Disclaimer: I own nothing. Characters belong to the one and only Ryan Murphy.
This is my first fic, so please bare with me. I've had this idea in my head for a while now and felt I had the time to get it out there.
"Welcome. Many of us are here for different reasons, but we all have the same goal. To gain control of our lives," Dr. Davis spoke to the group. Doc had us arrange our chairs in a circle. Typical. She insists that we call her by her first name, Anya, but I think Doc suits her better. I'm not about to call my psychologist by her first name. I just met her. Plus, I feel it's way unprofessional. What kind of doctor does that. You got that Ph.D. for a reason. Anyways, this is only my second time in group, and my second week at Holton Rehabilitation. Judith and Russell had me checked in when they found me on the kitchen floor trying to get a hit. I was so high that I bumped into the island and spilled coke all over the floor. It was pretty pathetic to be honest. So here I am. I want to get better. I really do! I just...I love the how I feel when I'm high. It doesn't hurt anymore. Oh shit, did Doc ask me something?
"What? I'm sorry. I kind of...zoned out." I'm not sorry.
"No worries, Quinn. Tell the group why your here, your proudest moment in life, and biggest regret," Doc said with a smile. Her teeth are really white. They're as white as cocaine. I miss my goods.
"Oh...okay. Do I need to stand or...no? Okay. Um... I'm here because I like cocaine and my parents don't like that I like that so…..yeah. Proudest moment in my life...was having Beth." Sweet, beautiful Beth. I miss my baby girl.
"Your biggest regret, Quinn." Oh, right. There's so many I don't even know where to begin. Hanging out with the Skanks? Getting addicted? Coming out to my parents and Frannie? No.
"Rachel."
"Who is Rachel, Quinn?"
"You said to name my biggest regret and I did. You didn't say to explain," Doc shakes her and frowns at this. She moves onto the next sucker. I don't get why she's upset. She didn't say to explain! And even if she did, I probably wouldn't have anyways. There's too much to explain. There's too much guilt, and regret that I just don't want to deal with right now. Or ever really.
Doc stands up, smiles, and says," good job everybody. Sharing will get easier every meeting. Group is at 10:00am next Tuesday. Have a good day, you guys." Finally. I stand to stack my chair with the others but, "Quinn? May I have a word with you?" Crap.
"What's up, Doc?" Ha! I'm funny.
She's frowning again. "Please call me Anya. We're all friends here, Quinn. Friends with the same goal in mind."
"Okay." I say nonchalantly.
"Quinn," she says with a sigh. Why are you pinching the bridge of your nose? "The whole point of group is to share thoughts and feelings. I find your lack of participation, and enthusiasm to be a downer. I'd love it if you'd open up like everyone else. No one is going to judge you." Downer. Seriously?
"Yeah. They're called my private thoughts for a reason. If I wanted to share, I would but I don't. It's not you, Doc, it's me," I say with a smile.
She sighs again, looks at me for a second, then says, "alright, Quinn, whenever you're ready," and walks away.
Alright, Quinn, whenever you're ready…. Whenever you're ready….. Whenever you're ready…. Goddamn it, Rachel.