To be or not to be? To exist or not to exist? To hit rock bottom or to go even further?
Amanda Rollins was pretty sure she was in that position-or at least view of her squad. More importantly, her sergeant. It was more than just the gambling. It was the lies, the espionage, Murphy even. She knew lying to Fin probably hurt like a ton of bricks to him. Nick on the other hand, she could not care less about. There was a big sting of pride however when she went on to thinking about Olivia's idea on the whole situation. Although it was weeks ago, she knew better than to imagine she was back in the older woman's good graces just yet. Amanda knew she screwed up.
Drowning the last of her third beer, Amanda relaxed in the bar stool. She allowed the bittersweet alcohol to consume her. She knew it was dangerous to be getting drunk in her state, but she knew it would it take more than a few to even get her tipsy.
The blonde allowed her ears to fall into the music of the dimly lit, but half full bar. She signaled the bartender and ordered another beer. She spotted a tall redhead at the other end of the bar. The redhead smiled at her. Amanda decided the redhead would be a better way to get rid of stress to ending up hung-over at work.
Meanwhile, in one of the booths, sat Olivia Benson. She found herself in desperate need for something stronger than wine at her apartment and ended up in some old bar in the heart of Manhattan. The older woman was in deep sorrow after breaking up with Brian. Not that he was doing anything wrong, Olivia just didn't know what she wanted, and she just knew it wasn't him. Her mocha eyes fell on a figure across the room. She almost choked on her shot of whiskey when she noticed who it was.
Once her eyes were on Amanda, she couldn't bring herself to move them. A redhead was sitting in the stool next to Rollins. The two were talking, but because of the distance between the bar and Olivia and the music, the senior detective couldn't hear a word. She watched curiously as Amanda's hand found its way to the other woman's thigh and travel upward. It shocked Olivia, but she still didn't stop watching. Curiosity was far too much now. Olivia wasn't used to seeing the blonde outside of work, it was new, but exciting.
The redhead seemed to enjoy the attention Amanda was giving her, which stirred some type of jealousy within Benson.
She still however watched the two interact. The redhead stood up and positioned herself in between Amanda's legs. Deciding she needed to leave, Liv stood up dropping a 10 dollar bill and started to exit. She stopped when her eyes found themselves on Amanda again. The blonde was leaning up to kiss the other woman. Her blue eyes went from lust to shock as they spotted Benson standing by the exit.
Olivia didn't know what to do. She knew she shouldn't have been spying on Amanda.
One thing happened after another and before the brunette knew it, Amanda was waving her over. Walking away wouldn't be a good thing to do, so she made her way over.
"Hey, Amanda." She said awkwardly taking a look at the redhead, who was looking at the brunette confusingly. "I didn't mean to interrupt-"
"It's fine." The redhead interjected with a small smile. "I have to go anyway."
Olivia watched awkwardly as the redheads hand slipped from out of Amanda's.
"I'll call you, Amanda." Was the last words spoken by the woman as she left the detectives to their selves.
Benson took the now empty stool. She sent a humorous smile to blonde, who was blushing furiously.
"She's just a close friend." Amanda tried to explain, but her face said otherwise.
"Oh really?" Olivia laughed. "Must be one of those friends with benefits then."
"Sure why not." Amanda replied smirking. "Just as long as you keep it between us."
Olivia nodded, understanding what the younger woman meant. "How long?"
Amanda took a swing of her full bottle of beer. "How long what?"
"Have you been seeing her?"
"Oh." Replied Rollins. "I wouldn't call it seeing. It really is kinda friends with benefits. There is too much stress to not have them."
For the rest of the night, Amanda and Olivia talked as if they were old time friends. The conversation hit its sensitive spots, but alcohol had helped then through it. Amanda never recalled of a time when her and Olivia had talked out side of work. It didn't matter, because she loved it. The two stayed for a few more hours talking endlessly. The bar was about to close when the two exit into the cool air of April.
"Thank you, Amanda." Olivia said slightly drunk as the two headed down the sidewalk.
"For what?" Amanda asked. She knew how to handle her liquor and was just hitting tipsy.
"This night." Olivia answered. "I really needed something positive on my mind."
On the inside, Amanda was doing a million dances in her head. "You're welcome." She smiled.
The two walked down the sidewalk to the subway together in perfect silence. They were reaching their destination when suddenly; Olivia gently pulled Amanda over to stop the blonde from walking.
"What's up-" Amanda cut herself off as Olivia pushed her gently against the brick wall of some random building. Feeling the other woman's breath on her collar, a fire stirred deep in the pit of Amanda's stomach. Naturally, her hands found their way to Olivia's waist.
"What are we doing?" Amanda asked to no one in particular. She felt Olivia fingers ghosting over her cheekbone.
"I don't know." The brunette answered her lips just half an inch from Amanda's. "But I know I'm not going to regret in the morning."
"You're drunk." Amanda shook her head, not sure this was going on.
"Maybe so. But I know what I want."
"And what is that?"
Olivia stroked Amanda's cheek with her thumb. The bittersweet smell of beer on the blonde's tongue filled her nostrils.
Her voice dropping to a whisper and her eyes glazing over she replied:
"You."
A/N: Okay so I wrote this as I was getting dressed for my prom (i know...) and so if it's not it's best sorry! Any way, I am in better spirits, so you will see a new chapter for something soon!