Disclaimers: NCIS, the rights to the show and its characters do not belong to me. No money was made by this.
Spoilers for S8 finale.
Pairing: Ziva David & Malachi Ben-Gidon friendship, Ziva David/Ray Cruz romantic pairing

This is a crack!fic, more or less (because the title isn't giving it away already). You have to thank catherine ampere and xoxonessie (who is responsible for the title) on here as well as mossadagent-tara on tumblr for this gem. They made me do it.

Ziva stared out of the window and watched the streets fly past. She hadn't been here in a while, yet the reason she did not like to visit the town she used to spend the summers of her childhood in was still present. There were too many memories here, too many ghosts. And all they did was make her remember how much she missed her siblings and how alone she was now compared to how it had been when she was a child.

"Ziva?" Tony asked her, turning slightly in his seat. She blinked her eyes and looked at him, raising an eyebrow.

"What?" she asked, frowning.

"Nothing. Just, you've been awfully quiet." her partner shrugged and she turned her head again to look at the scenery. Malachi shifted gears and made a U-turn because he had missed the next turn and car horns blarred at them as he tried catching up with the other car Liat was driving.

"It's Tali, isn't it?" he asked her, his voice soft and Ziva closed her eyes, drawing a deep breath before nodding.

"Right, you used to spend your summers here as a kid." Tony remembered, again turning to look at her. She felt his eyes on her but didn't look at him.

"I don't like to come to Haifa anymore." she whispered and Malachi cleared his throat.

"Yeah, I didn't like our home after my mother died, either." Tony shrugged, turning to face the windshield again. "Place felt empty."

"Better empty than seeing their ghosts everywhere." Malachi muttered, casting a glance at Ziva through the rearview mirror before Liat pulled her car to a stop and he slammed on the breaks, too, and turned off the engine.

When they got out of the air conditioned car and stood on the docks, Tony cursed his choice of clothing again. Malachi, Ziva and Liat, used to and familiar with the climate were wearing light colors and garments, yet both he and Ray were stuck in their suits and ties. He reached up to loosen his tie and caught CI-Ray doing the same. He frowned and clenched his fist. There were few things he would rather be doing than taking the man's tie and strangling him with it. But Ziva had told him to play nice, that her problem with the CIA agent was her business and she didn't need him to protect her. He was trying to respect that.

"This is the address?" Malachi asked, looking out at the nearby sea and Liat nodded, making a grab for her gun. The others followed suit.

"Remember, you-"

"Don't have the right to investigate and make arrests on Israeli soil." Ziva nodded, taking a step back and falling in line behind her former Mossad partner. To her relief, it was Tony who was covering her back, not Ray. She was still angry at the CIA-Agent for not telling her he had gone to Israel to 'take care' of Trent Kort. She trusted him, yes, but right now, she didn't want to talk to him and have it ruin the arrest.

The warm breeze from the sea caught in Liat's ponytail and Malachi gave the signal to move. He was just opening his mouth to call out to anyone in the empty warehouse when they heard a bang and a barrel came rolling at them, causing them to split up as a figure started running for the other side of the warehouse. Liat called out in Hebrew and then English, telling the person to stop but the figure continued running, the others charging after them.

"He's jumping!" Tony called unnecessarily when they watched the man leap from the dock into the sea. Ziva and Liat broke off their run, but the men kept on and threw away their guns and jackets before jumping into the sea themselves. The two women looked at each other and rolled their eyes as they raised their guns and followed up to the end of the dock. There was no sign of whoever had run from the warehouse, but in the sea, two federal agents and one Mossad officer were wildly turning their heads and rubbing salt water from their eyes.

"Good job, boys." Liat told them, holstering her gun and crossing her arms. Ziva gave a soft chuckle and stored away her own weapon, bending down to give Ray a hand out of the water. She caught his eye and saw the apology in them and merely nodded. They would talk later. Malachi barely needed her help up and she let him hoist up Tony, mindful of Ray's eyes on her interaction with her partner. The guys pulled of their shirts and wrung them out, Malachi bending over and shaking his hair.

