A/N: WARNING! THIS CONTAINS GRAPHIC SELF HARM AND MENTIONS SUBJECTS SUCH AS OVERDOSES AND SUICIDE. DO NOT READ IF YOU'RE GOING TO COMPLAIN. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED. RATED M FOR A REASON! I DO NOT OWN TWILIGHT; ALL THOSE RIGHTS ARE OWNED BY STEPHANIE MEYER AND SUMMIT ENTERTAINMENT. BASED DURING NEW MOON.
Lullaby
Bella's POV
The blood poured into the sink, like a running tap. I never meant to cut that deep, but I was still getting that relief that I needed. The throbbing pain from my forearm cancelled out the pain, and emotional brokenness that was in my heart. I just felt numb as I bled. I eventually managed to stem to bleed, so I could clean the sink and the knife. I heard the front door slam shut, and in a mini- panic, I wrapped the knife back up in its towel and shoved it into the back of the drawer. Avoiding any confrontation with Charlie, I switched on the shower, and quickly, but carefully undressed. I didn't wash, I'd already been in the shower twice today, I just sat in the bottom, water cascading over my head, down my back, as I looked at my red arm. The water washed the blood away, and my arm began to ache, as my head became light. I only just managed to remain conscious. I crawled out of the bathroom, and into my bedroom, wrapped in a towel. Charlie didn't even notice me crawling, I wasn't the most delicate person as I crawled, but I realised that he was on the phone to Billy, arguing over something to do with Jake. I slammed my bedroom door closed, and put my pajamas on. I crawled into bed, it was only five-fifteen but I didn't really care. I didn't really care about much since Edward had left. I'd become severely depressed, my school work had deteriorated, my social life gone, and I wasn't getting any better. I knew it was killing Charlie but there was nothing that anyone could do to help. I fell into a restless sleep, waking up into the middle of the night, by the sharp stabbing pain in my arm. I could hear Charlie's overly load snoring, and cold air drifted into my room. I silently crept into the bathroom, and looked through the first aid kit. I took the face cloth from the sink and rolled it up and placed it into my mouth. I took the bottle of TCP from the first aid kit, and gently dabbed it onto the wound. It stung like a bitch, and I bit down on the cloth, waiting for the stinging to die down. I looked at the clock in the bathroom; it read two-twenty nine. Charlie would be getting up for work soon and I'd spend my Saturday doing the housework and preparing dinner for tonight. I knew I wouldn't be able to fall back to sleep, so I slipped downstairs, took a blanket from the back of the cupboard and put the TV on, it was loud enough so I could hear it but low enough for so that Charlie wouldn't wake up. I wrapped myself up in the blanket and turned the DVD player on, unless Charlie had switched DVD's, Romeo and Juliet should be in. it was. The title sequence started up, and I fell asleep to the boring, monotone noise that was Shakespearian English.
Charlie was terrible at staying quiet, as he clambered around at half seven in the morning, getting ready for work.
"Fuck!" I heard him cuss, as I woke up, after a loud crash came from the kitchen.
"Dad, leave it. Go to work!" I shouted, as I pulled myself up from the couch. Charlie rushed into the living room, with an apologetic smile. He never liked waking me up.
"I'm sorry, I tried." He apologised, as he kissed me on the cheek, before darting off to work. I always wished he wasn't the chief of police, so that I'd see more of him, but he loved his job, and the town needed him. I wandered into the kitchen to see the catastrophe that he'd caused. He'd only gone and pulled the door of the cupboard. I was no good with DIY so I had to phone the only person who I knew would come a fix it for me. I picked up the phone, and pressed 5 as his number was on speed-dial. He didn't take long to answer.
"What's up, Bella?" he asked, sounding genuinely concerned about me. Jake was always like this though.
"Nothing's up, I have a cupboard door down. Come fix it?" I didn't even have to say please, Jake would do anything for me. I heard the clang of metal tools, and the zip of a coat.
"Just setting off now, I won't be long Bella." He always sounded so reassuring, even when I didn't need reassuring. He hung up on me, and I put the phone back in the holster. I realised that if Jake saw the state of my arm so I quickly darted upstairs and found a long sleeved baggy jumper and pulled it on. Jake was on the doorstep by the time I was at the bottom of the stairs.
I pulled open the door, and gave him the best smile I could at quarter to eight on a Saturday morning. He chuckled, as he wrapped his arm around my waist, and kissed my forehead. I didn't object to him doing this. Jake might have been younger than me, but his build and behaviour at times made him seem like an older brother to me. Jake let me go, and wandered into the kitchen. I followed him, making sure my arm was covered.
"Pssshhh, this will take two seconds." Jake said, as he picked the door up and aligned it back into position. I laughed at him optimism, and let him get on with it. I leant against the kitchen counter, watching him do this quick job. he closed the door, and turned, with a smile.
"See? Simple." He laughed, proud of himself, I shook my head, and absentmindedly rolled up my sleeves, to make a start of the dishes.
He grabbed me, and looked at my arm.
"What the fuck is this Bella?" He yelled at me.