Broken From the Beginning
Summary: Villetta's wedding had been a tiny bit awkward. That was, of course, Lloyd's fault. Afterwards, Cécile and Lloyd have a conversation. Some things are said, and some are left unspoken.
Pairings: Hints of Lloyd/Cécile, if you choose to look at it that way. I see it as more of a friendship though.
Warnings: Spoilers for the final episode of R2.
A/N: This fic was born from the idea that Villetta and Ohgi's wedding must have been a bit awkward, if their wedding picture is anything to go by. I mean, there's former members the Black Knights, Knights of the Rounds, Cornelia and Guilford, Nina, Tianzi and Xingke, Rakshata, etc. That's already a recipe for awkward. Throw in Lloyd, and things are bound to get interesting.
Also, any feedback on the way I've portrayed Cécile and Lloyd's relationship would be appreciated.
"Well. That was only slightly awkward," Cécile remarked.
She and Lloyd were walking down a shady pathway at a leisurely pace. Their fancy clothes may have earned them a few strange looks – or maybe it was the fact that they were two obviously Britannian nobles strolling through a predominately Japanese neighborhood – if there was anyone around to see them.
Lloyd tossed her an amused glance. "What are you talking about? That was fun. Well, except for getting punched." He fingered the side of his jaw, which was slightly swollen.
"That was your own fault for mentioning the late Emperor Lelouch."
He didn't comment on her choice of words. He knew as well as she did that Lelouch had been no 'Demon Emperor.' The least they could do was respect his title in private.
"I merely remarked that harvesting and studying the power of Geass would have been easier if he were still alive."
"Perhaps that wasn't the best idea to mention that near members of the Black Knights."
Lloyd pouted and cupped his jaw. Cécile noticed that there was still a bit of discoloration. "I realized that. It's not my fault that brash idiot took offence and attacked me."
She smiled. "Tamaki's just emotional. Besides, it was your tone that did it."
"Tone's subjective," he said petulantly.
She sighed. There was no use talking to him when he got like this. But she still had to try. "It wasn't just your tone," she said. "You demonstrated a lack of sensitivity in bringing up Lelouch at Villetta and Ohgi's wedding. It wasn't just your tone, but what you said. It was callous."
"Thanks for the lesson on human interaction." It galled Cécile that she couldn't tell if he was being sarcastic or not.
They walked in silence for a few more minutes. Lloyd hummed a little tune under his breath, as if he didn't notice that Cécile was feeling uncomfortable. Maybe he didn't.
"Just out of curiosity, why did you say it was awkward?"
"Because it was."
"Eh, not really."
"You didn't notice the tension?"
"Oh, I noticed, but tension doesn't equal awkwardness."
Cécile stared at him. Was he serious?
"How was it awkward?" he asked. He seemed serious.
"Ah, well, seeing Milly again…" she trailed off as Lloyd laughed.
"My ex-fiancée and I know how to get along."
That was true. The two were as polite as ever. Even during their engagement, they had acted formal, almost stilted. That was to be expected though. It would have only been a marriage of convenience.
She had thought that he was upset when Milly had broken the engagement off, but one could never tell with Lloyd. Even she, for all the years she had known him, wasn't sure how well she knew him.
Lloyd erected so many shields around himself. He had so many barriers separating him from the outside world that sometimes Cécile wondered if he cared about her at all. Oh, there were times when he seemed to soften, when he smiled at her and helped her gently, instead of his usual neutral attitude, but those times were few and far between. For the most part, Lloyd was distant.
She shrugged off those thoughts. "That's true, but then there was Rakshata..."
Cécile wondered why she kept bringing these kinds of things up. Of course Lloyd needed constant reminding that people existed out of his self-imposed bubble of science but she knew that it wasn't her place to pry into his personal affairs. Especially when it came to women.
Not that she needed to worry much about that, she reflected ruefully. Lloyd hadn't taken a partner in all the years that she'd known him. In fact, he'd been completely uninterested in matters of the flesh, to the extent that Cécile had to remind him that most other human beings desired a lover.
"We played nice. We can do that for one wedding. You know," he added as an afterthought, "she still calls me the Earl of Pudding."
"That's to be expected," she said. "You never did apologize for that incident."
"She started it," he huffed. He shoved his hands into his pockets and scuffed the street with his foot.
To an observer, he didn't appear to be the man that had created hundreds of Knightmares, as well as many other kinds of revolutionary technology. He didn't look like the man that was the subject as almost as many rumors.
There were even rumors that claimed she was his lover, which just showed the absurdity of the Britannian court. As his research assistant, she was obliged to attend most important meetings and banquets, where the rumors flourished. That was one of the reasons why she was glad that Lloyd preferred to spend his time away from court. She didn't like watching a rumor come to life before her eyes, just because she wore a low-cut dress to a dinner with him.
Fortunately, Lloyd had a tendency to ignore invitations to things like fancy parties and weddings. Although he hadn't ignored this particular wedding. She assumed he went for the entertainment value.
Lloyd had been in his element, making potentially aggravating comments as he flitted from guest to guest like a comically oversized hummingbird.
"Congratulations! And now your baby won't be born out of wedlock! Isn't that wonderful!"
Cécile had to drag him away while he innocently asked what he had said. She shook her head at the memory. Sometimes, Lloyd could be wonderfully obtuse. Although he delighted in riling up stuffy nobles, he also genuinely lacked things like tact and decorum.
Now, as they headed back to Lab 11, all the energy seemed to have left him. Going to the wedding had been good for his social skills, she thought. He had been forced to interact with others, and after the Tamaki incident, had quickly adjusted to the expectations of polite conversation.
"Weddings depress me," he announced.
He still hadn't, however, mastered the intricacies of small talk.