"Whose bright idea was jumping into the sea, anyway?" Tony grumbled, wiping his face in his shirt and sucking in his stomach self-consciously with a glance at Malachi's defined stomach.

"I remember a certain NCIS agent who ripped his jacket off first." Ray muttered under his breath. Ziva bit her lip as she watched the droplets of water run over his abs and disappear into his pants. She shook her head slightly to clear it and make herself focus on something else besides the three half-naked men. A quick glance at Liat showed that she was equally having trouble focusing, judging from the appreciative smirk playing around her lips and the slightly raised eyebrow when her eyes wandered over the naked chests of the three men. Ziva didn't appreciate the way it lingered on Ray before she looked back at Malachi.

"The Mossad guy jumped first!" Tony defended himself. Malachi glared at him.

"If you were faster, you wouldn't have had to follow him into the sea at all." the Israeli snapped back, and all three erupted into yelling and blaming each other for their rather wet state.

Ziva crossed her arms and watched them fight for a minute before sharing a look with Liat. Both women rolled their eyes and went to pick up the guns and jackets where the men had thrown them.

"Gentlemen!" Ziva shouted over their raised voices and held out Ray's jacket and gun to him when the men shut up. "As… pleasant… as the visual is and I am sure you have a lot to say to each other, I suggest we get going."

Liat handed Tony his jacket and gun before dangling Malachi's from her finger with a raised eyebrow, giving him another once over. The Israeli grumbled something and snatched the gun from her before he began stalking to the cars, Liat trailing behind him, her head cocked to the side and clearly admiring the view of his pants clinging to his backside.

"How come we're all wet and you aren't?" Tony whined at the two women as they all started walking back to the cars.

"Because we are smarter and know not to expose ourselves like that?" Liat shrugged, throwing a smirk at him as she unlocked the door to one of the vehicles.

"Yeah, but I'd rather see Ziva in a bikini again than stare at Mal's abs." the NCIS agent grumbled, making the others freeze in their tracks. Ziva's eyes widened and she glared at him, wordlessly telling him he'd pay for this.

"Oh boy, you will never learn, will you?" Malachi sighed, tossing Ziva the keys and grabbing Liat by her elbow. Whatever his former partner was now going to do to DiNozzo, he did not want to see it or be any part of it.

"Wait, I thought you said they aren't having sex?" the bewildered blond asked as he pushed her into the driver's seat of the car and slammed the door, her voice getting muffled.

"I think I'll hitch a ride with you guys!" Tony shouted and ran after them when Malachi got in the car. He had barely closed the door when Liat floored the gas pedal and sped off, leaving Ziva and a rather sour-looking dripping CIA agent behind.

"Wanna explain that one?" he asked her, using his jacket as a towel to wipe his face. Ziva stared out at the sea before sighing.

"We were in LA on protective detail of Jenny Shepard. I told you about that, remember?" she reminded him, watching him as he frowned.

"You didn't say you went swimming with DiNozzo." Ray said, suddenly sounding defeated.

"Because I didn't, Ray." Ziva argued, getting in his face. "I was reading by the pool when he came to fetch me for this stupid car ride he wanted. And before you find out about this because he can't keep his mouth shut at another time, being the typical male he is, Tony snapped a few pictures. I told him to delete them, he didn't, instead he put them up when he was Agent Afloat. And no, I do not wish to consider what he probably did with them. For the record, Tim has also seen these pictures, and I'm pretty sure that Abby has, too. Oh, and Gibbs has the description and location of my tattoo in my file, do you want to be jealous of him, too?" she glared at him, raising her eyebrow pointedly. Ray slowly shook his head, shoulders slumping.

"No." he muttered. "No, I'm not jealous of Gibbs, or McGee. But DiNozzo… he's your partner, you two are close and I… I thought you had lied to me when you said that you hadn't slept with him."

Ziva couldn't keep herself from making a comment.

"Doesn't feel good, does it? Being lied to?" she asked him, and again, he shook his head.

