'd asked for my forgiveness.
One word I'd never heard out of your mouth, never thought I'd hear from you—one word I'm not so sure I want to hear from you again.
"Sorry."
It seems so final. It seems like you realize what you're doing, not that I ever thought you didn't realize what you'd done to me—what you still seem to be doing to me. For once, it seems like you've weighed your actions and determined the outcome to be one that you can't turn back from.
I'd agree.
Betraying me is something I seem to forgive all the time…but all of Sereitei is a bit hard to forgive.
Knowing me and my seemingly whimsical ways with you, I will forgive you. Forgive you for destroying the world which I inhabit, destroying the order and security of worlds living and dead, nearly, destroying what little balance there was…
But I wonder if this time, you will destroy me, too.
It's a miracle is hasn't happened yet. Either I'm incredibly stubborn or incredibly stupid.
Probably a little of both, at least where you're concerned.
I've never considered myself the typical flighty, dimwitted female, despite how often I play the part. Over the years, being with you taught me to become a wonderful actress. But again, you seem to be the exception—the one thing I should simply let go and move on from, because all you seem to have caused me in these recent years is pain.
And I miss you.
I don't know why.
I can't seem to figure it out.
There is no logical reason why it should be that way. No sane person would still care for you, after what you've put me through. It simply doesn't make sense.
But I do.
I miss the old you the most. The pre-Aizen Gin. The Gin who would bring me flowers and trinkets. The one who would sneak into my quarters and slip between my sheets. The one who would touch me with such reverence and stare down at me like you'd never seen anything like me.
That you disappeared some time ago, I know. But it doesn't stop the ache.
It would be easier if I knew you didn't give a damn about me anymore. Then I could assume the "It's your loss" and "You don't know what you're missing" attitudes.
But I know you care.
Because you apologized.
You ripped my life into pieces and asked for my forgiveness.
And whether or not it's sick or pathetic of harmful to me… I know I will forgive you.
Please review!!!
These little one-shots will be slightly easier to do, since they're usually no more than a few pages, so hopefully I should have another up sometime soon..."soon" being an entirely relative term...
-Luin