Cécile glanced at him sharply. He still maintained his whimsical attitude, and his muscles were relaxed into the casual slouch that so annoyed others. But his eyes betrayed his attempt at nonchalance. Often frozen over in amused indifference, they were now a soft lavender. They could almost be called warm, if it wasn't for the sadness in them.
"Why's that?" she asked carefully.
He waved his hand at her. "Oh, Cécile, don't look at me like that. If you want to try and analyze someone, I suggest Villetta. Now there's a contradiction if I ever saw one."
Cécile raised her eyebrows, but didn't press the issue. She didn't know why Lloyd had chosen to tell her that, but she knew that if she attempted to dig too deeply, he'd close off again.
"She has good reason to be a contradiction."
"I know. It's interesting, isn't it?" he responded cheerfully.
"You can't treat people like experiments."
"Why not?"
She sighed. "Nevermind."
"No, really. I want to know."
"Weddings depress me too, you know."
"Oh? Why?" His eyes were alight with a childish curiosity. He didn't comment on her swift change of subjects.
"Hm…how to put it?" she wondered. "I guess all I can say is that I'm married to science."
She was twenty five, and still single. Weddings were needling reminders that she had no significant other, and that she probably never would. Lloyd said that he'd been 'broken from the beginning.' She'd been slowly breaking over the years.
Cécile held on to her hope, her compassion. It made her job that much harder, but it made her human.
"Married to science, huh?" Lloyd rolled the words around his mouth, almost savoring them. "That's a good way of putting it. So, how did you find the wedding, other than extremely awkward?"
"I didn't say that it was extremely awkward, just that there was some tension. That's to be expected though. Other than that, it was enjoyable. The decorations were very nice."
"That's all?" he fished.
"What do you want me to say?"
"What about Nina?"
Ah, so that was it.
"What about her?" she asked. "She looked lovely."
"Hm. She's traded away her scientific ambitions to retain her friends."
"To retain her heart."
He shrugged. "Same thing."
"And you don't have friends?"
It was a leading question, and they both knew it. Lloyd didn't bother to answer. Cécile already knew what he was going to say. His lips quirked upwards, and she knew that her expression mirrored the irony she saw there.
"Suzaku was a good part," he eventually murmured, after a few minutes of silence.
"He was," she agreed.
She wondered if Lloyd had guessed who was really behind Zero's mask. Looking at his content face, she concluded that he had.
"You're a good part too," he assured her earnestly.
She rolled her eyes even as she smiled.
"I'm serious, you know," he said, as if it was a novelty. Then again, it probably was.
"I know," she said. She should have stopped there, but her next words slipped out. "I'd hope I was more than just a good part."
She paused, as did he. Without the echo of footsteps, the silence seemed heavy. "The best," he murmured.
She jerked her head toward him. "What?"
Lloyd locked his hands behind his head and started walking again. "Research assistants are always worth more than parts," he said airily.
She decided to play along. "Don't you mean 'cost more?'"
He chuckled. "That too. But there's a reason that you're one of the highest paid assistants in Britannia."
"Because you're one of their highest paid scientists?" she joked.
"It's because you're one of the best assistants."
He was suddenly serious, and she fidgeted and looked away. Not much made him abandon his carefree mask.
"Let's go eat at that new Japanese restaurant that opened in the Kyushu district. It's only a few blocks from here," she said, mostly to change the subject, but also because she wanted him to have a bit of relaxation before getting back to work again. The wedding had been an interesting distraction, but Lloyd was never completely at ease in those kinds of situations.
"Now, Cécile, you know my policy about colleges." About people in general. These were his unspoken words.
"I know, but surely you can forget your rules for an hour or so. Just eat with me."
Lloyd always said not to get attached. He believed that connections were too much trouble. But Cécile found that she had made new ones in her time as a research assistant. She didn't know when it had started, but over time, they had crept up on her.
When she had first begun working with him, Cécile had thought that she was prepared to sacrifice everything for science. She had been wrong. She hadn't been prepared to let go of her bonds. She realized that when they lost Suzaku, and it had cut her deeper than she could have imagined.
Oh, Suzaku wasn't dead, but he might as well have been. There was no Suzaku anymore; there was just Zero. Every day he donned the mask and shut out the world.
It hurt Lloyd too, she knew that now. He had tried to hide it, but she realized that for all that Lloyd said that he had been 'broken from the beginning', he still cared. And it was her job to remind him that he was only human as well.
"Or I could make something?" she suggested when he didn't answer. "I'm sure I've got some wasabi and jam at the lab."
He started to choke, almost doubling over. Alarmed, she rubbed at his back as he coughed. He mumbled something that sounded suspiciously like 'never again.' That couldn't be right though, because he loved her cooking.
"Are you okay?"
He stared at her for a long moment, eyes searching her face. She didn't know what he was looking for, but apparently he found it.
"I'm okay," he murmured. He nodded his head, as if to reassure himself. "Let's go."
"Go where?"
"To the restaurant, of course."
She stared at him in shock. "You mean you're going?"
He smiled slightly, his eyes crinkling at the corners. "Didn't I just say that?"
Seeing her gaping at him, he cocked his head. "What? I'm allowed to be spontaneous too, you know. Unless you really don't want me to come, but were just asking me out of politeness. I don't think that's the case, but one can never tell – "
Snapping out of her daze, she grabbed him by the arm. "Enough, you silly man," she said with a fondly. "I'm not letting you wiggle your way out of this. You agreed."
The innocent look dropped off his face. "Ah, well," he sighed. "It was worth a shot."
He didn't seem quite as put out with that as he pretended to be.
She might be married to science, but surely science wouldn't object if, just this once, she went out to dinner with her dearest friend.