"No, it really doesn't." Ray admitted, gently taking her hand. "I'm sorry, Ziva. I should've told you where I was, but I was-"

"Under orders. I know." she sighed, rubbing her forehead with her free hand but not attempting to take her hand from his grip as the anger went out of her. Instead she turned her hand and interlaced their fingers. "I… I like you, Ray. But I need to be able to trust the people around me. My co-workers and the person I am with both. And sometimes I feel as if… that if you could tell me what you're doing, you still wouldn't. I don't know why I get this feeling, but I don't like it, and… it makes me think that, maybe…" she slowly trailed off.

Ray quickly shook his head and took her face in his hands, pressing his forehead to hers.

"No. No, don't say that. I love you, Ziva." he whispered, staring into her eyes. "I love you so much, and I'm sorry you feel that way. Please, don't… I'll try to be more open. I'll tell you what I can from now on. I promise, just don't, don't do that. Don't throw us away, please?" he pleaded with her and Ziva reached up to grab his wrists, to hold onto him.

"I don't want to throw us away." she muttered, rubbing her nose against his. "But it's hard, being on the receiving end of 'need to know' when it's with someone you're in a relationship with." Ziva admitted.

"I know. And I am so sorry I have to shut you out sometimes." Ray apologized, brushing his lips against hers. "I promise I'll be more open."

Ziva sighed and returned the kiss reluctantly. This conversation was far from over for her, but for now, she was okay with him promising he'd at least try.

"Come on, let's get you into some dry clothes." she gave him a soft smile and stepped back, walking to the car, Ray following behind her.

Ziva reached up to pull her hair into a ponytail when Malachi stepped up next to her, leaning onto the railing of the balcony of her hotel room.

"You still together?" her former partner asked, glancing at her, obviously wearing one of Ray's shirts and cotton pants. Ziva dropped her arms and imitated his pose, looking out across the sea.

"Yes." she nodded, waiting. She knew Malachi wanted to say something about it, but pushing him wouldn't make him talk any more than pushing her would get her to open up.

"I don't like him." the Mossad operative slowly said, frowning. "But if you are happy with him I guess I should be happy for you and accept it."

"I do not need your blessing, Malachi." Ziva reminded him, looking at him. "But it is nice to have it." she added, bumping her shoulder against his. "You and Liat, are you still…"

"Fucking each other?" Malachi supplied and gave her a cheeky grin. "Yeah. I don't think your father likes it, though." he frowned. Ziva gave a snort.

"He doesn't like how obvious you two are about it, more like." she shook her head, scrutinizing him. "Are you falling in love with her?" she suddenly asked, realizing the look he had in his eyes when he talked about Liat was the same she had seen in Ray's eyes a couple of times. To her shock, Malachi actually began to blush.

"Maybe." he shrugged, trying to sound vague and as if it wasn't a big deal. Ziva suppressed a sigh. She didn't want him getting hurt, and really doubted Liat was returning any romantic feelings Malachi had for her.

"Just, be careful? I do not want you to get hurt." she softly said and Malachi gave her a soft smile and a nod. They both stood there, watching the sea in silence, until he turned his head and saw her lost in thoughts again.

"Ziva?" he softly asked, and when she didn't react, reached up to touch her shoulder. To his surprise, she actually jumped when he touched her. "Sorry. I didn't mean to scare you. You were lost in thought."

Ziva slowly swallowed and nodded, eyes going out to the sea again.

"Ari, no, stop it!" Tali yelled, turning away from her brother as he kicked up the water in her direction. "Ziva, tell him to stop!" the teenager demanded. Ziva looked up from where she was lying on the beach and reading and rolled her eyes at the antics of her siblings. Instead of doing what Tali asked her to, she closed her book and ran down the sand, grabbing the squealing Tali and driving them both into the chest-deep water. They both came up spluttering and Ziva laughed at the angry face her sister made as she tried pushing her wet curls from her face. That was, until something closed around her ankle and yanked her down, the scream dying in her throat when salt water poured in. She kicked at whatever was grabbing her and yanked her foot free, quickly going back to the surface, spluttering and gasping for breath while Ari came up behind her, cradling his arm but laughing at his joke.

"Good ghosts or bad ones?"

Malachi's voice cut through the memory and Ziva shook her head lightly to clear the fog.

"Good ones. Really good ones." she told him, a soft smile playing on her lips.

fin.

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